Cold War

By Chris B.

 

WHN:  The Saboteur

Broken, weak, damaged goods, compromised, suspect, untrustworthy.  These words echoed endlessly in Commander Lee Crane’s head as he exited the Pentagon after the official board of inquiry following the nearly catastrophic mission to install a missile defense system on the sea floor.  The words were never spoken aloud by those in the room, but Lee was certain that all the members of the panel thought them as Lee recounted his capture and brainwashing by the People’s Republic prior to the last mission.  Hell that’s all he could think of himself despite the Navy doctor’s and Admiral Harriman Nelson’s polite and repeated assurances to the contrary.

The official report exonerated him of all willing complicity with the PR scheme to sabotage the new missile system but in Lee’s mind that only accentuated the fact that he was weak, broken and would always remain suspect in his superior’s minds.  The fact that the board lauded him for his efforts to overcome his programming and thwart their plot seemed to completely escape his notice.  That said Lee still wondered how anyone could ever trust him again to ensure the security and safety of his men, his vessel and his country.  How could he ever come to trust himself again?

He had come perilously close to killing his commanding officer and friend, Admiral Nelson, framing his XO and best friend Chip Morton for the crimes he had committed and derailing the deployment of the new missile system put in place to defend their borders from powers like the PR bent on destroying his country.  Luckily for them all, the admiral and Forrester had thwarted the plan and prevented the destruction of his boat the SSRN Seaview.

Lee’s thoughts drifted wistfully to his boat, the mere thought of her a soothing balm for his troubled mind. There was no finer submarine in the world and he had somehow garnered the incredible honor of being appointed her captain.  He wondered momentarily how much longer that would be the case.  Surely the admiral already had plans in motion to replace him as her skipper despite his words of support.  Who would want a captain that had tried to destroy his own boat?  What crew could ever trust that captain?

With that thought a cold chill swept through his body and Lee visibly shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around his body. It was late December and the weather in Washington DC had turned decidedly cold dropping the temperatures near zero along with several inches of snow.  The weather seemed to mirror his emotions compounding his icy personal contempt and self-loathing; freezing hard that knot of dread that he would soon lose all that he held dear and made his life worthwhile.

SVSVSVSV

Seeing the shudder rack his captain’s thin frame, Harriman Nelson was immediately concerned for his health and well-being after this ordeal. Lee had just been released from Bethesda Naval Hospital this morning after two weeks of deprogramming, multiple psych evaluations and therapy to recover from the gunshot wound to his shoulder received as he tried to shoot Nelson.  He could tell by the look in those expressive golden eyes that Lee was wounded far more deeply than the physical injury.  It was as though his confidence and spirit had been mortally wounded in this attack and was slowly slipping away.

As they descended the steps to the parking lot Harri moved forward and gently placed his hand on Lee’s shoulder.  “Are you okay, lad?”

“Yes sir, I’m fine,” Lee answered automatically providing his rote response.  “It’s just a little cold.”

“That it is,” Harri said patting Lee’s shoulder and moving up to walk beside him.  “I must admit living in Santa Barbara has thinned my blood and I’ve lost my tolerance for these frigid temperatures.  What say we head to the hotel, have a hot toddy and a warm meal to drive off this chill?”

“That would be fine sir,” Lee responded flatly.  He actually wanted neither of those things just and wanted to be alone.   Lee needed that time to sort through all that had occurred and plot his course ahead; brooding is what Chip called it.

“Then it’s a plan,” Harri replied forcing enthusiasm into his words trying to hide the concern he felt for the young man he was watching slowly self-destruct before him.

SVSVSVSV

They walked quickly across the parking lot to their rental car and drove to their hotel.  Once they arrived they checked in and headed up to the two bedroom suite Harri had reserved.  They divested themselves of their bags and heavy coats, and then went back down to the bar to have that warm drink and relax.

Harri found a seat next to the fireplace in hopes that heat from the fire would help warm Lee and draw him out of his funk.  Once seated the waiter approached their table and collected their drink orders.  He returned momentarily with their hot buttered rums and a bowl of snack mix.

Harri picked up his drink and raised it towards Lee.  “Cheers lad and thank god all that is now over and done with.  I couldn’t be happier with the outcome and we can all put this behind us.  This is the best Christmas present I’ve had in years.”  Lee nodded to Harri and mumbled a “cheers” and sipped carefully on the hot drink.

Both men stared absently at the undulating flames of the fire momentarily lost in their own thoughts.  After a few minutes as the silence started to become awkward Lee finally spoke.  “How are the repairs to Seaview coming sir?”

