Alias
By Carol aka Catfish
Part of the Secret Agent Man series
Submitted
as a non-voting entry for the Not too Hidden Assets contest
“You’ve
got to be kidding,” Lee Crane, in his civies, held up the two swimsuits in Admiral
Beckwith’s Washington office.
“No,
Commander. These are your and Jackson’s uniforms, at least for the times you’ll
be assigned pool duty. As team leader, you have first choice between the blue
green or the red orange.”
“Why
can’t I just use my NIMR trunks?”
“I
realize you may be uncomfortable with this ONI assignment, but the ‘Pacific
Princess’ prides itself on having a festive atmosphere. Black is not festive.
Besides, your objective may just depend on your ability to attract the prime
suspect with your not so hidden assets, so
to speak. Of course, if you want to
decline this mission…”
“I’ve
only declined one assignment this past year. I’m not going to add to that number now, but
good grief man, a pouch?”
“Cut
the crap, Crane. You know the drill. Using whatever means you have at your disposal
hasn’t bothered you before. Now, if I may continue this briefing…stop laughing
Jackson; I didn’t mean that as a pun. Now, Captain Stubbing believes you two
were hired by the cruise line as part of a trial job sharing program. The
cruise line is being very cooperative with us but expects you two to tow the
line as employees. You’ll be considered staff aboard the Princess, not crew, so
you can easily fraternize with the passengers without a problem. Your ‘official’
objective is to
make the passengers happy they spent all that money. There may be some rules
about taking things too far, however, so you’ll have to be discrete if you need
to. You’ll also have the freedom to decide when to switch jobs with each other,
even in the middle of a shift. They don’t call them watches on the Princess,
except for the bridge officers. It will probably be quite a refreshing change.
Especially when you switch jobs with each other from bartending to pool boy…”
“Pool
Master, there’s a difference,”
Jackson interrupted.
“Semantics.
Now, if I may continue? Good. Your monikers are Lee Black and Joseph Glenn. And
as far as Nelson knows, Crane’s in Minnesota, painting your granny’s farmhouse
and milking cows; presumably in an effort
to get away from that estranged girlfriend of his…what…what’s wrong
now?”
“They
kind of got together again,” Jackson pursed his lips, “and if she finds out he
went off on a cruise without her…”
“Well,
that’s just dandy! I would appreciate
it, Mr. Crane, if you’d keep us up to date!”
“My
personal life is none of your business.”
“As
an ONI field agent, even the toothpaste and tires you use is our business!”
Beckwith rose, his hands on the desk, looming forward, “do you have any idea what an irate
girlfriend could do to blow your cover?”
“She
only knows I was recalled to Reserve duty during my leave from NIMR and that my
orders were unclear at the time. She’ll be fine.”
“C’mon,
Lee,” Joe said, “I heard that she was crying all the way down to the water
cooler.”
“And
that’s all you heard, water cooler
gossip. She’s used to me having to go away. She was fine about it with me.”
“She’d
better be,” Beckwith sighed, “I don’t need a lover’s quarrel to distract you
from your real mission. Which is simply,” he handed the men a dossier, “to discover just who this ‘Yvette’ really is,
and if she’s the spy that Intel suspects she is. Sorry, no one’s managed to
find a picture or description. We’re also not sure if that’s her name, or if
she’s a simple courier or a bone fide spy on assignment. If she’s up to no good, stop
her. Any questions?”
“Why
was I selected really?” Lee asked.
“There are plenty of other agents.”
“Certainly
there are. But, between you, me, and deep blue sea, we want you involved in this particular mission,
Mr. Crane, because you’re prettier than the rest of them, satisfied?”
“You
want me because of my looks?” Crane
asked, irritated, “I thought you had a better opinion of my skills, sir.”
“You
know damn well that we believe you’re one of the top agents we have. Gawd,
you’ve told us that yourself enough! But we’re not sure what we’re dealing with
here, so I need an agent who can wow the most frigid of women. And yes, if
using bedroom skills are warranted to accomplish the mission, your orders are
to use them. One last thing before you go. Make sure you don’t forget to stop
by the ship’s sickbay before the ‘Princess’ gets underway.”
“Sickbay?”
“You’ll
request Cyclizine shots.”
“Huh?”
“Lee,
Lee, Lee,” Joe patted his arm, “it’s the latest in combatting seasickness. I
don’t know about you, but I still start puking
the moment I step aboard any kind of surface ship. Don’t you remember how miserable you were aboard that flattop after
your last SEAL assignment?”
“Can’t
I just take some Dramamine?” Lee pouted, “ I mean…sickbay….”
“Sickbay,”
Beckwith ordered. “Jackson, as you’ve probably already guessed, I’ve assigned
you as backup, but it’s also your job to make sure Crane comes back in one
piece. If he doesn’t, Nelson won’t let me hear the end of it. I’m getting very
tired of his pressuring me to release your bud from active status with us. Do you know how many sets of earplugs I’ve
gone through? Crane, you really need to have a little talk with Harry about his
interference. Now, back to business, your clothing for this assignment has
already been selected, packed and is waiting downstairs, except these,” he put
the swimsuits into a plastic bag and handed them to Jackson. “Your special gear’s been modified to escape
detection by the latest security electronics, radar, and visual inspection. You’ll
take a cab to the airport. Here’s the fare,” he handed Crane a wad of cash. “Divide
it up unequally between yourselves so
you can argue, loudly, about who’s paying more for what. When you get
to the airport, be sure to act aggravated by the lines, and possible delays. Here are your boarding passes. You’re flying coach to San Diego, with
connecting flights in Atlanta and Dallas. Share the complimentary bags of
peanuts if the airlines still have them. No in-flight meals. You’re down to
your last dimes as far as anyone can see.”
“Gee,
thanks,” Lee muttered, “with those travel arrangements we won’t have to act aggravated
at all.”
“Good
luck Commanders. Make me proud.”
“Sir,”
both replied in unison as they departed the office and headed to the
elevator.
Little
did they know that by a simple push of a button, Beckwith had a bird’s eye and
ear view of them.
“Well,
I think you ought to choose the red suit, bro,” Jackson waved the clear bag in
front of him, “It’s the color of love… and you like red anyway.”
“I
like red for the minisub and my car, maybe a plaid shirt, yes, but on me, er…down there, it will just
emphasize things.”
“But
that’s the general idea, isn’t it?” Joe grinned and punched Lee’s shoulder a
couple of times.
“Do
you really want me to toss you overboard, Mister?”
“Okay
okay, Commander; you get the blue.
Cheech. Well, I wish the old man at least had a photo of this spy. No last name
or anything. You know, if we find her, you can always slip her a mickey if you
don’t want to go all the way. Of course, if she’s pretty, think of it as a
perk. I have some Trojans* in my kit. I’m sure you wouldn’t want you to make a
second trip to sickbay for one.”
“Perk?
Hardly. Any bedroom antics would be a sure fire way to get myself tossed out of
Lola’s life forever if she finds out.”
“Look, Lee. Take some advice. That girl’s not
right for you. Everybody knows it. She’s begun to treat you like a trophy , so, why not live
a little, Mr. ‘not so hidden assets’.”
“Very
funny. You remember the correct PH and Chlorine numbers for pool maintenance?”
“You
forget I have a swimming pool of my own. I’d sure hate to be called up to
Captain Stubbing’s bridge for turning his passengers’ hair green…do you remember the
water aerobics routines?”
“Down
to the last lunge and hop. Hardly a
workout if you ask me. At least I get to teach snorkeling too. You remember the
latest in mixing cocktails?”
“Yeah
but I don’t know how you’re going to pull
it off when you have the duty. Your only real
experience with tending bar is twisting off the cap and pouring out the
whiskey for your boss.”
“That’s
not true. I make a mean Martini. Besides, I just so happen to have a Mixology Certificate
from the Culinary and Hospitality Dept. at Daytona State, so there.”
“Well,
excuuuse me, Lee! I’m almost afraid to
ask.”
“The
last time Seaview was offshore Daytona Beach,
Agent Catfish talked me into joining her for the weekend.”
“Ooh
la lah…”
“To
join her in a non-credit course in
mixology! There’s no romance involved. Yeech, it would be like coming on to
your grandmother! For two days I learned how to shake, rattle, and roll, a
mixing tumbler that is. And I really learned something about combining flavors
and what alcohol’s all about. Cat, on the other hand, just giggled a lot.”
“Well,
to change the subject, this elevator’s slower than before. I’m taking the
stairs. You should too. Your abs are starting to lose some of their definition,
though they’re still okay I guess. Must be all of Lola’s homemade brownies…”
“More
like Cookie’s lasagna…wait up, I’ll race you.”
****
Memo
From Adm.
Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Lee Crane’s
Not So Hidden Assets
Agents Crane and
Jackson will determine if our suspicions are correct about ‘Yvette’. Crane has
orders to use whatever assets he has at his disposal.
From Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
To Adm. Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
Re: Lee Crane
I’m beginning to
have doubts about this assignment. We’re not all that sure that this ‘Yvette’
is a spy or will even be aboard. In addition, the location for this undercover
operation is in question. You realize, don’t you, that the ‘Pacific Princess’
isn’t called the ‘Love Boat’ for nothing. Our boys may be too distracted by the proximity of
bikini clad lovelies to carry this one out.
From Adm.
Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Lee Crane
Bikini
clad lovelies? More likely turkey wattle and stretch marks. How many young
things do you think can afford a cruise like this? Especially during the fall. Most of the passengers will probably be over
50. Besides, an agent of Crane’s caliber
will have only one thing on his mind, to accomplish his mission. As for
Jackson, well, I’m sure Crane won’t allow him to compromise the mission by
drooling over any pretty girls that might just happen to be aboard.
As
agreed, they’ll work in tandem on the ‘Princess’ as Bartenders and Pool Boys,
which also entails instructing water aerobics and snorkeling. In fact, they’ll
also supervise snorkeling day excursions the ship has assigned in certain ports
of call.
By the way, Crane
practically begged me to let him use his NIMR issue trunks instead of their special
‘uniforms’. I’ve attached a photo of
said item.
From Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
To Adm. Beckwith
Director, ONI
Re:
Lee Crane
Festive
is one thing. Good god, man, it’s a pouch!
From Adm.
Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Lee Crane
We
did order him to use whatever means possible to accomplish his mission, didn’t
we? This style will assist in just that.
From Adm. Cartwright
To Adm. Beckwith
Re:
Lee Crane
Well,
it should make for an interesting assignment at least, that’s for sure. Keep me
posted.
***
“Well,”
Jackson adjusted his bow tie in their assigned cabin just below the water line, “according to this list I
got from the assistant purser; I had to convince him it could mean better tips
if I could memorize their names; there are two passengers actually called
Yvette aboard.”
“Oh
joy,” Lee gazed himself in the mirror at the blue green swimsuit he’d just pulled on, in despair.
“Won’t be that hard to figure out, bro. One’s
requested a handicapped cabin so she’s hardly likely.”
“That
doesn’t mean she can’t still be a spy.
In fact, could be to her advantage. You can check that one out.”
“Okay,
well, another’s listed as age 87.”
“That
one too. Either one could still be a
courier,” Lee pulled on his short terry (and official Pacific Princess) robe
and his flip flops.
“I
also found out from the ship’s updated cruise brochure that there’s some kind
of entertainer scheduled, ‘Yvette and her trained cats’.”
“Oh
swell,” Lee sighed, “ I can just see myself covered in scratches and iodine.
You should see me after Lola’s fur balls, as sweet as they are most of the
time, sometimes decide to use me as a scratching post. And we’re not even sure about
our Intel. What if there’s no Yvette after all?”
“Then
we enjoy a cruise on ONI’s payroll. It’s not you to be such a pessimist, Lee.
What’s wrong? We’re aboard a premier cruise ship with good food, sea air,
exotic, well, okay, at least some scenic
ports of call…why, it’s an adventure, man, worthy of the James Bond we all know
and love.”
“I’ve
never felt so…exposed, that’s what’s
wrong! And Lola’s going to kill me if
she finds out about me taking a cruise without her. Not to mention
Nelson, if he finds out I took on another assignment on the sly.”
“Cartwright’s
taken care of all of that. What makes you think either will find out?”
“Gut
feeling.”
“Speaking
of guts, you promised to save me some homemade cookies last time you were in
port. Getting forgetful in your old age? You know,” he smirked, “that could be a problem, getting too old
to get it up.”
“Mr.
Jackson, my last birthday did not make me a senior. I’m perfectly capable of any bedroom
activities that might be required. I just don’t relish the thought of it. ”
“Yeah,
sure…well, how do I look in this tux?”
“Like
a trained monkey. I wish we didn’t have
to report to the Cruise Director for the new hire orientation in
‘uniform’. What’s his
name anyway?”
“Her.
Miss Julie McCoy, it says here.”
“Julie
McCoy? Are you sure?”
“What’s
wrong Lee?” Joe grabbed his arm.
“Damn,
damn, damn!”
“Lee,
what is it?”
“Well,
if she’s the same Julie McCoy, I dated
her. Several years ago. To get to her
college roommate ….a suspected saboteur…only she thought I was Lee Delambre,
a two timing Casanova who dumped her.”
“Standard operating
procedure once the mission was accomplished.”
“Yes,
but she was a sweet little thing. If there hadn’t been such a big age difference... I might have
wanted to take it to the next level…”
“Be
glad you didn’t! You took Lola to the next
level as you call it, and she’s
turned from a sweet girl into a green eyed monster if you so much as glance at
another woman,” Joe snorted. “Wait! That’s why you can’t let go of Lola, isn’t it? I bet you feel morally
responsible for her since you…well,” he snorted, “made a real woman of her.”
“Would
you just drop the subject!”
“All
right, all right. C’mon, then, Mr. Secret Agent Man. We have a little while to
go get our shots and check out the boat before the orientation, so we don’t get
lost and shame ourselves as sailors later on.”
***
“Who
was that you just gave the Cyclizine
injection to, the dark one?” Dr. Adam Bricker asked Gregg Corel, his physician’s assistant, craning his neck from his Sickbay office.
“Says
here Lee Black. He and Joe Glenn are the
new Pool Masters and Assistant Bartenders. They think they might get seasick so
they wanted to prevent the possibility. Why?”
