HALLOWEEN + LABORED DAY EDITIONS (link) -- Contents: HALLOWEEN ED.- Oct 25, 99 - Starr Doesn't Die, But Slowly Fades Away- New IC/ For the Love of the Game/ Burning Bush/ Blacks Need not Apply/Send out the Clowns/ More Illegal Drugs; LABOR DAY ED.-Aug 30- PRIME HATER LOSES $600K LIBEL SUIT, GB2 FACES CRONYISM CORRUPTION CHARGES, SNOWY SHRUB, GINGRICH's ROMANCES; RENO DELIVERY, BUFORD FURROW, + MILITIA HATE GROUPS, RAGIN CAJUN, IMMOLATED (temp.) MARKET
JULY NEWSLETTER
CONTENTS: Jeb's Wife's Boo Boo, Hatch's Candidacy, Patholical Pat meets w Ventura Hgwy, Summer Chill (Steven King), Own Horn Dept (Gore + Kennedy Rally), Jailed RI Gov, Our Trip to Rotton Apple, Free 24 hr FAX #; Print and read at leisure
THE STARRMAN RESURFACES AND SINKS
In what seems like the final act of the Starrman, Web Hubbel took a plea bargain to resolve the other charges against him that would include a recommendation of NO jail time. 7 to 3 he would've beaten them, but spending months in court and gambling on his freedom weren't worth it. The Starrman evidently decided to not risk another humiliating mistrial repudiation. He should be getting while the getting is good. In his last interview, he seemed genuinely frightened as he bubbled about how he was "asked" to undertake the Lewinsky, Filegate, Travelgate investigation. What does one say about a federal prosecutor who lies so blithely and stupidly? He claimed he might call Hillary to testify (which he did in Jan '96), a move solely designed to sully the first lady in her New York resurrection. The Special Prosecutor law expires at the end of June, unfortunately Starr isn't expiring with it, though our prediction is HE WILL RESIGN WITHIN 2 WEEKS. Meanwhile, the court has ruled Starr must turn over the Tripp tapes to the Maryland court for wiretapping prosecution of the girlfriend from Hell (which Starr had blocked before). We've started to fax the petitions to Janet Reno, page by page, which should have a cumulative effect over many days. And if her investigation of him finally comes up with some malfeasance (like you have to LOOK), she would have justification to finally fire the errant Starrman.
NOTHING TO DECLARE??????
Shrub brah and Florida Gov. Jeb Bush's Columbian? wife was nabbed at the Atlanta airport trying to slip $19,000 of jewelry and clothing through customs after a shopping spree in Paris. No Columbo, Columba Bush declared only $500, but duty incurs on over $400 of international purchases, leading customs officials to check out her items. Detained and interrogated, Columba had to cough up a bruising $4100 in fines and duty. She lied because she "didn't want her husband to find out how much she'd spent", she claimed. Gee, didn't I see that episode on "I Love Lucy", no, no, I guess Lucy didn't jet off to Paris that much. Probably foiled Jeb's attempt to write it off as a good will junket. I suppose it's constitutionally difficult for a Columbian to say "Si", when asked if they have anything to declare.
HEIGHTS OF HUBRIS
Perhaps affected by some of the nerve gas from Dugway Proving Ground, Oral Hatch (as they used to call him in the frat drinking parties- "Down the Oral Hatch") has declared his candidacy for the Presidency. Rating his chances slightly above the Michelin man, he does have the qualifications of age, breathing, and ambulation (though FDR proved that unnecessary). Mormans can be very nice and polite people (I've worked for them), but concentrated in large groups (like when they control a STATE) they can be a little spooky. In my youthful expeditions I got stranded hitchhiking in a small town in Utah.... for 2 days. In the only outright hostility I received in our DC petition delivery, a gaunt tall Hatch aide with a gigantic Adam's apple sneered contemptuously at me- not recommended or professional behavior for national reps towards someone with thousands of citizens petitions. Hatch reminds me of the farmer with the pitchfork in American Gothic, even when tickled, I bet he wouldn't laugh, or laugh without cracking a smile. Yeah, he's real Presidential material. It might be a plot to make GB2 look good by comparison. Clinton's survival of the impeachment hysteria left Orrin "with a really bad feeling" towards him. So did Hatch's brutal treatment of Anita Hill, which led to the appointment of incompetent right-wing Clarence Thomas- who just ruled (in a 5-4) that people can't sue a state for failing to follow federal laws, rendering redress for willful flouting of civil rights laws impossible.
