Cold
War
By Chris B.
WHN: The Saboteur
Broken,
weak, damaged goods, compromised, suspect, untrustworthy. These words echoed endlessly in Commander Lee
Crane’s head as he exited the Pentagon after the official board of inquiry
following the nearly catastrophic mission to install a missile defense system
on the sea floor. The words were never
spoken aloud by those in the room, but Lee was certain that all the members of
the panel thought them as Lee recounted his capture and brainwashing by the
People’s Republic prior to the last mission.
Hell that’s all he could think of himself despite the Navy doctor’s and
Admiral Harriman Nelson’s polite and
repeated assurances to the contrary.
The official report exonerated him of all willing
complicity with the PR scheme to sabotage the new missile system but in Lee’s
mind that only accentuated the fact that he was weak, broken and would always
remain suspect in his superior’s minds. The fact that the board lauded him for his
efforts to overcome his programming and thwart their plot seemed to completely
escape his notice. That said Lee still
wondered how anyone could ever trust him again to ensure the security and
safety of his men, his vessel and his country.
How could he ever come to trust himself again?
He had come perilously close to killing his
commanding officer and friend, Admiral Nelson, framing his XO and best friend Chip
Morton for the crimes he had
committed and derailing the deployment of the new missile system put in place
to defend their borders from powers like the PR bent on destroying his
country. Luckily for them all, the
admiral and Forrester had thwarted the plan and prevented the destruction of
his boat the SSRN Seaview.
Lee’s thoughts drifted wistfully to his boat, the
mere thought of her a soothing balm for his troubled mind. There was no finer
submarine in the world and he had somehow garnered the incredible honor of
being appointed her captain. He wondered
momentarily how much longer that would be the case. Surely the admiral already had plans in
motion to replace him as her skipper despite his words of support. Who would want a captain that had tried to
destroy his own boat? What crew could ever
trust that captain?
With that thought a cold chill swept through his
body and Lee visibly shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around his body. It
was late December and the weather in Washington DC had turned decidedly cold
dropping the temperatures near zero along with several inches of snow. The weather seemed to mirror his emotions
compounding his icy personal contempt and self-loathing; freezing hard that
knot of dread that he would soon lose all that he held dear and made his life
worthwhile.
SVSVSVSV
Seeing the shudder rack his captain’s thin frame,
Harriman Nelson was immediately concerned for his health and well-being after
this ordeal. Lee had just been released from Bethesda Naval Hospital this
morning after two weeks of deprogramming, multiple psych evaluations and therapy
to recover from the gunshot wound to his shoulder received as he tried to shoot
Nelson. He could tell by the look in
those expressive golden eyes that Lee was wounded far more deeply than the
physical injury. It was as though his
confidence and spirit had been mortally wounded in this attack and was slowly
slipping away.
As they descended the steps to the parking lot Harri
moved forward and gently placed his hand on Lee’s shoulder. “Are you okay, lad?”
“Yes sir, I’m fine,” Lee answered automatically
providing his rote response. “It’s just
a little cold.”
“That it is,” Harri said patting Lee’s shoulder and
moving up to walk beside him. “I must admit
living in Santa Barbara has thinned my blood and I’ve lost my tolerance for
these frigid temperatures. What say we
head to the hotel, have a hot toddy and a warm meal to drive off this chill?”
“That would be fine sir,” Lee responded flatly. He actually wanted neither of those things
just and wanted to be alone. Lee needed
that time to sort through all that had occurred and plot his course ahead; brooding
is what Chip called it.
“Then it’s a plan,” Harri replied forcing enthusiasm
into his words trying to hide the concern he felt for the young man he was
watching slowly self-destruct before him.
SVSVSVSV
They walked quickly across the parking lot to their
rental car and drove to their hotel.
Once they arrived they checked in and headed up to the two bedroom suite
Harri had reserved. They divested
themselves of their bags and heavy coats, and then went back down to the bar to
have that warm drink and relax.
