********************************
SSRN SEAVIEW NEWSLETTER
A WORD FROM ADMIRAL NELSON
First, I would like to express my thanks to all hands for your support during the last hair raising mission, no pun intended.
The Captain assures me that he has had no further inclination to snarl or bite anyone since his transformation back to normal after the Braddock affair.
He also assures me that he has only slavered a little bit and that only when looking at the latest swimsuit calendar Kowalski picked up in Denmark. Good grief, so would I !
Even the Doctor assures me, that aside from a lingering flea problem, our Captain may resume his full duties without any undue concern on our part.
I’m sure you will give him your full support.
*
Flea shampoo is available from Sick Bay should anyone become infested.***
From the Mess
We will be serving a new product, developed by Admiral Nelson, for all hands to enjoy.
It’s a light snack, highly nutritious, and limited in calories and fat.
Feedback (sorry) will be welcome as the Admiral would like to market the product.
Important note: It is not to be referred to as the CAPTAIN’S KIBBLE.
***
From the XO
It has some to my attention that some of you have been ordering unauthorized items through the Internet.
May I remind all hands that use of email and Internet services is restricted to the Internet call times when we’re on the surface and anyone caught cheating will be dismissed. We got into enough trouble last time when it jammed our entire Fail Safe System when used without a clear window, and I don’t mean the Observation Nose.
In addition, while I am a firm believer in the free choice of products and services, I’m sure there will be no need of the rubber bones, collars, or chew toys for the Captain that so many of you have been ordering.
***
MOVIE SCHEDULE THIS WEEK
TUESDAY: A Dog of Flanders
THURSDAY: Lassie Come Home
SATURDAY: I Was a Teenage Werewolf
***
From Sick Bay
Inoculations will be given for Rabies for all hands. Not that I’m worried or anything. It’s just that the Captain has been drooling a little bit.
************************************
post this on the bulletin board under the newsletter! H. N.
Look men, the time for fun and games is over! You will not, I repeat NOT play Frisbee with the Captain! No matter if he whines about no fun aboard! H. Nelson
*
ATTN.: All Hands!
While the antidote corrected the chemical imbalance in the Captain's bloodstream, his continuing side effects may affect his temperament and command abilities. It's best just to play along even if it seems odd to toss the mike back and forth and to take him for a walk, especially aboard ship. My medical advice is just to humor him. We don't want him howling mad.
Doc.
*
Will all hands please remember that the Captain has a medical condition and is not really responsible for the tooth and claw marks on the door frame of the galley. How would you feel if you didn't get another treat? C.M.
*
International Pet Pals Competition
A wonderful romp of splashing, jumping and Frisbee chasing. Your pet could win a year's supply of Kibble and a photograph on the bag!
Lots of fun for all. Enter now!
Name of Pet:
SkipperName of owner:
*
You bozos knock it off! It ain't the Captain's fault he's the way he is! And before you know it, he'll be himself again! Back to work, all of you! Chief Sharkey!
*
Attention: All hands
The Captain will not be referred to as 'Skip. Although this term has been applied to him as a matter of course, it is highly inappropriate now as it sounds too much like a pet's name in his present condition and he's greatly embarrassed by it.
The Captain will be staying at the home of my sister, Edith, for the duration of the lingering side effects, which Doc assures us will fade in time.
Edith is a member of the SPCA and you need not fear for the Captain's care and boarding. He will be well taken care of and quite comfortable.
He is currently on medical leave and knows his continuing side effects make it impossible for him to remain in command until the irritating and sudden canine type urges are gone.
He is in good humor and even jokes about his weird predicament. You will be glad to know that the increased hair follicle growth and terrifying rages he experienced during the Braddock experiment have not returned at all.
We have high hopes.
H. Nelson
*
Dear crew,
It's been awhile, but I have good news! I won the Pet Pals contest! NO, don't groan, not as 'Skipper', but as a SPCA sponsor with Angie's pet Goldie.
You remember her, don't you? The Golden Retriever with that luxurious fur, beautiful eyes, and her wonderfully trimmed nails and, well I digress. Anyway, we all had a great time!
Most of the side effects are completely gone. Though h I have to admit I guess I did develop a taste for that Kibble! Try it! You may like it!
And better yet, Edith's cats can climb all over me and I hardly even bark at them…just kidding.
Anyway, feeling lots better each and every day and look forward to returning to Seaview soon. So make sure you're stocked up with flea dip! ( just kidding Chip, but still-)
Take care,
Lee Crane