June 9
*** I do not live my life based on audience response.***
Rayne Fall
Rayne you know you rock.... all I'm gonna add to that comment is that I
think you've summed up what allot of us think. I know I do. Seems lately that allot of us
have gotten feedback that felt intrusive or offensive from things we've written, and a few
others have concerns over getting the same treatment when they contemplate baring an
honest opinion. The abuse of online journallers MUST stop... ok, so I was purposefully
being a teensy bit overdramatic there but I definitely agree with your whole journal entry
for today... one's journal is one's forum. Now that all the mail has ceased flowing over
my entry on race I feel incredibly centered in regards to people not agreeing with me, and
I'm ready to piss you all off anew. I'm hoping that the rest of you will join my in my
quest.... you know who you are.
Now I can understand why the more "seasoned" journallers have no
problem telling people to fuck off if someone disagrees with them.
***
Last entry I stated "off to bed", well actually I was just off
to lay my sorry ass on the couch and watch yet ANOTHER video. But I actually did fall
asleep just after 830PM and can you believe I woke up at 630. How's that for a good nights
sleep? I'm slowly catching up to where I may be semi-sane again. I got up in time to make
coffee and have my shower before Greg got up. He even commented on how deliciously soapy
(my words not his) I smelled. I love that time in the morning, we just sat and filled up
on cigs and caffeine and talked a good hour before he started getting ready for work.
After that I trotted off in my direction and he trotted off in his... *sigh* if only the
rest of you could be watching him trot off. *wink*
I get home and I see a couple of numbers on the phone from a local hotel
and I have this brief thought "I wonder if that's Ms. Hawkins phoning moi". But
there's no note that anyone called and no new messages, so I dismiss it as being my
roommate's hooker friend phoning her from hotel lobbies after turning a trick... and I go
on with my day. Can you believe I fell asleep again?... this time for four more hours.
So I wake up and realize I'm late for a supper date with Greg and a few
friends of ours. I'm running around and decide to check my voicemail despite the fact that
it didn't appear I had any messages, and lo and behold the little ex-patriot had phoned me
the day prior and the roomie had just deposited rather inconsequentially the message into
my box and not informed me. Well, well, well... bad roommate, very, very bad roommate.
So I phone Greg and tell him that I'm gonna phone her back and possibly
take her out somewhere. He just says "why don't you leave her a message to meet us at
the restaurant?" So I explain that she could be a total whacko and this might not be
a good idea, when in essence all I was really thinking was that I thought that was a bit
brash a thing to do for a first meeting. Poor sensitive young American having to deal with
four liquored up on sake Canadians. I wouldn't subject those I've known for years to such
a spectacle... I know people who endeavor towards nude hot-tubbing after sake, so I always
show discernment around Japanese liquor now. He says "are you nervous about meeting
her?" I say "not really, no." He says, "then get your ass over there
pick her up and meet us for supper, we aren't gonna wait for you forever." I decide
I'm being silly and prolonging the call cause I'm... you know nervous and mentally
unstable, etc. So I give my head a shake to ensure I'm awake... and phone. No answer. I
leave a message. I go for sushi.
There's this amazing girl dining with us who've I've not met before. She's
a friend of a friend. I'm in love. She's African. I wonder if I'm racist. I acknowledge I
find her amazing to look at. I spend the rest of the night admiring her, in addition to
being beautiful she was also intelligent and incredibly interesting. I tell ya if I was a
"real" boy... Her favorite joke of the night was "How do you know a
blonde's been eating pickles? She has her head caught in the jar." (sorry Me-7, I
must confess that I told that one) That had her asking to keep the blonde jokes coming.
Does that make her a blondist?
We get home I attempt to clear my head of all the sake and phone Liz back
at her hotel. This time she's in and we talk for a small eternity. My mom tells me that
when she knows its me on the phone, the first thing she does is signal for her cigarettes
as she knows it won't be a five minute call. I do think I was rambling a few times and
losing the poor girl, but she kept up pretty good... such a trooper. She's really nice and
I felt instantly at ease. I think I was wondering how the conversation would go when we
know so much about each other's personal life, if that would somehow cloud the call. It
didn't. Tomorrow we're meeting for coffee/lunch and Greg informed me that he's coming. I
think the whole net thing still kinda weirds him out, maybe if he meets her and she
appears like a sane person without delusions then he'll realize that not everyone on the
net is a total freak. :)
My mentioning the eventual possible meeting with Liz has gotten Me-7 and I
discussing the concept of us meeting in RL as well. Ok, so technically its not a
discussion yet, but its working that way. When I think of Me-7 she's someone that I just
assume I'll meet in real-time, so in many ways I don't really worry about it. Well worry
isn't the right word, more that I just assume we will so therefore I don't give it alot of
thought. Well some thought, just don't try to define the when or the how sorta deal. Am I
making sense? I don't believe in rushing cyber into RL as it has to just happen I think.
And in certain situations you just know it will happen eventually and that in itself is a
comfort.
Just noticed a needy cat crawling out from under my mattress so I'm off to
give that kitty some good loving and soft "pats".... damn the cat just ran back
under the bed in protest to the neighbors' car alarm. I'm still outta here though.
in lieu of Email...
Skunk thanks for the feedback I copied your new email
down and added you to my bookmarks. So I'll be able to find you till my computer crashes
and needs to be rebuilt. :)
Robyn I'll come by and sign yer book, I'm just really
lazy, I have looked at "most" of your site already, just like to get a handle on
it before I sign. I'll do a temporary archive soon, so you can finish reading as I take so
long to actually get around to this stuff that it may take forever to finish the official
archives.
Lohengryn I'll update your name on the front page and
for the record I think the look of your page is quite excellent. I'd stumbled across it
ages ago and remember the clean simple look as being quite attractive, I didn't actually
read it till this last time, but I'm sure that was my fault and not yours. :)
Me-7 I didn't get that full mail so I never caught the
tail end of the J.E. till I read it on your site. I think you were honest and if the mail
comes... let it come. Thats why the good lords of internet gave us "delete"
buttons. Or as a wise man once said, "fuck em if they can't take the truth." :O