“Fine, Lee, just fine.  Chip was taking her out this morning to pressure check the seals on the windows.  Since I’ve heard nothing from him or the Institute I assume everything went as planned and we’re now ready to sail at a moment’s notice,” Harri answered.

“That’s great to hear sir.  What’s our next mission sir?” Lee responded his interest piqued for the first time in weeks.

“There are a number of projects vying for our attention but I haven’t really made up my mind as to which one tickles my fancy most.   I’ll think on that more once we’re back home.  Enough shop talk Lee, let’s just sit back and relax for once, there’ll be time enough to talk about NIMR business tomorrow while we wait for our flight,” Harri responded.

Harri’s reluctance to talk about Seaview and NIMR set off alarms in Lee’s mind and his greatest fear that Nelson was going to set him adrift after the dust from this debacle settled reared its ugly head.  Lee was now certain that he didn’t want to talk shop because Lee was no longer going to be a member of the NIMR team and his input was undesired.

Lee sighed ruefully and only halfheartedly listened to Harri as he talked about a wide variety of subjects that didn’t involve Seaview.  He suddenly became aware that Harri was looking at him expectantly waiting for an answer to his question.  “Pardon me sir I’m afraid I was off wool gathering, what was the question?”

Harri laughed.  “That’s quite all right Lee.  I asked if you are ready to go to the dining room for some dinner.”

“Actually sir I’m not all that hungry and I’m kind of tired.  If you don’t mind I think I’m going to head up to the room and crash.” Lee responded quietly.

“Are you feeling okay son?” Harri asked earnestly. As he looked in Lee’s eyes he glimpsed a profound sadness that hadn’t been there before.

“Yes sir.  As I said I’m just tired.  It’s been a long and rather emotionally trying day.  I didn’t sleep all that well last night so I think it’s all just catching up to me.”

“Okay Lee.  Head on up, I’ll have some soup and a couple of sandwiches sent up to the room in case you change your mind.”

“That’s not necessary sir,” Lee answered.

“Nonsense Lee, Jamie would read me the riot act if he finds out I let you get away without any sustenance,” Harri replied with a chuckle trying to lift the mood and stir Lee’s natural resistance to anything Jamie normally wanted.

“Alright sir, thank you.  If they have roast beef or egg salad that will be fine,” Lee countered knowing he couldn’t get out of having food pushed his way.  “Well good evening sir.  I’ll see you in the morning.”  Lee turned and walked out of the bar and caught the elevator up to their room.

Harri watched with great concern as Lee departed the lounge.  He had acquiesced to Harri’s demand that he eat something too rapidly just to get away.  He almost plodded out of the room as opposed to his usual brisk and confident stride.   It pained him to see Lee this way and thought furiously for a way to drag him back into the light and reestablish his confidence.

SVSVSVSV

As the elevator doors opened to his floor, Lee trudged out into the hallway and made his way to their suite.  Upon entering he moved to the minibar and pulled out two bottles of scotch and poured their contents into a glass.  He walked to the window and stared blankly down on the snow-covered park next to the hotel sipping at his drink.  The trees were festooned with Christmas lights that painted rainbow patterns on the snow but given his current mood it all appeared bleak and barren.

He felt as those his whole world was crashing down around him certain that tomorrow would be the day the admiral informed him that his services were no longer required.  He deserved it, he had screwed up and let the PR grab him and turn him to their side.  He hadn’t been strong enough to stave off their attack and finally succumbed to their programming.  Seaview and her crew deserved the very best and now that no longer meant him.  He sighed in abject resignation and despair.

Lee was pulled from his reverie by a knock at the door.  He crossed the room and looked through the peep hole finding a steward with a covered tray on a cart on the other side.  He opened the door and admitted the young man.

“Where would you like me to put this sir?”

“Over by the coffee table is fine,” Lee replied as he pulled a couple of dollars out of his pocket as tip.  The steward rolled the cart over to the table.  He handed the money to the kid and smiled.

“Thank you sir, have a good evening.”

“You too,” Lee replied.

Lee lifted up the tray cover to find a bowl of chicken noodle soup, two sandwiches one roast beef and one egg salad, two frosted chocolate brownies and a carafe of hot chocolate.  Lee smiled slightly.  “Well he got all the food groups,” Lee said to himself.  He replaced the cover and moved back to the window.  After a few minutes pondering his future Lee came to a decision and moved quickly over to the desk and withdrew the stationary and pen.

SVSVSVSV

Meanwhile Harri had relocated to the dining room and had ordered his dinner feeling it best to give Lee a little space for the time being.  He had since switched over to scotch as hot buttered rum did not necessarily foster critical thought.  As he waited for his meal he stared blankly into his glass nominally regarding the amber liquid and clear cubes thinking of his troubled captain.

