Issue 3
16th December 1994
B&W A4 format
8 pages
Print run - 9
Current value - £20

Whatever. Anyway, the plan with this issue was that I could go to A4 and piss about a bit more with the layout. Also, as it was Christmas, I could knock up some quick Christmas survey, and that would pad out the space. And it worked, more or less, leading to the ridiculous expansion for issue 4.

One of the things we soon noticed with the video camera was that the piccies you took on it were, to be blunt, crap. However, we were very impressed with the way that top footy managers had their own initials on their tracksuits so the players would know who they were, and we figured that we could knock up some shoddy letters with the stencil, and then sellotape them to our tops, and you'd never be able to see the cheap origins of the letters if we then took grabs of them with the video PC. And you know what, it worked. Hence, the front cover picture here of Simon with the letters SW on his top. You can't argue with class such as that.

Apart from the Christmas survey, and the crossword on the back cover, which I half inched from some puzzle book that was lying about, this issue is much the same as all of the others. There's an interview with Jon Allen, who was in the process of leaving the company at the time, a look at Mr Smith's (crap) team, and a rundown of the cups and league competitions.

And there's some poor gossip on the back page. Hmmm.

'If anyone could knock up 400 words on how inserting has improved teamwork between the two sites, I'd be dreadfully grateful. I've been racking my brains and I can only come up with a couple of words, and they're not suitable for publication'
That UK Today article was still giving me writers block

'Leave me alone, I'm an old man'
Mick Tharby's one quote again comes in handy

'I'm all choked up inside. You don't know how much this means to me. I've been struggling along for years, fighting against the odds, just trying to make an honest living in this low down, dirty, cheap and rotten world, and then, out of the blue, I get an award that tells me I'm appreciated. I just don't know what to say.'
Allan in another 100% authentic quote after being made manager of the month.

'To really peg the Eagles back, I'd like to see career threatening injuries to Schmeicel, Bruce, Parker & Wise'
Lots of Christmas cheer there

From Jon's questionnaire....

What is your greatest fear? - Halon

What is your greatest regret - Working for Royal Insurance

What would your advice be to a trainee? - Never work for a company called Royal Insurance

What word best describes you? - Pillock

Thanks for that Jon.

From the Christmas survey ....

What's your favourite Christmas film? - You do go on don't you?
Simon getting narky for a change

Do you believe in Father Christmas? - It's not a question of belief, it's more the total value of the presents he brings
Mr Smith again conforms to type