Would you like a duck egg for supper?
Only if you quack it for me.
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."
Q. What do physics ducks say?
A. Quark, quark quark.
Q. Why did the basketball player bring a duck to the game?
A. She wanted to shoot a fowl shot!
Q. How do you make a tame duck wild?
A. Annoy it.
A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from there and that's where you should be taking them. That will take care of your problem." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.
The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"
Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck. You better bring her in to see me straight away.
I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter.
What is a ducks favorite meal?
Soup and quackers.
What did the duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What is a ducks favorite snack?
Milk and animal quackers.
Why don't ducks were flip-flops to the beach?
The thong won't fit between their toes.
What did the hunter tell his wife when he came home empty handed?
What did the little duckling's parents say when he was no longer shy around strangers?
That he had come out of his shell.
Why did the duck cross the stream?
Unlike the chicken he knew he wasn't allowed to cross the road.