There was nothing he wanted to do more than go upstairs and shake some sense into the young man; to tell him to let the past be just that, the past.  No one blamed Lee for what happened on this mission, least of all Nelson, so he should follow everyone’s lead and forgive himself.  What Lee had failed to grasp was how impressed they all were at his attempts to fight the brainwashing and to protect all that he held dear.

For someone so incredibly talented and competent in so many diverse areas Nelson was still amazed that Lee could be held hostage by his own unfounded insecurities and self-doubts.  There were few, if any, that rivaled his excellence in commanding a submarine or carrying out the impossible missions thrown at him by ONI.  His intelligence bordered on genius and his almost pathological need to keep those under his command safe even at the expense of his own life engendered a loyalty from those he led beyond any he had ever experienced.  Harri himself recognized his own devout loyalty to the man and was rapidly coming to regard him almost as a son.

As Harri mulled over what could have fostered such a fear of being less than the best in his captain, his thoughts turned to what he knew of Lee’s childhood.  He knew Lee had grown up as an orphan with no one ever claiming him as a son.  What limited information he’d drawn out of Lee during those early years at Annapolis and since coming to NIMR painted a very bleak picture.  Thinking over the few early life experiences Lee had shared with him, the only resonating constant was the message that he was only wanted and of value if he was the best.  It was a notion that had been reinforced time after time in the young man’s life and was not something Harri could easily overcome.   Hell he wanted Lee for that very reason but he also valued him for so much more.

He was brought back to the present by the arrival of his meal.  He found he had lost much of his appetite and picked at the items on the plate.  Finally giving up, he paid his check and headed for the room; he needed to talk to Lee now and hoped he was still awake.

SVSVSVSV

Returning to the room, he quietly opened the door finding the table lamp on and the door to Lee’s room shut with no sign of light shining beneath the door.  Harri moved over to the food tray, picked up the cover and was disappointed though not surprised to find all but a single bite of the brownie still there.  He sighed in frustration picked up the other brownie and took a bite.

Polishing the treat off, he then moved the cart out into the hall, entered his room to collect some reading material and returned to the sitting room.  He turned on the overhead light settled on the sofa and began reading research proposals in hopes that Lee would possibly emerge and they could talk.  Harri sat there until nearly midnight then gave up and readied himself for bed.

SVSVSVSV

Harri suddenly found himself wide awake having heard what he thought sounded like a door shutting.  He flipped on the bedside lamp and looked at the clock, it was nearly 0230.  He got up grabbed his robe and opened the door to the sitting room.  As he entered he flipped on the light and was worried to see the door to Lee’s room standing open.  He moved across the room and peered cautiously in.

“Lee, are you in there?” Harri called.  Receiving no reply he flipped on the light in the other bedroom and found the bed empty and Lee gone.  He spotted a sealed envelope addressed to him propped against the pillow on the bed.  He moved rapidly to the bed seized the envelope and tore it open.  As he began pulling out the contents he found Lee’s NIMR ID cards, NIMR insignia pins, keys and a single handwritten page.  He dropped the other items on the bed unfolded the paper and began to read.

 

Dear Sir:

I, Lee Benjamin Crane do hereby submit to you my resignation as captain of the SSRN Seaview and as an employee of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research, effective immediately.  I realize that my actions on the previous mission put the crew, Seaview and our country at risk and think it best that I relinquish my position aboard Seaview so that you can find someone above reproach to direct her operations and repair the damage I have done to the NIMR reputation.

I would like to thank you for the incredible honor and opportunity you afforded me by allowing me to command the finest vessel and crew in the world.  This will always be the pinnacle of my career and life.  I also thank you for all you’ve taught me and have long valued you as my mentor and as an example of what the consummate naval officer should be.  I regret that I was unable to attain that standard but will still use it as a benchmark for whatever else I attempt in my life.    

I have also greatly appreciated the friendship you have shown me in our time together; it has meant more to me than you will ever know.  I wish you and the entire NIMR organization all the best in your future endeavors; fair winds and following seas.

                                                                        Very Respectfully,

                                                                       Lee B. Crane

Finishing the letter, Harri sat heavily on the side of the bed stunned by the contents.  After a moment he shook his head violently crumpling the letter in his fist.  “Damn you Lee Crane!” he said in exasperation.  He got up and walked slowly back into the sitting room and moved to the window.  He stared out blankly dumbfounded by the recent turn of events. 

Looking down into the park his eyes were drawn to the motion below, he spied a solitary figure walking slowly, almost dejectedly across the park.  Although unable to see the man’s face, he had a good idea who it was.  He ran into his room, threw on his clothes and grabbed his coat as he bolted out the door and ran to the elevator.

