Lord Satan
7734 Hellion Blvd.
Dantesville, HELL
Commander and Chief

Dear Master.

I am sorry to report we are having some technical difficulties here at the revival. I have put every demon at my command on the problem. We have made little breakthrough. I have called in the media and notified all the local churches that we control and yet we are still unable to seize very much ground. Corporal pride took his troops to the front and attempted to flank the prayer team. They were repelled and our being outflanked by their intercessor troops seriously wounded many. I called in an artillery strike of fiery darts.

We thought we were going to break through but just as they were going down they crawled to the altar and were cleansed and rearmed with the word of truth. Two battalions of demons were sent to hell and all I could do was watch. Sergeant Infirmity stood up and said he would take these Christians out once and for all. Sergeant Gossip grabbed two platoons and Lieutenant Doubt mustered in a full brigade and headed for the front lines. Immediately two full companies of Intercessors came up on our left flank pleading the blood of Jesus. I ordered Sergeant gossip to with drawl but the pastor ordered a legion of Angels to descend on them. We lost the entire two platoons and Sergeant Gossip as well. Having seen this horror of saints in battle I thought we would strike where they were the weakest. I looked up in the choir and saw all those kids. Oh, Lord Satan, I thought this would be a glorious victory. I sent our finest battalion of crack shots led by Major Rebellion. He had very seldom lost a fight when overtaking children. His demons were all in place totally surrounding these unsuspecting youth. Lord Satan, it was a trap, they lured us in. As we were infiltrating their lines we found they were not merely children but intercessors and prayer warriors. All were full equipped with the word of God and were well versed in how to use it. They plead the blood of Jesus over our screaming, agonizing troops with the authority of Jesus Christ himself. I heard "No weapon formed against me shall prosper" until I was sick of it.

Well, I thought I still had hope. By now Sergeant infirmity had gotten his gorilla fighters in place to the right of the altar by that funny round table with the fish tank on top. I signaled him to attack. He came in at full strength with cancer, aids, paralysis, diabetes, mental diseases, and high blood pressure. I knew we had finally gotten a strong hold. It was glorious..for a short season. Then without even warning us one of the preacher creatures starting dancing around like his toes were on fire.

Sergeant Infirmity dug in deep and prepared he was starting to sweat bullets. I dropped in two paratroopers of confusion but they were quickly caught by those lousy intercessors that were laying in wait. Private Embarrassment lunged at him but was quickly grounded and bound by that Evangelist. Then that fire dancer grabbed a microphone and told everyone who was sick to come to that little table on the right. How were we to know it was a prayer table?

We didn't even see Michael standing there until it was too late. Hey by the way is it legal for him to have more than twenty angels with him at a time?

Anyway that fire boy starting calling on the blood again Satan our boys were gone in a flash. Infirmity put up a good fight but that last blood curdling yell he put out, made my boils crawl.

We were just trying to gather our troops back together for another strike when I found out that the musicians were not as innocent as they looked.

The officer at the keyboard sounded out a call to arms. The entire congregation became armed to the teeth. We were ambushed I tell you. You said they would just be religious and go home back to their sins. You said it would be a walk in the park for us that we would hit theme with fear and they would buckle.

Well, fear was squashed between their toes at the first note. Lord Satan we had no warning about that funny table and it's fish tank. That was no tank. That was a rocket launcher for miracles. The table was Holy ground. We never had a chance. This will be my last communique because there are only a small platoon left and we are completely surrounded by blood washed saints of God. Good bye my master.

General Hate Anne. Division