“I
only caught a glimpse,” Doc shook his head, “but Black looked just like someone
I knew in the Reserves. But I doubt a former SEAL would be working as a pool
boy. He’s a dead ringer for Lt. Golightly. Worst patient I ever had! Couldn’t even
get him to lie still long enough to examine him properly! Escaped when I wasn’t
looking. Completely disappeared. Rumor had it that he must have jumped
overboard and swum back to his sub to rejoin his team! And you know what? When
I needed to look up his record for some paperwork, there wasn’t any Lt. Lee
Golightly in the entire US Navy or Marine Corps! When I pursued it, I was told
to shut up and ignore it. Orders straight from the top…had to wonder if he was
some kind of secret agent…”
***
It
was one of the most boring employee orientations Lee had ever attended, and he
wondered if he, too, had come across as patronizing to his own staff and crew during
the NIMR’s orientations that he’d had to conduct himself.
There
had been a disconcerting moment at the beginning of the meeting when Miss McCoy
seemed to recognize him, but her quick perusal of the new employee list reassured
her that there was no Lee Delambre aboard and that this man was just a lookalike in a sea of new
faces.
“Remember,”
Julie concluded her orientation, “it’s imperative that you turn in your daily
reports on time. To recap, I don’t have to remind you that
theft of any materials, from the complimentary toiletries for the passengers
to the paper cocktail umbrellas is cause
for immediate dismissal. Believe me, it’s not a pleasant hike or bus trip from anywhere
in Mexico back to San Diego. Tips, of course, will be entirely your own and you
don’t have to report them. We have
about 45 minutes before the passengers begin boarding. I expect you to be at
your stations the moment the gangplank is opened. Any problems you encounter,
be it between staff or passengers, report to me personally. Do not take matters into your own hands.
Any questions? No? Good, well, then let’s adjourn. And welcome aboard. ”
As
the assemblage began to exit, she began
to brush past Lee without a glance.
Until she saw his ring. Pursing her lips she continued on her way.
“Uh oh…” Joe hissed as they left the now vacant auditorium. “She suspects.”
“How
could I forget about my ring? Delambre
wore it.”
“Well,
you’d better think of something, bro. And fast. ”
***
“As
you can see, Lee, may I call you Lee? My name’s Jim,” one of the deckhands
showed Crane the Lido Deck, and the supplies locker, “one of your duties as a
Pool Master will be not only to insure the chemical safety and clarity of the
water at scheduled times or as needed, but to make sure there are enough towels
for the guests at all times, and to see the used ones are collected and readied
for the laundry. Usually that’ll be about three times per shift. I’ll leave it
to you to tell your job partner all this. You know, I’d like to learn how to
snorkel. Maybe you can teach me when you’re off duty. I hear you’ll be taking
groups out into designated areas…”
“I’m
not sure I’ll have time…my schedule…”
“Yeah,
mine too, oh well…”
The
sound of a bell interrupted.
“That
means the stampede’s about to begin…one thing…you gotta’ use kid gloves with
some of these folks. Can be mighty picky, in my humble opinion…have a good
day…”
***
“Are
you sure, Gopher?” Julie asked the Yeoman Purser in
his office.
“Of course I’m sure. The background check on the new
hires we got from HQ proves it. From fingerprints to DNA, Black checks out. He’s definitely not your Lee
Delambre.”
“But the ring…”
“Look, Julie, unless he made it himself, it’s probably
one of millions out there. You’d have to be an artisan to make just one ring,
even if you had the know- how and the supplies.
”
“Okay, so I’m mistaken…it’s just that he looks so much
like him…even down to his eyes and the mole on his cheek, and the way he filled
his pouch… Oh god, I can’t believe I said that.”
“Julie, maybe you’d
better go take a cold shower or
something.”
***
“Well,
dear,” the plain, not quite senior spinster said to her grown nephew as they
unpacked in their suite, “it says here that they offer snorkeling lessons too.”
“What
about the sharks?”
“Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, I’m sure that the areas they’ve earmarked for us are completely
safe, and I wish you’d change your mind and come along. I know it unnerves you, but think about the ideas you
might get for your next book. It’s an adventure.”
“I’m
not sure, Auntiebet.”
“Well,
at least I know you’ll enjoy the ports of call and the sightseeing. It’s not often you actually get a real
vacation.”
“That’s
for sure. Tony nearly had a conniption that I was going on a cruise. He thinks
the ship’s loaded with college girls, but all I’ve seen are…er….ladies your
age.”
“I
beg your pardon. I’ve seen quite a few even older,” she chuckled.
“You
know, I don’t think he gets out as much as he claims…now, Gibbs, well, if he
were here, he’d join you for some snorkeling or even cave diving in a heartbeat,
if they offered it.”
“I’m
just glad you can get away from all that cloak and dagger stuff for a while.”
“It’s
not so much cloak and dagger, it’s pretty much just computer research.”
“So
you say. Well, the first aerobics class is soon. I don’t suppose you’d care to
join me? That is, if you don’t think
you’re too grown up and sophisticated to join your old wrinkled auntie.”
“Well,
okay,” Timothy McGee grinned. “See you at the pool.”
“It’s
on the Lido Deck wherever that is. I
think, though, I’d better go get one of those seasick shots first…..”
***
“I’ll
just watch your style,” Isaac Washington, Chief Bartender, told Joe, both behind one of the bar counters.
“Make me a Victor Bravo. You know what
it is don’t you?”
“Of
course I do…er…”
“Cheat
sheet’s under the counter…just don’t be too obvious if you need to use it.”
“I
assure you…”Joe retrieved the Vermouth, Brandy and Gin and shook the concoction
with ice, pouring it into a Martini glass and garnishing with a lemon wedge..
“Proof’s
in the pudding,” Issac took a sip. “Good job,” he dumped the rest of it down
the drain.“Holy cow!” Issac spied Crane, who was checking a plastic coated
ship’s floor plan near the exit, “
Jimmy! Jimmy Walker!” he called out and
raced over, “don’t you remember me?”
“I’m
sorry…you must have mistaken me for someone else, Mr.…er….”
“Washington…Issac
Washington…I’m sorry, you look just like someone who helped drag a girl out of
a very bad bar fight…Seattle…some years ago.”
“No
problem. I get mistaken for other people a lot. Guess I have that kind of
face…Lee Black,” Crane extended his hand, “new pool boy and assistant
bartender…”
“Oh,
yes, I’ve met your job sharing partner Joe. He’s already on duty, over there…I
can’t believe how much you’re a dead ringer for Johnny…”
“So
this guy’s name was really Johnny Walker*?
Lee grinned.
“Yeah,”
Issac laughed, “really. Look, when you’re
off duty, perhaps we can get together and I’ll tell you all about him.”
“I’d
like that. I don’t suppose you can tell
me how to get to the Lido Deck…I’m a bit lost,” Lee tried his best to look
confused. No one must ever find out that he really had been Washington’s ‘Johnny
Walker’ or that he and Joe had already memorized the ‘Princess’ down to her last nut and bolt.
“This
way…”
***
“I guess we’d better begin,” Lee said awhile
later as he eyed the two women and one man in the water aerobics class. “I’m
Lee Black. We’ll begin with the slower exercises and build up to the more
strenuous if you wish. Remember if you start to get tired you can stop. This
isn’t the Navy,” he laughed.
“Sorry
that Auntibet, er..that’s my aunt, is late,” McGee said, eyeing Lee strangely.
“Well,
I’m sure we can catch her up later.”
“What’s your name again, sonny?” one of the elderly ladies
asked Lee as they followed his lead in marching in place.
“Lee.
That’s it, now a bit faster if you want…start moving your arms, careful not to
actually swim. What’s your name, ma’am?”
“Alice,
sweetie.”
“Glad
to meet you Alice Sweetie,” he joked as the women giggled.
“Anyone
tell you that you’re a real cutie?”
Alice asked.
“Er…thanks…”Lee
flushed.
“And
I’m Mrs. Tolbert,” the other lady said. “But you can call me Mary, sugar.”
“Mary
Sugar and Alice Sweetie…those are real nice names. And you sir?”
“Tim.
Timothy McGee.”
Lee
paled.
“Are
you okay?”
“I’m…fine…Let’s
continue…”
This is just
great,
Lee told himself, First I find out Julie
and Issac are here, now one of Chip’s NCIS buddies…hope he won’t be able to put
two and two together.
***
“I’ve
never been so humiliated,” Lee pulled off the wet swimsuit and headed to the
shower to rinse off the scent of chlorine from the last couple of hours. “I swear
those old broads were ogling me. And….”he hesitated.
“Go
on bro, we’re in this together,” Joe discarded his tux and pulled on his own pouch.
“Well,
remember me telling you about Chip’s NCIS buddy? He’s here. At least I think
so. Same name, at least. Not sure though, cause I’ve never seen him…here with
his aunt, but she didn’t show up for class.”
“Well,
that’s just swell…is there anyone on this ship you don’t know? I mean, Julie,
then Issac, now what’s his name, oh yeah, McGee…”
“Occupational
hazard, okay?”
“Okay,
okay...brrr. It’s chilly in this thing.”
“Don’t
worry. The old ladies will warm you up…”
“If
any of them show, that is. There’s a Bingo game scheduled.”
***
“What
will it be, Miss McCoy?’ Lee asked, freshly garbed in a white double breasted
jacket with gold buttons, red carnation
boutonniere, and black slacks, socks, and shiny patent leather shoes.
“A virgin Margarita. Don’t worry; it’s not a
test.”
Lee
prepared the drink expertly and slid it toward her.
“Your
ID number?” he scanned the clipboard for employee purchases making sure his
ring was in full view.
“552244.”
“Thank
you…ow…”he twisted his ring… “I should have known better than to listen to
Lee.”
“Lee?”
“Lee
Delambre…we went through high school together…they used to call us the twins…still, who knows…though you’re not
supposed to think of that sort of the thing about your mother,” he chuckled, “besides,
we’re all supposed to have a double someplace,” he spread his arms. “Anyway,
Delambre talked me into buying his ring
a couple of years ago, he needed the money, some sort of gambling debt. What
could I do? And it’s nice enough, but it tends to pinch. He was right about it being a good luck charm
though. Certainly charms most of the ladies aboard that I’ve met so far,” Lee
flashed her one of his more intoxicating smiles.
“Oh,”
she flushed in response, then got down to business, “How do you think you’ll
like the job sharing?”
“Well,
it’ll mean smelling like chlorine, and showering several times a day and night,
but I’m looking forward the snorkeling, especially when we reach Acapulco. Do
you know how to snorkel?”
“No,
but I think I’d like to learn…”
***
“But
I’m telling you, Boss,” Tim called from the phone in his cabin, “it has to be Commander Crane…no, I’ve never
met him, but I’ve seen him in pictures with Chip often enough. So, why’s the
Captain of the Seaview posing as a cruise line employee? Yes, I know it’s none
of my business, but Chip, well, kind of insinuated that Crane does covert ops
sometimes… keep out of it? But…yeah Boss…but…”he hung up the phone after Gibbs
had cut the call, “Gee, thanks,” he muttered.
“Timmy,
what are you still doing here?” Betty Harmon entered the suite, “I’d have thought you’d be relaxing in a deck
chair, or hitting the slot machines.”
“Aerobics
class lasted longer than planned. The old bid…the ladies kind of demanded
personalized instruction from the instructor. Is everything okay? You never
showed up.”
“Long line for the shot. By the time I got mine,
well, I didn’t think going to the class for just a few minutes would be worth
it. So, he’s a good instructor?”
“Let’s
just say he knows how to bring the best out of his pupils. The next aerobics
class this afternoon has a different teacher. But Black’s doing another later
tonight, followed by those snorkeling lessons you want.”
***
“You
seem distracted, Julie,” Doc Bricker squeezed a bit of lemon in his ice water some hours later as they waited for the chosen
passengers to join them for dinner at the Captain’s table.
“She’s
been distracted ever since she got a look at our new pool boy,” Gopher smirked,
“ reminds her of an ex- boyfriend.”
“The
term, as you well know,” Julie said, “ is Pool Master. And in his case he’s
also an Assistant Bartender. And he only looks like Lee Delambre.”
“Ouch,”
Doc said, “I’ve sure heard about him.”
“Well,
this Lee’s nice. Completely honest.”
“Julie,”
Doc said, “I don’t mean to interfere, but you only just met him…looks can be
deceiving. Has he asked you out?”
“Give
him a chance. He’s been busy…oh, there he is…”Julie pointed.
“Prince
Charming lives,” Gopher said of the still tuxedo clad man who was checking
something on his clipboard by the galley doors.
“Good
evening,” McGee approached before anyone could comment, “I’m Timothy McGee and
this is my Aunt, Miss Betty Harmon. Is this Captain’s table?”
“Indeed
it is, “a man in spotless white uniform appeared, pulling out a chair for the
lady, “I’m Captain Meryl Stubbing. Welcome aboard.”
“Will
Lee be joining us?” Betty asked, nodding in Crane’s direction.
“You’ve
already met Mr. Black, Auntibet?” Tim asked.
“Mr.
Black?” she whispered, confused, then, “ um, excuse me, I just remembered I forgot my insulin…Tim, be
a dear and help me back to the suite…”
“No
need, sir. I can assist her,” Bricker said.
“No
dear, I’d rather Timmy helped.”
“Right
away, Auntiebet,” McGee said quickly. He knew dam well she didn’t use insulin. And
when had she had a chance to see the guy yet? Something was wrong. “Please
excuse us, Captain…we’ll be back shortly.”
“Of
course, “Stubbing rose along with Gopher and Doc as their guests left.
“That
is becoming a weird cruise and we’ve hardly been underway, ” Doc Bricker sighed,
“I’m a doctor and she turns down my assistance flat. Not to mention that Black
not only looks like Delambre but also a Navy SEAL I treated once. Or at least tried
to.”
“I’ve
had people tell me that I look like some actor on a TV show,” the Captain said.
“There are all sorts of look alikes. But it’s rare that they all show up at the
same place at the same time.”
“Yeah,”
Gopher said, “and Black’s credentials check out. Nothing of any interest except a couple of speeding
tickets and an allergy to Penicillin.”
“Lt.
Golightly was allergic to that too,” Doc said, furrowing his brows.
