My Gay Friend's Wedding 

By Bok Canonigo
15 December 1997


"Mabuhay ang Bagong Kasal (Long Live the Newly-weds)!"

This is what the three witnesses exclaimed in jubilation after the civil wedding of my gay friend Sarding, a cultural artist. 

No, sorry, he didn't marry another man but a straight woman. Coincidental with the Human Rights Day, probably the couple thought it would be a good day for wedding as well.

My gay friend's very happy while his fiancee cried not due to happiness but to the tactless remarks of Judge July Dizon. "O ayan, hindi ka na kabit!" ("There, you're no longer a mistress") referring to Francesca, or Kikay to her dear friends in the government office she's working with.

At the Pasay City Hall of Justice, all the other five couples who got married simultaneously with Sarding and Kikay didn't know it and thought it was just a regular wedding of sorts. Right under their noses, one unremarkable couple was traipsing along a different path, a different love, a different relationship.


Bombshell

A few days before the said wedding, the would-be couple startled me with a visit as if there was a bad news. Over soda, Sarding invited me to witness his wedding.

I know they will soon get married. They told me so a long, long time ago. But I didn't know that soon. The shock I felt gave way to a nice feeling of happiness for the two. "Will it be in church?", I asked.

"It will just be a simple civil wedding with four witnesses" said Sarding. Later, we discussed everything under the moonshine. From the accidental death of Wardie to his best friend Mykee's not knowing of his wedding plans. Mykee flew to Samar to attend his cousin's wedding and will spend the Christmas season in his hometown of the Warays.

This will be a historical gay wedding for Pro-Gay, a first ever. Woe to Alanis who wanted to become the first gay to wed. Alanis resigned already last September not having the historical claim to a first gay wedding of Pro-Gay. Pro-Gay, the militant gay men's group, is the organization where I and Sarding are both members.

The Actual Day

Didn't get much sleep but I got up at nine o'clock in the morning. They came 30 minutes late. I joked "I'm sure you already have your honeymoon last night." They just smiled at me.

I've asked who owns this blue-green car and said it belongs to the motel as part of the promo for newly-wed couples. "How sweet!", I said.

We are all late and the two other witnesses, Doroy and Lana, were already there. They have signed up the contract way ahead, indicating their uncompromising approval to this unusual wedding. Sarding looked around and asking for his younger brother who will be the fourth witness. I knew his
younger brother, who is also gay, could not believe he was asked to sit in as another witness.

"I think he will not come today. He thought this was just for show." Sarding muttered. 

The ceremonies started. The fat tactless judge keep on reminding the six young couples of their responsibilities to each other. "In times of abundance and distress, you'll always be together" the judge, looking more like a retirable burly policeman, intoned nonchalantly.

One by one, he blest all the couples, asked for the bride's ring, and bid the couples to kiss. But Sarding didn't have a ring for her bride. He didn't have a money to buy one. He offered instead to her a sweet kiss.

"Para silang mga langgam! (As if they were similar to ants)" said the clerk who shuffled the legal papers.

Doroy shouted "Mabuhay ang bagong kasal!" ("Long live the newly-weds!") It felt surreal when you have a gay man, a straight woman, and a straight cheering a wedding of a gay man and a straight woman. 

"Gagong judge 'yan, tinawag akong kabit! (That stupid judge, he called me a mistress)" cried Kikay who was concerned to make this a memorable one for her without any hitches. 

"Bumawi ka na lang sa (You may get even in a) church wedding. By that time, tanggap na ng pamilya mo si Sarding! (Your family have already accepted Sarding)" 

Kikay's family objects to her relationship to Sarding. Not because they want her to grow like an old maid but objects to Sarding because he's an outted gay!

Out of the Wedding, Into the Dining Table 

"This will be my treat" said Lana. "Sige, hati tayo pero utang muna 'yung sa akin(Okay, we'll halved the bill but I'll pay you later)" Doroy volunteered. "Ako, isang daan lang dahil wala akong kwarta. Poor-angga ako(Me, I could only give a hundred pesos because I'm poor)!" I said.

In the crowded cafeteria, the couple was given the celebrity roast.

"So how does it feel to get married" asked Doroy, who is not yet married but already engaged to a trade union activist like him.

"Masaya (Happy)" answered Kikay shyly. "When was the honeymoon?" seconds Lana. "Dead-ma! (As if I heard nothing)" I butted. Laughter followed.

The next move will be to inform Kikay's family. Probably, little by little. She'll start with informing them that they are engaged again and Sarding went straight. "Fine, just to give legality to the relationship," I retorted.

In the Philippines, though gays are widely accepted due to the cosmopolitan culture, a lot of families didn't accept in having a gay in their family. Most thought it's natural to have a relationship with a fellow gay or with a straight man. Gays are always being ridiculed in Philippine media and considered as a bad luck for business.

It was a hearty typical Filipino meal and reasonably priced as well. We immediately parted ways. Back to our usual selves. Lana goes back to school where she teaches. Doroy and I went to the Human Rights rally in Malacañang.
The newly-weds discussed when they will see each other again.

As Doroy and I rode off in a cab, I kept wondering how long the relationship will last. But then I thought I wished them all the luck and will give them all the necessary support. After all, gays are humans too. 

Let us just consider this wedding day another way to celebrate the day for human rights.###