The Haunting

The Haunting


              Waiting for the other shoe to drop
              Anxiously
              What is this feeling?
              What is going to happen?
              The Haunting

              Go away - I try to say
              But it won't
              No one else will help me
              No one else understands
              The Haunting

              The day is beautiful
              The sun is shining
              I start to feel a bit of relief
              Almost joy
              The dark cloud re-appears
              The Haunting

              I don't know how to make it go away
              I think that it is my fault
              Should I know how to?
              Is there something wrong with me?
              Does anyone else feel this way?
              The Haunting

              I dont like this
              It makes me angry
              Yet it is reinforced over and over
              Whenever other bad things happen
              Things that make me afraid
              Things that make me sad
              The Haunting

              Will this ever end?
              In the new system - that's when
              But when will it come?
              Will this feeling keep me from the new system?
              The Haunting

              Can I go on?
              Can I be a good person?
              Can I stop bad feelings and bad people?
              Can I make this haunting go away?

              It feels too strong
              It feels much stronger than me
              I don't understand it
              There is no one else trying to help me to
              Everyone just wants me to be quiet
              Everyone seems to like me just the way I am
              Except they don't want me to talk about this
              They just want me to pretend it doesn't exist
              But it does
              The Haunting

              I hate you - I hate you so much!
              I want you to go away!
              I want to be done with you!
              You deliberately come around when I am weak
              When I am not strong enough to fight you much
              You push and prod me
              Harass me and joke
              You laugh when I fight
              You scream and scare me when I try to run
              You tell me insidiously -
             'You will never escape me - you are too weak'
              The Haunting

              Yet I know that somehow, someway
              You must have a weak point
              A way to make you let go of me
              A way to escape
              I think that I am getting closer
              How do I know ?
              Because you are getting scared
              I can feel it
              You are getting angrier
              I can feel it
              I can see it
              Now the tables are turning
              Now you are losing your grip
              I am getting stronger
              You don't know what to do about it
              The Haunting

              You still may frighten me
              Though I don't totally understand it
              But I think that I am getting there
              Slowly and with a great deal of effort
              I don't think you're as powerful as you seem
              I don't think that you ever were
              I think you are a fake
              I think that you are bad
              I think you need to go away now
              Because I don't think that you can handle me
              I am not as pliable as I used to be
              I am not as weak
              You plan didn't work
              Your foolproof plan had a flaw
              The flaw that you tried so hard to keep me
              from seeing
              Myself
              Jehovah
              The two of us are stronger than you
              Stronger than you ever were or could be
              You tried to keep me so focused
              On your power
              On your fear
              On your haunting

              You did control me
              For quite awhile
              For too long in fact
              You still have an effect over -
              Some parts of my personality
              But I am slowly but surely
              Working my way throughout ever part of me
              To worm every inch of your influence out
              To remove the haunting

              You see - I have learned
              You can't stay where you are not welcomed
              You can't continue you quest where -
              The doors close in your face
              You can't control someone whom with help -
              Is stronger than you
              You hate that
              You scream and bellow
              You hate me even more now
              But what is the change?
              You always did 
              You just can't get your kicks anymore
              By using me
              By haunting me

              If you could have destroyed me long ago
              Knowing that later I would become stronger
              And oppose you
              You would have destroyed me then
              You thought that you had me
              You thought you had taught me well
              You thought I was so weak
              You thought you knew me so well
              Knew that I would never oppose you
              Never stand up to the lies and deceit
              Never see clearly the situation
              Never see you for what you are
              A Haunting

              A weak
              Ineffectual
              Wimp
              Sorry-excuse for a human
              Wicked
              Father
              The Haunting

              You can have your fear back
              You can live with it and your lies
              You can also have your hate, shame & badness
              They are yours to keep
              I will keep sending it back to you
              As long as I still keep finding it
              Inside myself
              Where you left it
              Where you wanted to leave it
              But now I am cleaning it out
              I am recognizing it doesn't belong there
              It belongs with you
              It originates with you
              You have to deal with it
              Instead of leaving it where it doesn't belong
              The Haunting

              The Haunting -
              As you can see it is gone
              Because I am more powerful now
              It can't haunt me any longer
              I can only haunt you.

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