WHAT I WANT IN A MAN

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)

1. Handsome

2. Charming

3. Financially Successful

4. A Caring Listener

5. Witty

6. In Good Shape

7. Dresses with Style

8. Appreciates the Finer Things

9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises

10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)

1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head

2. Opens car doors, holds chairs

3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant

4. Listens more than he talks

5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times

6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease

7. Owns at least one tie

8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal

9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries

10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)

1. Not too ugly -- bald head OK

2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car

3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion

4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking

5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes

6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach

8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids

9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down

10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length

2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public

3. Doesn't borrow money too often

4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting

5. Doesn't retell same joke too many times

6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends

7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear

8. Appreciates a good TV dinner

9. Remembers your name on occasion

10. Shaves on some weekends

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children

2. Remembers where bathroom is

3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep

4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)

5. Remembers why he's laughing

6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself

7. Usually wears some clothes

8. Likes soft foods

9. Remembers where he left his teeth

10. Remembers when...

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)

1. Breathing







UNHAPPY IN EDEN

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a man, Lord?"

This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But... he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"What's the catch, Lord?"

"Well... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self- admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret... You know, woman to woman."