Highlands Ranch High School
An Easy "B"
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's..."
Okay, Time's Up
A professor was handing out exam booklets, and reinforced his policy of a strict time limit. When time was up, he instructed the students to close the booklets and place them in a pile on his desk. All but one student complied. He remained at his desk, still writing away.
About ten minutes later, he proceeded to the professor 's desk. But the professor says, "Sorry I can't take your paper. You know I will not accept any late submissions. You will receive no credit for the test."
Student: "Why not?"
Professor: "Because you're late."
Student: (angrily) "Do you know who I am?"
Professor: (looks at the student) "No."
Student: (raises his voice) "Do you know who I AM?"
Professor: (acting nonchalantly) "No."
So the student grabs the stacks of tests, shoves his tests in the middle of the pile and walks off.
Wealth, Wisdom or Beauty?
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the history teacher that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the history teacher selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the history teacher, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The history teacher sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Enjoy the site. Happy surfing.
The Three 'R's
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's, only one begins with an R."
- Dennis Miller
Q: Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Rapid Teaching Techniques
Q: What's the difference between a well-brushed equine and rapid teaching?
A: A well-brushed equine is a curried horse while rapid teaching makes for a hurried course.
Q: What do you get for a friend who is graduating from Law School?
A: A Lobotomy.
The Dyslexic Lawyer
Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer who studied all year for the bra exam?
Why You Should Choose to Teach History!
"I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach."
Highlands Ranch High School 9375 South Cresthill Lane Highlands Ranch, Colorado 80126 303-471-7000