REPUB PRIORITIES
Putting their foot squarely on the pulse (carotid) of the nation, Repub reps rushed to pass desperately needed a flag-burning amendment and 10 commandments school postings. Do we really need to change the CONSTITUTION over something that HASN'T HAPPENED since 1978!!!!!!!! And I'm sure your disaffected, bullied, deranged, mutantly murderous Quake-r will see the light by reading "Thou shalt not kill" on the cafeteria door.
PATHOLOGICAL PAT MEETS WITH VENTURA HGWY
Pat Buchanan met with MN Gov. Jesse Ventura, rubbing his head like a fortune teller in a vain attempt to absorb some of Jesse's "me against the world" luck. Ventura, a mildly fascist populist, is a strange bird that has us undecided. On one hand, big time wrestling is a perversion that has us vaguely interested for a minute, then deeply ashamed of the human race: real punishing violence masquerading as cartoon brutality between cartoon figures for people who found the "A- Team" too complicated. Why not avoid unnecessary steps and just elect a CLOWN DIRECTLY to office? On the other hand, I think the profusion of lawyers in office is disgusting, I like the idea of citizen politicians, and Ventura has some good ideas. Deciding former SEAL Jesse already was a lethal weapon, Mpls/St.P officials turned down his aplication for a gun carry permit. Of course Pat didn't mention his deranged brother's pistol and tire-slashing attack on the home of Strobe Talbot's brother in law, and neither did any major media.
SUMMER CHILL
On the very day TNT aired "Maximum Overdrive"- Steven King's story about all the vehicles going berserk and mowing down pedestrians unattended; some imbecile in a minivan, tending to his Rottweiler, ran down the world's best selling author as he walked home. King was seriously injured, but Mad Max didn't even get a TICKET from the protective Maine cop. Heah, I get tickets for failing to signal on an FREEWAY ON-RAMP. Guess the locals have less than total affection for the great bug-eyed scribe. Eyes on the road, folks.
OWN HORN DEPT
Went to a Dem rally for Patrick Kennedy's Dem. Congressional Campaign Committee and briefly met Veep Gore, who seems to be awakening from his polar bear hibernation. There is something smooth + powerful about Gore, I think he has unseen + untapped reserves. And I think his solidity and decency will eventually contrast well against the cheap aluminum foil populism of GB2. Clinton is such a genius communicator + politician that everyone coming after will suffer by comparison. Gore had sent me an apparent real letter about a global warming article I wrote (a pet concern). After, I gave our petition book to Star Trek badge wearing Secret Service girl, who despite earnest promises to deliver it, probably, as per standing instructions, filed it in the nearest circular file. There were no staffers in evidence. We do suggest the SS get new badges, lest some abberant Trekkie assault one of our hallowed leaders for failing to save Spock's brain. Ptk Kennedy is becoming a big wheel by virtue of the millions of bucksi he's been shaking out of contributors for the DCCC push to take back the Congress from the interloping and criminally irresponsible Repubs.
Meanwhile, jailed former Repub RI Gov. E. Deprete is being endlessly tortured- he couldn't be paroled to some crummy job because there was another ex-con there who couldn't associate with cons, his governor's pension was taken away, his wife was denied benefits. Insurance peddler Fast Eddie apparently solicited a few hundred K of bribes for awarding state contacts- his real crime is in not spilling the beans and throwing himself on the mercy of the public. Good for him, I'm sick of people confessing and vomiting their lives on me, if you're a crook, shut up and let 'em prove it. There, I'm defending REPUBLICANS, which should prove our essential fairness + decency.
We are planning a trip to the big rotten apple soon to talk to editors, and might have a get together at a suitable venue (Disneyified, of course) where you can all berate each other with your own version of political orthodoxy. We may move to some suburb or upstate village: New Yorkers at least understand talking very fast is a symptom of intelligence, not drug use.
