The Albatross

By R. L. Keller

Dr. Will Jamison was about to pull out what little hair he had left, totally frustrated and ready to shoot a couple of superior officers! For a change, Cdr. Lee Crane was not the worst of his troubles. Will would have preferred to kick his tail off NIMR grounds but couldn’t quite justify doing it. Admiral Nelson was still nursing a battered body,* leaving Lee to handle what he could of Nelson’s duties on top of his own. Chip was being as helpful – and as watchful – as Lee would let him. Thankfully! Will’s primary target was the Admiral. While he was mending he was still being a royal pain, ignoring most of Will’s orders to rest. One stroke of luck – Seaview wasn’t scheduled out for several weeks so that meant one less place for Nelson to disappear instead of glued to his desk where he could at least be kept an eye on.

Two things happening almost at the same time prompted Will to get a bit loud about certain people never knowing how to take care of themselves. First, Nelson was invited by a couple of friends to go fishing aboard one man’s ocean-going-sized trawler for a few days of relaxing and telling each other lies about ‘the one that got away’. At the same time, Chip reported that Lee was still dealing with some of the trauma of how Nelson had been injured and what happened during the rescue. Chip suggested to Will that they figure out a way to pack Lee off to his lady-friend’s in Portland, Oregon; she was a psychologist with a wonderful knack for de-stressing a stressed-out Lee.

Will thought that an absolutely perfect idea. He’d kept an eye on Lee after the incident, knowing that Seaview’s young captain was extremely upset at himself for losing that much control no matter the provocation. But he hadn’t pushed Lee about it, knowing that the younger man could usually work himself through those kinds of moments as long as he had his close friends around him for support. Will and Chip devised a tag-team approach to Lee and Nelson, telling one how much the other needed to ‘get out of Dodge’ so to speak and get past the damage done by Bishop, but that one wouldn’t go unless the other one did. Angie, Nelson’s P.A., was let in on the scheme but no one was taking bets whether or not it would actually work.

So it was with enormous relief, especially on Will’s part, that Nelson was shipped off to San Diego one bright sunny Thursday morning and Chip put Lee on a plane an hour later to Portland. Will figuratively patted himself on the back and promptly packed up himself and his wife and headed back east to visit his sister and her family after chasing Chip off NIMR grounds to go visit his family. Everyone needed a break after all the stress around what had happened!

* * * *

Nelson admitted – only to himself – that he was glad to get away from NIMR for a few days. And ever so grateful that Lee had been coaxed – well, coerced was more like it, and he grinned – to get away from NIMR for something other than business. There were absolutely no recriminations for what Lee had done aboard the ‘Miss Trust’. But he was well aware of the younger man’s pride in being able to handle himself in any situation. Well, pride isn’t the right word, Nelson told himself. Lee was not a prideful man. But Nelson could understand that Lee felt he had failed when he so lost control of himself. He was a little surprised that it had taken Nelson’s agreeing to a few days off before Lee would leave. But it was basically just a long weekend so they both were hounded – Lee by Chip and Nelson by Will and Angie – to ‘get their tails off NIMR grounds and relax for a change.’

Still pretty sore, and nursing his broken ribs, Nelson had agreed to COB Sharkey flying him down to San Diego in FS1. To keep looky-loos to a minimum they submerged and came into the marina where his friend, Bill Wilcox, kept his boat, and surfaced next to it only long enough to offload Nelson and the travel bag he’d packed before Sharkey once more submerged and headed home. Wilcox had been forewarned so he quickly helped Nelson aboard before pouring them both a drink and settling in the main cabin to await the third man, Dan Maeling. Both Maeling and Wilcox were retired navy men, and all three ‘talked shop’ as Wilcox prepared to leave the marina and head out for a weekend of deep-sea fishing. None of the three particularly cared if they caught anything and, if they did, would no doubt release it anyway. But all three preferred to be on water as opposed to on land, and honestly enjoyed each other’s company.

