Shores of Doubt

By Pauline

Foreword; This is a sort of WHN to The Enemies.

Returning to awareness, Lee opened his eyes to find that he was lying on a hard metal surface. For a moment he remained where he was, the sounds around him seemed familiar, but if this was Seaview, why was he lying on the deck? Had he fallen out of his bunk? Somehow this did not seem like his cabin.

His head aches and he felt a wave of nausea hit him as he attempted to sit up. Looking around he realised that he was indeed aboard Seaview, in the restraint ward. But that still didn’t explain why he was on the deck; Jamie was not in the habit of letting his patient sleep on the floor. Right now he didn’t care he decided. If Jamie didn’t mind, then neither did he. He was feeling lousy and just wanted to go back to sleep. However, when he tried to get to his feet, his left leg protested loudly. With a groan, he dragged himself to the bed and crawled under the blanket; he’d worry about the why later.

“The Skipper’s awake, Doc,” the Corpsman called.

Lee heard the door being unlocked and gave a mental sigh; he didn’t want to be poked and prodded. He wanted to be left alone until he felt like dealing with the world. He listened as footsteps approached.

“Captain, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked as he placed a hand on Lee’s shoulder.

He was tempted to tell the doctor to go away and leave him alone, but this was Jamie, and Lee would never admit to feeling less than fine. Instead, he turned onto his back and looked up at Jamieson. “Doc, what happened? What am I doing here?”

Jamieson frowned. “You don’t remember being on the island?”

Suddenly memory came crashing back, assaulting him with the realisation that he had made a complete spectacle of himself, and had been dragged back to the sub kicking and screaming. How was he ever going to be able to face the crew?

“Skipper?” Jamieson asked frowning with concern.

“I’m okay,” Lee pushed up on one elbow anxious to escape Sick bay and retreat to his cabin before the Admiral turned up.

“Come on,” Jamieson coaxed gently, taking hold of Lee’s arm. “Let’s get you cleaned up and into a bunk. Then I’ll set up an IV to help wash the drug out of your system.”

Lee didn’t want to stay in Sickbay, and he hated IVs, but he knew there was no point in arguing. He staggered and would have fallen if Jamieson had not been holding his arm.

“What’s wrong?” Jamieson asked as he to guided him to a bunk.

“My leg, I fell,” he hadn’t taken much notice at the time, but he remembered falling from a rock while struggling with Nelson when he’d tried to get the gun away from him.

“I’m sorry we had to lock you in the restraint ward, Skipper, but I couldn’t chance sedating you without knowing what was in the drug you’d consumed, and I didn’t want to strap you into a bunk because I was afraid that you might hurt yourself struggling to get free.” Jamieson apologised as he helped Lee out of his mud covered shirt.

“It’s okay Jamie. If I’d been the Admiral, I’d have thrown me in the brig.” He would have liked a shower, but wasn’t sure that he was up to that right now. “Can we forget the IV? I’ll be fine after a few hours sleep.” He was so tired, he only wanted to close his eyes and sleep.

“I’m sorry, Captain, you need fluids, you’re dehydrated.” Jamieson apologised sympathetically. “And I need to take a look at that leg.”

Lee gave in to the inevitable and settled into the bunk. That would teach him to eat wild berries. “How is the Admiral?” he asked sleepily.

“He’s fine, no ill effects at all,” Jamieson told him.

Lee nodded thoughtfully. He watched Jamieson hang the IV bag and swab his arm in preparation for the cannula.

Jamieson was silent for a moment while he finished taping the cannula in place and started the IV. “You know Captain; if you are honest with me it would make things easier for both of us. How are you really?”

Lee sighed, what the heck, he was already in sickbay. “I’m tired and thirsty, I haven’t had anything to eat or drink since we went ashore. My head aches, and no, I didn’t bang my head.”

Jamieson smiled. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, I feel like I went ten rounds with a gorilla. Can I go to sleep now?” Lee was beyond worrying about what Jamieson would make if his sudden change in attitude. All he wanted was to crawl under the covers and forget about what had happened for a few hours.

“Let me check your leg and then if you can stay awake long enough, I’ll get you something to drink.”

“Sounds great,” He was so thirsty, even water would taste wonderful.

****

Chip stuck his head into sickbay “Is it safe to come in?” he joked.

Jamieson, seated at his desk, looked up and smiled. “Yes, Chip, come on in.” Nodding towards sickbay proper he continued. “Lee’s asleep.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, he woke up and seemed rational, if a little subdued.”

Chip knew that Lee would be beating himself up over what had happened on the island and was probably avoiding facing the Admiral. “Can I visit for a while?”

“Be my guest. Maybe when he wakes up, you can convince him that he has nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Maybe the Admiral should tell him.” Chip didn’t know exactly what had taken place on the island, but Lee and Nelson had become close since Lee had taken over Seaview’s captaincy. Unfortunately, at times, it had been a difficult balancing act for Lee when the two men clashed.

“I expect the Admiral is waiting to speak to him in private.”

