THE TROUBLE WITH YOU
Interview of Tim and Dickon, by Simon Price and Taylor Parkes,produced by Orlando.Accompanying music (imagine it whilst reading) composed by Chipping/Austen
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Tim: errr...
Dickon: That's what I'm trying to find out,Simon.
Tim: mmm...I think I'm the product of everything I've experienced.Which I dislike because I so hate the view that you're not a whole person if you haven't experienced...things,in general...life in general.
But I think I am the product of my experience.So that's,I guess,what I'm fighting against...trying to become someone apart from what life and school and work has made me so far.
THIS IS IT,ISN'T IT? IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
Tim: I think it's our only chance to make it in a perfect,whole way...failure seems to tarnish things.
YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH PERFECTION,AREN'T YOU? YOU'RE CONTROL FREAKS.
Dickon: Yes.
Tim: I am,mmmm....
Dickon: I'm never happy with anything I've done,or I've been involved with,completely.There's always something that I worry about.
Tim: Control is something more on my mind rather than perfection.I hate the fact that you have to have other people working for you,I have to do it all myself.I can't trust that they're thinking the right things,doing the right things for us.
DO YOU HAVE RULES FOR LIVING?
Tim: Definitely.
Dickon: Errrm,yes...trying to keep life as simple as possible.
Tim: I'm obsessed with self-discipline,obsessed with being tidy..punctual...and clean.And that's become,as I get older,become more and more of an obsession.But I like it,because they're qualities I find attractive in other people.
YOU DESPISE EACH OTHER,DON'T YOU?
Dickon: Errrm...
Tim: No.We don't get on.It's...not the same thing.It's a not getting on in the way that you irritate yourself.But,you know,if we despised each other we wouldn't be working together at all.
Dickon: We have actually split up several times...
Tim: No we haven't!
Dickon: Well...
Tim: Only in your mind...I was still in the band.
Dickon: But I think the essence of Orlando is both of us now; it's not just my lyrics,and it's not just Tim's performance and singing,and Tim's arrangements...it's,errr...it's definitely both of us,and we can't really exist without each other at all...
Tim: mmmm...
Dickon: You don't think so?
Tim: Yes,I do...I was agreeing..that was an agreeing mmm...
Dickon: It's just that I can't tell,so....
Tim: That's why we don't get on.
OSCAR WILDE SAID: "THE MEEK MAY INHERIT THE EARTH,BUT THEY WILL CEASE TO BE MEEK AS SOON AS THEY COME INTO THEIR INHERITANCE." WHAT D'YOU THINK ABOUT THAT THEN? [LAUGHTER]
Dickon: I think it's a very good question.But I think,out of the world,there'd be the harder meek types,who'd actually start beating us up... [LAUGHTER]...and the softer meek types,and there'd be a war.I had a dream where I was in a nuclear war,and the only survivors were me and Jarvis Cocker.And he survived because he hid in a wardrobe.
Tim: That's fairly meek.
Dickon: That's...very meek.
DO YOU CRY A LOT?
Dickon: I do,very easily...
Tim: Yeah..
Dickon: ...always have done.From a very early age.At the slightest provocation,and I haven't grown out of it yet.
Tim: But I don't cry about people or things...not because they don't affect me,but I cry very easily at 'ephemeral' things..
Dickon: You cry over happy things,don't you?
Tim: Yeah,I always cry over happy things.I cry every episode of Country Practice...and that's...not funny.
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE UGLY?
Dickon: Yes.
[COUGH]
Tim: You coughed over my answer! Can you ask it again...
SORRY...DO YOU THINK YOU'RE UGLY?
Tim: Answer...
Dickon: I thought you were going to answer!
Tim: No,you answer!
Dickon: Okay...
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE UGLY?
Dickon: Yes.
Tim: No.I think I'm strange,not ugly.
Dickon: I think you can be ugly and attractive.
Tim: Like warthogs...
Dickon: Yeah but where did warthogs come from? Are they attractive?
Tim: They're beautiful!
Dickon: Warthogs?
Tim: mmm.
Dickon: Andy Warthog. [LAUGHTER]
Tim: Andy Warthog...!
WHERE ARE YOUR FAVOURITE PLACES?
Dickon: Cafes,for me.Cheap cafes,the cheaper the better.I find that it's a complete lie that the more you pay,the more you spend on going out,and the more you spend on a meal specifically,is in proportion to the better quality food you get.
Tim: But you get less peculiar stains on your suit.
Dickon: I like the stains.I can't...we went out,got taken out by a record company to a posh dinner in a posh Italian restaurant yesterday...and I hated that.
Tim: I chose that restaurant...
Dickon: Oh,sorry. [LAUGHTER] Sorry,but...
Tim: Then my favourite places are posh Italian restaurants.
Dickon: And my favourite places are cafes... [something unintelligible]...chips and beans and a cup of tea.
Tim: I was actually going to go wider than that,my favourite places are small villages.Maybe cos I know that's where I'm going to live,where I'm going to live alone.And they're going to go 'there's that pop star again!'...[LAUGHTER]...and that's going to be wonderful.
WHO'D WIN A FIGHT OUT OF POPSTARS AND SKELETONS?
Tim: We're quite skeletal.
Dickon: We are the skeletal band...
Tim: We're actually more bony than skeletal.
IS BONINESS A VIRTUE?
Tim: Is boniness a virtue?
Dickon: ...Yeah.
Tim: Yeah.
Dickon: Yes,it is...
Tim: It either involves hard work or it involves deprivation,and they're both virtues.
Dickon: I also find it's very sexy...
WHAT ABOUT CLOTHES?
Dickon: I think it's very important to dress up onstage.Or at least be presentable...if people are actually prepared to watch you and to look at you....then it seems only natural that you should wear something worth looking at.
Tim: It seems bizarre that you should spend so much time thinking about what you sound like and no time at all thinking about what you look like.
Dickon: Clothes are as important as music.
PICK 5 WORDS THAT DON'T DESCRIBE YOU...I DON'T MEAN LIKE... "TRUCK" [LAUGHTER]
Dickon: Kitsch...Ironic...Workmanlike...Bland...Unimaginative.
HOW MANY QUESTIONS ARE TOO MANY?
Dickon: Does that mean you've run out?