* * * *

Lee sighed heavily as he settled into his seat for the plane ride to Portland. Dr. R. Lynn Radiwan, who enjoyed hearing Lee call her by the name she’d used as a child, Becca, was her usual teasing self when Lee had called, asking if she’d like some company for a couple days. She’d carefully not given away the fact that Will Jamison had already told her a bit of what was going on. Only a bit - they both understood that it was Lee’s decision how much or how little he chose to share with her. Lee nonetheless had a feeling that one of his friends – probably Chip – had spoken to her. That could have totally ticked him off, that they’d go behind his back like that. Instead, a soft smile graced his face acknowledging that he had such close, caring, friends around him.

“Got a hot date waiting at the end of the flight?” interrupted his thoughts, and he opened eyes he hadn’t realized that he’d closed to find a middle-aged man, with a middle-aged spread, settling into the seat next to him.

Lee jammed himself as close to the window as he could while he answered. “Sort of,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “Mostly, just a good friend I don’t see all that often but who I enjoy spending time with.”

“Thought I recognized that smile on your face. Dale Kirkpatrick,” and he stuck out his hand.

“Lee Crane,” politeness forced Lee to reciprocate although he’d rather be left alone. “Business trip?” he asked. Kirkpatrick was wearing a suit as opposed to Lee’s jeans and polo shirt.

The man nodded. “Headed home, thankfully. Came down to talk to the people at that Nelson Institute. Heard what company they use for office supplies and knew that I could come in under their bid.” Kirkpatrick almost growled. “Couldn’t even get an appointment with anyone to show them my proposal. Just, ‘sorry, we’re happy with our supplier and not accepting bids at this time.’ Tell me, is that any way to run a business?”

Lee carefully kept his expression neutral. “You can’t knock their loyalty to present service providers,” he offered.

“Stupid,” was all but spit back. “The only loyalty anybody has these days is to making a profit.”

You’re making it plain that’s your only loyalty, Lee thought to himself. “I’m sure they have their reasons,” he added out loud.

“Humph,” was muttered back. Thankfully the announcement came to prepare for departure, and once in the air Kirkpatrick chose to drown his disgruntlement in alcohol, as well as harassing the stewardesses. Lee closed his eyes and tried to ignore everything.

As soon as the plane landed Lee turned on his cell phone and called Becca, waiting in the special lot set aside for such pickups. He tried to ignore Kirkpatrick’s smirk as he grabbed his carry-on bag and scurried to ‘Passenger Pickup’, sighing heavily once he realized that the salesman’s extra poundage also led to a slower walk. “Eesh,” he muttered under his breath, and wondered who the man had talked to at NIMR. Whoever it was, Lee wanted to congratulate them on not becoming involved with the man. While he could, perhaps, supply necessities cheaper, Lee didn’t think it would be worth putting up with the guy’s attitude. And Lee doubted that the bid would be all that much lower; NIMR’s ‘bean counters’ were extremely good at keeping costs down but quality up!

His smile returned as he walked out the terminal doors and spotted Becca’s Subaru just swinging in to an open spot at the curb about fifty feet away. He walked rapidly over, tossed his bag into the back seat and then himself into the front, somewhat heavily. “That bad, sailor?” Becca asked.

“Ever been stuck on a plane sitting next to a jackass?”

Becca frowned. “Oh gad,” she commiserated. “I hate when that happens.”

“Yeah.” But Lee pulled himself together and sent her a bright smile. “Hi.”

Becca laughed. “Hi back at you. Hungry?” It was almost 1300 hours.

No, Lee told himself. Landlubber time. 1 pm. “There you go again,” he faux-complained. “You and Annie,” he mentioned the friend who was somewhat responsible for Lee and Becca having met.** “Food, food, food. That’s all the two of you ever think about.”

Becca burst out laughing as she pulled into traffic. “You just have that ‘starved’ look about you.”

“I’m not skinny,” Lee grumbled the old argument but he was still smiling broadly. The pair happily kibitzed about friends, food, and half a dozen other topics as they headed away from the airport.