And Lee is hiding down here. “How is he really, Doc?”

“He’s exhausted and dehydrated, which concentrated the drug in his system and increasing its effects. He also took a tumble and injured his left leg, but nothing serious. He’ll be fine once the drug clears his system.”

A moan from sickbay proper brought the doctor to his feet and they both hurried to Lee’s bedside. Lee was lying on his back, his head rolled on the pillow and he muttered something neither of them could make out.

Jamieson silently observed his patient for a few minutes. “He’s fine,” he assured Chip.

Chip pulled up a chair next to Lee’s bunk and sat down. When Lee pulled at the blanket, dragging it up around his shoulders Chip grabbed another from the next bunk and spread it over Lee. Had Lee been awake, he would have told him to stop fussing. Right now, Chip would be happy to have Lee awake and complaining. Chip frowned; it wasn’t like Lee to be lying in Sickbay asleep. Normally Jamieson had to fight to keep him in bed.

“Kill...Noo!” Lee moaned, becoming agitated.

“Hey, It’s okay, take it easy,” Chip reached out and squeezed Lee’s arm. “Come on, buddy, time to wake up.”

****

Chip’s familiar voice pulled Lee from the dream. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at his friend. “Chip.”

“How’re you feeling,” Chip asked cheerfully.

“I’m okay,” Lee tried to sit up and Chip quickly grabbed another pillow and put it behind him. “Thanks,” Lee winced as the bruising on his back where Nelson had hit him, reminded him of what had happened on the island; as if he needed reminding.

“How long are you planning on hiding down here?”

Lee glared at him. “Jamie said that I need to give the drug time to clear my system, I’m just following doctor’s orders. You should be pleased.”

“I would be if it were true. I’ve seen you in worse shape than this, get up and walk out of sickbay.”

“It’s a little difficult to escape when I’m tethered to this thing,” Lee grumbled, eyeing the IV with distaste.

Chip snorted. “Since when have you let a little thing like that stop you?”

He lowered his gaze, feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed by the memory of being dragged back aboard half out of his mind. “I’m tired, Chip,” Lee closed his eyes.

“That’s not going to work on me, Pal. You can’t hide down here for the rest of the cruise, you need to talk to the Admiral and straighten out whatever you think the problem is.”

Lee opened his eyes. “Talk to him! I’m lucky he didn’t throw me in the brig. I don’t think he’s going to want to talk to me any time soon.” What the hell had he been thinking? Had he forgotten all his training? Stupid!!

“Lee, that’s rubbish,” Chip snapped.

“Yeah, then why hasn’t he been to see me?” Lee retaliated. “I screwed up.”

“How do you figure that?” Chip asked.

“I shouldn’t have eaten those berries.”

“It wasn’t you’re fault, you weren’t to know,” Chip argued.

Lee sighed. “Chip, I’m trained in survival; I should have known better, especially after what happened to Angler.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Lee. The Admiral doesn’t blame you.”

Lee desperately wanted to believe that Chip was right, but the question of why Nelson hadn’t been to see him still nagged at him. He’d tried to kill him and if Chip and the shore party hadn’t arrived when they had..? He couldn’t stop his mind going back to the nightmare of being hauled back to Seaview, yelling his head off that he was going to kill Nelson. “I made a complete ass of himself in front of the crew. I wouldn’t blame them for thinking I’ve gone off the deep end.”

“Do you want me to call Kowalski down here so that he can tell you what an idiot you’re being, Captain? Chip challenged. “Lee, nothing has changed, the crew still believe in you. They know you were drugged.”

“And what about you?”

“What?” Chip asked in surprise. “I don’t know exactly what happened on that island, but I do know that none of it was your fault.”

“Skipper?”

Lee looked up at the sound of Jamieson’s voice; he hadn’t heard the doctor approach.

“Feel like eating now?” Jamieson asked, setting a tray down on the roll away table and moved it closer to the bunk.

Lee was tempted to tell him he didn’t want it, but the smell of food made him realise how hungry he was. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d eaten.

“If you eat, I’ll remove the IV and release you to your cabin,” Jamieson smiled.

“Eat up, Lee, the crew needs you back,” Chip encouraged.

Lee picked up the spoon and tried a mouthful of the chicken soup. “Guess I am hungry.” He admitted sheepishly.

***

Nelson put down his pen and rested back in his chair, going over what had happened on the island. Jamieson had reported that Lee was awake and appeared rational. So why was he sitting here in his cabin, instead of going to see Lee in sickbay? Why was he having such a hard time dealing with what had happened between them on the island? He knew that it hadn’t been Lee’s fault, that he had been under the influence of General Tau’s hate drug.

He’d told himself that it would be better to wait until Lee was out of sickbay, so that they could talk in private, but he knew that was just an excuse. Why was he really avoiding talking to Lee? Surely he didn’t harbour any ill feeling towards Lee for his actions? He remembered the mixture of feeling he’d experienced while in the cell, but he knew that Tua had been playing games with them, testing them. Still somehow he felt guilt.

