An old farmer was relaxing on his verandah one evening, watching his rooster in the yard running around chasing after the hen. They circled the yard half a dozen times, the cock in what seemed to be fierce pursuit of the hen...

The farmer's wife then threw some scraps into the yard and the hen kept right on running, but the rooster stopped for nourishment.

The farmer then lamented: "Good God in Heaven, I pray that I never get that hungry!"






REAL LABELS

Real labels actually appearing on real products and items.

On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo -USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray -THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Sears hair dryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

On a bar of Dial soap -DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF

CHILDREN.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.

On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.







A mother is walking with her five year-old son through the zoo when they reach the elephant cage.

The boy looks with amazement at the large beast and asks his mom, "What's that long thing hanging down from the elephant?"

His mother replies "That's his trunk".

The little boy goes, "I know that, the thing to the other side of the trunk."

The mom replies "Oh, that's his tail".

The boy goes, "I know that! No, what's that big thing hanging down in between the trunk and tail."

The mother, wanting to avoid this subject all together, just says "Oh, that's nothing" and whisks him off to the next exhibit.

Two weeks later he goes to the same zoo with his dad. They are at the elephant exhibit and he asks his dad "What's that long thing hanging down from the elephant?"

The dad replies, "That's his trunk."

"No, behind that!" says the kid.

"Oh, well that's his tail" replies the father.

"NO, in-between the trunk and the tail!" yells the kid.

His dad replies, "Son, that's the elephant's penis."

The kid, a bit puzzled, tells his dad, "But Mom said it was nothing."

His father replied, "Son, that's because your mom's been spoiled."