ARGUMENT (ar*gyou*ment)n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right,
but he
just hasn't realized it yet.
AIRHEAD (er*hed)n.
What a woman intentionally becomes
when pulled over by a
policeman.
BAR-BE-QUE (bar*bi*q)n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,
chopped
the tomatoes, diced the onions,
marinated the meat and cleaned everything up,
but, HE, "made the dinner."
BLONDE JOKES (blond joks)n.
Jokes that are short
so men can understand them.
CANTALOUPE (kant*e*lope)n.
Gotta get married
in a church.
CLOTHES DRYER (kloze dri*yer)n.
An appliance designed
to eat socks.
DIET SODA (dy*it so*da)n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store
to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee)n.
The last two minutes
of a football game.
EXERCISE (ex*er*siz)v.
To walk up and down a mall,
occasionally resting to
make a purchase.
GROCERY LIST (grow*ser*ee list)n.
What you spend half an hour writing,
then
forget to take with you to the store.
HAIR DRESSER (hare dres*er)n.
Someone who is able to create a style
you will
never be able to duplicate again.
See "Magician."
HARDWARE STORE (hard*war stor)n.
Similar to a black hole in space-
if he goes
in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
CHILDBIRTH (child*brth)n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he
gets to hold your hand and say
"focus,...breath...push..."
LIPSTICK (lip*stik)n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance
the beauty of your
mouth.
On his collar, coloring
only a tramp would wear...!
PARK (park)v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning,
"to go somewhere and
neck."
After children, a noun meaning
a place with a swing set and slide.
PATIENCE (pa*shens)n. The most important ingredient
for dating, marriage and
children.
See also "Tranquilizers."
WATERPROOF MASCARA (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah)n.
Comes off if you cry, shower,
or swim,
but will not come off if you try to remove it.
VALENTINE'S DAY (val*en*tinez dae)n.
A day when you have dreams
of a
candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance,
but consider yourself lucky
to get
a card.
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