* * * *

Nelson was the first man up the next morning. Bill had headed the boat south out of San Diego Bay and dropped anchor in a semi-secluded spot among the Coronado Islands approximately sixteen miles south and about eight miles off the Mexico mainland. There wasn’t much on the windswept islands except birds, a few mammals including seals and sea lions, and some reptiles which included a nasty species of rattlesnake. But the men had no intentions of going ashore; it was just a handy spot to spend the night and get mildly drunk. Nelson got the coffee pot going and, once there was enough, poured out a mugful and headed topside.

The day was going to be a hot one from how warm it was already. But Nelson breathed in a lung full of ocean air and sighed heavily. He loved Seaview, and the places she could take him to that as a young man he could only dream about. But there was something special about time spent on the surface enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells, and he savored the quiet moment. He hadn’t noticed any other boats when they pulled in and anchored, and they still seemed to be alone this morning. The Coronado Islands weren’t much of a tourist destination, although that was one reason Bill had headed here; rarely any divers, or young people making a lot of noise, just a good place to relax for a few days. If they wanted to actually fish they could make a two-hour run out to deeper water and still be back to a relatively safe anchorage by nightfall.

Another deep sigh reminded Nelson that he still had some very tender ribs and needed to be a little more careful about how far he stretched them. And Will would shave my tail for sure if I happened to snag anything bigger than ten pounds and try to reel it in. He snorted softly. If I were stupid enough to tell him. He snickered. Of course, he admitted, my ribs would stop me before he did, and he frowned.

“Too early on a gorgeous day for that expression,” Bill joined him on the aft deck. He raised a hand also holding a full coffee mug. “Thanks for getting this started.” He sent Nelson a slight frown of his own. “Can’t seem to hold my liquor the way I used to.”

Nelson chuckled. “Can’t do several things the way I used to,” he admitted. “Doesn’t keep me from trying.” They both grinned a bit self-consciously.

* * * *

Something brushed Lee’s ankle and a voice filtered into his brain. “Where you at, sailor?” He gave himself a small shake and sent a smile towards the chair opposite of where he was sitting.

“Not where I should be,” he apologized. His companion sent him a grin. “Sorry,” he offered automatically, and then jumped slightly from the kick she delivered before lowering his eyes and sending her a sheepish look, in reference to her dislike for that word stemming from an earlier time.***

She threatened another kick but instantly sent him a soft smile. “Already figured out that you have ‘stuff’ on your mind.” She shrugged. “It’s hard not to second-guess yourself,” she told him. “Been there, done that,” came out strongly, about old memories she’d shared with Lee. But abruptly she brightened. “What say we blow this joint, drive out to the Gorge, and watch the windsurfers.” She was referencing the spot on the Columbia River where the sport of windsurfing, people riding surfboards fitted with small sails, made quite a spectacular splash – in more ways than one – for participants and spectators alike.

Lee allowed the redirection. He knew that she knew that Lee would talk about what was bothering him only when he was ready. And Lee knew that he needed to get ‘stuff’ talked out. However, at that particular point in time it hadn’t actually been memories surrounding Nelson’s recent kidnapping that he’d been fixated on. At least, he didn’t think it was. For sure, Nelson was on his mind. But it wasn’t the yacht “Miss Trust” that he’d seen in his mind’s eye, but instead Nelson’s friend’s fishing trawler “The Albatross.” Nelson had pointed out the trawler a few years previous when Bill Wilcox had docked in Santa Barbara for a visit. Lee wasn’t sure why he’d let his mind wander that direction although he admitted that he’d barely let Nelson out of his sight once they rescued him. Now he tried to relax and let Becca lead him away from bad memories into pleasant activities. And pleasant company!

