Graduate School(tm): The Game
Hey kids! Check out the cool new game that's sweeping the nation even
faster than those goddamn Furbys!
Be the first on your block to own "Graduate School(tm): The Game" from
TenureCo, the makers of such classics as "Rush Hour Madness," "My First
Blue Book Exam," "Little Lawyer," and "Johnny Tax Auditor."
With "Graduate School(tm): The Game" you can experience all the fun and
realism of grad school in the comfort of your own home. Every nuance of
the real grad-student experience is reproduced in this game.
The game takes you through the whole process:
- - Application
- - Acceptance
- - Classwork
- - Research
- - Data Analysis
- - Psychoanalysis
- - Boring lectures
- - Confusing lectures
- - Incomprehensible lectures
- - Depression
- - Social Isolation
- - Job Hunting
- - And so much more!
Invite your friends over for years of wholesome fun. Check out these
great features of "Graduate School(tm): The Game:"
* Choose Your Own Character
Assume the personality of one of these typical grad-school denizens:
- - Fred: the naive first-year
- - Harold: the overwhelmed and under-funded RA
- - Laura: the disgruntled TA
- - Jacques: the exploited international student
- - Backstabbing Caroline: the political opportunist
- - And many, many more...
* Confront a Wide Array of Interesting Opponents
Throughout your quest you will encounter educational icons who receive
great joy at your misfortune...in fact they are a major cause of this
misfortune:
- - Administress: The evil secretary with her dreaded red tape.
- - Professor Rewrite: If he gets on your committee, you're doomed!
- - Ronny: The smelly undergrad RA who scares all your subjects away.
- - Partytime Pamela: Invites you to time-wasting parties every other night.
- - Professor Touchy-Feely: A sexual harassment case waiting to happen.
- - Rod Starr: Ridiculously motivated grad student makes you look bad by completing his advanced degree in 12 days.
- - Susan Stickyfingers: Your kleptomaniac office-mate.
- - Along with dozens of others!
* Real Life Challenges
Pick a Setback Card and see what fun adventures await you:
- - Join a Committee (pace of research slows by 50 percent)
- - Videogame Attack (lose 12 turns playing Doom II)
- - One More Analysis (repeat all previous analyses)
- - Dissertation Scooped! (go back to "new candidate" status)
- - Get Drunk at a Conference (spin the Faculty Insult Wheel for your penalty)
- - Advisor Retires/Moves/Changes Interest (start over)
- - Car Towed (sell your stereo to get it out of hock, lose motivation)
* Different Ways to Finish!
Most games are boring, with one winner and a bunch of losers. Not so
with "Graduate School(tm): The Game"! There *are* no winners in grad
school, only survivors and failures. Your goal is to be a
survivor, which means different things to different people. "Graduate
School(tm): The Game: offers a wide range of ways to survive:
- - Go To Law School (successfully escape)
- - Marry Rich (don't worry anymore)
- - Find God (science is for fools)
- - Family (change your priorities)
- - Capitalize on one of your ideas and make millions (ah, engineering)
- - Graduate (???)
"Graduate School(tm): The Game" -- Look for it in today at a store near
you!