2. Hey dad, are there any openings at your office?

3. She's 21 and she reminds me of mom.

4. I'm converting!

5. I'm coming out of the closet! Just kidding...hello? hello, anyone there?

6. I don't know, I think a nipple ring is very fashion conscience.

7. Who are you again?

8. Come to think of it, you're right! You're always right! I'm not going to make any more decisions! You can just take over my life, you manipulative bitch!

9. Mom, you too can be saved.

10. I need more money for my gambling ring.

11. Hold on a second, I have to get rid of the body.

12. I'm on page 54, right after the centerfold.

13. Have you ever tried Vivarin! I mean a lot of it at once! It's amazing. I wrote two papers, memorized the Spanish to English dictionary, made sis a sweater, invented a new way to dry laundry, and I- my, my heart.. I can't bre-

14. From now on, you'll call me Mohammed.

15. I'd love to talk to you, but I have more important things in my life to do.

16. Is it possible to get a 12-year old girl pregnant?

17. Hey mom, you know how you and dad got married at 20, well...

18. I never realized how many ways you could use petroleum jelly!

19. Man dad, there are so many f*cking parties here. Hic! Are you listening to me, you old f*cking fart!

20. There's only one thing left to do- kill the both of you!

21. This is my home away from home. I have new friends, and a family here with two kids and - um, forget what I just said.

22. And I joined the Republican party!

23. I just can't take it anymore. The pressure! The Pressure! Aaaaaaaaaaah! (Click)

24. Hold on. John, will you get your dick out of my ass!

25. Hold on. Mary, will you get your hand out of my ass!

26. Hold on. Get this poodle out of my ass!

27. Mom, send me some neosporin. I seem to have a lot of cold sores.

28. Guess what! I need a new liver!

29. De ahora, voy a hablar solamente en espanol!

30. When are you coming to visit! I really want to see you!