Shores
of Doubt
By Pauline
Foreword; This is a sort of WHN to The Enemies.
Returning to awareness, Lee opened his eyes to find
that he was lying on a hard metal surface.
For a moment he remained where he was, the sounds around him seemed
familiar, but if this was Seaview, why was he lying on the deck? Had he fallen out of his bunk? Somehow this did not seem like his cabin.
His head aches and he felt a wave of nausea hit him
as he attempted to sit up. Looking
around he realised that he was indeed aboard Seaview, in the restraint
ward. But that still didn’t explain why
he was on the deck; Jamie was not in the habit of letting his patient sleep on
the floor. Right now he didn’t care he
decided. If Jamie didn’t mind, then
neither did he. He was feeling lousy and
just wanted to go back to sleep. However,
when he tried to get to his feet, his left leg protested loudly. With a groan, he dragged himself to the bed
and crawled under the blanket; he’d worry about the why later.
“The Skipper’s awake, Doc,” the Corpsman called.
Lee heard the door being unlocked and gave a mental sigh;
he didn’t want to be poked and prodded.
He wanted to be left alone until he felt like dealing with the world. He listened as footsteps approached.
“Captain, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked as
he placed a hand on Lee’s shoulder.
He was tempted to tell the doctor to go away and
leave him alone, but this was Jamie, and Lee would never admit to feeling less
than fine. Instead, he turned onto his back and looked up at Jamieson. “Doc,
what happened? What am I doing here?”
Jamieson frowned. “You don’t remember being on the
island?”
Suddenly memory came crashing back, assaulting him
with the realisation that he had made a complete spectacle of himself, and had
been dragged back to the sub kicking and screaming. How was he ever going to be able to face the crew?
“Skipper?” Jamieson asked frowning with concern.
“I’m okay,” Lee pushed up on one elbow anxious to
escape Sick bay and retreat to his cabin before the Admiral turned up.
“Come on,” Jamieson coaxed gently, taking hold of
Lee’s arm. “Let’s get you cleaned up and
into a bunk. Then I’ll set up an IV to
help wash the drug out of your system.”
Lee didn’t want to stay in Sickbay, and he hated
IVs, but he knew there was no point in arguing.
He staggered and would have fallen if Jamieson had not been holding his
arm.
“What’s wrong?”
Jamieson asked as he to guided him to a bunk.
“My leg, I fell,”
he hadn’t taken much notice at the time, but he remembered falling from
a rock while struggling with Nelson when he’d tried to get the gun away from
him.
“I’m sorry we had to lock you in the restraint ward,
Skipper, but I couldn’t chance sedating you without knowing what was in the
drug you’d consumed, and I didn’t want to strap you into a bunk because I was
afraid that you might hurt yourself struggling to get free.” Jamieson apologised
as he helped Lee out of his mud covered shirt.
“It’s okay Jamie. If I’d been the Admiral, I’d have
thrown me in the brig.” He would have
liked a shower, but wasn’t sure that he was up to that right now. “Can we forget the IV? I’ll be fine after a few hours sleep.” He was so tired, he only wanted to close his
eyes and sleep.
“I’m sorry, Captain, you need fluids, you’re
dehydrated.” Jamieson apologised sympathetically. “And I need to take a look at that leg.”
Lee gave in to the inevitable and settled into the
bunk. That would teach him to eat wild
berries. “How is the Admiral?” he asked sleepily.
“He’s fine, no ill effects at all,” Jamieson told
him.
Lee nodded thoughtfully. He watched Jamieson hang the IV bag and swab
his arm in preparation for the cannula.
Jamieson was silent for a moment while he finished
taping the cannula in place and started the IV. “You know Captain; if you are honest with me
it would make things easier for both of us.
How are you really?”
Lee sighed, what
the heck, he was already in sickbay. “I’m tired and thirsty, I haven’t had
anything to eat or drink since we went ashore.
My head aches, and no, I didn’t bang my head.”