Harri found a seat next to the fireplace in hopes
that heat from the fire would help warm Lee and draw him out of his funk. Once seated the waiter approached their table
and collected their drink orders. He
returned momentarily with their hot buttered rums and a bowl of snack mix.
Harri picked up his drink and raised it towards
Lee. “Cheers lad and thank god all that
is now over and done with. I couldn’t be
happier with the outcome and we can all put this behind us. This is the best Christmas present I’ve had
in years.” Lee nodded to Harri and
mumbled a “cheers” and sipped carefully on the hot drink.
Both men stared absently at the undulating flames of
the fire momentarily lost in their own thoughts. After a few minutes as the silence started to
become awkward Lee finally spoke. “How
are the repairs to Seaview coming sir?”
“Fine, Lee, just fine. Chip was taking her out this morning to
pressure check the seals on the windows.
Since I’ve heard nothing from him or the Institute I assume everything went
as planned and we’re now ready to sail at a moment’s notice,” Harri answered.
“That’s great to hear sir. What’s our next mission sir?” Lee responded
his interest piqued for the first time in weeks.
“There are a number of projects vying for our
attention but I haven’t really made up my mind as to which one tickles my fancy
most. I’ll think on that more once
we’re back home.
Enough shop talk Lee, let’s just sit back and relax for once, there’ll
be time enough to talk about NIMR business tomorrow while we wait for our
flight,” Harri responded.
Harri’s reluctance to talk about Seaview and NIMR
set off alarms in Lee’s mind and his greatest fear that Nelson was going to set
him adrift after the dust from this debacle settled reared its ugly head. Lee was now certain that he didn’t want to
talk shop because Lee was no longer going to be a member of the NIMR team and
his input was undesired.
Lee sighed ruefully and only halfheartedly listened
to Harri as he talked about a wide variety of subjects that didn’t involve
Seaview. He suddenly became aware that
Harri was looking at him expectantly waiting for an answer to his
question. “Pardon me sir I’m afraid I
was off wool gathering, what was the question?”
Harri laughed.
“That’s quite all right Lee. I
asked if you are ready to go to the dining room for some dinner.”
“Actually sir I’m not all that hungry and I’m kind
of tired. If you don’t mind I think I’m
going to head up to the room and crash.” Lee responded quietly.
“Are you feeling okay son?” Harri asked earnestly. As
he looked in Lee’s eyes he glimpsed a profound sadness that hadn’t been there
before.
“Yes sir. As
I said I’m just tired. It’s been a long
and rather emotionally trying day. I
didn’t sleep all that well last night so I think it’s all just catching up to
me.”
“Okay Lee.
Head on up, I’ll have some soup and a couple of sandwiches sent up to
the room in case you change your mind.”
“That’s not necessary sir,” Lee answered.
“Nonsense Lee, Jamie would read me the riot act if
he finds out I let you get away without any sustenance,” Harri replied with a
chuckle trying to lift the mood and stir Lee’s natural resistance to anything
Jamie normally wanted.
“Alright sir, thank you. If they have roast beef or egg salad that
will be fine,” Lee countered knowing he couldn’t get out of having food pushed
his way. “Well good evening sir. I’ll see you in the morning.” Lee turned and walked out of the bar and
caught the elevator up to their room.
Harri watched with great concern as Lee departed the
lounge. He had acquiesced to Harri’s
demand that he eat something too rapidly just to get away. He almost plodded out of the room as opposed
to his usual brisk and confident stride. It pained him to see Lee this way and thought
furiously for a way to drag him back into the light and reestablish his
confidence.
SVSVSVSV
As the elevator doors opened to his floor, Lee
trudged out into the hallway and made his way to their suite. Upon entering he moved to the minibar and
pulled out two bottles of scotch and poured their contents into a glass. He walked to the window and stared blankly
down on the snow-covered park next to the hotel sipping at his drink. The trees were festooned with Christmas
lights that painted rainbow patterns on the snow but given his current mood it
all appeared bleak and barren.