“Just
unusual coincidences, that’s all, ”
Stubbing said. “Still, perhaps we should keep an eye on him…there are ways to
fake credentials…by the way, where’s Issac?”
“Something
about stores,” Gopher said… “maybe that’s what Black is checking for him. I
think it was a problem with the Vodka not meeting Yvette’s standards.”
“Yvette?
I don’t recall…”
“Substitute
performer we picked up in Diego,” Julie said. “Yvette and her trained cats…”
“Of
course, now I remember. How are the cats holding up?” Stubbing asked.
“No
complaints so far,” Gopher said, “but then I haven’t actually met them.”
“Well,
check on them before her performance. I don’t like the idea of them puking
hairballs on stage or prowling about no sooner than her back is turned…”
***
“Okay,
Antiebet,” McGee asked as soon as they’d returned to their cabin, “let’s hear
it.”
“Lee.
He’s not Lee Black. He’s Lee Crane.
Commander Lee Crane, Captain of the
Seaview. We…well, let’s just say he got into a little trouble in Venice and I
helped him out…it’s a long story…you’re not
surprised it’s him,” she raised an eyebrow at the revelation .
“Not
exactly,” Tim sighed, “I thought he looked familiar from the pictures I’ve
seen, that he’s Chip’s CO. Are you sure, Auntie? I mean, really sure it’s him? Not a doppelganger…that means…”
“I
know what it means, Tim dear. And yes, I’m sure. Now, if he’s using an alias,
then the government has to be involved and we don’t dare expose him.”
“So,
just what kind of trouble did he get into in Venice?”
“Later,
sweetie. We’ve got to get back to the Captain’s table. We don’t want tongues to
wag about unappreciative guests.”
“Okay,
but if Crane needs help to accomplish whatever he’s up to, orders or no orders,
then we…”
“Then
we’ll just butt in anyway, that what you mean? Okay by me, ” she grinned.
***
“What’s
wrong, Harry?” Admiral Jiggs Starke asked as he downed the last of his whiskey over
dinner in Nelson’s Spartan apartment ‘above the shop’, “you’ve been a bit out
of sorts all day. I hope I haven’t outstayed my welcome.”
“Sorry.
I just can’t help wondering how well Lee’s been doing, milking cows.”
“Milking cows?”
“With
your aide in Minnesota.”
“My aide?
Joe Jackson?”
“That’s
what Lee told me. That he was off to help Joe’s grandmother on her farm.”
“Harry,”
Starke paused, “Jackson doesn’t have any grandparents, at least not on
this side of Heaven.”
“I
suppose he doesn’t have any other relatives by the same name in Minnesota
either.”
“None
that I know of. Kansas boy, born and bred.”
“I
think,” Nelson gulped down his drink,” I’ve been had…what?”
“Harriman,
”Starke paused, “ I don’t mean to be unkind but…perhaps Crane just wanted to
get away from big brother for a while;
you do tend to hover, you know.”
“If
he felt like that, why didn’t he just come out and tell me?”
“Probably
didn’t want to hurt your feelings. The boy likes you, Harry. A lot. Why, of course, is anyone’s guess,” Starke
snorted with a grin. “But then, maybe it’s some kind of adopt a grandparent or something in
Minnesota and the name’s the same. I know both our boys do a lot of volunteer
work with various agencies.”
“Maybe,
but I think I’d like to check this out.”
“Well,
be careful, my friend. Crane will have a fit if he finds out.”
“Well,
I’ll have a bigger one if I find out he’s traipsing off on some kind of
clandestine assignment again.”
“He’s still with ONI? I thought you settled all that.”
“Not
to my satisfaction. They can still call him up without informing me until after the fact. But they did agree to
cut down the number of assignments. And I told Lee again that I was unhappy about him keeping that part of his life so
private…he can tell me when he’s
going undercover, you know…I do have the security…”
“Cut
him some slack. You don’t own the boy. Can’t he do as he wishes when he’s off
your leash?”
“Humph.”
“You
know, I suddenly remembered that I need to call ComSubPac…check on the duty
roster,” Starke smiled. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. Jackson may be Lee’s
buddy, but he’s also an Admiral’s aide, and I’m the biggest bad ass Admiral in
the fleet,” he chuckled. “He’ll tell me all he knows, never fear.”
***
“Well,
about time, Mr. Washington,” Captain Stubbing chided the chief bartender as he
joined the group at the Captain’s table. “So, how are your newbies doing?”
“Glenn’s
more than adequate, and Black’s even better. Both up to date on all the latest
in mixing drinks. In fact, when Black heard that one of our entertainers
complained about the Vodka, he volunteered to go backstage and fix Yvette a
special drink for after her show, even though he’ll be off
duty, ”he paused.
“Uh
oh,” Gopher said, “out with it.”
“It’s
weird, but…would you believe that at first I thought Black was Johnny Walker?
Don’t laugh, it was the guy’s name, some years ago and…why’s everyone shaking
their heads?”
“Not
now,” Stubbing said, “our guests are returning…”
***
“About time,” Starke huffed on the speaker
phone, then under his breath, “never should have switched to civilian operators
at ComSubPac,” then returned to the matter at hand, “ Well, go on.”
“It
says Jackson’s on Reserve Duty.”
“And just when did that happen?” Starke complained.
“Doesn’t
say.”
“It
has to. The whole thing’s computerized, isn’t it? You do know how to operate the damn thing properly, don’t you?”
“Does
it say where he is?” Nelson intervened gently.
“No,
but there’s some kind of code number next to his name.”
“Code
number? Code number?” Starke yelled…
“May
we have that number, my dear? Nelson asked.
“Well,
at least you’re a gentleman…it says
007-2.”
“Does
that mean anything to you, Jiggs?” Nelson asked.
“How
the hell should I know what it means? Jackson took care of all those pesky computer
details… Operator, put in a request to the Navy Reserve to recall him. Have him
report to me at NIMR. You do know how
to do that don’t you?”
“Right
away.”
***
“And
that’s it,” Lee explained the nuances of how to snorkel to his 9 PM evening class. This time the lighted
pool was crowded, primarily with ladies of questionable ages desiring to gaze
at the ‘pool god’ they’d heard about.
“Now,
remember, don’t bite the mouthpiece, just rest your teeth in it or you’re
liable to get a really sore jaw. Any questions before we stick our heads in the
water?”
“Yes,”
one of the younger women (in her mid to late 60’s) raised her hand, “ you
married?”
“No.”
“You
want to be?” another of indeterminate age giggled.
“Ladies,
I’m flattered, but…oh, hello Mr. McGee, will your aunt be joining us tonight?”
“I’m
sorry, no, something’s come up, ” he looked around. They were the only two men
on deck.
“Okay,
now, let’s begin….”
***
“As
we’ve already explained, Miss Harmon,” the NIMR operator told her over the phone
in her cabin, “Admiral Nelson is unavailable. We’ll be glad to take a message.”
“But
it’s vital that I speak with him…a matter of national security….”
“National
Security? One moment.”
“No!
Don’t transfer me to…”
“Homeland
Security.”
“Oh
good grief! I wanted Admiral Nelson.”
“There’s
no Admiral Nelson here. Why don’t you try the Navy.”
“He
isn’t Navy! Well, not exactly. He owns
Seaview. It’s urgent I speak to him!”
“One
moment please..”
“No..don’t
transfer me to…”
“NIMR.
What may I help you with?”
“Look,
I know you’re only doing your job…but…”
“Oh
gawd, not her again…”the operator said under her breath.
“Oh
gawd, yes! And you transferred me to Homeland Security and they transferred me
right back to you but never mind that now. Isn’t there anyone there I speak to? The…oh what do they call it …the Officer
of the Deck?”
“That
term’s only used aboard Seaview…”
“Well,
put me through to it then.”
“Seaview
is in dry-dock…and the submarine is referred to as a ‘she’.”
“Don’t
get snippy with me, Missy. Get me one of her officers, then. Surely there are
few roaming around!”
“I’m
sorry, but almost all officers and crew have been released for shore leave…”
“Anyone
then, it’s about Captain Crane.”
“Captain Crane? Why didn’t you say so?”
There
a few clickity clicks, then an anxious voice answered.
“Jamison…where
is he? Does he need an ambulance? A Tetanus shot? What’s your nearest medical
facility…what…”
“Captain
Crane’s not hurt, you idiot! I need to talk to Admiral Nelson about something
regarding him. Nobody will put me through!”
“Well,
I’m not sure I can, but I can see
you’re distressed…can’t you tell me this ‘something’, Mrs…er…”
“Harmon.
Betty Harmon…and it’s Miss.”
“Betty Harmon? The same Miss Harmon who
helped us out in Venice?”
“The
same…I’m afraid I don’t remember your name.”
“You
probably only knew me as Doc.”
“Oh,
of course. Well, at least that explains
about the ambulance…please…something’s going on…I need to know what to do if he
gets into trouble again…he doesn’t know I’m here…but I want to be ready.”
“Where’s
‘here’?
“The
Love Boat.”
***
“Lee?”
Joe asked as Crane was changing into his jeans and pullover after his shower. “You
sure you know how to make that drink?”
“Yes
mother hen…what’s that?” he indicated Joe’s laptop.
“One
of the more popular social media sites…”
“Ohmygod! That’s me! In…in…”
“In
your pool uniform I believe, is the correct term…”
“You
mean those pictures of me are out there?” Lee waved his arms.
“C’mon
Lee, you should be familiar enough with cyberspace by now.”
“Well,
I don’t have to like it.”
“Up
to 1500 hits so far…that means…”
“I
know what it means! Did you post
that picture?” he glared.
“You
know me better than that. But don’t get all hot and bothered. This shipboard
net might be just the ticket to draw out
the real Yvette if the one with the trained
cats isn’t her. It was negative on the other two…”
“Then
that picture’s just on the ship…”Lee said, relieved.
“No,
bro. This is the shipboard website, but it’s
also available ‘out there’ to anyone who uses the keywords to get to it….”
“Well,
that’s just great. If Lola sees that…she’ll know
it’s me…”
“Okay,
then, you’re screwed. Actually, that’s not quite right. You won’t be able to screw when you get back, will you…”
“Joe!”
“Okay
okay…we’re to use all the resources at our command, aren’t we? You got your
allergy pills with you? You don’t know what kind of cats Yvette has…”
“Like
I told you, I’m not allergic to cats! I’m allergic to the flea dip Lola uses on
them. Now, where’ s that bottle of vodka and the cranberry juice Issac loaned
me…”
***
“You
know, Harry,” Starke frowned the next morning in Nelson’ s office, “you really
need to stock up on something more substantial than Pop Tarts.”
“I
like them, okay?” the man in question tossed the paper plate into the trash and
dragged a hand through his hair. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep and he
didn’t need this right now.
“I’m
sorry Jiggs…I just can’t help feeling that Lee’s in trouble…”
“Good
god, man, keep him on a leash this tight and you could lose him
altogether…better for the Navy of course, still….”
“I
thought you were as concerned about him as I.”
“I’m
concerned that he lied to you and…”
“Commander
Jackson to see Admiral Starke,” Angie’s voice came over the intercom.
“Well,
about time,” Starke opened the door to reception and stopped dead in his tracks.
“Sir!” the female officer snapped to
attention, “ Lt. Cmdr. Jackson reporting as ordered, sir!”
“But…but…you’re
a girl!”
“There
seems to have been some kind of mix up,” Nelson emerged and extended his hand,
“Admiral Harriman Nelson, and the rude bear impersonating the Commander of Submarine’s
Pacific is Admiral Jiggs Starke.”
“Sirs.”
“We
were expecting Lt. Commander Joe
Jackson,” Starke said.
“I
thought my orders here were too good to be true,” she sighed, “ My name’s
JoEllen. I guess headquarters got our names mixed up. And I was so looking
forward to seeing Seaview…and Captain Crane.”
“Oh,”
Nelson grinned, “you know Lee?”
“I
wish…er…I mean, no sir. But I’ve
heard plenty about him, and I’ve seen his picture…um…I am wondering though, sir,
if it’s not too personal, I mean, there’s been talk. Does he really have a lover?”
“Not
any longer, he doesn’t!” Lola stormed in, “and you’re welcome to the two timing, double
crossing…”
“Not
here, Lola,” Angie, behind her, took her arm.
“A
moment, Angie… Miss Hale, what’s this all about?” Nelson asked.
“Lee’s
not on Reserve duty! He…he’s on the
Love Boat!” she answered in tears.
“The ‘Pacific Princess’,” Angie explained. “
Tish was surfing the net for a fun getaway, typed in a few keywords and…well…I
guess you’d better see for yourself…
she hurried to her desktop computer and brought up a page.
“Ohmygod,”
Nelson said as the picture of Lee on the pool deck, in ‘uniform’ popped up.
“Oh
yeah,” JoEllen said appreciatively.
“Watch
it, sister,” Lola said.
“I
thought you said you were through with him.”
“Not
until I tell him to go jump in a lake! Then
he’s all yours!”
“Have
you read any of these…er…”Nelson tried to remember the word.
“Posts,” Angie said, “not yet, sir…let’s
see…wha….oh….Lola, hon…this is Lee Black…”
“Lee
Black?” Starke stared, “good god, could
be his twin. Well, they do say everyone has a double someplace.”
“Do
women really say these things?”
Nelson asked, reading the posts, dumbfounded and embarrassed.
“Let
me see that picture again….”Lola hovered over Angie and enlarged it, “why that…I
don’t care what it says. It’s Lee, all
right, unless this Lee Black got the same
hickey I gave him somehow!”
“Miss
Hale,” Nelson said, “please wait for me in my office. Angie, would you please
show the Commander to the visitor’s quarters until we can make arrangements to
transport her back to..er…”
“Washington,
sir,” Jackson snapped to.
“Yes,
Washington. Maybe some breakfast at the cafeteria first. I know how I feel
after a long flight. Come along Jiggs…this may involve you…” Nelson headed to
his office, leaving behind a bewildered Angie and JoEllen.
***
“C’mon
Lee, wake up,” Joe nudged Crane. He hadn’t heard Lee come in overnight, and
wondered if he’d ‘gone all the way’ to discover if this Yvette was their spy.
“Go
away…” Lee responded groggily.
“Don’t
you have class or something?”