Jamieson smiled. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, I feel like I went ten rounds with a
gorilla. Can I go to sleep now?” Lee was beyond worrying about what Jamieson
would make if his sudden change in attitude.
All he wanted was to crawl under the covers and forget about what had
happened for a few hours.
“Let me check your leg and then if you can stay
awake long enough, I’ll get you something to drink.”
“Sounds great,” He was so thirsty, even water would taste
wonderful.
****
Chip stuck his head into sickbay “Is it safe to come
in?” he joked.
Jamieson, seated at his desk, looked up and smiled.
“Yes, Chip, come on in.” Nodding towards
sickbay proper he continued. “Lee’s asleep.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he woke up and seemed rational, if a little
subdued.”
Chip knew that Lee would be beating himself up over
what had happened on the island and was probably avoiding facing the Admiral.
“Can I visit for a while?”
“Be my guest.
Maybe when he wakes up, you can convince him that he has nothing to feel
guilty about.”
“Maybe the Admiral should tell him.” Chip didn’t know exactly what had taken place
on the island, but Lee and Nelson had become close since Lee had taken over
Seaview’s captaincy. Unfortunately, at
times, it had been a difficult balancing act for Lee when the two men clashed.
“I expect the Admiral is waiting to speak to him in
private.”
And Lee is
hiding down here. “How is he
really, Doc?”
“He’s exhausted and dehydrated, which concentrated
the drug in his system and increasing its effects. He also took a tumble and injured his left
leg, but nothing serious. He’ll be fine
once the drug clears his system.”
A moan from sickbay proper brought the doctor to his
feet and they both hurried to Lee’s bedside.
Lee was lying on his back, his head rolled on the pillow and he muttered
something neither of them could make out.
Jamieson silently observed his patient for a few
minutes. “He’s fine,” he assured Chip.
Chip pulled up a chair next to Lee’s bunk and sat
down. When Lee pulled at the blanket,
dragging it up around his shoulders Chip grabbed another from the next bunk and
spread it over Lee. Had Lee been awake,
he would have told him to stop fussing. Right
now, Chip would be happy to have Lee awake and complaining. Chip frowned; it
wasn’t like Lee to be lying in Sickbay asleep.
Normally Jamieson had to fight to keep him in bed.
“Kill...Noo!” Lee moaned, becoming agitated.
“Hey, It’s okay, take it easy,” Chip reached out and
squeezed Lee’s arm. “Come on, buddy, time to wake up.”
****
Chip’s familiar voice pulled Lee from the
dream. He opened his eyes and turned his
head to look at his friend. “Chip.”
“How’re you feeling,” Chip asked cheerfully.
“I’m okay,” Lee tried to sit up and Chip quickly
grabbed another pillow and put it behind him.
“Thanks,” Lee winced as the bruising on his back where Nelson had hit
him, reminded him of what had happened on the island; as if he needed
reminding.
“How long are you planning on hiding down here?”
Lee glared at him.
“Jamie said that I need to give the drug time to clear my system, I’m
just following doctor’s orders. You
should be pleased.”
“I would be if it were true. I’ve seen you in worse shape than this, get
up and walk out of sickbay.”
“It’s a little difficult to escape when I’m tethered
to this thing,” Lee grumbled, eyeing the IV with distaste.
Chip snorted. “Since when have you let a little
thing like that stop you?”
He lowered his gaze, feeling uncomfortable,
embarrassed by the memory of being dragged back aboard half out of his
mind. “I’m tired, Chip,” Lee closed his
eyes.
“That’s not going to work on me, Pal. You can’t hide down here for the rest of the
cruise, you need to talk to the Admiral and straighten out whatever you think
the problem is.”
Lee opened his eyes. “Talk to him! I’m lucky he didn’t throw me in the
brig. I don’t think he’s going to want
to talk to me any time soon.” What the hell had he been thinking? Had he forgotten all his training? Stupid!!
“Lee, that’s rubbish,” Chip snapped.