He felt as those his whole world was crashing down around
him certain that tomorrow would be the day the admiral informed him that his
services were no longer required. He
deserved it, he had screwed up and let the PR grab him and turn him to their
side. He hadn’t been strong enough to
stave off their attack and finally succumbed to their programming. Seaview and her crew deserved the very best
and now that no longer meant him. He sighed
in abject resignation and despair.
Lee was pulled from his reverie by a knock at the
door. He crossed the room and looked
through the peep hole finding a steward with a covered tray on a cart on the
other side. He opened the door and
admitted the young man.
“Where would you like me to put this sir?”
“Over by the coffee table is fine,” Lee replied as
he pulled a couple of dollars out of his pocket as tip. The steward rolled the cart over to the table. He handed the money to the kid and smiled.
“Thank you sir, have a good evening.”
“You too,” Lee replied.
Lee lifted up the tray cover to find a bowl of
chicken noodle soup, two sandwiches one roast beef and one egg salad, two
frosted chocolate brownies and a carafe of hot chocolate. Lee smiled slightly. “Well he got all the food groups,” Lee said
to himself. He replaced the cover and
moved back to the window. After a few
minutes pondering his future Lee came to a decision and moved quickly over to
the desk and withdrew the stationary and pen.
SVSVSVSV
Meanwhile Harri had relocated to the dining room and
had ordered his dinner feeling it best to give Lee a little space for the time
being. He had since switched over to
scotch as hot buttered rum did not necessarily foster critical thought. As he waited for his meal he stared blankly
into his glass nominally regarding the amber liquid and clear cubes thinking of
his troubled captain.
There was nothing he wanted to do more than go
upstairs and shake some sense into the young man; to tell him to let the past
be just that, the past. No one blamed
Lee for what happened on this mission, least of all Nelson, so he should follow
everyone’s lead and forgive himself. What
Lee had failed to grasp was how impressed they all were at his attempts to
fight the brainwashing and to protect all that he held dear.
For someone so incredibly talented and competent in
so many diverse areas Nelson was still amazed that Lee could be held hostage by
his own unfounded insecurities and self-doubts.
There were few, if any, that rivaled his excellence in commanding a submarine
or carrying out the impossible missions thrown at him by ONI. His intelligence bordered on genius and his
almost pathological need to keep those under his command safe even at the
expense of his own life engendered a loyalty from those he led beyond any he
had ever experienced. Harri himself
recognized his own devout loyalty to the man and was rapidly coming to regard
him almost as a son.
As Harri mulled over what could have fostered such a
fear of being less than the best in his captain, his thoughts turned to what he
knew of Lee’s childhood. He knew Lee had
grown up as an orphan with no one ever claiming him as a son. What limited information he’d drawn out of
Lee during those early years at Annapolis and since coming to NIMR painted a
very bleak picture. Thinking over the
few early life experiences Lee had shared with him, the only resonating
constant was the message that he was only wanted and of value if he was the
best. It was a notion that had been
reinforced time after time in the young man’s life and was not something Harri
could easily overcome. Hell he wanted
Lee for that very reason but he also valued him for so much more.
He was brought back to the present by the arrival of
his meal. He found he had lost much of
his appetite and picked at the items on the plate. Finally giving up, he paid his check and
headed for the room; he needed to talk to Lee now and hoped he was still awake.
SVSVSVSV
Returning to the room, he quietly opened the door
finding the table lamp on and the door to Lee’s room shut with no sign of light
shining beneath the door. Harri moved
over to the food tray, picked up the cover and was disappointed though not
surprised to find all but a single bite of the brownie still there. He sighed in frustration picked up the other
brownie and took a bite.
Polishing the treat off, he then moved the cart out
into the hall, entered his room to collect some reading material and returned
to the sitting room. He turned on the
overhead light settled on the sofa and began reading research proposals in
hopes that Lee would possibly emerge and they could talk. Harri sat there until nearly midnight then
gave up and readied himself for bed.
