A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi
leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."
"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might
be made an Arch Bishop." said the Priest.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said, "I suppose that I could be
elected Pope, but..."
"And could you be anything higher than that? Is there any way to go up
from being the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back, smiled, and said, "One of OUR boys made it!"
Giving instructions to a group of his soldiers, a Mafia Boss said, "I want the guy shot; then put him in a barrel and fill it with cement; then toss him in the East River. And, oh yeah... make it look like an accident."
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix
to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains
just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out. After about 3 hours, he finaly got picked up
by a guy in a Corvette. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car.
After a brief search, the owner of the Corvette located a piece of
rope, lying by the highway, and used it to tie the bike to his bumper.
He then told the man to honk the horn on his bike, if he felt they
were going too fast, and he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another
Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the
bike took off after the other one. A short distance down the road,
the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed
ahead to another officer that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over
120 mph. He then relayed, "And your not going to believe this...
but there's a guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass!"
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols,
what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"
"Elation."
"How about the opposite of woe, Mr. Smith?"
"I believe that would be giddy up, sir."
My Dear Husband,
I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so
that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I
thought you should know what has been going on at home since your
computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing
well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has
developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait
for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your
head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you
did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She
still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her
birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was
stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered
that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson the
department head, has uh, taken an interest in my career and has
become a good friend to us all.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I
realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather
dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the
living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure
that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be
disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George, uh, Mr. Wilson, I
mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I
have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away,
she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals
to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer
will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will
think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love,
Your Wife