THREE CAPTAINS WALK INTO A BAR...

By Mary Elliott

Captain Lee Crane sat at the corner of the bar nursing his Jack on the Rocks. He checked the watch on his wrist for the third time. Where were they? He was beginning to worry about what kind of trouble the two men could have gotten into. Finally the door opened and one of his friends made his way to the end of the bar, first stopping to flirt with the barmaid.

“Sorry I’m late; I had a little trouble with the ship.”

“Your first officer or the time warp drive?”

“A little of both. You know how a Vulcan can get. Spock couldn’t understand why I wanted to take my shore leave at this time on Earth.”

“At least you were able to shake Bones this time. Luckily Jamie had an emergency; otherwise, no way would I have been able to get him off my back. I sure don’t need two doctors telling me how bad I look.”

“You do look a little worn around the edges. What happened this time?”

“You would be a little black and blue, too if the boyfriend of the mermaid you picked up got jealous and was tearing your boat apart looking for her. He tossed me around a couple of times, and then took off with her. Boy, talk about fickle women. I thought she really liked me.”

Captain James T. Kirk laughed at Lee’s hurt look.

“Hey, you still have Pem’s watch, so why don’t you just press the button and come back with me? I could introduce you to some great women, if you overlook the green skin or the antennas.”

“No, thanks; Admiral Nelson said he would take the Flying Sub’s keys away for a month this time if I used that watch again to pick up ‘company’.”

“Speaking of company, where is Jack?”

“Well, he did say he had to see the Doctor. The Doctor promised to drop him off on the way through the area.”

The bar door opened again and the third member of the group stopped and gave a big smile to one of the men playing pool, then came over to the other two captains.

“Harkness, don’t you ever wear anything but that long coat?”

“You got to be kidding; did you see all the looks I got from those cute guys up front? I think I’m going to get lucky tonight. Besides if Gwen and the rest of Torchwood don’t mind, why should you?”

Lee piped up. “At least his uniform is not always changing. I never know what color or style uniform you are going to show up in.”

“It’s better than that old worn out yellow wet suit you wear!”

“Okay, okay, enough about the clothes, you know we don’t have any real say so about them anyways.” Lee complained.

Lee finished his drink and pushed it towards the bartender. “Jack is right. Let’s have another round, then I’ve got to leave. The admiral wants to check out a rumor about a giant clam…” He suddenly stopped talking, turning pale. The three men stared at the man walking toward them.

“I thought he was still in England,” cried Lee.

“Why is he here, he doesn’t belong here,” yelled Captain Jack.

“His kind shouldn’t be seen with us,” exclaimed Kirk.

The man finally reached them. Flashing his trademark flyboy smile, Captain Harman Rabb pulled up a barstool and joined the group.

“Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Three captains walk into a bar…”

“WE’VE HEARD IT!!!!”