SVSVSVSV
Harri suddenly found himself
wide awake having heard what he thought sounded like a door shutting. He flipped on the bedside lamp and looked at
the clock, it was nearly 0230. He got up
grabbed his robe and opened the door to the sitting room. As he entered he flipped on the light and was
worried to see the door to Lee’s room standing open. He moved across the room and peered
cautiously in.
“Lee, are you in there?” Harri called. Receiving no reply he flipped on the light in
the other bedroom and found the bed empty and Lee gone. He spotted a sealed envelope addressed to him
propped against the pillow on the bed.
He moved rapidly to the bed seized the envelope and tore it open. As he began pulling out the contents he found
Lee’s NIMR ID cards, NIMR insignia pins, keys and a single handwritten
page. He dropped the other items on the
bed unfolded the paper and began to read.
Dear
Sir:
I,
Lee Benjamin Crane do hereby submit to you my resignation as captain of the
SSRN Seaview and as an employee of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research,
effective immediately. I realize that my
actions on the previous mission put the crew, Seaview and our country at risk
and think it best that I relinquish my position aboard Seaview so that you can
find someone above reproach to direct her operations and repair the damage I
have done to the NIMR reputation.
I
would like to thank you for the incredible honor and opportunity you afforded me
by allowing me to command the finest vessel and crew in the world. This will always be the pinnacle of my career
and life. I also thank you for all
you’ve taught me and have long valued you as my mentor and as an example of
what the consummate naval officer should be.
I regret that I was unable to attain that standard but will still use it
as a benchmark for whatever else I attempt in my life.
I
have also greatly appreciated the friendship you have shown me in our time
together; it has meant more to me than you will ever know. I wish you and the entire NIMR organization
all the best in your future endeavors; fair winds and following seas.
Very
Respectfully,
Lee B. Crane
Finishing the letter, Harri sat heavily on the side
of the bed stunned by the contents.
After a moment he shook his head violently crumpling the letter in his
fist. “Damn you Lee Crane!” he said in
exasperation. He got up and walked
slowly back into the sitting room and moved to the window. He stared out blankly dumbfounded by the
recent turn of events.
Looking down into the park his eyes were drawn to
the motion below, he spied a solitary figure walking slowly, almost dejectedly
across the park. Although unable to see
the man’s face, he had a good idea who it was.
He ran into his room, threw on his clothes and grabbed his coat as he
bolted out the door and ran to the elevator.
As the doors of the elevator car opened Harri dashed
out like a cat with its tail on fire startling the night staff puttering around
the hotel lobby. He sprinted across the
lobby and out the doors heading directly for the park. He just prayed that Lee was still there and
he could talk or knock some sense into that curly head. There was no way he was letting Lee get away
from him, Seaview and NIMR.
SVSVSVSV
Entering the park Harri spotted the figure he had
seen from the room window slowly shuffling his way through the snow, the
holiday lights bathing his form in a spectral aura. He was huddled deeply into his jacket, his
body tense and quite obviously shivering from the cold. “LEE!” Harri called out through the silent
night. The man ahead of him did not
react and kept moving forward. He ran
after him and called out again. “LEE! Dammit I’m talking to you Captain.”
Years of military training and protocol finally
kicked in and Lee drew to a halt and turned slightly seeing Nelson running
across the park towards him. He sighed
in defeat not at all looking forward to the impending "discussion” with
the admiral regarding his resignation.
Drawing nearer to his wayward captain Harri fought
the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. “Just where the hell do you think you’re
going Captain?” he blundered at the figure before him.
Lee sighed again.
“I thought that my letter made that clear sir,” Lee replied softly. “I’m saving you the trouble of releasing me
in the morning and clearing the way for you to hire my replacement.”
“Where in blue blazes did you ever get the notion
that I have any intention of replacing you as my captain?” Harri asked in
exasperation.
