Date: Tue, 23 Jun 1998

So You'll Know
by Barbara Barnett (Barbara462@aol.com)

Rating: G
Class: V, A
Spoilers: Pine Bluff Variant
Summary: A missing scene in PBV. Shipper-friendly, Noromo-safe. Very short.
Feedback: always
Archive: Just let me know, guys.

Scully entered the darkened apartment. The only light in the room emanated
from the large aquarium situated alongside the sofa. She sighed heavily as
she waited.

She wasn't angry with Mulder. His instinct had been to tell her, to let her
in. Skinner had prevented it. And by his action might have succeeded at
getting them both killed. How could Skinner have thought...Well, she
reckoned, that was why she was probably kept in the van during the operation.
So that she couldn't see Mulder letting Haley escape. But still...

Damn. Why put Mulder in that kind of position with no backup.
Counterintelligence was not Mulder's area. Nor was deep cover. Mulder was an
analyst. A profiler. Unless...Unless they wanted him to fail. Fail in the
extreme. Or was it some kind of loyalty test?

They had known about Mulder's participation at that MIT seminar. Of course
they had. Did they question his loyalty? Did they want a way to get rid of
him without creating a cause around him? In any case, Mulder needed a friend
right now.

She crossed to Mulder's desk, powering up the computer. What had Mulder
discovered about the New Spartans? She hoped that by understanding better,
she might be able to help him through this. Somehow. Of course his files
would be secured. Scully thought back to a conversation they had a week
earlier. Had he known, even then, that this might be his last assignment?

"Scully, if anything ever happens to me, and you need access to my files, my
password is the third word on page 579 of Gravity's Rainbow," he had said,
his tone grave. She scanned his bookshelf, finding the well-worn copy of
Pynchon's surreal masterpiece.

"Burgundians." She typed the word. Moments later she was in his secured file
system. She did a double take as she came across a file folder called
"Scully." Curious, she opened it. One item. A letter.

"Dear Dana," Dana? she thought.

"No doubt you've found my behavior of the last few days strange, to say the
least. Whatever you are told. Whatever the official word, please understand.
Please know that I have not betrayed our country, the FBI or you. It is
likely if, you are reading this, that I am either dead or missing. If this is
the case, you must make sure to give the attached encrypted files to Skinner
and to no one else. Do not trust anyone else. Not anyone on the task force.
Not the CIA agent in charge. No one! Your own life may be at stake, and I
could not bear for you to sacrifice it.

I've been assigned a deep cover mission at the behest of Skinner, the Attorney
General and the CIA assistant director co-heading the operation. You met this
man this morning at the task force meeting. No one else is aware of my
position in the operation. God, Scully, how I wanted to tell you. It is damn
hard to keep things from you, since you know me so well. But Skinner felt it
was safer for me *and you* if you didn't know. I am sorry for leaving you out
of this, but I had no choice.

I had been approached by the man named Haley, the man we were tracking
yesterday. Yes, I did let him get away. It was, in fact, part of the plan.
You were assigned to be in the van so that you wouldn't follow me, cover me.
That you saw was an accident and never meant to happen. I wanted to tell you
this morning in the office, but I couldn't. As much as I couldn't bear to see
you look at me that way, suspicion in your eyes, the need to protect you was
greater. Much greater.

But true to your own nature, my evasiveness only served to make you more
suspicious, of course. Skinner said that your suspicion of my actions only
helped to lend validity to my treason in the eyes of the New Spartans. He is
right. I do know that. And the less you know...My only fear is not that this
operation will go south and that I will be killed, but that I will die with
you thinking I betrayed you; betrayed our partnership. I don't really care
what anyone else thinks. Or even, really, whether I die. It's just suddenly
very important that you, above all, know this.

Scully, there's more I need you to know. So much more. I...

I have to go. There's someone at my door. Be well and remember me. Have a
good life, Scully. You deserve nothing less.

Love,

M

Scully let out a breath. "Mulder." A whisper. A prayer. Scully heard
footsteps in the hallway outside Mulder's apartment.

She watched him enter a shadow in the dark. A key slowly removed from its
lock. God, he looked exhausted. His eyes, not as yet accustomed to the dark
surveyed the room, as if he knew someone else was there. His body tensed,
aware.

"Don't be alarmed."

"Get out, Scully." A voice raw with exhaustion. A plea.

'I know everything."

"Now, Scully. Get out." He had no energy for this. Not now. Not tonight.
She stood her ground, approaching him. She tried to capture his eyes with
hers, knowing the expected effect. Knowing that looking into each other's eyes
would shatter his resolve and let her in.

Then she saw. She gasped involuntarily. His left hand--purple and bruised:
the little finger bent and misshapen.

"Mulder what did they do to you?" She wanted to hold him. Finally she saw
into his eyes. They were too bright as they met hers, and all the remaining
fight dissipated from him like dew on a hot summer morning.

She tended to him as he sat upon the sofa. Resigned and sad. In pain, trying
to hide it, make light of it.

Mulder jumped as he heard a car pull away from the front of his building. He
walked silently to the window, looking into the night sky. Scully moved
toward him, her presence making him jump slightly. A tightly wound spring.
She had not touched him.

"I read what you wrote, Mulder." Her voice lacked the accusatory tone that
had invaded her speech patterns of late. He continued to look out into the
evening sky. "What made you accept this kind of assignment, Mulder?"

"Maybe it's my misguided sense of justice and loyalty. I don't know, Scully,
the opportunity presented itself. I really had no choice. Maybe what I learn
from them will help, in some small way, maybe prevent another Oklahoma City.
I'm sorry, Scully."

"For what?" Her voice a whisper, tender and soft.

"For not letting you in."

"So, what else is new?" He felt her smile before seeing it reflected in the
window glass before him.

Mulder sighed, a weight removed. He turned, facing her, ready to meet her
gaze at last.
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end.