Initial Vegetable:
In the Beginning Vegan created the Earth and all the universe. "Let there be Vegetables," spake Vegan unto the darkness and it was so. And pumpkin begat squash and squash begat lima bean and lima bean begat lettuce leaf. And all was Vegan safe.
"Let there be humans to partake of the Earth's bounties," spake Vegan from high utop Potato Mountain and unto the Earth were born all human kind and many a feast were held in honor of Vegan and her plentiful produce.

Princess Tomato in Salad Kingdom:
And soon after did slither forward the tomato unto the kingdom in the guise of vegetable in order to better gain the trust of Vegan's people. But Vegan did recognize the tomato, in all of its evil doing, as a fruit and did smite the tomato in such a manner as to give it a slimy, repulsive entrail and unappealing flavor. And the humans did loath the tomato fruit from that day forward, banishing it from all recipes save pasta sauce and the occasional cursed salad which was meant only for enemies.

Beef a la Evil Beast:
And the humans did cultivate the Earth and create new and fun ways to eat of the bountiful supply of fresh produce given unto them by Vegan. And they did invent tofu. And pleased was Vegan. But soon did draw near Beelzibeef from the dark, vegetableless void. And he did poison the minds of Vegan's people telling them such falsehoods as to be sins of irrevocable nature in the eyes of Vegan. He did speak unto them that their tofu was naught but zombie pudding and they did believe him because he was very approachable and well dressed. And he did lead them astray from the vegetable path set forward by Vegan offering them articles of blasphemy such as roast mutton and spicy sausage links. And the people did feast upon these articles with great fervor and delight, defying Vegan and all that she had created. But lo, soon the sinful meat products supplied by Beelzibeef would not quench the blood lust of Vegan's people and they began to feast upon each other. And brother did attempt to broil brother. And father did attempt to dine upon son. And all was chaotic.

Taking back Turnip Town:
But Vegan did send a queen unto her people to rule over them that she might give them guidance and lead them out of the meaty temptations supplied by Beelzibeef. And this queen was called Kaela. And Kaela was born of the flesh of Vegan. And with great fury and terrible wrath in her heart Kaela did banish Beelzibeef from the land of Vegan. And Kaela did reign in in peace for many years over Vegan's people in hallowed vegetable nutrition.

Mucho thanks to Dave for translating that wonderful document!

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