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JUNE '99
STARR SHRINKING TO COLD RED DWARF
With the collapse of both Steele + McDougal prosecutions in hung juries and Starr's refusal to retry- his days as public persecutor in chief are numbered. He does have 2 more malicious prosecutions of poor putz Web Hubbell (it must be tough to go from being a top cop to top con), but our bet (as that he wouldn't recharge Steele + McDougal) is that he will find some way to bail out of this losing hand, even quitting. The petitions will be sent or faxed in continuous daily dribs to Janet (extra Y) Reno, whose own tenure is shaky, due to the Chinese spy scandal. Clinton must be itching to get rid of her for inexplicably authorizing Starr's sexual spotlight- Torricelli’s attacks on her are a stalking horse for Bill accepting her resignation "with regret + acknowledgment of her vast contributions"- Torricelli probably wouldn't be doing that without direction. Reno has always been a particular target of the fulminating right wing: their bullying + intimidation are a prime reason she authorized Starr's appointment and serial persecutions. I honestly believe humiliation and exile aren't enough for Starr- he needs hard time.. to clearly say to other protofascists and posterity,.. "Not in my America".
After only 6 years of enforced silence, the disaffected masses of the Wash Post, who saw their proud liberal tradition hijacked and sullied by the sanctimonious obsessions of Michael Isikoff (who flailed the sordid sorry stinking carcass of this story around until he provoked a constitutional crisis), rose up (in a 2 pt 30 pg article on Scaife). For THAT, the Press Assoc. gave Isikoff an award, cementing the Monica reality that Fame is the Name of the Game, no matter how or what you've done to earn it. If John Wayne Gacy were still alive, he'd probably be a contestent on game shows. The systematic blindness to the Scaife led anti-Clinton conspiracy, even as they ran thousands of Whitewater, FBI files, Travelgate stories... is the greatest failing of the Press in the 90's.
LAST PERSON SHOOTERS
Speaking of fame, the frantic hysteria with which America greets problems after long neglection, continues unabated. Thousands of Americans spent 4 years watching the oceans for the Japanese and German invasions that a 2nd grader could have told you was impossible. Now the imbeciles are locking all school exits and banning backpacks. Gee, what's more likely... a fire that kills dozens of kids piled up around LOCKED exits by noxious blinding fumes, or a lunatic kid unloading his AK into his classmates. My OWN nephew was suspended for a day for making an utterly harmless joke. Though I've always advocated more gun control (the wacko's always conveniently drop the "A well regulated militia being necessary for the public defense'" part of the 2nd Ammend), that's really not any answer with these suicidal goofs. If they're willing to die and kill anyone, they'll get the guns from parents or friends or stores. More forthright action by gutless police would have saved many- instead they cowered till the "situation stabilized"- meaning till everyone died. As horrible as it sounds, it would have been better if the kid in Ga. had been ripped to pieces by the frenzied victims- THAT might have been enough to counteract the siren lure of instant fame that will engender more of these events. When an average kid on NPR says, "If I had nothing in my life, + was getting picked on, and wanted to die- I'd pick up a machine gun too- why not go out big", one shudders. Where's the communal responsibility- the sense of right + wrong that's always prevented such events? America is not just France, but Rwanda apparantly. 2-3 days after Columbine, NBC's execrable miniseries NOAH’S ARK had Noah's thief pal stabbing his friend in the stomach, + joking about whether he'd die too quickly to finish his sentence. Ha ha. God likes a good laugh, too. Like a global warming catastrophe.
BUCHANAN ATTACKS HOME OF CLINTON FRIEND WITH GUN, BAYS AT MOON
61 year old ex?-mental patient Hank Buchanan, brother of pathological Pat + blatant Bay, invaded the home of Strobe Talbot's brother in law- Cody Shearer, slashed tires of 3 cars and threatened students + neighbors with a gun (Cody runs an Internat. Student Assos). See SALON link near end of my site. Apparently on May 11 CNBC's "Hardball" host Chris Matthews (who used to be a decent columnist before MS-CNBC turned him into a blow-dried blow-hard) elicited the non-confirmation from Kathleen Wiley that Shearer was the alleged mystery man who had asked Willey about the health of her missing cat + vandalized car. Seems Shearer was actually on the other coast in SF on the day in question, which he proved with bank ATM receipts. Every time I see Pat Buchanan, I wonder how such a fulminating Hater ever managed to get close to any President- he's the type to make Secret Service whisper into their lapel mikes; and despised by everyone from George Bush to Rudolf Gulianni. Now it turns out there's clinical proof: the WHOLE FAMILY is NUTS. If you don't read Salon, a world of outrages is passing you by.