“
Can’t you take it?” he looked up blearily, “I don’t think I can stand any more
old biddies ogling me…”
“It
was only one day…how much did you drink last night, bro?”
“Had
to test the concoction didn’t I? You won’t believe this,” he giggled, “ but the
cats are robots.”
“Robots?”
“Yeah,
only they meow, purr, stretch, leap, and everything, even motion detectors.
Yvette has a remote control on her earing that she presses…showed me how it
works.”
“I’m
not interested in the damn cats,” Joe sat on the edge of Lee’s bed. “Is she our
spy?”
“She’s
more statuesque in person than on stage…voice is a little husky but…”
“Answer
the question. Is she our girl?”
“Hope
not,” Lee sighed, swinging his legs over
the side of the bed. “I kind of like her….made a date with her for tonight.
Don’t look at me like that…it’s so I can finish bugging her cabin. Wasn’t able
to complete the job last night. There was a cigar still smoking in an ash tray,
so I knew she was expecting someone. Didn’t keep her from accepting the date,
however,” he winked. “Would you believe it, she wouldn’t hear of a midnight
swim. Hates the water…I guess she has a phobia…Joe, I think I like her. Even if she’s not my usual type. Good kisser too.” Lee stood up and just as quickly sat down and
winced, placing his head in his hands, “I
don’t suppose I can call in sick?”
“I
don’t think hangovers qualify. Besides, you have to get the ship’s sawbones’
approval to take off work for any reason. You know better than to let yourself
get soused undercover.”
“Don’t
scold Joe; it wasn’t the whole bottle, I swear. I had to have a couple of
drinks, though, to gain her confidence.”
“To
get her believe that you’re a drunk?”
“No.
To get her to think that I don’t have any self– control; that I’m harmless.
Reduce any suspicion that I’m investigating her. You know, she actually called the
Assistant Purser, whatshisname, oh yeah, Gopher, to return me to my cabin and pour me into bed.
Where were you, anyway?”
“If
you must know, I was puking in Sickbay. Damn shot didn’t do me any good. Had to
get something else.”
“You
know what?” Lee looked up, “I wish I could
just let myself enjoy my date tonight.”
“Lee….”
“I
know, I know, never get involved….not to mention it would feel like cheating.
Really cheating on Lola…I don’t feel like waiting to bug Yvette’s cabin
though…you know, I really don’t feel well, Joe,” he winked. “ In fact, I should
probably go to Sickbay, pj’s and all.”
“Well,
I’m sure Dr. Bricker won’t mind.”
“Bricker?”
“Yeah,
Adam Bricker, he’s the…oh, swell, Lee, don’t tell me you know him too?”
“Okay,
I won’t tell you…”
***
“Here,”
Nelson handed Lola a box of tissues from the office coffee table, “I’m beginning to believe you may be right
about that picture.”
“But
Harriman,” Starke said.
“Let’s
look at this scientifically. It’s a million to one chance that Lee Black could have the same…er…marks
of…er… affection, on his person, and
that means that Lee is either moonlighting on a cruise ship during his shore
leave, or two, he’s using an alias for
some kind of clandestine operation..”
“You
mean…ONI?” Lola perked up, “what a relief…oh, not that he’s off on assignment again,
but that telling me he was doing some
Reserve time wasn’t really off the mark…”
“Take
over for Angie until she returns,” Nelson ordered her, “ and contact Admiral
Cartwright for me. Admiral Starke and I want to speak with him personally.”
“Yes
sir.”
***
“At
first I thought Black was simply hung-over, ” Bricker joined his shipmates for
breakfast, “but he has all the symptoms of food poisoning or a viral infection
judging from the vomiting. The roommate had come in last night too, but that
was only for seasickness. No passengers have reported anything. Glenn can take
over Black’s aerobics and snorkeling classes.”
“I’m
not sure that’s such a good idea,”
Captain Stubbing said, “he’d have to forsake his bartending duties. A lot of the
additional income on these cruises is from the consumption of alcohol. The pool
classes will just have to be cancelled for today, postponed indefinitely if
necessary…”
“But
the aerobics and snorkeling classes are booked solid,” Julie said, “at least
Lee’s were.”
“And
mostly by women,” Gopher snorted.
“What’s
wrong with that? Not his fault if he’s the most gorgeous man in creation…”
“Julie,” Stubbing warned.
“I
know what you’re going to say…that I’m setting myself up for another Delambre
fiasco. But I’m not. I’m sure of it. Doc, do you think a little hot chicken
soup would help?”
“Wouldn’t
hurt,” Doc said, “though I doubt we have anything so simple aboard.”
“I
have some of those just add hot water kind cups in my personal luggage. Maybe
he’d like a bagel, too, “she scooped one up and departed.
“Probably
likes doughnuts better,” Bricker said snidely.
“Why
do you say that Adam?” Stubbing asked.
“Just a hunch,” Bricker said, remembering Golightly
munching the things down like they were going out of style before Bricker tried
to examine him.
***
“Tim?”
Betty whispered to McGee, poolside, “I’m
worried.”
“You
saw the sign, Crane’s out sick today that’s all,” he hissed back.
“What
if Crane’s hurt..what if…”
“
Look, you stay and enjoy the pool. I’ll go find out if the excuse is legit.”
“And
tell him what? That we’re on to him?”
“I’ll
think of something.”
“Well,
while you do that, I’ll go see if there’s any nice hot chicken aboard that I
can take him.”
“I’m
not sure they’ll release his cabin number to you.”
“Then you’ll just have to find that out for me, sweetie.”
***
“Morning,
Will,” Chip yawned over the phone. He’d partied a bit too much last night at
his cousin’s bachelor party in Reno. “No, Lee told me the same thing, that he
was going to be painting Joe’s grandmother’s farmhouse, milking cows, and
whatever else they do on a dairy farm….why, what’s wrong?” he asked, instantly
alert. “Miss Harmon? Lee’s where? As Lee Black? Damn! Yes, I’ll catch the first flight back. Alert what crew
that you can that as of now we have a standby
situation…Does Nelson know? Well, yeah, it might be better if you tell him as he might
start hyperventilating. Thanks for calling…see you in a few hours.”
***
“Careful!”
Joe scolded, having returned to the cabin on his mid- morning break, and
scooped up the laptop out of the bedridden Lee’s hands, “you want to fry the
keyboard?
“Sorry.
Didn’t mean to toss my cookies on it. I was cleaning it up the best I could. Probably
used too much Ipecac this morning.”
“What
was that green ooze this morning anyway?”
“Barley
drink…”
“Yecch.”
“Had
to look legitimately sick in Sickbay, didn’t I? Did you know the cruise line
has a newsletter? I’ve been researching. You know, I was surprised yesterday
that there wasn’t a picture on Yvette’s poster or on the brochures. How many
entertainers do you know of that don’t at least have an 8x10 glossy ready to
autograph? I can’t find her anywhere online either. Intel may be correct. Look,
I’m just about over throwing up. You’d better get back to work before anyone
gets a reason to start worrying. Remember, as far as you know I still miserable and potentially
contagious. Yvette has a show in a little while, so I think I’ll just mosey on
down to her cabin and do a little snooping. Plant those bugs. I just hope the
owner of the cigar’s not there.”
“Well,
if they’re an item, he’s probably going to be in the audience. Or…”
“Or?”
“Or
your new girlfriend smokes cigars…it’s not unheard of…”
“Not
too feminine either, and trust me Joe, Yvette’s as feminine as they come.”
***
From Special
Agent Jethro L. Gibbs
NCIS
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Keeping us
in the loop
Sir, I’m
requesting, again, that you keep NCIS informed.
I have an agent aboard the Pacific Princess
(on leave) who’s demanding to know when, and if, his skills as a Special Agent
may be required. Please advise. Apparently
Cmdr. Lee Crane of the Seaview is posing as Lee Black, ship’s pool boy and
assistant bartender! That, or Nelson’s fired him. Wouldn’t surprise me if he has; I hear that things are
sometimes strained between them.
Whatever his
mission is, it hasn’t helped NCIS in that Crane’s semi erotic photo, now on several of the more popular social media
locations as Abby calls them, is inducing heavy panting and drooling all over various
staff keyboards.
This is
distracting to our own investigations, not to mention a hazard to our hardware.
I remember spilling coffee on my computer keyboard and it was unsalvageable.
From: Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
To: Special
Agent L. J. Gibbs
NCIS
Re: Keeping in
the loop
Crane knows how
to take care of himself. Don’t worry, we have another ONI agent with him. Permission
to assist denied. (Please indicate which of your agents is aboard for our
records)
As for the heavy
panting and drooling on your equipment, you can always install keyboard
shields. As for Crane’s attributes distracting your staff, well, that’s your
problem to deal with as you see fit.
***
“So
you recalled the crew and put Seaview on standby without speaking to me first?”
Nelson pouted from behind his desk as Jamison stood before him.
“I
was following Commander Morton’s orders. It’s just in case anyway. And even if
Lee completes whatever his mission is unscathed, my services may still be
required to stitch him up once his girlfriend’s finished with him. She hates him going off on
assignment as much as you.”
“I
used to want them to get married,” Nelson rose and looked out the picture window
over the private beach, “I still don’t like the idea of them living together. Call
me old fashioned, but, that’s how I feel…or rather felt, until recently. She used
to be such a nice girl! Now, she’s paranoid.”
“Yes,
we’ve all noticed, ”Jamie said, “ the problem is that Lee doesn’t know what he
wants. He may have loved her once, maybe he still does, but does he like her? It’s nobody’s business but
theirs, but their relationship affects us all…. Well, I’d better get down to the
boat to insure that Sickbay’s fully stocked for whatever our James Bond might
need, that is, if you approve of Morton’s Operation Babysit?”
“Yes,
yes, go ahead…besides, I’ve already ordered extra bandages. Just in case,”
Nelson chuckled.
“I’ve
been wondering, what do you think ONI will say when they find out we’re heading
out, spending thousands of dollars just to spy on Lee?”
“My
boat. My money. My prerogative. And what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
“Harriman?”
Starke entered without knocking, “Oh, hello Jamison…guess who’s with Crane on
that damn ship?”
“Let
me guess. Joe?”
“The
one and only…there’s a picture of him on that website as well…doesn’t have as
many what do you call them…oh yeah, hits, but it’s him, I’m sure of it. He’s going
by the name of Joe Glenn…why are you groaning, Harry?”
“Long
story…. at least Lee has keeper until we get there.”
“Then
you are going after him?”
“I
don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“Oh
yes you do. You go after him, because you think he can’t do his job, and he may
just decide to cut the leash and come back to the Navy.”
“I’m
not that bad,Jiggs. And it’s for his own good. Damn it, what if…things go wrong. ”
“He
knew the risks when he became an ONI Field Agent…and he was one long before you
and Seaview came into his life. He didn’t need your help then, did he?”
“But
he usually comes back hurt! Badly hurt!”
“That’s
between him and ONI. Not you, unless it affects his position aboard Seaview.”
“But
it does! I can’t count how many times Chip’s had to take up the gauntlet as
Acting Captain because Lee’s stuck in Sickbay with a concussion or broken ribs
or something.”
“Then
you’ll just have to give him an ultimatum. ONI or Seaview. Not both.”
“I
did that before, but he wheedled me out of it. Jiggs, I can’t force it again. I
just can’t. He looked so…so crushed when I wanted him to choose. ”
“I
want to come along with you on this one, Harry.”
‘You
realize that Lee won’t appreciate Seaview harboring his nemesis.”
“Nemesis?
Is that what he thinks of me?”
“Better
than Capt. Bligh.”
“He’s
called me that too,” Starke laughed.
“Admiral?”
Morton barged in, “ I got here as soon as I could. Is Seaview ready to sail?
How many crew are on standby? How..”
“Calm
down, Lad. Will has it all arranged…and welcome back.”
“Actually,”
Will chuckled, “ I had O’Brien to do all
the dirty work.”
“Here’s
the Love Boat’s itinerary,” Nelson handed Chip a brochure. “We want to shadow
her from below the surface. We don’t want to spook our spooks out from their
cover. We don’t know what kind of equipment they and this Yvette may have…no
doubt the Princess has sonar… Oh, and prepare one of the guest cabins for
Admiral Starke.”
A
momentary look of disgust flashed across Chip’s eyes but if anyone noticed they
said nothing about it.
“Jiggs,
Jamie, will you both give the Commander and I a moment alone?”
“Uh
oh,” Starke raised an eyebrow. “That means trouble. C’mon Doctor. Let’s get
your stethoscopes and syringes in order.”
“Sit
down, Chip,” Nelson said when they were alone. “ You’ve heard enough that Cartwright’s
admitted Lee’s undercover, but…”Nelson showed off the website on his computer .
“Now,
that’s what I call going way beyond the call of duty.”
“Chip…I
wanted to ask you…and I want you to be honest with me…do you think Lee…well…that
he’s taking on all these extra assignments to…get away from me?”
Morton
hesitated.
“Out
with it.”
“Well,
“lately he’s been kind of anxious to have some ‘space.’ Hasn’t taken me up on
golf game or a boy’s night out. You know, pizza, a good game on TV, and beer…I
thought it was due to his wanting some time with Lola, but…just before Seaview
got home this last cruise, I overheard
him mutter something to himself... I was sure he didn’t mean it, but now…”
“Go
on.”
“Um…well…oh
shit, sir…this is hard…”
“Was
it that he needed to get away from me?” Nelson asked again, gently.
“It’s
just…”Chip hesitated, then in a rush to get the damn thing said, “he said hoped
he’d finally get some time to himself without
being constantly interrupted …he might have meant me, sir…”
“No, Chip,” Nelson sighed, “even Jiggs says
that I’ve been intruding too much in his private life. No wonder he accepted
the assignment outright.”
“Maybe
he really does just need some space. He really does like spending time with you.
A lot. He’s told me.”
“It’s
okay, Chip. You don’t have to make excuses for him.”
“But
it’s the truth! He…okay, here goes. You must know that he idolizes, loves you,
like a son would his father. He’s told
me. Well, maybe not in so many words, but I got the drift well enough.”
“Yes, I know,” Nelson ran a hand through his hair, “it’s no
secret that I cherish Lee as well. Perhaps
that’s part of the problem… me butting into his life just like a real father.”