As the doors of the elevator car opened Harri dashed out like a cat with its tail on fire startling the night staff puttering around the hotel lobby.  He sprinted across the lobby and out the doors heading directly for the park.  He just prayed that Lee was still there and he could talk or knock some sense into that curly head.  There was no way he was letting Lee get away from him, Seaview and NIMR.

SVSVSVSV

Entering the park Harri spotted the figure he had seen from the room window slowly shuffling his way through the snow, the holiday lights bathing his form in a spectral aura.  He was huddled deeply into his jacket, his body tense and quite obviously shivering from the cold.  “LEE!” Harri called out through the silent night.  The man ahead of him did not react and kept moving forward.  He ran after him and called out again.  “LEE!  Dammit I’m talking to you Captain.”  

Years of military training and protocol finally kicked in and Lee drew to a halt and turned slightly seeing Nelson running across the park towards him.  He sighed in defeat not at all looking forward to the impending "discussion” with the admiral regarding his resignation.

Drawing nearer to his wayward captain Harri fought the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him.  “Just where the hell do you think you’re going Captain?” he blundered at the figure before him.

Lee sighed again.  “I thought that my letter made that clear sir,” Lee replied softly.  “I’m saving you the trouble of releasing me in the morning and clearing the way for you to hire my replacement.”

“Where in blue blazes did you ever get the notion that I have any intention of replacing you as my captain?” Harri asked in exasperation.

“It was pretty clear in the bar, at least to me sir.  Every time I tried to talk about Seaview and any upcoming missions you steered the conversation elsewhere.  That told me you no longer wanted my input and most likely were just being polite by not firing me right after the hearing.” Lee answered.

Harri stared in stunned disbelief at Lee for the longest time.  “How the hell did you come to that conclusion?  Lee I just wanted us to relax, to step away from work and duty and talk about things normal people do.  I told you we would talk of Seaview and NIMR in the morning.”

Lee just shrugged his shoulders and a shiver rippled through his slim body.  He wasn’t buying it.  How could Nelson ever want him around again, he had failed, he had been compromised and nearly succeeded in killing the man that had come to mean so much to him.

“Admiral, you, the crew and Seaview deserve only the best in command.  I may have been that at one point, but that’s no longer the case.  I nearly killed you and given the opportunity would have destroyed the boat.  Why would you subject Seaview and her crew to a captain that has been compromised?  Why would the crew willing follow someone who had betrayed them?  Why would you be willing to risk their safety, Seaview’s or yours on someone so weak?”  Lee nearly shouted incredulous that Nelson would even deign to consider friendship over competence and reliability when it came to Seaview. 

He turned suddenly away from the Admiral feeling chilled to his soul.  God had he just bared all his fears and insecurities to the man?  He raised his hands to his mouth and blew into them hoping to return some warmth to his fingers as yet another shudder ripped through his body.  He desperately wanted to be away from here; away from this man he respected so much to keep from seeing the disappointment in his face at Lee’s failure to carry out his duties and keep his charges safe.

“Lee, son,” Harri started quietly.  “You’ve never let me down or the crew.  Why won’t you hear what we’re all saying and believe us?  My god son you are the victim in all of this.  In any other conflict but this cold war you would have been decorated for your actions and the injuries you sustained. You went through hell being tortured and forced to subvert your beliefs and loyalties to meet your captor’s goals.  Even through it all you never fully ceded your free will and convictions as you fought valiantly to bring to light their evil scheme and you did.”

“From the time you arrived on the boat you were subtly and not so subtly throwing clues at us that something wasn’t right, but me, being too focused on my science and the mission was blind to it.  Lee I’ve known since Annapolis that you grew up an orphan yet when you said you had left to see your ailing mother I never made the connection.  The fact you convinced the PR that you had a mother was a brilliant bit of subterfuge on your part.  Had I remembered that one fact about you or shared the reason you gave me for your absence with Chip, everything would have ended there.”

“Every move you made after that was tinged with a clue, a plea, that you weren’t yourself, that you weren’t in full control but again I was too caught up with the mission to recognize that.  My god after you nearly melted down in the observation nose that should have set off more alarm bells in my head than it did.  I’ve seen you in far more stressful situations in some cases fighting for your very life and you’ve been the model of calm and collected action.”

