The Plot Squid Affair

by Storm

Captain Lee Crane stood beside the chart table in the submarine Seaview’s control room, his eyes locked on the chart lying on the plot table in front of him. He was aware of his XO, Chip Morton, standing stiffly beside him, seemingly equally engrossed by the chart. In truth, neither could have told if asked what was even on the chart, for their real attention was on the bizarre display outside Seaview's bow windows.

Squid. Thousands and thousands of them. Big squid and little squid. Squid that came in blond, russet, black or silver, with luminous eyes that were blue or hazel or gold. Squid that attached themselves to the windows and peered in with beseeching looks.

The two officers could hear the Admiral coming down the spiral stairs, muttering under his breath. Lee risked a quick glance up just in time to see Nelson thumb the button to close the crash doors, shutting out the eerie sight outside.

"Did you figure out what they are, Admiral?" he asked.

"Yes," Nelson told him shortly, "I did." The admiral ran a hand through his russet hair, making it stand on end. "They're plot squid."

"They're what?" Lee couldn't help looking perplexed - he'd never heard of such creatures.

"Plot squid," Nelson repeated with distaste in his voice.

Lee shared a puzzled look with Chip, who looked equally baffled. "Er... just what are plot squid, sir?"

Nelson sighed, clearly reluctant to speak further, but Lee patiently stared at him until he finally gave in and told them more.

"Remember the discussion we had one time about information leakage between different universes?"

Now it was Lee's turn to shuffle uncomfortably. They'd once briefly encountered their own alternates from another universe; their other selves had been actors who'd merely played their roles on a television show.

"They're from an alternate universe?"

Nelson folded his arms and sighed again. "Yes and no, Lee. Part of the problem is they aren't real in a physical sense. Do you know what a plot bunny is?"

Morton stirred at Crane‘s side and spoke. "They're story ideas. They're called plot bunnies because they tend to multiply like rabbits." His blue eyes suddenly widened in something like horror as he made the connection. "They're story ideas?"

Nelson nodded glumly.

"So how did they get to be plot squid?" asked Crane.

"My source," answered Nelson dryly, "tells me that it's for two reasons - they were invented by a Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea fanfic writer who didn't think bunnies were appropriate for a series based on a submarine .... and they are far more tenacious than plot bunnies."

"Tenacious?" That wasn't a word Seaview's captain was happy to hear. "Does that mean we're stuck with them?"

"At least until their creators recall them."

"How long is that going to take?" Crane let his eyes flick towards the closed windows.

"Hopefully not long. Apparently the Voyage fans are quite possessive of their ideas; my source thinks they'll start reclaiming them fairly quickly."

"Your source?"

Nelson gave Lee a tight smile. "Napoleon Solo."

"The new director of U.N.C.L.E.?" Now that Lee thought about it, U.N.C.L.E. had been involved in the affair with their alter egos; apparently they’d been more involved than he realized.

"Yes. He’s encountered similar phenomena. Mister Solo said it usually happens when there's some kind of contest, reissue of episodes of a series or an anniversary of some sort."

“And he knows this because….?” asked Morton.

“When our little adventure happened T.H.R.U.S.H. was trying to come up with a way to replace the U.N.C.L.E. agents. Instead they tapped the power of a fanfic writers group who were less than pleased at what was happening. The group,” added Nelson, “promptly collaborated and wrote a story about T.H.R.U.S.H.’s downfall - and it happened. We got pulled in because a couple of the writers also wrote Voyage.”

Lee suppressed a shudder. “That makes them sound like gods or something.”

Nelson shook his head. “From what I understand, something like that is very much the exception rather than the rule. Normally, what happens is they write after the fact, plus only a few of them are apparently tuned in, so to speak, on the lives of their chosen favorites in various alternate universes.”

The expression of horror on Lee’s face mirrored that of his XO. “Just how tuned in are they?”

“It seems to depend on the individual writer. Some of them are very much aware of what happens, though Mr. Solo tells me that the majority of those are for some reason also the most discrete.” Nelson shook his head, though Lee wasn‘t sure if it was from disbelief or not. “He also tells me that not all the stories written reflect a reality of any sort. In fact, most of the stories are just stories - and that’s where the plot squid come in. The few writers who are picking up on alternate realities don‘t actually need them.”

Lee thought about the thousands of squid they’d seen surrounding the sub. It didn’t seem possible they weren’t real, but then they’d seen plenty of other things that were unreal during his tenure as captain. But story ideas taking the visible form of squid! That was something very different. He couldn’t help the shake of his head. “I’ll take your word for it, Admiral. Are they going to be a problem on our current mission?”

Nelson looked thoughtful for a moment. “They shouldn’t be.”

“In that case…” Lee picked up the mike clipped to the chart table. “Engineering, all ahead one-third.” He’d ordered the boat stopped when they’d encountered the squid.

“All ahead one-third, aye,” came the prompt reply.

The men felt the deck begin to vibrate under their feet as the huge sub began to move forward. Out of curiosity, Lee walked over and pressed the button to open the crash doors over the bow windows; he wanted to see how the plot squid would respond to the boat moving in amongst them.

What he saw stopped him in his tracks.

The plot squid were disappearing. Not swimming away, but simply vanishing in place. Already at least half of them had to be gone. Even as he fastened his gaze on a blond squid right in front of the windows, it winked out of existence. Between one heartbeat and the next it was just gone. He turned an astonished look on Nelson, who gave him back a look that showed similar surprise.

“Well,” commented Chip dryly from behind them, “I guess their owners discovered they were missing.”

“Put down on paper as stories, if what Mr. Solo told me is accurate,” replied Nelson.

“Must be one heck of a contest then,” said Lee as he leaned forward into the window trying to see if the squid on the sides were also vanishing.

“Probably from more than one universe,” said Nelson as they watched the few remaining plot squid disappear from sight. He was thoughtful for a moment before adding, “I wonder what the occasion was?”

Lee gave him a look. “What?”

Nelson looked back at him and shrugged. “Something breached the barriers and brought them here, even if it was only for a short time. Mr. Solo tells me it’s not a frequent occurrence, so we’re unlikely to see something like that again very soon, but…”

“But it’s not impossible,” finished Crane with an annoyed look on his face.

“I’m afraid so, Lee.”

Crane shook his head and turned to look back out the windows at the now empty sea. The thought that there were people out there somewhere, even if they weren’t in this universe, who knew what went on in his life was disconcerting, disturbing even. The only consolation was that the Admiral had said they were both few and discrete. But still….A sudden thought struck him. Could someone somewhere be writing even about this? He gave a small shudder at the very notion and decided that wasn’t a question he was sure he even wanted an answer to.

Special thanks to Kim for allowing the use of her plot squid.