Invisible

                Hello - how are you?
                I am someone you will never see
                Never see fully
                You won't look and you won't know
                You will never know my true feelings
                My thoughts and fears
                You dont really want to know
                Because my life doesn't fit your
                ideal perceptions
                You don't know how to deal with the reality
                That 
                I am invisible
                That is how you want me

                How do I live?
                You may wonder
                On a sympathetic day
                I make myself into a facade of what you want
                What others want
                I become their ideals
                I scan the crowd and become what is 
                necessary to the majority
                Acceptable
                To them
                It takes much thought and effort
                Do I stop and think about myself?
                No - I can't do that
                I don't even fully know myself
                Because others haven't allowed me
                Haven't showed me that it is okay
                I don't even know if I know how
                But what I do know
                Is that
                I am invisible
                That is how I have to be

                Why?
                You ask with such innocence
                You can't even begin to know the tale
                The tale of my life
                You wouldn't believe it
                I have known that for so long
                It is too horrible
                Too sad
                Too depressing
                Too unlike anything you have known
                Anything you have remotely experienced
                So invisible I am
                Invisible I stay

                Sometiems I have tried to really come out
                Tell my tale just a little
                The lies, confusion, abuse
                The sex
                You look at me 
                With disgrace
                You don't want to believe
                In such tales
                You can't handle even hearing
                Even thining about 
                Empathizing 
                With me
                With what I have endured
                By myself
                You don't believe
                You scorn
                You mourn for yourself
                For what horrible things you have had
                to hear
                You won't accept me
                So invisible
                You again keep me

                I try to live
                Inside myself                 
                In a vacuum
                It has been hard
                Sometimes almost impossible it seems
                It is harder than you could ever know
                I keep looking 
                For others
                Who might try to tell their tales
                I hope to find others
                I look for hints of their invisibility
                Who might have lived like me
                I am tired of being so lonely
                I want to find comfort and acceptance in
                another's invisibility
                But as of yet
                I have found not one
                Not one with a tale like mine
                No one uttering the same words
                The same 
                Sad
                Lonely
                Words
                I am invisible
                Can I come out?

                                         by LJK

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