“But
he likes you butting into his life! I mean…er…”
“I
should have realized it long ago. He certainly doesn’t need me tagging along so
much…well, enough of this…let’s get Seaview ready.”
***
“C’mon Harriman, out with it,” Starke
demanded, sipping coffee as Seaview plowed through the depths, “what’s happened
between yesterday and today to make you so miserable?”
“I’ve
simply realized how right you’ve been
all along, okay? That I’ve let my personal
feelings for Lee get in the way of my better judgment. He has a right to his
own life…and I’ve been butting into it,” Nelson shook his head sorrowfully.
“But
he likes you butting in.”
“Apparently
everyone thinks so but...”
“Harry,
the boy loves you. I’m not happy about it; neither is the Navy, however, it’s normal for a son to want to get free of the
paternal leash now and then, isn’t it?”
“I
been that bad?”
“How
many times have I called only to hear you tell me, ‘I have to go with Lee here,
there, I want do this, do that with him, etc. etc’. You may be a proud papa, if
only a surrogate, but even I’ve seen
that he needs a little privacy sometimes.”
“I
know, I know,” Nelson stood and shook his head sorrowfully, leaning against the
viewport, “it’s just…he could have told me, Jiggs. I would have understood.”
“You sure about that?”
“I
guess I’ll just have to make myself. I just hope it’s not too late.”
“Listen to me, Harry. You can go ahead and
wallow in self-pity all you want, but I’m betting that when Crane’s little assignment
is over, he’ll be begging you to go to a ball game with him or sailing or something
to get in some quality father/son time. Or….”
“Or?”
“Or
he might simply use you to get away from
the little woman. Can’t be easy for her being Lee’s girlfriend. Just think of
it. Always being a second banana to his love for Seaview, and his duty to ONI.”
“I’ve
never thought of it like that before…she’s…not really a shrew, she’s jealous…and rightfully so, I’m afraid.”
***
“Lee?”
Betty knocked on his cabin door... “Lee?” she tried again… “Commander?” she
whispered. “Commander Crane?”
The
door opened a crack as Joe looked out. “Who are you?”
“It’s
Betty. Betty Harmon.”
Joe
pulled her in, closed the door, and locked it.
“Where
is he? I brought him some soup.”
“So
you’re the famous Miss Harmon from the Venice fiasco. So, how did you know where
his cabin was?” Joe shook his head and returned to the various electronic
devises snuck into double bottomed suitcases and shaving kits.
“Never
mind that now. Am I correct in assuming he’s on some kind of…job for Uncle Sam? And who are you?”
“Yes,
and it’s Lt. Cmdr. Joe Jackson aka Joe
Glenn. We’re ‘job sharing’ between pool boy and assistant bartender.”
“What
can I do to help?”
“I’m
not sure either of us can do anything, yet. He’s supposed to be in Yvette’s
cabin to do a bit more recon while she’s performing her matinée.”
“Uh
oh.”
“What
does that mean?”
“It
was cancelled,” Betty interrupted, “I thought it was because of the man
overboard drill that’s been scheduled..”
“Damn,
I should have realized. Well, at least he can try to woo her if he hasn’t had a
chance to plant the bugs.”
“’Woo’
her?”
“Standard
operating procedure…get the broad to loosen up. Still, Lee hopes she’s not our spy. He kind of likes her.
Can I get you some water…you look pale.’
“Commander,”
she hesitated.
“Call
me Joe…”
“Joe…have
either of you seen Yvette’s show?”
“No…
and that’s something that was praying on Lee’s mind, too, wondered why an
entertainer wouldn’t at least have a photo to put on the poster…what…”
“Oh
my dear, I would never have believed it of any red blooded American male, but
this is Lee Crane we’re talking about. I can’t help feeling that he’s a little
blind about some things. Joe, I hate to tell you this, and it may have nothing
to do with your suspicions, but…this Yvette
and her trained cats? Well,” Betty took a deep breath, then, “ she’s a female
impersonator.”
“Lee?”
Julie’s voice interrupted, while
knocking on the door, before Joe had a chance to react to Betty’s revelation, “I have some nice hot chicken soup for you…”
“Quick,
under the covers!” Betty hissed at Joe,
who grabbed his laptop and hid under the covers while she closed up the shaving
kits and suitcases.
With
a glance back to make sure Joe was completely encumbered, she picked up her own
cup of soup and opened the door a crack to squeeze through and close it behind
her.
“Shhh!
I guess you had the same idea as me. He’s sound asleep…I guess we’ll have to
try later. Actually, I’m glad we bumped into each other,” she dragged Julie
down the companionway, “now, what can we mere passengers do for this man
overboard drill?”
***
“It’ll
be quite a while before we catch up to the Princess, sirs,” Chip headed to the
Wardroom’s lunch laden sideboard, “ but we’re already starting to pick up
general shipboard chatter, including hers. They’re conducting a man overboard
drill.”
“Your
acoustic snooping’s that good?”
Starke asked.
“It’s
a prototype,” Nelson said proudly, “still has a few kinks to iron out, electronic
interference, certain kinds of metal alloys and of course, sound congestion
interferes far too much to make it a decent weapon of war.”
“Mr.
Morton?” Sparks voice came over the PA, “we picked up the Skipper’s acoustic
pattern. But it didn’t last long.”
“Wonderful,
let’s hear it,” Starke clicked the mike.
“It
was kind of personal.”
“Play
the damn thing Mister!
“Go ahead Sparks,” Chip took the mike out of Starke’s hand, “play it back.”
“Nobody kisses
like you, Yvette,”
Lee was saying in a very sultry manner.
“Good thing,
too, because it’s the last thing you’ll ever do!” an unidentified voice lisped.
“Damn!
Lee is in trouble!” Nelson glared at
Starke.
“That’s
it?” Starke demanded.
“Sparks,
was that all?” Morton clicked.
“Yes
sir. There’s just too much acoustic
interference to pick up the Skipper’s signal or anyone close to him. Sorry.
Sir.”
“Very
well. Thank you Sparks,” Chip said.
“Wait,”
Nelson took the mike, “can you identify the other voice as being male or
female?”
“No
way to know, sir.”
“Very
well,” Nelson clicked off.
“
What now, Admiral?” Chip asked.
“I
think we’d better clue ONI in.”
***
“So,
Miss Nightingale, you never got to deliver poor Lee Black his soup?” Gopher
asked Julie at lunch.
“No
smarty pants, Miss Harmon was there already.”
“What?” Captain Stubbing asked, looking
up from his Overboard Drill report.
“Not
in his bed! She was there with soup
herself. Only he was already asleep.”
“That’s
a relief, means there’s still hope for you,” Gopher winked.
“Enough,
” Captain Stubbing said, “cabin numbers of staff and crew are never to be given to passengers.”
“I
asked her about that. She said Lee gave it to her himself. Her nephew had a few
questions he wanted to ask. Research for a book.”
“McGee’s
an author?” Bricker asked.
“Of
course!” Gopher slapped his forehead. “ I knew I’d seen him someplace before. There’s
a picture of him on the back of his latest book, I forget the pen name. It’s a
spy story…part of his ‘Deep Six’ series.
“Never
heard of it.”
“Never
mind about Mr. McGee,” Stubbing said, “Black will have to be disciplined.”
“But
not until he’s feeling better, I hope?” Julie asked coyly.
***
“We
have a problem,” Betty whispered to Tim, trying hard to relax on the deck
chair. It wasn’t easy balancing his portable typewriter on his lap.
“Yeah,
like how to combat the boredom. You know, Auntibet, despite all the hype, there’s
really not much to do on a cruise.
You’re stuck in a hole in the water with nothing to do but eat, drink, maybe gamble,
see a show, go parasailing with one of the speedboats, or get seasick.”
“Our cabin,
five minutes.”
“But
I’m in the middle of a chapter! And I have a deadline!”
“Never
mind your stupid story! C’mon!”
“I wonder what that’s about,” Issac mused, standing next to Julie, watching the
two passengers argue, “ anyway, as I was
saying, Glenn’s late and hasn’t responded to my shipboard announcement to
report to my office. I wouldn’t have thought it of him.”
“Thanks
for letting me know,” Julie sighed. “I hate it when I have to write up employees.
Maybe he didn’t pay as much attention in the orientation as he should have.”
***
“Okay,
Auntibet, what’s so damn important?” McGee began as soon as they entered their
suite and she shut the door and locked it.
“I
went back to Lee’s cabin to give him
some soup.”
“Uh
huh…wait. What do you mean ‘back’ to his cabin?”
“The
first time I went below he wasn’t there, but his roommate was. Lt. Commander
Jackson. Joe Glenn to the Princess
staff. They’re here on assignment with ONI. But when I tried to find Jackson
later during his shift…”
“Watch.
In the Navy it’s a watch.”
“This
isn’t the Navy! Anyway, he was late for his bartending duties and Issac was mad as hell. And now there’s no
answer from either of them in their cabin. I’m worried Timmy. We need to see
that he’s all right. Captain Crane, too. Can you get their door open without a
keycard?”
“They
might just be off snooping.”
“Yes,
Jackson said they’re investigating Yvette. They think she’s a spy.”
“Yvette?
With the trained cats? The female impersonator?”
“At
least you noticed that little
detail.”
Tim
snorted. “He hides it pretty well…maybe he’s had a sex change operation…”
“Do
you have some kind of special agent
gadget to unlock their doors? I can keep watch..”
“I
don’t have a demagnetizer on me! I’m on vacation. And what do you mean their doors?”
“Well,
we may have to check Yvette’s too, depending on what we find when we go below
to check on Lee and Joe …”
“Look,
this could be dangerous. You’re staying here.”
“Captain
Crane didn’t think it was too dangerous for me to get involved in Venice. ”
“I’m
not Captain Crane!”
“Please
Timmy?”
“
Were you this much trouble in Venice? Okay, okay…let me hack into the ship’s
manifest…should have every soul aboard listed with their assigned cabins…
staff, passengers, crew, officers, and entertainers…here it is…Yvette Wyndom’s. Okay, I have to over ride all magnetic
controls. I can’t be too specific with this program. Let’s go.”
***
“But
damn, it, Cartwright!” Nelson fumed over
videophone in his cabin, crowded with Starke, Morton, O’Brien, and Chief
Sharkey, “You heard that other voice!
Something’s gone wrong!
Don’t
you care that our boys might be lying dead or dying someplace on that ship or maybe
even overboard!”
“Of
course we care! We just don’t want to blow their cover. And don’t you go getting
any ideas about storming the Princess, understood?”
“I
wouldn’t dream of it,” Nelson said sarcastically and ended the call, “officially,” he added.
***
“You know, we could be mistaken about all
this,” McGee said as they headed to Yvette’s cabin door.
“Just
because ONI’s bugs Crane may have
managed to place didn’t pick up anything doesn’t mean we are.”
“I’ve
heard about these cruise ships. Staff do fool around. For all we know Crane and
Jackson might be otherwise occupied in a little ménage a troi with someone.”
“Crane’s
the Captain of the Seaview!” Betty hissed, “an officer and a gentleman.
Besides, have you seen any pretty
girls aboard?”
“No.
Mostly old ladies like you…er…”
“Exactly.”
“Wait
out here,” Tim knocked first, and not hearing a response, opened the door a
crack, entered then called out, “nobody home.”
For
a few moments they searched the room and bathroom, finding nothing out of the
ordinary.
Suddenly
Tim picked something up. “Looks like a piece of a motherboard…it’s a computer
thing.”
“What’s
that brown stain?”
“Looks
like blood…over there…that part of the carpet looks burnt,” Tim ran a hand over
the fibers. “If I were a betting man, I’d say these could be Taser trails.
Something this strong can incapacitate a man, even kill him. I’m calling Gibbs.”
“And
Seaview,” she added.
“C’mon,
let’s get out of here before she gets back,” he hid a few small items around
the cabin, …at least NCIS bugs will work.”
“I
thought you said you didn’t bring any of your little gadgets along.”
“Never
hurts to be prepared. I remember a vacation I had in Hawaii and…never mind. ”
“My
nephew the boy scout, always prepared.
You know, I think Captain Crane would like you.”
***
“No.
I’m sorry, Harry,” Cartwright continued on the inter-agency conference call
through the Observation Nose intercom, “Contacting the Princess would just compromise
things. And I know, better than any of you, how Crane operates. He and Jackson might
have had their bugs disabled on purpose.
“You
don’t believe that! And what the heck happened to their transponders?”
“We
decided not to activate them this trip, okay?”
“Damn!
Why the hell didn’t you say so to begin with!”
“I
don’t like your tone Nelson, besides, there’s too much electric interference
anyway from all that shipboard crap for
them to work properly. Now, look, if Crane doesn’t want them to be found, you
can bet your bottom dollar they won’t be. I’m sorry your man got stuck in the
middle of this, Gibbs. Have him stand down. I know waiting on the sidelines is
hard for all of us, but give my boys a
chance.”
“They’re
not your boys! They’re Harriman’s and mine!” Starke shouted.
“Not
while they’re on active service with ONI. And if any of you interfere with this operation in any way, I’ll have you all
up on charges!”
“All
right, all right,” Nelson said, “we’ll stay out of communication.”
“Auntibet
and I can still at least search for the Commanders, can’t we, Boss?” McGee
asked Gibbs.
“Auntibet?”
Nelson asked.
“My
aunt. Betty Harmon…”
“Betty Harmon? Of course,” Nelson slapped
his forehead, “Jamison said she was aboard, but I had no idea she was related
to you…I’m not sure you should allow her in on this….”
“I’m
sorry, Admiral Nelson,” McGee interrupted, “ but my aunt pretty much does as
she pleases. As will NCIS, right boss?”
“You
heard Admiral Cartwright,” Gibbs said. “I wish we didn’t have to follow orders,
but…there’s nothing we can do. Just like Mike Franks would remind you if he
were here.”
“Uh,
yeah, okay boss,” McGee answered. The message was loud and clear. Mike Franks,
a former NCIS agent, like Gibbs, often busted orders if he had to in order to get the
job done.
“Let
me tell you, Cartwright,” Nelson growled, “ if Lee’s hurt in any way, I’m holding you personally responsible. That goes for Jigg’s man, too.”
