THE
DOCTOR IS IN
By
Mary Elliott
Capt.
Joshua J. Newman, M.D. looked at the two officers pacing up and down in his office.
It was very unusual for two Navy officers, admirals no less, to be seeking help
from an Army psychiatrist. But then the story they were telling him was also
very strange, and he had heard a lot of strange things in his line of
work.
He
looked over his notes from the session just completed. Both of these men claim
they were attacked the previous Labor Day by a yellow Stearman and something they
were calling a flying sub, also yellow in color. Yellow again; I wonder if they have a bedwetting problem? If they were two other officers
he would think it was a joke, or maybe Liebowitz was just getting back at him.
Maybe they were suffering from a persecution complex?
Captain
Newman peeked around the file in his hand as they continued to pace, now at an
alarming rate; soon he would have no carpet left in his office. He liked this
carpet. Lieutenant Corum had picked it out personally just for him. They were
now waving their arms in the air, muttering under their breaths. He laid down
his notes and tried to listen. The better looking one was saying something
about forgiving someone for shooting holes in the courtroom ceiling, escaping
from the brig and always resigning his commission.
Running
his hand over his almost bald head, he said, “So why did he try to mow me down
last Labor Day? I don’t get it. He’s the best damn lawyer I’ve got. And he has Mac to work with. What am I supposed to do with the guy?”
The
other one was in even worse shape. His face was red and he was shaking his fist
at someone who was not there. “Crane’s problem is he thinks he can get away
with everything because Nelson lets him run roughshod over him. He would never
last under my command.”
Captain
Newman thought he heard something about old Navy was the only way to do things,
and being taken over by aliens, ghosts and creatures from the ocean was warping
their judgment. The doctor slowly moved his hand towards the telephone; maybe
it was time to call for backup.
Suddenly
he turned to the
other and cried out, “I swear, AJ, I saw Crane talking on this weird looking
cell phone. He was speaking to someone named Jim and asking how to install
something called a cloaking device. Said he was going to chase down and scare the
pants off an overweight old Navy SOB this Labor Day at
the luau! How is anybody supposed to work
with somebody like that. I swear, Harry must be crazy himself!”
Captain
Newman wasted no time picking up the phone and yelling for two straitjackets.
Captain Newman, MD starred Gregory Peck, with Angie Dickinson as Lieutenant Corum and Tony Curtis as Corporal Leibowitz. Taken from the novel by Leo Rosten, both are worth the time to watch or read.