It turned into one of those enjoyably silly days that were so very rare, but so very appreciated. Lee admitted that almost never happened at work; he simply didn’t allow himself to get that distracted. Well, not for more than a minute or two, and then usually because his smart-aleck XO, and best friend, had done something to goad him into a momentary lapse of decorum. Today, the sun was shining and the wind was blowing just enough to give the windsurfers the perfect momentum to really show off their talents and thoroughly entertain their abundant audience on this gorgeous day. Becca had packed a sumptuous picnic which they both snacked on throughout the day, then they stopped for beer and pizza on the way back to Becca’s. Sated with food, sunshine, and fresh air they both sprawled out in the living room, half asleep but not willing to make the short walk to the bedrooms.

* * * *

Nelson laughed until his sides hurt twice as much as they had been already. While he’d whipped up a quick breakfast in the tiny galley, Bill had motored out about thirty nautical miles and he and Dan pulled out heavy-duty fishing gear. Nelson begged off dropping a line, citing his still-recovering body, so it became his duty to keep the other two supplied with refreshments – namely beer and snacks. Mostly beer, of which Nelson partook his share.

All was relatively quiet until Bill hooked ‘something.’ They didn’t know at first what it was – Bill said that from the way it felt on the pole it must be a whale. Nelson immediately asked what species and Dan tossed a beer can at him – empty, of course. Eventually they identified it as a super-sized Pacific Bluefin. Normally running around four-and-a-half feet and one hundred and sixty pounds, they questimated this one at closer to seven feet and five hundred pounds – a ‘whale’ for sure. No way would they keep it – Pacific Bluefins, while not endangered exactly, were still considered to be over-fished. That didn’t stop Bill from wanting to win the battle enough to get the fish alongside the boat. Nelson approved since that gave them the opportunity to remove the hook.

But it seemed to take forever, Bill cussing up a blue streak the entire time while Dan and Nelson egged him on. They all ended up laughing so hard that it took all three to get the fish close enough to flip the hook out before they collapsed on the deck, partly from booze but mostly from the simple fun of enjoying their friendships. While Bill tried to recover some strength from his excursion bringing in the Bluefin and Nelson from abusing his ribs laughing so hard Dan, not unfamiliar with the craft, meandered back to their original ‘parking spot.’ Accepting his position as head chef Nelson put together enough of a supper to counteract at least some of the alcohol, but none of the three were all that interested in any extra expenditure of energy. Once the galley was shipshape Nelson joined the other two on the aft deck. The trawler still carried some of the rigging needed for the gill-netter she had once been before Bill bought her and Nelson could easily imagine how she would have looked, although glad that Bill used her for nothing more than sport these days. He relaxed back and joined the other two telling each other lies the way only old friends could get away with.

* * * *

“You’re doing it again,” slowly made its way into Lee’s brain. He gave himself a small shake and looked around, catching Becca watching him with her head tilted to one side.

“Humm,” he mumbled.

“Off in outer space,” came back. “You. Or was it inner space?”

Lee sent her his shy, through-the-lashes, smile. “Inner, for sure,” he admitted.

“What’s going on?” came gently back.

“If Chip didn’t tell you, Jamie did,” Lee all but growled back with a quick glare.

Becca smiled. It was the only reaction guaranteed not to make Lee angry. “No, they didn’t,” she assured him, before she frowned. “They guard your privacy even more than you do,” she told him firmly.

Lee once more dropped his eyes. They were both quiet for a bit before Lee once more looked up. Barely. “We were able to keep most of it out of the press.” Becca stayed quiet, merely tilting her head once more, indicating that she was interested in whatever Lee chose to tell her. She wasn’t totally prepared for Lee’s next statement and her surprise showed. “Admiral Nelson was kidnapped and severely beaten.”

“Oh…” snuck out before Becca could stop herself. But she quickly regained control and sat quietly once more. Lee would tell her as much as he chose to, but only at his own pace.

It took a bit. “We were extremely lucky to get him back. But…” Lee took a deep breath. “In the process, I…ah…” Another deep breath.

“What’s in the past…” Becca encouraged.

Lee cringed. “But, it’s not,” he admitted.