“It was pretty clear in the bar, at least to me
sir. Every time I tried to talk about
Seaview and any upcoming missions you steered the conversation elsewhere. That told me you no longer wanted my input
and most likely were just being polite by not firing me right after the hearing.”
Lee answered.
Harri stared in stunned disbelief at Lee for the
longest time. “How the hell did you come
to that conclusion? Lee I just wanted us
to relax, to step away from work and duty and talk about things normal people
do. I told you we would talk of Seaview
and NIMR in the morning.”
Lee just shrugged his shoulders and a shiver rippled
through his slim body. He wasn’t buying
it. How could Nelson ever want him
around again, he had failed, he had been compromised and nearly succeeded in
killing the man that had come to mean so much to him.
“Admiral, you, the crew and Seaview deserve only the
best in command. I may have been that at
one point, but that’s no longer the case.
I nearly killed you and given the opportunity would have destroyed the
boat. Why would you subject Seaview and
her crew to a captain that has been compromised? Why would the crew willing follow someone who
had betrayed them? Why would you be
willing to risk their safety, Seaview’s or yours on someone so weak?” Lee nearly shouted incredulous that Nelson
would even deign to consider friendship over competence and reliability when it
came to Seaview.
He turned suddenly away from the Admiral feeling
chilled to his soul. God had he just
bared all his fears and insecurities to the man? He raised his hands to his mouth and blew
into them hoping to return some warmth to his fingers as yet another shudder ripped
through his body. He desperately wanted
to be away from here; away from this man he respected so much to keep from
seeing the disappointment in his face at Lee’s failure to carry out his duties
and keep his charges safe.
“Lee, son,” Harri started quietly. “You’ve never let me down or the crew. Why won’t you hear what we’re all saying and
believe us? My god son you are the
victim in all of this. In any other
conflict but this cold war you would
have been decorated for your actions and the injuries you sustained. You went
through hell being tortured and forced to subvert your beliefs and loyalties to
meet your captor’s goals. Even through
it all you never fully ceded your free will and convictions as you fought
valiantly to bring to light their evil scheme and you did.”
“From the time you arrived on the boat you were subtly
and not so subtly throwing clues at us that something wasn’t right, but me,
being too focused on my science and the mission was blind to it. Lee I’ve known since Annapolis that you grew
up an orphan yet when you said you had left to see your ailing mother I never
made the connection. The fact you convinced
the PR that you had a mother was a brilliant bit of subterfuge on your
part. Had I remembered that one fact about
you or shared the reason you gave me for your absence with Chip, everything
would have ended there.”
“Every move you made after that was tinged with a
clue, a plea, that you weren’t yourself, that you weren’t in full control but
again I was too caught up with the mission to recognize that. My god after you nearly melted down in the
observation nose that should have set off more alarm bells in my head than it
did. I’ve seen you in far more stressful
situations in some cases fighting for your very life and you’ve been the model
of calm and collected action.”
“You were forced to serve two masters on that cruise
and unfortunately the one that you freely give your loyalty and allegiance to
couldn’t or was unwilling to listen to your quiet cries that things were not
right. When you came down to the missile
room to kill me, Forrester was watching you the entire time. He said when you finally drew your gun it
took you forever to even try and draw a bead on me. He said your hands were shaking so bad that
even if you had fired there’s no way in hell I’d have been hit. We both know you’re a marksman and can nail
your target from a wildly moving platform without effort yet you couldn’t sight
in on me standing on a level deck. You
fought it all the way and that was not the action of a weak man, Lee,” Harri
continued.
Harri stood silent for a moment regarding the man
before him. Lee continued to stare down
at the ground averting his eyes from Nelson’s probing gaze, his private pain
and misery written clearly in his hunched stance. How could he have ever let
Lee be injured? The blame for this
current situation and his captain and friend’s self-doubt and condemnation
rested squarely at his feet. Lee had all
but begged to be relieved of command and taken out of the equation but Harri
had failed to listen. If he had his way
Lee was not going to become any more of a casualty of the PR’s plan than he
already was.