“Yeah, then why hasn’t he been to see me?” Lee
retaliated. “I screwed up.”
“How do you figure that?” Chip asked.
“I shouldn’t have eaten those berries.”
“It wasn’t you’re fault, you weren’t to know,” Chip
argued.
Lee sighed. “Chip, I’m trained in survival; I should
have known better, especially after what happened to Angler.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Lee. The Admiral doesn’t blame you.”
Lee desperately wanted to believe that Chip was
right, but the question of why Nelson hadn’t been to see him still nagged at
him. He’d tried to kill him and if Chip
and the shore party hadn’t arrived when they had..? He couldn’t stop his mind going back to the
nightmare of being hauled back to Seaview, yelling his head off that he was
going to kill Nelson. “I made a complete
ass of himself in front of the crew. I
wouldn’t blame them for thinking I’ve gone off the deep end.”
“Do you want me to call Kowalski down here so that
he can tell you what an idiot you’re being, Captain? Chip challenged. “Lee, nothing has changed, the crew still
believe in you. They know you were
drugged.”
“And what about you?”
“What?” Chip asked in surprise. “I don’t know
exactly what happened on that island, but I do know that none of it was your
fault.”
“Skipper?”
Lee looked up at the sound of Jamieson’s voice; he
hadn’t heard the doctor approach.
“Feel like eating now?” Jamieson asked, setting a
tray down on the roll away table and moved it closer to the bunk.
Lee was tempted to tell him he didn’t want it, but
the smell of food made him realise how hungry he was. He couldn’t remember how long it had been
since he’d eaten.
“If you eat, I’ll remove the IV and release you to
your cabin,” Jamieson smiled.
“Eat up, Lee, the crew needs you back,” Chip
encouraged.
Lee picked up the spoon and tried a mouthful of the
chicken soup. “Guess I am hungry.” He admitted sheepishly.
***
Nelson put down his pen and rested back in his
chair, going over what had happened on the island. Jamieson had reported that Lee was awake and
appeared rational. So why was he sitting
here in his cabin, instead of going to see Lee in sickbay? Why was he having such a hard time dealing
with what had happened between them on the island? He knew that it hadn’t been Lee’s fault, that
he had been under the influence of General Tau’s hate drug.
He’d told himself that it would be better to wait
until Lee was out of sickbay, so that they could talk in private, but he knew
that was just an excuse. Why was he
really avoiding talking to Lee? Surely
he didn’t harbour any ill feeling towards Lee for his actions? He remembered the mixture of feeling he’d
experienced while in the cell, but he knew that Tua had been playing games with
them, testing them. Still somehow he felt guilt.
Nelson shook his head is self recrimination. In the twelve months since Lee had become
Seaview’s Captain, they had been through a lot together. Lee had been thrown in at the deep end as
Seaview had embarked on a run of tough missions, especially for the young
Captain. Lee had handled everything that
had been thrown at him and through it all they had become close friends. He recalled that even on Lee’s first cruise,
Nelson had told him that he was too valuable to risk on a diving mission. Little did he realise then just how valuable
Lee would become, not just as Seaview’s Captain, but as a valued friend,
brother and surrogate son. It had been
while Lee and a prize crew had been kidnapped that he began to realise the
depth of his feeling for Lee. While during the rescue mission, Nelson had been
told that one of the crew had been killed and his relief on hearing that it was
not Crane. Nelson was not given to
voicing his feelings, but he was beginning to realise that his feelings towards
the young Captain had changed, Lee was the son he’d never had.
Apart from his sister Edith, Nelson had no family,
he had never married. He had always been
too wrapped up in his work and with his dream of building Seaview. Was that why he was avoiding Lee now, because
he was afraid of admitting, even to himself, how he felt?
Stop looking for
excuses, Harry, he told himself.
Glancing at his watch, he realised how late it was, although Lee was
probably still awake, Jamieson would not appreciate him visiting this late, he
would go see Lee tomorrow.
