Male voice-over: "That was episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots. And now Radio Four will explode." 

Scene: Two Monty Python performers in old lady drag home in their flat. 

"Oh, dear, the radio's exploded." 

"Oh, Well, what's on the television, then?" 

"Looks like a penguin." 

"I don't mean what's on the television SET. I meant what PROGRAM?" 

"Oh, I'll switch it on." A slow shuffle to the television set across the room, much humming. "Hmm, hm, hmm, hmm, hm, hmm." 

"It's odd that penguin being there, i'n't it? What's it doing there?" 

"Standin'." 

"I can SEE that. If it laid an egg, it will fall down the back of the television set." 

"We'll have to watch that. Unless it's a male." 

"Hm, I hadn't thought of that." 

"It looks fairly butch." 

"Perhaps it's from next door." 

"Next DOOR! Penguins don't come from next door; they come from the Antarctic!" 

"BURMA!" 

"Why did you say 'Burma'?" 

Pause. "I panicked." 

"Perhaps it's from the zoo." 

"Which zoo?" 

"How should I know which zoo? I'm not Doctor Bloody Bernoffski!" 

"How would Doctor Bernoffski know which zoo it was from?" 

"He knows everything." 

"Oh, I wouldn't like that. That would take all the mystery out of life. Anyway, if it was from the zoo, it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it." 

"No, it wouldn't! They don't stamp animals 'Property of the Zoo'! You can't stamp a huge lion!" 

"They stamp them when they're small." 

"What happens when they molt?" 

"Lions don't MOLT!" 

"No, but penguins do! There, I run rings 'round you logically." 

"Oh, intercourse the penguin!" 

(From the televion, male voice:) "Hello, well, it's just after eight o'clock and time for the penguin on your television set to explode." 

(Sound of explosion.) 

(Old lady voice:) "How'd he know that was going to happen?" 

(Male voice:) "It was an inspired guess. And, now....." 


The End 

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