MR. FRAIR:
"Does Davy Jones live here? Davy, my lad, I've been asking
for you up and down the beach!! What's a long haired weirdo?"
MICKY:
"It's a local fish you catch with a sharp stick!"
MR. FRAIR:
"Ohhooho, ahem!"
DAVY:
"Eh, fellas, you remember I was telling you about Mr. Frair, the innkeeper
from Kibee?"
MIKE and PETER shake their heads
DAVY:
"Well, eh--"
MICKY:
"No, you never told us about Mr. Frair from Kibee."
DAVY:
"The innkeeper?"
MICKY:
"No, I don't remember anything about an innkeeper."
DAVY:
"Well, this is him!"
PETER nods his head
MR. FRAIR:
"Davy you must come back to England immediately!"
DAVY:
"Oh, no, I can't do that!"
MR. FRAIR:
"Don't say that, Davy!! Don't say that , don't say--"
MR. FRAIR faints.
MR. FRAIR:
"But you've got to do it, Davy! If you don't, we believe Lord Kibee's
nephew, Lance Kibee the Sot, will inherit the
estate and sell it to some developer!"
DAVY:
"Well, I can dig that, but I still can't go back there and live!"
MR. FRAIR faints yet again; Monkees try to
catch him
MIKE:
"You better cool it, man!! This guy's denting our couch!"
MR. FRAIR:
"Oh he loved you, Davy, and he knew how you loved the estate!
Why, he'd speak of you for hours!!"
DAVY:
"He couldn't have said much about me, we never really talked!"
MR. FRAIR:
"That's true, hey but what he did say he would say
over and over and over and over ... he
was as nutty as a fruitcake!"
DAVY:
"Wait, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute!! Don't think you're foolin'
us guys!
We know who you are! You're Jack Williams the Property Man on
this show!!"
CUSTOMS MAN:
"Look, sweetie, I might be Jack Williams, the Property Man,
to you but to twenty million teenagers, I'm the Customs Man!!"
DAVY:
"Oh!" (to CAMERA) "You know, he really is Jack Williams!"
MR. FRAIR:
"Boys, I would like you to meet my daughter, Mary.
Mary, this is Davy, the new lord of the manor,
and his friends,
Pieces, Aquarius, and Capricorn!"
MARY:
"Oh, a sister act! Pleased to meet ya!!"
DAVY:
"What do young people do in this town for excitement?"
MARY:
"They move ... to the big city!"
MIKE:
"Oh, now we're going to get a rash of small town jokes!"
MARY:
"Oh, no, it's quite exciting! Last year we found a mole ... in the
lawn!!"
SIR BOTTOM:
"I forgot to leave the contract!"
MIKE:
"Let me see that! Hey, wait a minute, it says
we've got to stay here for five years!!"
SIR BOTTOM:
"Well, if you're bored, you could always leave the village for the villagers!"
MARY:
"But the villagers don't have that kind of money!
If the boys leave, the villagers will lose their
homes!!"
MIKE:
"How much we got so far?"
PETER:
"Wait a minute, we'll find out! 200 pounds!"
MIKE:
"200 pounds?! Man, that's nowhere near enough! We'll never
get the money!!"
MR. FRAIR:
"Ha, don't you worry! We'll get all our money betting on the Grand
Championship!"
DAVY:
"What's that?"
MR. FRAIR:
"The winner out of 2 of 3 contests: jousting, deuling, mace and chain!"
DAVY:
"But that's four!"
MR. FRAIR:
"No, mace and chain go together!"
DAVY:
"Oh, well, who's going to do all these things?"
MR. FRAIR:
"Well, you're the lord of the manor!"
MIKE:
"Now, look you'll be fine as long as you remember everything that I've
taught ya!"
DAVY:
"But you didn't teach me anything!"
MIKE:
"Well, then fake it!!"
SIR BOTTOM:
"As challenger, I have the right to choose weapons!"
DAVY:
"Now, wait a minute! Shouldn't that be the other way around?"
SIR BOTTOM:
"So be it! As challengee, I have the right to choose weapons! Choose your
lance!!"
MIKE:
"Oh, hello there!! Well, that wraps up another half hour of hilarious
situational comedy of the fantastic four: Davy, Meckle, Peter and
Purkle .... um us!! We'll be back next week with more riotous fun,
laughters, and hilarious bits of antics and humour--"
PETER:
"Hey, Mike, can I say something?"
MIKE:
"Yeah, okay, go ahread!"
PETER:
"I just want to give all our viewers and listeners, who have been so nice
to us, I want to give them our Christmas message which
is about love and peace--"
MIKE:
"Now, wait! Hold it! Man, come on, it's in the middle of February,
you can't give them a Christmas message now!"
PETER:
"Well, why not?"
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