a pathetically self-absorbed excuse for an introduction(count all the I's)
An all-friends issue? How simple, how nice, and 'tis the season, right? Maybe so, but it wasn't an easy spot to arrive at. I've always worried myself, and recently I realized one of my problems. I don't really like anyone or anything. Everything's black or white, either I'm filled with hate or I'm head over heels. This can be problematic. Someone's cruisin' for a bruisin' and I'm pretty sure it's me. If I'm not ranting, raving , or plotting untimely demises, then I'm pestering and groping strangers with equal vigor and lack of forethought.
It's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to leave my house or answer my phone (yet strangely, I persist in printing my home address) . To make it worse, people have to go and be nice to me. I mean complete strangers take the time to send me toys, books, tapes, software, money, personal stories, and then some. A fair number of individuals had to have voted S.C.S. into Factsheet Five's top-ten. How conscientious. Thank you (now I feel even more rotten and misguided).
O.k., enough blubbering. So people aren't so bad. I knew that. It's just so much easier obsessing and loathing. Every so often I take a stab at kindness, but it never lasts because I hate (Oops, hate is a very strong word-at least according to my mom). looking like a sap. Here's a terribly embarrassing example from the 10th grade. I used to wear this jacket with Smith's lyrics painted on the back that read, it's so easy to laugh/ it's so easy to hate/ it takes guts to be gentle and kind. Dear Lord, it's a miracle I never got my ass kicked. But that phase didn't last for ever and I'm sure that this too will pass.
In order to avoid the reputation as a trouble-maker, I've adopted a stalkable/unstalkable-free format for this issue. No, my hand has yet to tire of all that rubber-stamping. But I figured that a temporary foray into the wonderful world of "likeables" couldn't hurt (though it does pain me a little). I've accepted the challenge of talking about individuals in platonic terms. Urgh, being "just friends" sucks. But sometimes that's just the way things must be.
[stalking] [goodies] [Lone Star Thomas] [project me]