The midwest is a strange and different place for me. This song was written for Pam who was from Missouri. She hated the song because she said it made her sound like a 'hick'. I said, well?

Where do you want to go?

I was driving around Missouri, 
it was a bright and sunny, shiny day
when I got so lost I didn’t know what to do
so I pulled into a small café 
to ask directions to find my way
The waitress looked at me and said 
"what’s the matter with you?"


She said I never saw a person look so lost 
and I’d hate to estimate the cost
of the gasoline you spent just driving around
So mister if you’ve got the time 
and you plan to tip more than just a dime
I’ll set you straight, honey, just settle down

(bridge)
Mister throw away them maps and them charts
They’re ‘bout as useful here as foreign auto parts
We lead with our noses and follow our hearts
That’s how we Missouri-ans get around


Well she poured me a cup of café au lait, 
it tasted like dirt, it was ground today
and I choked it all down with an order of eggs and spam
I introduced myself as a traveling man.  
With a wink of an eye and a shake of the hand
she said How do you do, my friends just call me Pam.

I listened to the wisdom of the words that she did say 
and I traded in my Hyundai for a two tone Chevrolet
I put my pants on backwards and I gave myself a shove
I drank myself a six pack and then I fell in love

bridge

Well I guess I finally figured what this life’s all about
I jumped into my Chevrolet and I started heading out
No sooner did the words empty from my mouth
"I’m heading for Wisconsin" that I started driving south