“Lee, I owe you a huge apology, son. I am so sorry for all that happened to you on
that cruise. I should never have allowed
it to progress so far and especially never allowed you to be hurt. Can you ever forgive me son?”
“Forgive you?” Lee responded in total
disbelief. “God, Admiral haven’t you
listened to anything you’ve
said. This was all my
fault, I failed you, I failed my country, I let you down. I am so sorry sir.”
Finally pushed to the breaking point Harri stepped
forward and grabbed Lee by the shoulders and gave him a shake. Lee’s head snapped up startled by the action
and reluctantly made eye contact with Nelson.
“Give up this self-pity and self-doubt Lee, it doesn’t suit you. At every turn you fought your conditioning,
and in your own way sabotaged their efforts to neutralize our weapons and
frustrated their attempts to destroy Seaview without tipping your hand to the
other agent. Parker was every bit a
victim like you having also been tortured and brainwashed to carry out the PR’s
plan but it wasn’t within him to fight like you. Your actions have been
recognized for what they were by me, ONI and the rest of the Navy, a brave and
determined attempt to block that plan.” Harri stated fervidly.
“Do you honestly think I would let something like
friendship or favoritism hold sway in my decision as
to who should command my boat? Do you
think that I would settle for less than the most competent and capable man
available to ensure the safety and security of Seaview and her crew? Has your faith in my decisions been so shaken
after this mess that you no longer trust in me?” Harri railed.
“No sir!” answered Lee shocked that Harri could ever
think that he doubted him or his decisions.
“That alone Lee is the only valid reason I can think
of for you resigning as captain. If
you’ve reached a point where you have no confidence in me and my decisions
about how best to protect my people and my boat then I will accept your
resignation, otherwise you’re stuck with me until your contract runs out and
even then I won’t let you go,” Harri finished with a small smile as he glimpsed
the first signs that he had made it through to Lee.
“Aye sir,” Lee responded almost shyly. He stood quietly considering all that Harri
had said. After a few minutes he spoke.
“Then I rescind my resignation if that is allowed.”
“Consider it done.” Harri answered with a huge smile
which was greeted by shy grin from Lee.
As they stood there another shudder passed through Lee’s body as the
evening chill burrowed in. “Come on son
let’s head back in have something hot to drink and get you warmed up. I bring you home with a cold and Jamie will
have my head on a platter.”
“Yes sir,” Lee answered and turned to walk back to
the hotel.
As they made their way to the hotel Harri slung his
arm across Lee’s shoulder. “Lee, I have wanted
you as Seaview’s captain since the day her keel was laid. The Navy powers at the time blocked my
initial attempts to pirate you away son or you would have been with us at
commissioning. I have never, repeat never, regretted my
decision to appoint you as Seaview’s captain and everything you have done as
her master has only confirmed the rightness of my choice. You need never doubt that you belong on
Seaview or at my side, do you understand?”
Lee turned his head and stared intently into Harri’s
eyes. He saw acceptance, confidence and
trust in him and something else that truly startled him, a caring and affection
he never dared thought possible. He felt
the dread and fear that had taken up residence inside him since the start of
this ordeal, begin to thaw and melt away.
He felt the tide turn in the personal cold war he fought inside, and a comforting warmth spread within him.
Harri returned Lee’s searching gaze
unflinchingly. Much to his relief he saw
the dawning of the realization in Lee’s expressive eyes that to Harri he was
not expendable when things got tough, that he was valued and wanted even if
things didn’t go as planned, even if he wasn’t perfect, and that maybe he had
found what he wanted most in this world, a family and a home.
Nearing the lobby doors Lee placed his hand on Nelson’s
shoulder drawing him to a halt. Harri
looked questioningly at his captain.
“Thank you sir…for everything,” Lee said quietly.
Harri smiled and clapped Lee on the back. “No Lee, thank you,” he replied as he opened
the door and escorted Lee in out of the cold.
The End.