DARK PRINCE DELAY STARTS SLUSH FUND
RI' s own pseudo-scion Patrick Kennedy has petitioned the Justice Dept to investigate Tom Delay's creation of a non-profit secret fund-raising org: the Repub Majority Issues Campaign. A joint project of leaders Hastert, Armey, Delay + Watts, they anticipate not reporting the contributors or funding because they "will not advocate election of specific candidates". Sure. Kennedy was scathing, "It tells you how corrupt the system has become. Now Delay can collect unlimited money, not even disclose it, and use it to go after whoever he wants." If that vicious hack exterminator had been successful in dragging Senators into his tawdry chamber of (supposed) Clinton horrors, he might have managed to overthrow the President. I always wondered how Republicans could be so blithely evil, Delay is a prime example of conscious + purposeful malignance. Kennedy of course, is doing much the same fundraising as chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, just overtly + legally.
CHECK OUT SPOOF SITE GWBush.com
which purports to be Bush’s campaign site, even decries the fraud site masquerading as Gov. Bush’s site.. then launches into hilarious defense of GW drug use: “about average for children of my social class and upbringing” + advocates Amnesty 2000, where he would pardon drug convicts who had “grown up”. The Bush camp is livid about this site, and desperately trying to get it taken down- they may have already hacked it (it displays slowly + doesn’t scroll properly). Is it me, or has anyone ever gone from obscurity to Presidential front runner status faster than GW, and for less reasons. Sadly, electric Al might need lightning hitting his opponent to win. Hillary’s run for NY seems risky- isn’t being First Lady a bigger bully pulpit and hasn’t she had enough rough + tumble for a while. I suppose it’s good- Senate seats aren’t a dime a dozen, but she has so many alternatives as ex co-President- this may be a first step towards a pseudo-divorce.
CHINESE CELEBRATE TIANANMEN ANNIVERSARY BY FIREBOMBING US EMBASSY
In an attempt to turn the world's eyes from the 10 year Tiananmen Sq. slaughter, China's tyrants encouraged + permitted (+probably sent) mobs to attack and lay siege to the US Embassy for our tragic targeting error. Despite their standard paranoid pronouncements, China's maximum leaders were probably overjoyed at the propaganda value to defray the spy scandal and world attention to the savagery of Tiananmen. You can't underestimate the cynical manipulation with which Communist (well, sort of) leaders exploit any + everything for propaganda value. Turns out Tiananmen was far more horrible than I or most thought: troops fired for 30 seconds around midnight into advancing crowds; then again for a SOLID MINUTE at 3am- maybe 3000 died. The student leaders have died or been broken in prison (or exiled) and the cultural and physical annihilation of the Tibetan people continues with new importation of millions of Han Chinese.
END OF THE FULLER BRUSHY HEADED MAN?
The Kosovo War seems to be ending, none too soon, though the 200 or so civilian casualties are a small price to pay to save tens of thousands from genocidal executions and starvation. You can’t make an omelette without turning on the stove (I just made that up). Expect the vengeful Serbs to next turn on the brushy headed bastard- as bad as he is- he was never the homicidal monster that Sadaam is and the Serbs (when they’re not killing Moslems) are semi-civilized folk. It’s high time some arrogant petty dictator gets hung by his toes in the town square for the hubris that spawns such willful self-destruction. Let’s see... it’s the whole world against me... they don’t have a chance! Not surprisingly the refugees relocated to America (where they probably went into shock at their first Super-Safeway) are in no great hurry to return to the devastated poorest place in Europe.
Happy Lazy Hazy Crazy days of Summer.