"The world has come to several bad ends."

- Randy Smallwood, "The Wilderness of Transition"

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by Edward Lacie

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Episode Twenty-Eight

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Theme music one more time before a break before the last (double-length, Monday night movie presentation) episode.

At this point many "Twin Peaks" developments mirror my narrative. They enter the cave in search of the Black Lodge, Cooper, Truman, Horse, Andy.

I may contnue from here to the "end" ("there is no end") which would mean killing my captive. I've decided it's the only thing I can do. It's too clear that poets' work can only be judged and valued after their death when it becomes a body that can be defined.

"I am happy to point out our story does not end in this place of saccharin excess," Windham Earl says.

Pete looks at Katherine's Chinese puzzle box,¹ the gift of mystery and menace.

"This could take years."

It hurts.

VOICE: WHEN ART BEGINS TO HURT ... WHEN ART BEGINS TO HURT, IT'S TIME TO LOOK AROUND. YES IT IS.

October 30, 1979.

Am I psychic

Am I suspect

Am I waiting to remember

more of last night's dreams?

Am I being used?

Spokane is.

My dreams are too.

John Carr used to live in my house.

Lucy was my teacher and I knew about the church.² I've been pawn and wanna

wanna scream, it's crazing me so! that others think.

I don't think I'll cope tomorrow night unless I cry

before then

or soon after. After what is

what is Halloween but some

more ritual. Jesus lives and is

or was he just a prophet; just a long

ago and grey gay prophet?

My books, my secrets.

And my screaming mind is

screaming more and has to stop

but not

until tomorrow while I'm being

watched and when will someone tell me

I was used.

Or I was dumb and had to

come around. Around Spokane

shitty things some more,

more karma, karass and I

cannot spell nor spell krap

backwards as do (dharma) bums

and under whose contol?

Can I say more and more of

what I'm guessing that

I know.

A porno place is operating in some sad, pathetic house where Larry moved and maybe died after I kicked him out of John Carr's house.

The story Sheriff Gardner didn't know

of that and that

I wanna hear some more before

I end up admiring Rosemary. You

know her; she had a kid that no one

has forgotten, and she knitted him or her,

who knows, a tiny blanket that could grow

and now I know and now I know and now I know and now I know³

that Larry wasn't lying when he said I'd soon believe.

Believe me, though, he tried and couldn't

win when he was cracking

cracking up and still

was sane enough to think

that I was dumb, am dumb, what

ever, and he tried

to wear me

down to weakness such as simply

grab that one

and never mind

the talking first, the walking will

come later

if you want, you say, you try, you think, you know, and you believe

and Larry cried and

they were watching when he begged of me to let him stay and I said no

unless you want

for me to lose my mind because

I had to have him move to

porno palace for the poor to die,

and watching while I pointed Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come

suitcase and grocery bag with clothes falling out

falling out on the porch of John Carr's house had been

watched for the poor and underpriveleged

and now I know gays who will

be watched and used and 

who are used to 

thinking they

are there for that and now I know

and have more karma, hate and am part of

a karass of failure and being used and taken

and now I know and I cannot

spell

this Son of Sam playground and feeding ground, home.

"I need to see this poem immediately," Cooper tells Shelley who mentioned it to him, the torn paper she received along with her invitation to the Miss Twin Peaks Ball.

Windham Earl is going to kill the winner. I will kill Baysans! My mind is made up. 

The contestants are Shelley, Audrey, Donna, and Annie, a last-minute addition. Cooper recites the poem! He's put the pieces back together (F-B-M).

The Major, come to give information about progress at the cave, says, "Complimentary verses of the same song." Is he talking of the Black Lodge and White Lodge?

Windham Earl is about to kill a pawn in the on-going chess game.

Blackmailing Jim Post with a threat to turn him in for the hit-and-run death of Poet X has backfired. Jim Post planted evidence that ties me to his vehicle on that night nearly a year ago when I killed Poet X. I have no more ace in the hole and can't put off murdering Baysans any longer.

The puzzle box begins to open!

CHAIRMAN MAO: IMPERIALISM WILL NOT LAST LONG BECAUSE IT ALWAYS DOES EVIL THINGS.

I finally located the Gnome notebook and have had a glance through it, my heart beating irregularly. It's as if someone else wrote it. It was so long ago. It all heppened so fast.

"Something similar happened to me," Cooper tells Annie. They kiss.

Soon there were hostages taken a half a world away and a friend of mine had just left for Iran. My own best friend was missing. The world is on the brink of war and I feel complicity.

To think that the hostages were taken after the toast of Halloween and suspected next victim - Shoot me! I'm ready to be picked up and taken to the airport, to Harar, a new identity now that it's known I'm a lodestar for detecting the evil, Son of Sam. I survived living in his house, didn't I?

No one will understand my role and I'm definitely in a play at the time. I haven't mentioned any of this. It's only mentioned once or twice, I see now that I've found the original draft of this book in poetry which made me crack up or down as I've explained without explaining.

LONG-WINDED LADY: ONCE, I DREAMT OF FALLING STRAIGHT UP! ... A DEFINITE FALLING ... BUT UP!

The friendly relationship we'd begun to develop has stopped also. Baysans has pissed me off by not writing some new poem to save his own ass. I don't understand.

All the possibilities are crashing at the same time again and I'm starting to write fast, think fast, tie together too fast ideas and reasons and outcomes and everything is important. Everything is a clue to what next to do. Every statement of truth means more than itself, every motion is amplified and symbolic.

When death is near, each action is seen through expected eyes of judgment to be seen momentarily and with heavy heart. A heart is the symbol of life. The sun is the symbol of God.

OLD LADY: "OVER THE HILL TO THE POOR-HOUSE" BY WILL CARLETON.

End of episode, finally. Hesitantly.