What is Your Stalking Style?
(absolutely the most arbitrary personality profile to date)
Not all stalkers are built alike. This is a fact that's been overlooked for ages. Up until now, that is. People fall into various categories and each group has their own unique approach to tackling the matter at hand. A little self-discovery never hurt anyone. Now, it's high time for everyone to look inward. By taking this deceptively simple test you will unearth your personal style, as far as matters of the obsessive heart are concerned.
1). Your favorite school game was:
a. capture the flag.
b. smear the queer.
c. heads up 7-up.
2). Butterfly is to net as mouse is to:
3). You'd consider yourself a:
a. cat person.
b. dog person.
c. people person.
4). Tom Hanks was best as:
a. a retard in "Forrest Gump".
b. a transsexual on "Bosom Buddies".
c. alcoholic, Uncle Ned, on "Family Ties".
5). You'd prefer sex with:
a. an animal.
b. an amputee.
c. an adolescent.
6). You like your meat:
a. formed into interestingly shaped patties.
b. cut into tiny pieces by your mommy.
1). a-1, b-5, c-3.
2). a-5, b-1, c-3.
3). a-3, b-5, c-1.
4). a-3, b-1, c-5. Even though Tom Hanks is a stupid bubble-butt.
5). a-1, b-5, c-3. All stalkers are deviants. Don't believe otherwise.
6). a-3, b-5, c-1. Vegetarians make horrible stalkers.
6-13 Fun in the Sun
You primarily chase for the thrill. You've never been one to shy away from a challenge, and tend to enjoy the good things in life. Everything is a game for you. You're likely to be fickle and not wholly serious about the stalking scene. Your tactics range from sneaky gift-giving to the more blatant showing-up-wherever-they-are ruse. For you, the act is almost more important than the subject. You like variety and attention. Your taste may change from week to week. One day you're showering the object of your desire with attention, and then the next day you're sidetracked by that cute meter reader you keep bumping into. Have you ever heard of fair-weathered friends? Remember, this is another human being we're talking about. I know it's tough, but from time to time, put yourself in their shoes. Even though you're the type who's used to getting what they want, someday it could be you who's dropped like a hot potato. Stalk with sensitivity.
14-22 Naughty by Nature
You chase because it only seems right. You just can't help yourself, which leads to a lot of misunderstanding and confusion. You've always been detail oriented, and are prone to fantasize. Though you are good-natured for the most part, you may have a tendency to mope. Reality just seems a little blah sometimes. You don't mean to fixate, but once you become enamored of someone there's no stopping you. You take your crushes seriously and could easily spend months or even years devoted to a single individual. You are very particular in your subject and every nuance is important. Your plan of attack can range from simple spying to keeping an intricate journal of their daily bowel movement(s). Maybe this behavior was cute and expected as a youngster, but it's harder to justify as you grow older. Thankfully, you're not likely to be dangerous. Keep a sense of humor, respect boundaries, and attempt realistic relationships every so often. Stalk with sensibility.
23-30 Payback Time
You chase for a sense of control. Maybe you've suffered disappointments in your life. Maybe you've always taken things a little harder than others. You want to either get back what you had, or to make someone pay. It hurts to be jilted, and I'll admit that permeating their existence and being a thorn in your loved one's side can feel satisfying, but it does little good. You're the type who could call your stalkee 20 times a day at work or secretly trample their prized rhododendrons. The odds are, you're stalking for all the wrong reasons. It's natural that there will be a little resistance from the object of your desire, that's what makes stalking enjoyable. If you find yourself getting hot-headed, take a look at why you're pursuing them. Though you may hate to admit it, you could be a a part of your own problem. Deal with your emotions and let go of the past. Stalk without scorn.
[Lone Star Thomas]