***
Having been released from sickbay, Lee was lying on
his bunk in his cabin. If he was honest,
he was feeling a little stiff and sore.
A knock on the door had him
sitting up and swinging his legs off the bunk before he remembered why he was
lying down. “Come in.” He called softly.
Nelson entered, looking somewhat apprehensive and
shoving his hands into his pockets walked over to stand in front of Crane. “How
are you feeling, Lee?”
“A lot better.
How are you?” Lee replied
cheerfully.
“Fine.”
Lee gave a small shake of his head. “I wish we could have blown that island out
of the water.”
“No, no, that would have jeopardized our relations
with a friendly nation, Lee,” Nelson hitched a hip onto Lee’s desk. “Co’s when
they find out that I moved their pump from the reservoir to a contaminated
lake, there may be some protests.”
“If there’s anyone left alive to protest,” Lee swung
his legs back onto the bunk and laid down.
He rather liked the idea of the people who had been responsible for the death
of the Angler’s crew becoming victims of their own hate drug.
Nelson chuckled and then turned serious again as he got
up from the desk, seemingly unable to meet Lee’s gaze, making Lee worry that
there was something Nelson wasn’t saying. Lee was still feeling embarrassed, he should
have known better than to eat those berries or anything else on the island. Heaven knows what scuttlebutt was going
around the boat.
“Admiral, I’m sorry? I guess I’m lucky you didn’t
throw me in the brig.” Lee looked embarrassed.
“Now why would I do that?”
“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had, I tried to
kill you.”
Nelson shrugged. “Forget it, Lee.” Abruptly, he got to his feet and shoving his
hands into his pockets, turned towards the door. “Doc tells me that you hurt
your leg and that he wants you to rest for a few days. Just make sure that you follow doc’s orders.”
Lee nodded. “Yes, Sir.” Lee rested back with one arm under his
head. He heard the cabin door close
behind Nelson. Tomorrow he would talk
Jamie into letting him return to light duty, before the whole crew reached the
conclusion that he had gone completely off his head.
***
Seaview was on the surface, lying off the coast of
Santa Barbara. In the conning tower, Lee
Crane leaned against the coming, his chin resting on his arm, gazed fixed on
the ocean surround the sub, watching the sunset. The sea was calm and bathed in a tawny glow,
turning it to molton gold.
Emerging from the deck hatch, Nelson noticed how
Lee’s shoulder blades showed under his shirt, Lee was still underweight. “Want to talk about it?” he prompted, joining Crane on the bridge.
Lee shrugged without turning. “What’s to talk
about? How I screwed up?”
Nelson shook his head. “No, Lee, it wasn’t your
fault.”
“Then who’s fault was it, Admiral?”
“General Tau and his government.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I should have know
better than to eat those berries.”
“Lee,” Nelson moved closer and reached out to lay a
hand on Lee’s arm. “Listen to me, you’re a fine officer and a good friend. I don’t blame you for what happened on the
island.
Lee pushed away from the support of the coming and
turned to face him. “Thank you, Admiral, but I can’t help feeling that I’ve let
you down.”
“Nonsense, You haven’t let me down. Lad. There’s no-one I trust more than you,” Nelson
assured him. “ And I wouldn’t want anyone else to captain Seaview.”
“I appreciate your faith in me, Admiral.”
“does Doc know you’re up here?” He teased in an attempt to lighten Lee’s
mood. He was sure that Jamieson would
not approve of Lee climbing the ladder to the conning tower, he was supposed to
be resting his injured leg. That was his
fault, Lee had fallen when he’d tryed to get the gun away from him.
“Not exactly,” Lee answered sheepishly. “You going to turn me in?”
“You’re the Captain.
Now, are you going to take us in or are you planning on staying out here
all night?” he joked.
A grin slowly spread across Lee’s face. “Yes,
Admiral.” Lee unclipped a mic and called
the control room. “Mr Morton, prepare to get underway.”