“Being
maimed or dying is the risk one sometimes has to pay for being a field agent,”
Cartwright ended the call.
***
Lee
awoke, blind, disoriented and to a severe headache. His skin felt as if it
were on fire, his heart was palpitating, and he discovered he was sealed in
some kind of heavy plastic crate. Great.
Just great, he chided himself. As
his mind cleared, he remembered that he’d gotten so caught up in discovering
the bomb in Yvette’s cabin that he’d been discovered red handed. It had been a
short lived scuffle as her companion had kept tasing him on maximum power, while
Yvette was screaming for him to stop.
“Like
hell,” Corel had slapped her, knocking her wig off. “Not only is he a spy, you like him!”
“We
don’t know he’s a spy! He was probably only after my jewelry.”
“Well,
it doesn’t matter now. By the time he wakes up, if he wakes up, the Love Boat
will have already gone boom. We’ll get off the boat during the planned
parasailing I’ve signed us up for. I’ve rigged it to capsize just before the
bomb goes off. Nobody will be paying much attention to us… the re-breathers I
tucked inside the seat will take us all the way to the sub. They have orders
not to surface. Now, get out of here and make nice with your fans. I have a
little unfinished business with your boyfriend
before I pack up.”
Lee
didn’t remember too much after that except the further beating of his paralyzed body. He had
a couple of bruised or cracked ribs at least. Possibly a concussion.
Then
the other thing struck him, a mission
detail his semi- conscious mind hoped Chip would never hear about. That Yvette was actually a guy, and that Lee had
kissed him. He may have been unaware of it at the time, but that wouldn’t stop
Chip from badgering him about it. Then his mind returned to the matter at hand.
How to warn Captain Stubbing that his ship was in mortal danger. But how? No amount of bashing the crate made
it budge an inch. Yelling sure didn’t seem to help. Was Joe even looking for
him yet?
***
“Anything?”
Morton asked Sparks.
“I’m
sorry, sir. There’s so much electronic interference on the Princess, I’ve only
picked up a few folks complaining that Mr. Black hasn’t shown an appearance on
the Lido Deck lately.
“Very
well, Sparks, keep trying.”
“Aye
sir.”
***
“It’s
got to be around here someplace!” ‘Yvette’ complained when she returned to the
cabin. “The show can’t go on without the remote.”
“Go
back to your comedy routine,” Gregg Corel said
as he closed the jewelry box.
“The
passengers are expecting them.”
“Tell
your audience that they fell overboard or something.”
“That’s
really in bad taste. Only you and Black know they’re robots. I have a
reputation to think of.”
“Reputation, hah!. You gave that up long ago, you whore. I
should have tossed Black overboard like I did his snooping roommate.”
“If
you think they’re both spies, why didn’t you crate him up with Black?”
“Because
unlike Black, he died right away.”
“You
sure?”
“As physician’s assistant, I think I should know
how to tell if someone’s dead or not.”
“You’re
a PA on paper only. I don’t remember you actually getting a diploma. And I still don’t
think you had to hurt Black that hard.… he was such a good kisser…”
“Very
funny. Now, let me take this damn thing to where it will do the most damage.”
**
“My
god, McGee,” Starke said on the emergency conference call the NCIS agent had
requested, “are you sure?”
“The
bugs I’d placed came in loud and
clear. There’s a bomb aboard. Commander Jackson’s dead. Crane’s
either dead or soon will be. He’s been hurt and sealed in some kind of
container.”
“Were
you able to find out what kind of bomb it is?” Gibbs asked.
“No,
and we don’t know where the PA took it.
I took the liberty of contacting Captain Stubbing about the entire situation.
Turns out the PA is a Bob Corel and was
a new hire like Crane and Jackson were. He’s gone to ground. So’s Yvette.
Stubbing’s put out an Abandon Ship.”
Morton
began to use the shipboard mike order full emergency flank to the Princess, a
call for search and rescue volunteers,
and Sick Bay to be on standby.
“
My question is,” Cartwright mused, “ why target a cruise ship. A harmless,
helpless cruise ship…”
“Obviously,
it has to be something more than a simple bomb,” Nelson said.
“Okay,
but what?”
“That’s
what we have to figure out before…”
“Before
she goes boom.”
***
Lee
was having a difficult time breathing. No doubt about it, that his air was
running out. Then he felt something
small and hard…from the shape of it, it could be the earring that Yvette had been wearing
and apparently lost during the scuffle. What was it about the earring? Oh yeah,
it was the remote control for the robot cats. Maybe…just maybe he could get
somebody’s attention with the cats…
***
“I
just can’t believe that Black is actually the Captain of the Seaview,” Julie after
she’d assisted Betty Harmon, at the insistence of her nephew, remaining aboard,
into one of the lifeboats and set it to lower away.
“I
knew there was something shady about
Lt. Golightly,” Doc said, moving to the next lifeboat station with Julie and
Gopher.
“A
man of many faces, er, names, that’s for
sure,” Gopher said.
“
I have permission from the Captain to stay aboard with the Alpha team,” Doc
said. “I may be needed if Black is found alive.”
“But
if they can’t find that bomb…” Julie whispered, as if by doing so it wouldn’t
make what Captain Stubbing had said real.
“Almost
half the crew’s volunteered to remain aboard
and search for both the bomb and Black..er…Commander Crane. There’s a good
chance they can find both.”
“There’s
no chance!” Julie cried. “And he was
so nice…Glenn too…and now…he’s out there, “ she indicated the waves, “dead.”
“McGee
wasn’t sure about that,” Gopher said, “Seaview
should get here before anything else does. The Coast Guard’s and several military ships
from both the US and Mexico have been scrambled and are on the way as well. I’m
staying aboard too.”
“So will I,” Julie said.
“No,
Julie,” Doc patted her arm gently. “Your job’s to make sure no one panics. Bad
enough the passengers have to abandon ship, it will be ten times worse if they
think there’s a bomb or..”
“Or
see her blow up, with you aboard!”
“Go
on, Julie, you need to check on the remaining
passengers and staff that need to get away, then yourself.”
“Oh god, oh god…”Julie was crying as she
headed toward the remaining lifeboats to help oversee the evacuation.
***
“We’ve
scoured her stem to stern,” Stubbing told Admiral Cartwright on the ship’s radio,
frustrated, “no bomb, no Yvette, his real name’s Yvon by the way, no Corel, or
Captain Crane. We’ve gone through all
our security videos, but nothing indicated anything out of the ordinary or a body
dumped overboard within the past 24 hours. I know what you advised, but as far
as my officers and I are concerned, just like your man McGee did, we refuse to
abandon ship when there’s still a missing passenger aboard.”
“You
can’t risk your life for a dead man,” Cartwright said.
“Admiral,”
Nelson warned.
“Captain!” McGee raced in, “look at this,” he sat the robot cat down on the deck.
“My
aunt said that Yvette used a remote control for the cats…and Yvette told the
audience she’d lost it. So how’s it working?”
“Could
be our bomb?”
“Possibly.
But doubtful. A mobile bomb wouldn’t necessarily do the damage you wanted it
to, than if it were placed in precisely the right place, especially if you just
wanted to sink the ship. Look, it keeps
trying to go one way, no matter how you turn it… I’m thinking that somebody
wants us to follow it. Somebody who probably knows how to use it.”
“You
can’t mean Captain Crane?”
“He’s
pretty resourceful from everything I’ve heard about him. And he was up close and personal to Yvette, so
he may know how to use the remote.”
“Very
well,” Stubbing said, “Gopher, Bricker you follow it. I want you here, McGee, ready to disarm the bomb once it’s found.”
“If
it’s found,” Bricker muttered and followed Gopher out.
“How
soon will Seaview be here?” Stubbing returned his attention to the call.
“About
two hours,” Nelson said, “don’t even bother to ask how fast we got here. Just
make sure those lifeboats move away from the Princess as far as possible. We’ll
shield them best we can if we can’t get there before the bomb explodes. Now,
Captain, what’s the most volatile cargo you
have aboard?”
“Volital?
I’d say the ordinary. Cleaning chemicals,
solvents, fireworks, some medical stuff….”
“Medical?”
Nelson asked, “wait, if the explosion was set to release some kind of toxin,
who better than Corel to plant it there. He would be above suspicion…”
“
Bricker!” Stubbing ordered on his PA, “Get to Sick Bay! We may have a biohazard
in addition to a bomb!”
***
It
was difficult to stay awake. All Lee wanted to do was go to sleep. But
something, call it instinct, warned him that if he did, he’d never wake up, so
he started to manipulate the remote again with his fingers while trying to
remember more about the bomb and the sub he remembered hearing about as his
captors spoke thinking him dead. Or maybe he had been. His increasing memory
loss was frustrating and this was a damn humiliating way to die. Alone and
forgotten, in a box that would soon be his coffin, stuffed someplace in
the bowels of a cruise ship, for Pete’s
sake. Waiting to suffocate or be blown up.
That’s
all that Nelson would know, Lee pondered, that he’d died in a shipboard
incident, and probably without even any kind of body part to recover. And that
irked Lee. It really did. He’d had friends who had died in the line of duty,
and no remains were even left to bring some kind of closure. Lee knew that
would be the hardest for Nelson to cope with despite words to the contrary.
They’d spoken of life and death together on more than one occasion and
expressed their feelings that the body was, after all, secondary. Still…these thoughts gave him strength
to continue pounding and yelling, his voice almost gone. Maybe he should stop;
he was using up valuable air. ‘Yell, Lee,
Yell’, he though he heard someone…no, it was only his imagination. He
wondered what the funeral would be like. His mother would be there, of course,
Nelson, Chipee…Chipee, he giggled at the nickname he’d first used for his friend and XO when he was drunk.
Why the hell was he giggling? Then he remembered when Morton and the Control
Room crew had surprised him acting as if they were drunk, or high on something
and it had turned out to be hypoxia…lack of oxygen. He remembered that some
fighter pilots actually experienced it when systems malfunctioned, claiming it
was a kind of euphoric feeling. Strange way to die, he thought. Where the
blazes was the tunnel and halo of light he was supposed to see? Where was
everybody? He didn’t want to be alone in the dark…so alone…
***
“Lee,
please, somehow, some way, lead them to you,” Nelson leaned against the strut,
his hands on the Observation Nose viewport, whispered as if it were a prayer,
yet again. He didn’t know how many times he’d urged, unseen and unheard by the
man in question, to “shout…yell, Lee,
yell, scream! We need to find you…please,
son, before it’s too late…”
***
“Well?”
Stubbing asked as Gopher returned to the bridge.
“Cat’s
died,” he sat the toy on the deck. “What can I do to help now, sir?”
“McGee’s
still in Sick Bay searching for the bomb with Bricker.”
“
At least they’ll have some help. Seaview’s surfacing over there, protecting the
lifeboats…sending out zodiacs with their own search teams to help out.”
***
“C’mon
Lee,” Chip urged to thin air, as the rubber boat, one of several, filled to
capacity, bounced up and down toward the Princess, “don’t give up…”
“Crane,
give up?” Starke said, “no way, Morton. Not in his vocabulary.”
“Sir,”
Ski, at the helm, pointed, “ over there!
Looks like a body…”
“Your
call Morton,” Starke said, “but…”
“As
soon as the rest of us are aboard, Ski,” Morton ordered, “ you and Admiral Starke
go ahead…I hope it’s your man, sir. And that he’s alive.”
“God
I hope so to. Good luck Morton. Kill that bomb and bring Crane back to where he
belongs.”
“Aye
sir.”
***
Lee
was having a weird dream. Just who was Lee? Where was Lee? Who was he? What the
hell was he holding in his fingers? Not
that it mattered, being blind . Had he always been this blind? He was so
cramped…was he waiting to be born? What were the raised dots on the earing he
was holding..was it an earring?
***
“C’mon,
c’mon, is it Jackson? Is he alive? ” Starke ordered as he and Ski started to
haul the body aboard their zodiac.
“Unconscious,
but alive,” Ski said as began to examine him. “What’s this anyway? Some kind of
weird shirt? It’s a bit inflated.”
“Well,
whatever it is, must have saved his life. No time for that now, we have to get
him back to Seaview.”
“Sir,
if you don’t mind, I’d like to join the search for the Skipper. Can you drop me
off on the Princess and take the zodiac back to Seaview by yourself?”
“I
may be the Commander of Submarines Pacific but I think I can handle a little
boat like this. You go on, son,” he said as they pulled up to the Princess, “go
find your Captain. I’ll join the teams later.”
***
“We
can’t find anything remotely looking like a bomb,” Morton reported to Captain
Stubbing and the conference call from sickbay.
“And
none of the other search parties have reported anything either. From medical
stores to lockers, nothing out of the ordinary.”
“With
your permission, Captain Stubbing, I’d
like to join my teams on the other decks…”
“Of
course Commander. Admiral Nelson? Since
none of our teams have come up with the bomb or Captain Crane, I’m going to
request that your men return to your submarine within ten minutes. I don’t want
any of them added to the casualty list, if there is one.”
“But..”
Morton began.
“I’m
sorry, Chip,” Nelson said. “Captain Stubbing is in command of the Princess, not
us…if you haven’t made any headway in ten minutes, abort the mission and return
to Seaview.”
***
“Hey,”
Betty Harmon furrowed her brows and pointed. “What’s that?”
“It’s
one of our speedboats,” Lt. Wayfair, at the tiller said. “We use them for the
parasailing. It’s probably been launched
now to help out in this emergency. Hey, that looks like Corel. He’s our
Physician’s Assistant….”
“He’s
headed away from us!” a man yelped.
“That sneaky bastard! He took it without me!”
“You!
You’re Yvette!” Betty grabbed the man’s arm.
“Don’t
touch me!”
Suddenly
the speedboat capsized.
“Oh
lord,” Betty exclaimed.
“Oh
shut up! He’s not dead!”
“What
do you mean?”
“Uh…nothing…”
“No,
you meant it…why. Why isn’t he dead?”
“Look,
lady,” the officer in charge took control, “enough already…”
“You
don’t understand. This person is a spy.
They probably planned their getaway during the parasailing, this interfered. Spill it Yvette…it’s true isn’t it. Captain Crane and Commander Jackson were
onto you…so you and your partner in crime tried to kill them.”
“Who?”
the officer asked.
“Black
and Glenn.”