“You were forced to serve two masters on that cruise and unfortunately the one that you freely give your loyalty and allegiance to couldn’t or was unwilling to listen to your quiet cries that things were not right.  When you came down to the missile room to kill me, Forrester was watching you the entire time.  He said when you finally drew your gun it took you forever to even try and draw a bead on me.  He said your hands were shaking so bad that even if you had fired there’s no way in hell I’d have been hit.  We both know you’re a marksman and can nail your target from a wildly moving platform without effort yet you couldn’t sight in on me standing on a level deck.  You fought it all the way and that was not the action of a weak man, Lee,” Harri continued.

Harri stood silent for a moment regarding the man before him.   Lee continued to stare down at the ground averting his eyes from Nelson’s probing gaze, his private pain and misery written clearly in his hunched stance. How could he have ever let Lee be injured?   The blame for this current situation and his captain and friend’s self-doubt and condemnation rested squarely at his feet.  Lee had all but begged to be relieved of command and taken out of the equation but Harri had failed to listen.  If he had his way Lee was not going to become any more of a casualty of the PR’s plan than he already was.

“Lee, I owe you a huge apology, son.  I am so sorry for all that happened to you on that cruise.  I should never have allowed it to progress so far and especially never allowed you to be hurt.  Can you ever forgive me son?”

“Forgive you?” Lee responded in total disbelief.  “God, Admiral haven’t you listened to anything you’ve said.  This was all my fault, I failed you, I failed my country, I let you down.  I am so sorry sir.”

Finally pushed to the breaking point Harri stepped forward and grabbed Lee by the shoulders and gave him a shake.  Lee’s head snapped up startled by the action and reluctantly made eye contact with Nelson.  “Give up this self-pity and self-doubt Lee, it doesn’t suit you.  At every turn you fought your conditioning, and in your own way sabotaged their efforts to neutralize our weapons and frustrated their attempts to destroy Seaview without tipping your hand to the other agent.   Parker was every bit a victim like you having also been tortured and brainwashed to carry out the PR’s plan but it wasn’t within him to fight like you. Your actions have been recognized for what they were by me, ONI and the rest of the Navy, a brave and determined attempt to block that plan.” Harri stated fervidly.

“Do you honestly think I would let something like friendship or favoritism hold sway in my decision as to who should command my boat?  Do you think that I would settle for less than the most competent and capable man available to ensure the safety and security of Seaview and her crew?  Has your faith in my decisions been so shaken after this mess that you no longer trust in me?” Harri railed.

“No sir!” answered Lee shocked that Harri could ever think that he doubted him or his decisions.

“That alone Lee is the only valid reason I can think of for you resigning as captain.  If you’ve reached a point where you have no confidence in me and my decisions about how best to protect my people and my boat then I will accept your resignation, otherwise you’re stuck with me until your contract runs out and even then I won’t let you go,” Harri finished with a small smile as he glimpsed the first signs that he had made it through to Lee.

“Aye sir,” Lee responded almost shyly.   He stood quietly considering all that Harri had said.  After a few minutes he spoke. “Then I rescind my resignation if that is allowed.”

“Consider it done.” Harri answered with a huge smile which was greeted by shy grin from Lee.  As they stood there another shudder passed through Lee’s body as the evening chill burrowed in.  “Come on son let’s head back in have something hot to drink and get you warmed up.  I bring you home with a cold and Jamie will have my head on a platter.”

“Yes sir,” Lee answered and turned to walk back to the hotel.

As they made their way to the hotel Harri slung his arm across Lee’s shoulder.  “Lee, I have wanted you as Seaview’s captain since the day her keel was laid.  The Navy powers at the time blocked my initial attempts to pirate you away son or you would have been with us at commissioning.  I have never, repeat never, regretted my decision to appoint you as Seaview’s captain and everything you have done as her master has only confirmed the rightness of my choice.  You need never doubt that you belong on Seaview or at my side, do you understand?”

Lee turned his head and stared intently into Harri’s eyes.  He saw acceptance, confidence and trust in him and something else that truly startled him, a caring and affection he never dared thought possible.  He felt the dread and fear that had taken up residence inside him since the start of this ordeal, begin to thaw and melt away.  He felt the tide turn in the personal cold war he fought inside, and a comforting warmth spread within him.

Harri returned Lee’s searching gaze unflinchingly.  Much to his relief he saw the dawning of the realization in Lee’s expressive eyes that to Harri he was not expendable when things got tough, that he was valued and wanted even if things didn’t go as planned, even if he wasn’t perfect, and that maybe he had found what he wanted most in this world, a family and a home.

Nearing the lobby doors Lee placed his hand on Nelson’s shoulder drawing him to a halt.  Harri looked questioningly at his captain.  “Thank you sir…for everything,” Lee said quietly.

Harri smiled and clapped Lee on the back.  “No Lee, thank you,” he replied as he opened the door and escorted Lee in out of the cold.

 

The End.