The Monkees are in desperate need of getting
a job,
| PETER:
"I still don't think he was fair to fire us!"
DAVY: "Well, Peter, we weren't exactly a smash!" PETER: "Yes, we were! Only one person left before we were done!" MICKY: "That was half the audience!" PETER: "I still think he should have given us some notice!" MICKY: "He did, he said 'Get out in ten minutes, or I'll beat you up!'" FRANK: "Hey, I guess I was wrong, what's your price?" MICKY: "Well, experienced sailors like us we never worked for less than a hundred dollars a day!" FRANK: "Fifteen!!" MICKY: "Sold!" FRANK: "Okay, six in the morning, pier three!" DAVY: "Three o'clock, pier six!" MICKY: "Oh, request permission to go aboard, sir! We know what we're doing!!" DAVY: "Check the handbook!" FRANK: "You're already on board!" MICKY: "Well, request permission to stay on board, sir!" FRANK: "Of course, you can stay on board; you got no choice! Are you sure you guys were ever in the navy?" MIKE: "Peter, right here, sunk seven Japanese destroyers in one year!" FRANK: "When was that?" PETER: "Last year!!" HARRY: "Aye, aye, sir! Reynolds!!" FRANK: "Here!!!!" HARRY: "Dolenz!!" MICKY: "Here, sir!" HARRY: "Tork!!" DAVY(to MICKY): "Well, hello!!" MICKY(to DAVY): "Nice to meet you!!" HARRY: "Shut up!!!!" DAVY: "But you said we could talk!!" CAPTAIN: "Who are these fools?" MICKY: "The new shipmates, sir!!" CAPTAIN: "Where did you get that long hair?" MICKY: "Well, there's this little store on Sunset Strip!" CAPTAIN: "Cut it off!!!" MICKY: "Oh no, we can't cut it off; we'll lose our strength!!" HARRY: "You're going to be keel-hauled and lashed for an inch of your life!!" DAVY: "You can't do that!! It's against naval law!!!" CAPTAIN: "And who are you to tell me about naval law?!?" HARRY: "Jones, sir!! Davy Jones!!" CAPTAIN: "Davy Jones!?! As in Davy Jones' locker?!?" MICKY: "Yeah, right, his great great grandfather, and when he turns twenty-five he inherits the locker!" DAVY: "Captain!!" CAPTAIN MICKY: "I'm Captain Ahab and I sailed the seven seas all my life looking for the great white whale, Moby Dick. Have you seen him?" DAVY: "No!" CAPTAIN MICKY: "Well, if you do, tell him I'm in my cabin!" DAVY: "Captain?!" CAPTAIN MICKY(again): "I'm Captain Ahab and I sailed the seven seas all--oh, it's just you!" DAVY: "Hey, they're both crackers!!" PETER: "What do you mean?" DAVY: "Crazy!! They're crazy!!!" PETER: "Who's crazy?" DAVY: "The captain!!" PETER: "Oh come on!!" DAVY: "Honestly, he was asking advice from his parrot!" MICKY: "Was the parrot charging him?" DAVY: "No, no!!" MICKY: "Well, the parrot's crackers--crazy!!" MICKY: "You see this is a fantasy!" PETER: "A fantasy?" MICKY: "He's not really going to rob the Queen Anne!!" PETER: "He's not?" MICKY: "It's a fantasy, developed in his subconscious mind to compensate for the frustrations that he endured as a child, over the hostility!" CAPTAIN: "There's your swords and your pistols, oh, and the lyrics of some of the better known pirate songs! I just hope you men are tough enough for this job!" MICKY: "Tough?!?! Ha-ha!! Peter's so tough his nails get rusty!!" DAVY: "He's so tough he loves the sight of blood, he pours ketchup on everything he eats, even corn flakes!!" MICKY: "Mutiny!!!!" DAVY: "We can't do that!!" MICKY: "Why?!" DAVY: "I don't know why!!" MICKY: "How about if Clark Gable and Marlon Brando can do it, we can do it!!!" DAVY: "Okay!!" MICKY: "Great!!" DAVY: "They do it all the time!!" CAPTAIN: "Is he the only one responsible for this mutiny?!?" PETER: "Mutiny?" DAVY: "Mutiny? What mutiny?" PETER: "Did you hear mutiny?" DAVY: "Didn't hear anything about a mutiny!!" CAPTAIN: "This man is planning a mutiny aboard my boat, and I want to know who is helping him!!" DAVY: "Will it be easier on him, if you find the others?" CAPTAIN: "No, he dies just the same!!" DAVY(to MICKY): "We told you not to try it!!!" PETER: "We said single-handed mutinies never work, stranger!!" CAPTAIN: "Stranger?!? I thought you came aboard with him?!" DAVY: "Him?!?! Nah, we never seen him before!! We wouldn't hang around with long-haired weirdoes like that, would we?" PETER: "Dirty commie!!!" CAPTAIN: "Men,you've been found guilty of insubordination to a commanding officer, conspiring to mutiny, and, what is even worse, impersonating a parrot!! Now do you have anything to say before we execute sentence on you?" PETER: "Yes, I do, I'm innocent! I can't even do a good cow--moo!" MICKY: "Okay, we'll go to our watery grave, but then you'll never find out the secret!!" CAPTAIN: "What secret?!" MICKY: "Oh, no never mind that's okay, we'll go to our..." CAPTAIN: "But the secret, what's the secret?!?" MICKY: "...but you'll never learn the secret!!" CAPTAIN: "Come back here, come back here!!! What's the secret?!?!" PETER: "Hey, guys? Hey, fellas?" DAVY: "What?" PETER: "What is the secret?" MAYBERRY: "And for these acts of bravery, by virtue of the power vested in me, I declare all of you, first mates of this ship!!" MICKY: "Aye, aye, thank you, Captain!!" DAVY: "Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!!! ... There's that bell again!" MICKY: "Ship ahoy!" DAVY: "Tell me, if we're the first mates, who's going to be the captain?" MAYBERRY: "Your captain will be the most able seaman it was ever my pleasure to sail with!!" |
No parrots were hurt during the making of this film.