“Were
those their real names?” Yvon asked, “ I thought they were just thieves…Corel
thought they were agents. I guess he was right. And I didn’t want him to hurt Black! Er..”
“Lee
Crane, Commander Lee Crane, Captain of the Seaview,” Betty said.
“Whatever!
We couldn’t let him find out about …”Yvon stopped himself.
“Find
out? Find out about what?” the officer demanded.
“Like
I told you,” Betty said, “ Yvon and Corel are spies. My nephew is a Special
Agent with NCIS, that’s Naval Criminal Investigative Service and Captain Crane
and Commander Jackson were undercover for the Office of Naval Intelligence.”
“I’m
no spy!”Yvon said, “not a real one!”
he began to whine. “We were paid to plant the bomb! That’s all.”
“Bomb? Aboard the Princess?” the officer
asked as his passengers began crying and wailing.
“I’m
not saying anything more unless I get a deal.”
“I
think you’d better signal the Seaview,” Betty told the officer. “Calm down, all of you! It’ll be all right. Seaview
will see to that.”
***
“What
the hell?” Gopher exclaimed as he stood in front of the wide open loading bay. Only
a little water splashed up over the ramp. “One of the speedboat’s gone!
“Am
I correct in assuming that unloading a speedboat when abandoning ship isn’t procedure?” Morton asked.
“No,
it’s not…”Gopher pressed a few controls and the bay doors began to close.
“Probably
your missing spies…now, Patterson, your team’s searched all four cargo bays
except one?”
“Yes
sir, cargo hold B, says here it’s the waste disposal bay.”
“Mr.
Smith,” Chip asked Gopher, “just what happens to the garbage?”
“Well,
with all the new ecological rules, we crush it, pack it up, and dispose of it
when we reach port.”
“McGee
said Lee…Captain Crane was in a sealed container…”
“The
only sealed containers would be soiled diapers, spoiled food, or medical waste….”
“Medical
waste? And Corel had access…sounds like a good place as any, hiding him in
plain sight! Let’s go.”
***
“His
real name’s Yvon,” Betty allowed Admiral Nelson to help her aboard along with
the prisoner and passengers from their lifeboat.
“O’Brien,
please escort the passengers and Lt. Wayfair to the Wardroom and let Captain
Stubbing know we have them safely aboard. Miss Harmon, Yvon, if you’ll follow
me.”
***
“Skipper! Skipper!” Ski and Pat were already
calling down into the hold.
“Lee?
Lee!” Morton yelled and didn’t bother to use the ladder, sliding down the side
of it, into an Aladdin’s cave of crates. “Lee! Lee! Answer me buddy! Are you in here? ”
Their
voices echoed but there was no response.
“How
the hell did you get here,” Gopher noticed the toy cat on the precipice.
Suddenly
it walked over the edge to fall below and right itself and saunter into the
maze of crates.
“Crane!
Answer me! That’s an order!” Starke shouted down to the hold, having returned
to the Princess, as more men assembled at the edge and clambered down.
It
was dark down there, and it took a moment for Gopher to turn on all the lights.
Crate’s were neatly stacked, those full and those empty awaiting to be filled. The cacophony of yelling for Crane echoing though the hold was loud enough to
wake the dead.
***
His
ears hurt…someone was calling for Lee. Who was Lee? Someone he knew, maybe? What
was in his hand? Impulsively he pressed it.
“Attention
all hands,” the loudspeaker blared, “this is Captain Stubbing. All Seaview
personnel will now abandon ship. Repeat. All Seaview personnel will now abandon
ship. All Princess personnel will now abandon ship. No exceptions.”
“Lee!
Lee! Damn it Lee! Answer me!” Chip cried out, “I don’t want you to die alone!”
“We
have to go!” Starke yelled. “There may be no time left!”
“We
don’t know that!” Ski yelled.
“
Lee!” Chip wailed as Starke grabbed his arm and dragged him away as the crewmen
sadly followed.
“Chippee…Chipee?…”
Lee’s voice, tired and husky with thirst, tried, though he didn’t know what
made him call out the name. Who was Chippee?
“Captain?
Captain Crane?” Starke ordered the voice.
“Lee? Lee?” Morton shouted returning to the
crates.
“Chipee…Chipee…”
Lee gasped barely audible.
“Over
there!” Ski pointed, “it came from over there!”
“Captain
Crane,” Gopher ordered, “keep calling!”
Nothing.
“Lee! Lee!” Morton tried again, desperate.
“Chipee…ee”
.
“Wait…the
cat!”
It
was staggering drunkenly toward the corner and stopped in front of the red and white
crate labeled Hazard-Medical Waste.
“It’s
locked!” Morton tried to open it.
“Captain
Stubbing,” Gopher used the mike on the wall, “we think we found him! We need a
key! It’s a Medical Waste Container! He sounds…pretty weak.”
“On
the way!”
“I
guess that abandon ship order’s been cancelled,” Ski said, relieved.
***
“Lee…Lee…”Jackson
gasped from his sickbay gurney aboard Seaview, ‘where’s Lee?”
“Easy
Commander,” Jamison hovered, “you’ve got a whopper of a bump on the back of
your head and you’ve been in the water…”
“Lee…they…they…hurt…Lee…bomb…”
“Yes
we know they hurt the Captain and there’s a bomb aboard.”
“Zepher…stop…”
“Zepher?”
Frank asked.
“Beats
me,” Doc clicked the mike. “Admiral, Commander Jackson’s rousing, a bit
disoriented. But he did mention something about a Zepher if that means anything
to you.”
“Zepher?”
Nelson replied, confused.
“Yes
sir, that’s what he said…he’s passed out again.”
“Very
well, thanks Doc.”
***
“Here,”
Captain Stubbing himself tossed the keys down to save time before climbing down
the ladder himself, McGee following.
“You’d
better all go back topside, ” McGee said, “you realize they may have put the bomb in here with Crane.
If so, freeing him might trigger it.”
“I’m
not leaving,” Chip said. “Open it.”
With
a scrunch, the latch unlocked for Gopher and the men pryed the lid open and
looked in upon Crane. He was cramped, disheveled, drenched in sweat and had trails of dried blood from his
hairline, onto his shirt. And was gasping gratefully for air.
“Chipee…”Lee barely managed, and squinted
against the light after all that time in the dark, surprised he wasn’t blind
anymore, “are you Chippee?”
“Damn,”
Starke said, as the men helped pull him out. Collapsing to his knees, unable to
stand, Kowalski helped him lie down as
McGee checked the crate for any sign of a bomb.
“It’s
clean.”
“Lee?”
Chip asked. “Do you know where the bomb is?”
“Bomb?”
Lee replied, confused, furrowing his brows, “Ow!”
“Sorry, Skipper,” Ski said as he poked and
prodded. “I think his ribs are cracked… pupils are dilated…looks like a probable
skull fracture and definitely a concussion…”
“Is my Daddy here?” Lee suddenly asked,
childlike, “ I heard him calling. Telling me to yell.”
“Damn, how the hell can we find that bomb now,”
Starke muttered.
“Bomb? ” Lee found himself asking
without really understanding what a bomb was, only that it was important
somehow, but began to cough up blood before he could ask what it was.
***
“Crane’s
not all there, Harriman,” Starke radioed in as Crane was brought into the
Princess’s sickbay, “Bricker’s got him in Sick Bay and says he may have a concussion,
perhaps even hairline skull fracture, cracked ribs, etc., but is definitely the victim of severe electric
shock and hypoxia. Maybe you can get
more out of him…Chippee sure can’t.”
“Chippee? Lee only called him that when
he was drunk.”
“Probably
the hypoxia. Even so, Lee doesn’t really appear to know who Morton is, or who
he is. Maybe you can get through to him….”
“Lee?
Lee? Can you hear me?” Nelson’s voice came over the sickbay intercom.
“Daddy?”
Crane looked around the room
“Lee,
it’s Nelson.”
“Where
are you? Are you an angel now?”
“Never
mind that now. Lee…”
“Is
that my name?’
“Er,
yes…now…”
“Mom
sure was mad when you died.”
“Yes,
every right to be…Lee, listen to me. This is very important…do you know where
the bomb is?’
Again
Crane furrowed his brows. Again this bomb, whatever it was, was important.
“
Lee? Lee?”
“Hurts…”Lee
whined.
“Enough,”
Bricker said. “This isn’t helping. You or us….”
“Damn,”
Starke said, “Looks like you’re on your own McGee. Too bad we lost Jackson.”
“Jackson….Jackson,”
Lee muttered, “….Joe! His name is Joe! Music box!”
“Lee?”
Chip asked, “is the bomb in a music box?”
“Boom!”
“Oh
good grief,” Starke said, “you can’t count on the ramblings of a man with
a head trauma who thinks he’s a child.”
“It’s
better than nothing,” McGee said.
“Corell
had some musical jewelry boxes!”
Bricker said suddenly, and began to pull them out of a locker, “said he brought them to sell in Acapulco. Could
any of these be the bomb?”
“None
of them look big enough to do much damage,” Starke said.
“Boom!” Lee pointed to one with a sticker of a
black cat on it. “Pretty lady,” Lee smiled as a little ballerina popped up and
began to twirl when Chip opened the box.
“Lee?”
Chip tried, “is this the bomb?”
“Boom!”
Lee giggled.
“It’s
an ordinary jewelry box,” Stubbing said. “Okay, we’ve tried. Everyone off the
ship.”
“Could
have a false bottom,” McGee said.
“I have a cute bottom. Lady said.”
“Got
it,” McGee revealed a false bottom, revealing a computer motherboard and
attached to it a white canister with a
skull and crossbones on it. And the counter was ticking down. 7 minutes.
“McGee?
” Captain Stubbing asked.
“I
don’t see any way to defuse this, ” McGee said.
“It’s
hopeless,”Starke said, “we all need to get out of here. Morton, help me
get Crane back to Seaview.”
“Sea-view?
Seaview,” Crane wrinkled his brows, “is she my mother?”
“No
damnit!” Starke couldn’t help himself. “She’s not your mother. She’s your damn
submarine!”
“I
don’t like you!” Lee shouted, then turned to Morton, and whispered, “Chippee,
what’s a submarine?”
“’C’mon. Move it! Off the ship!” Stubbing
roared.
“Ship… this is a ship?”
“The
Pacific Princess,” Bricker said, as he helped Lee into a wheelchair.
“The Love Boat,” Crane said softly, voices and
images returning to him in painful wave after painful wave of remembrance, “the
Love Boat! Bomb…bomb on Love Boat…stop boom…air…can’t breathe… Zepher…Zepher.
New nerve gas… enough to wipe out…half the world… Chip? McGee? Where’s Joe?”
“He’s
safe aboard Seaview, Captain,” Captain Stubbing said as Bricker began to wheel
him out of Sickbay. “What are you waiting for McGee. You can’t disarm it. You
said so yourself.”
“Wait…Earring.
The earring, fits in there,” Lee pointed to a slight niche in the box next to
the motherboard.”
“What’s
it do, Captain?” McGee asked.
“Don’t
know…important…Corel had it with box... I…came by it… somehow…remote for the
cats…”
“We
didn’t find any earring on you,” Bricker said.
“Must
still be in the crate!” Gopher ran out.
***
“Yes, Mr. President,” Nelson said toward the video
monitor conference call. “Any time now. According to Captain Crane there’s a device
that might stop the countdown Meanwhile, the ship’s
lifeboats are safely several miles away behind Seaview which we’ve positioned
as a shield from any blast. The thing is, while it’s a small bomb, and the
explosion would be confined to a small area, the toxin, something new called
Zepher Gas, may kill us all outright,
this close to it and the prevailing winds…well…if they can’t stop it, things
are going to get bad.”
“I
see. How much time is left?”
“3
minutes, sir.”
‘God
help us.”
***
“Tony’ll
kill me if I don’t get out of this alive,”
McGee said.
“Lee,
I really wish you’d abandon ship,” Morton told Crane, who had taken the box,
staring at the ballerina.
“58
seconds,” Stubbing said reading the counter.
“I
don’t think any of us can get off and away in less than 1 minute, anyway, ”Lee
said, squinting. His eyes hurt from trying to see if there was another way to
defuse the bomb.
“Is
this it?” Gopher entered, panting, holding the earring.
“48
seconds.”
“Here!”
Lee took it, “ is this something?” he pointed out a fine groove.
McGee
then tried to insert it into a similar groove in the box.
“It
won’t fit!” McGee said.
“41
seconds.”
“Oh
god,” Nelson’s voice intoned.
“The
cat! Give me the cat!” Lee ordered.
“What
good…”Chip said as Gopher handed it to Lee.
“I
remember them talking about a fail-safe…Yvette called it purrific…get it,
purrific? Has to be something in the robots…maybe this very one.”
“28
seonds.”
“There’s
nothing in the battery chamber but batteries,” he tossed them to the deck,
searching, feeling the robot’s insides.
“17 seconds,” Stubbing intoned, “if anyone feels
like praying, now’s the time. By the way, I’m proud of you Adam, Gopher.”
“Same
here, Merryl,” Bricker said.
“Crane,
I many not have ever said it,” Starke said, “ but even though you’ve been a
royal pain in the ass, it’s been a pleasure making you squirm at times. Even the
way you glare at me.”
“You
don’t mean that.”
“Ten seconds”
“Glare…glare,”
Lee mused, then “the eyes! Chip! They’re motion sensitive! They could be other
things too!”
“Seven
seconds.”
“There…and
there!” Lee said popping out the glass eyes, “see they have notches…”
“Yeah,
but which one?” McGee asked, “the other could be booby trapped. If it’s from
the right robot even.”
“Four
seconds.”
“God
help us,” Lee said as he settled one of the fake eyes into the notch.
“Three
seconds.”
“See
if you can turn it, Lee,” McGee said.
“Two
seconds.”
The
globe turned in the recess.
“Two
seconds.”
“Say
that again?” Starke ordered.
“Two
seconds,” Stubbing repeated himself looking at the still counter.
“Damn,
I think you did it, Crane!” Starke clapped him on the back, “er, sorry,” he added as Lee winced.
“No.
We all did it,” Lee grinned.
***
“I still don’t understand the People’s Republic involvement,” Starke said
over coffee in the Nose, Seaview docked in Acapulco, next to the Pacific
Princess.