Nelson shook his head is self recrimination. In the twelve months since Lee had become Seaview’s Captain, they had been through a lot together. Lee had been thrown in at the deep end as Seaview had embarked on a run of tough missions, especially for the young Captain. Lee had handled everything that had been thrown at him and through it all they had become close friends. He recalled that even on Lee’s first cruise, Nelson had told him that he was too valuable to risk on a diving mission. Little did he realise then just how valuable Lee would become, not just as Seaview’s Captain, but as a valued friend, brother and surrogate son. It had been while Lee and a prize crew had been kidnapped that he began to realise the depth of his feeling for Lee. While during the rescue mission, Nelson had been told that one of the crew had been killed and his relief on hearing that it was not Crane. Nelson was not given to voicing his feelings, but he was beginning to realise that his feelings towards the young Captain had changed, Lee was the son he’d never had.

Apart from his sister Edith, Nelson had no family, he had never married. He had always been too wrapped up in his work and with his dream of building Seaview. Was that why he was avoiding Lee now, because he was afraid of admitting, even to himself, how he felt?

Stop looking for excuses, Harry, he told himself. Glancing at his watch, he realised how late it was, although Lee was probably still awake, Jamieson would not appreciate him visiting this late, he would go see Lee tomorrow.

***

Having been released from sickbay, Lee was lying on his bunk in his cabin. If he was honest, he was feeling a little stiff and sore. A knock on the door had him sitting up and swinging his legs off the bunk before he remembered why he was lying down. “Come in.” He called softly.

Nelson entered, looking somewhat apprehensive and shoving his hands into his pockets walked over to stand in front of Crane. “How are you feeling, Lee?”

“A lot better. How are you?” Lee replied cheerfully.

“Fine.”

Lee gave a small shake of his head. “I wish we could have blown that island out of the water.”

“No, no, that would have jeopardized our relations with a friendly nation, Lee,” Nelson hitched a hip onto Lee’s desk. “Co’s when they find out that I moved their pump from the reservoir to a contaminated lake, there may be some protests.”

“If there’s anyone left alive to protest,” Lee swung his legs back onto the bunk and laid down. He rather liked the idea of the people who had been responsible for the death of the Angler’s crew becoming victims of their own hate drug.

Nelson chuckled and then turned serious again as he got up from the desk, seemingly unable to meet Lee’s gaze, making Lee worry that there was something Nelson wasn’t saying. Lee was still feeling embarrassed, he should have known better than to eat those berries or anything else on the island. Heaven knows what scuttlebutt was going around the boat.

“Admiral, I’m sorry? I guess I’m lucky you didn’t throw me in the brig.” Lee looked embarrassed.

“Now why would I do that?”

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had, I tried to kill you.”

Nelson shrugged. “Forget it, Lee.” Abruptly, he got to his feet and shoving his hands into his pockets, turned towards the door. “Doc tells me that you hurt your leg and that he wants you to rest for a few days. Just make sure that you follow doc’s orders.”

Lee nodded. “Yes, Sir.” Lee rested back with one arm under his head. He heard the cabin door close behind Nelson. Tomorrow he would talk Jamie into letting him return to light duty, before the whole crew reached the conclusion that he had gone completely off his head.

***

Seaview was on the surface, lying off the coast of Santa Barbara. In the conning tower, Lee Crane leaned against the coming, his chin resting on his arm, gazed fixed on the ocean surround the sub, watching the sunset. The sea was calm and bathed in a tawny glow, turning it to molton gold.

Emerging from the deck hatch, Nelson noticed how Lee’s shoulder blades showed under his shirt, Lee was still underweight. “Want to talk about it?” he prompted, joining Crane on the bridge.

Lee shrugged without turning. “What’s to talk about? How I screwed up?”

Nelson shook his head. “No, Lee, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Then who’s fault was it, Admiral?”

“General Tau and his government.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I should have know better than to eat those berries.”

“Lee,” Nelson moved closer and reached out to lay a hand on Lee’s arm. “Listen to me, you’re a fine officer and a good friend. I don’t blame you for what happened on the island.

Lee pushed away from the support of the coming and turned to face him. “Thank you, Admiral, but I can’t help feeling that I’ve let you down.”

“Nonsense, You haven’t let me down. Lad. There’s no-one I trust more than you,” Nelson assured him. “ And I wouldn’t want anyone else to captain Seaview.”

“I appreciate your faith in me, Admiral.”

“does Doc know you’re up here?” He teased in an attempt to lighten Lee’s mood. He was sure that Jamieson would not approve of Lee climbing the ladder to the conning tower, he was supposed to be resting his injured leg. That was his fault, Lee had fallen when he’d tryed to get the gun away from him.

“Not exactly,” Lee answered sheepishly. “You going to turn me in?”

“You’re the Captain. Now, are you going to take us in or are you planning on staying out here all night?” he joked.

A grin slowly spread across Lee’s face. “Yes, Admiral.” Lee unclipped a mic and called the control room. “Mr Morton, prepare to get underway.”