“Their
plan must have been to poison the western seaboard, making it easier to
penetrate our defenses. Nobody would suspect an accidental explosion and
resulting fires aboard a cruise ship.”
“It’s
got to be more than that…why not just send up an exploding missile?”
“I’m
not sure, but I think maybe there was a mole in ONI.”
“ONI?”
“Excuse
me, sir,” Sparks approached handing Nelson a communique. “Presidential unit commendation for our assistance in the
Love Boat incident. NCIS got one too, at least
Special
Agent McGee did. And this here’s for the
Skipper. Man, he sure was cool under fire.”
“Par
for the course for Captain Crane,” Starke said.
“Are
you feeling all right Jiggs?” Nelson asked, “I’ve never heard you compliment
Lee, except once.”
“I
might not like the boy, Harry, but he’s a good commander.”
“I’m
sorry I seem to keep interrupting your vacations, Miss Harmon,” the bandaged Lee
was saying as she wheeled him, in his khaki’s, toward the Nose, McGee and
Jackson in tow.
“Nonsense,
and it’s Auntibet to you,” she kissed him on the cheek. “I’m just glad you’re going to be okay and that you
didn’t have a cracked skull.”
“I
don’t know what we would have done without your help.”
“Don’t
be silly, between all of you, I’m sure you would have found a way. Admiral,
what’s going to happen to the culprits?”
“Well,
Yvon’s agreed to a plea bargain, now that he’s agreed to testify about it all. As
it is, Corel might be seeking the same deal, now that he’s been picked up by
the Coast Guard, no sub in sight. And we certainly didn’t pick up anything
profiling like a sub.”
“So
they were nothing but pawns,” McGee said, “not secret agents or spies at all.”
“Unlike
two I know,” Chip said, approaching, clipboard in hand, from the Control Room. “You
know, Lee, I still find it hard to believe that you really thought Yvette was a girl.”
“Now
Chip. Don’t kid him,” Nelson said, “she kissed awfully well, I seem to recall
the audio we picked up.
“You’ll
never let me never live that down, will you?” Lee shook his head and checked
his watch. “Well, Auntibet, I think we’d better get moving if we’re going to
escort you and Tim back to the Princess. I’m glad the Bomb Disposal experts
gave her a clean bill of health. Must have been irritating for you and the
other passengers having to be ferried to Acapulco to stay a few days while she
was inspected, just in case.”
“Actually
, it was one of her ports of call anyway, and we were very well taken care of,”
Betty said. “I also think Timmy was more than ready to call it a day, cruise
wise.”
“No
fun?” Chip asked.
“Boring
as hell.”
“But
he’s agreed to accompany me for the rest of the cruise. He’ll probably spend
all his time writing,” she sighed.
“Absolutely.
I have tons of ideas now. You really don’t have to see us to the ship,
Captain,” McGee said.
“Oh,
I have an ulterior motive. After all Lee Black and Joe Glenn have to pick up
their pay vouchers.”
***
‘”This
is awfully embarrassing, Mr. Glenn, er…Commander Jackson,” Julie McCoy said at
the cruise line’s office in Acapulco, “ but I don’t suppose you might consider continuing
the cruise with us? We’re in a bit of a bind without anyone else to fill in for
the water aerobics and snorkeling classes. And your paychecks were already made out for the full
amount…would save a lot of paperwork…”
“I’m
sorry,” Jackson said, “my boss is already hyperventilating that I’ve been away
too long.”
“Mine
too, ” Crane mused, “but as team leader I can promise you that the Princess won’t
be doing without a pool boy.”
“Are
you insane?” Joe hissed as Julie departed to take care of some paperwork, a
happy blush on her face. “I wouldn’t put on that damn swimsuit again if you
gave me hazard pay!”
“Who
says either of us are going to have to?” Lee wheeled himself to the automatic
doors. “
C’mon
slowpoke. Let’s say our goodbyes to the Princess crew and get back to Seaview.”
***
“Well,
it was your own fault, Chip,” McGee said as he lounged in the pool on the Lido
Deck, “you didn’t have to needle Lee about it. Not his fault Yvette looked and
acted so much like a she.”
“But
he’d kissed her..er..him!”
“How’s
the suit feel?”
“This
damned pouch is embarrassing.!”
“Lee
said the same thing…but it has a few fringe benefits…like your first class
gathering over there.”
“They’re
mostly old ladies…and they’ve got cameras!”
“Welcome
to the web, pal. You’ll be famous.”
***
“I’m
bored,” Lee sighed, over coffee and cookies in the Observation Nose. Nelson had
ordered the accordion pleats closed to give him and Lola a little privacy as
Seaview continued home.
“After
all that’s happened?” Lola asked,
looking up from her laptop. “How can you be bored when I got permission to come
aboard Seaview in Acapulco. Nelson himself said it would be good for you, even
it my appearance there was a surprise to him.”
“It’s
not you…”
“I
know, Mr. Secret Agent Man,” she sighed,
“ Now, I have a 100 percent cure for your boredom.
“Promise?
No more lurking on that damn laptop?”
“Lee
Crane, it’s not lurking…but it’s very interesting. Did you know that Chip’s got
over 7000 hits so far and he’s only been a pool boy…”
“Pool
Master.”
“Pool Master for one morning…listen to
this… ‘this Greek God has every much in
the way of sex appeal as the former pool
boy had…will bring you more pictures tomorrow.’ Who’s that with him? She has a uniform.”
“Julie
McCoy.”
“That Julie? The one you told me about?”
“The
same.”
“Poor
Chip…”
“She’s
not a flibbertigibbet anymore, you know.”
“I
suppose…well…you know the drill. Headache? Nausea? Difficulty breathing?”
“I’m
fine! And smarty pants, I was cleared for…extracurricular activities as long as
I let you do most of the work.”
“You
actually asked your corpsman if we could…” she asked, aghast.
“No.
I asked Bricker, the Love Boat’s doctor, after I picked up my pay voucher.”
“Well,”
she ran her hand through his hair, “if that’s the case, perhaps we should start
calling Seaview our Love Boat.”
‘Look,
Lola…we have to be discrete if we…I mean here… there are over 125 men aboard…”
“They
all know we’ve been living together…so what difference does it make?”
“It’s
just…embarrassing.”
“You’re
ashamed of me?”
“No!
But…they’ll…talk…you know…that kind of stuff…besides, it’ll remind them of what
they’re missing…a sub full of horny men is not a happy boat. And they’ll think
it’s unfair. I mean, I get to roll around in the hay and they can’t…and…and…”
he lost his train of thought as she sat on his lap and kissed him, hard.
“Skipper,
I…er…”Ski stopped himself in time and retreated, making sure to reclose the
accordion pleats to the Control Room.
“You
give him the message?” Nelson asked.
“Er,
no sir…he’s kinda…busy.”
“ONI’s
waiting for a response,.” Nelson opened the pleats only to find a deserted
Nose.
“Guess
they must’ve….er…gone,” Ski flushed.
“Oh. Very well, Ski. I’ll take care of ONI.
Carry on.”
***
From Adm.
Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Lee Crane’s
Not So Hidden Assets
I’ve been trying
to get in touch with Crane after his Mission Accomplished. Nelson refused to
interrupt him.
We can’t resolve
this assignment as complete he returns the blue-green swimwear.
Jackson’s
already turned his red-orange in. Did so as soon as he and Starke returned to
ComSubPac via that chopper we sent to pick them up off of Seaview.
The problem is
that Crane seems to have given the pouch
to Commander Morton, who is serving aboard the Pacific Princess in the
capacity as Crane’s replacement for the
remainder of their cruise. Apparently Nelson doesn’t mind his officer’s
moonlighting for a little extra cash.
Hoping you can
put a little fire under Morton to return the suit as soon as possible so we can
close the file.
From Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
To Adm. Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
Re: Lee Crane’s
Not So Hidden Assets
Of course, as
soon as the Princess returns to San Diego after her cruise. Good thing these
‘uniforms’ were designed for the job sharing program, and there were only the
two of them.
By the way,
Morton has the same attraction to the female sex as Crane has. My female staff,
as Nelson’s, have been drooling over
their keyboards when they visit the damn ship’s internet site. Something about
his baby blues matching the swimsuit. This makes me think that perhaps we can
use him for any future assignments that require baiting a female. Will have to
put him through some operative training, however. See to it that he’s
approached with our proposition about joining the agency. Nelson’s bound to
object, however. We’ll need something to
bribe him with.
From Adm.
Beckwith
Personnel, ONI
To Adm.
Cartwright
Director, ONI
Re: Chip
Morton’s Not So Hidden Assets
Negative. As
soon as Morton received my call aboard
the Princess, he flatly told me he’d be damned if he ever volunteer to work for
us. Then he told me to leave Lee Crane alone, and would gladly return the pouch
but not before asking if he might purchase it. While he probably hasn’t seen much action
aboard the Princess, he has received a deluge of comments from several Santa
Barbara ladies hoping to make his acquaintance.
Perhaps we
should consider a franchise for these kinds of swim trunks just as JoEllen suggested. After we retire, of
course. Conflict of interest otherwise.
***
Nelson
leaned back in his chair, a contented
man. Seaview had returned to port a few days ago. Lee had Lola to look
after him and his last checkup showed that he was improving. It was late and most
of the Admin staff had gone home, and
all was well with the world. No bio hazard air to breathe, and no horrible
accident at sea.
And
as Starke had believed, Lee had indeed asked Nelson over for a boy’s night out
when Lola was out busy someplace.
Pizza,
beer, a baseball game, and a long talk. Apparently Lee didn’t feel pressured at
all at Nelson’s ‘interference’ in his life. Or maybe he just didn’t want to
hurt the old man’s feelings. In any case,
Harry decided to be a bit more introspective on just how he compromised
his son’s time in the future.
There
was one thing left to do before retiring to his apartment ‘above the shop’. According to Angie he had a visitor. Some kind
of salesperson, she’d said.
“How
do you do, Miss….”Nelson began, “Commander Jackson?”
“Actually,”
she bent her head and flushed, “It’s just JoEllen. Joe asked me to well,
pretend to be in the Navy. Oh he was on the up and up. ONI approved our little subterfuge. Sooner or later we
knew you’d figure out that Commanders Jackson and Crane were working together
on assignment. We just wanted that knowledge to be a little…later.”
“I
appreciate you letting me know.”
“That’s
not actually why I’m here. I’m a sales associate for a swimwear company, and
well, after seeing pictures of Joe and Captain Crane in ‘uniform’ on the Love
Boat…well, I thought NIMR could use a new look in your swim attire,” she pulled
out a yellow set of trunks.
“That’s
a pouch,” Nelson pursed his lips.
“Brilliant
powers of observation. Yes, just the thing to show folks that NIMR is right on
top of things. Current. I’m sure you don’t want other oceanographic institutes
continue to believe you’re behind the
times.”
“I
beg your pardon!”
“Common
knowledge. Did you know, Admiral, that more than half of the world’s oceanographers
are now female? What better way to attract the attention of universities and
institutions by showing them you’re not adverse to a little fashion flair.”
“My
dear young lady, I don’t for a minute think this kind of reasoning is warranted
or appropriate. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
“But
Admiral. Just think of a fashion spread…the publicity…’Admiral Nelson, CEO of his own oceanographic institute and the
submarine Seaview, emerging from one of the several rehabilitation aquariums,
in a brand spanking new yellow paisley swim trunks from Fun Wear’. People
will be sure to notice.”
“People
will laugh at me!”
“No
they won’t. At least, not the women. Here, why not try it on? If you don’t like
it, or if it doesn’t fit comfortably, I’ll just go away and never bother you
again…how about it…pretty please? ”
“Oh,
good grief,” Nelson pouted and clicked the intercom. “Angie, would you get our
guest a cup of coffee while I change? It appears it’s the only way I have to
get rid of her.”
In
minutes Angie appeared and escorted JoEllen to the outer office for some coffee.
***
“Well,
Chip, how’d you enjoy the Love Boat?” Lee asked as they both entered NIMR’s
office wing the following week.
“Actually,
it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”
“Oh?”
“You
sound disappointed. But don’t worry. I learned my lesson. The next time you
kiss a guy, even if it’s by accident, I
won’t rib you about it.”
“Fair
enough…say, what are all the staff hovered around the water cooler?”
Almost
as soon as they noticed Seaview’s two senior officers, they’d scattered, a
single page drifting out of one of the glossy magazines Tish had been carrying.
“Tish?
Tish?”Lee called.
“Forget
it Lee, she’s halfway to Timbuktu by now,” Chip picked up the page and shook
his head.
“What
is it?”
“A
fashion layout. Here, at the Institute.”
“What?”
“The
Admiral’s in it, here, listen, ‘Just as
NIMR boasts the latest in oceanographic technology, it’s CEO can boast some
rather interesting assets, such as his Fun Wear swim trunks, the latest in
fashion and comfort.’
“So
where’s the picture?” Lee asked.
“Been
cut out I guess.”
“Uh,
no…”Lee pointed to a spot behind the water cooler, and picked up the full color
layout, and strangled, ‘ohmygod… d...do you think he knows about this?”
“Of
course I do,” Nelson approached, “after all,” he wrapped his arms around their
shoulders, leading them to his office, “if you were willing, or as in your
case, Chip, semi willing to wear the damn things in the line of duty, well, so
I am I. And as someone recently informed me, think of the publicity. Besides, while I may be
old enough to be your father, but I’m not without my own ‘not so hidden assets’.
fini
*Trojan= A brand of condom
*Glenn= Lee used the moniker of Lee Glen when searching for Zeraff's city under the sea. So I used the last name of Glenn in this story for his friend Joe. Only Nelson would see the similarity.
*Johnny Walker= A whiskey very popular in the US.
*The Love Boat= TV series about the experiences of crew and passengers aboard the Pacific Princess. Used some literary licence in propelling these characters into the same time frame of this Voyage story which is also morphed into the present than it's original airing.
*NCIS=TV series (fiction) about the Naval Criminal Investigative Service special agents and their solving crimes and preventing them.
*Betty Harmon= Spinster school teacher Crane depended on to help him both escape from the bad guys in Venice and accomplish his mission by singing a little song later on. For this story I made her NCIS Special Agent McGee's aunt.