“There’s still a threat?”

Lee looked at her. “It’s not that, so much,” he admitted.

Becca send him a look of understanding. “You can’t let it go.”

Lee nodded. “That,” he agreed. “And what I…” His voice trailed off. This time Becca stayed quiet. The pause was so long she wondered if Lee would continue at all. Finally, “I beat a man to death,” came out so quietly that she almost didn’t hear it.

Her turn to take a deep breath. “Did he deserve it?” came almost as softly. She was not unaware of Lee’s dislike for killing.

“He was about to shoot Admiral Nelson,” came out, extreme pain evident in both voice and expression.

“And you stopped him,” she told him logically.

“There were other ways…” was choked out. “I shouldn’t have lost that much control.” He looked at her with haunted eyes. “They had to pull me off him…” His eyes went to the floor. “I just kept hitting, and hitting, and…”

“I seriously doubt that you got an argument from Admiral Nelson.” Becca thought logic might be the best approach to Lee’s distress.

“I can’t lose control like that…” He looked up, imploring her to understand.

“You’re human, Commander.” The smile she sent him was a bit quirky, trying to nudge him away from his mental anguish. “You were obviously under a great deal of stress. You saw a dangerous situation unfolding and you acted instinctively to neutralize it. Would that be an accurate assessment?”

“I didn’t just stop him, I…”

“Yes, you did,” Becca interrupted. She wasn’t totally sure that was a good idea. But Lee wasn’t merely a patient, he was a special friend. “So, you got a little carried away.”

Lee snorted. “Yeah,” he growled.

Becca shrugged. “You stopped him,” she insisted, “from further hurting someone who’s very important to you.” She shivered ever so slightly. “I’m the last person to question how you protect those around you.”***

Lee sent her a long look. “I know what you’re trying to say…”

“But you won’t forgive yourself for losing control,” Becca told him matter-of-factly.

“No,” he told her, but this time with his own bit of quirky grin.

She lightly kicked his foot. “Well, do it anyway,” she ordered. “Sometimes you just gotta let go and get it outta your system.”

He sent her an open grin. “Screamed at any sea gulls lately?” he asked innocently.**

She shrugged again. “One or two,” she admitted shyly. “Hundred,” was added with her own look of chagrin.

They were both silent for a while. “Thanks,” came softly from Lee as he prepared to stand up.

“You’re welcome.” She stood also, but it was several minutes before either headed for their beds.

* * * *

Nelson was sound asleep when he was nearly tossed out of his narrow bunk - by what it took him a few seconds to figure out, but he finally heard the wind rattling the boat’s rigging and obviously stirring up the water. He stumbled out on deck at the same time as the other two.

“Where the heck did that come from?” Dan muttered to no one in particular. Nelson finally glanced at his watch to discover it was just past 0200 hours.

“The weather reports all said it would stay calm,” Bill offered.

“Somebody forgot to tell Mother Nature that,” Nelson said philosophically with a shrug.

The three men made sure everything on deck was secured and Bill dropped a second anchor but, as they were already as protected by the island as they could get, all three tried to go back to sleep.

Whatever stray storm had blown in happily didn’t get much worse, but unhappily didn’t get any better, either. By 0530 all three were back up and deciding to make a run back to San Diego, their casual weekend now irrevocably disrupted. It wouldn’t be a totally comfortable trip but no one was worried about the trawler’s ability to handle the rough waters; she’d been built for just such conditions. Nelson carefully made breakfast, then they all settled in the pilot house for what should have been only a few hours but in this weather would take them most of the day.

* * * *

“Not again,” Becca muttered to herself as she watched Lee, coffee cup in hand, pause with it halfway to his mouth and stare out the kitchen window from where he sat at the breakfast bar. She walked to the other side of the bar and put her face a foot from his. “I thought we settled that last night,” she said slowly and succinctly.

“Wha…” Lee shook himself and looked at her before what she said finally sunk in and his expression turned instantly sheepish. “Sor…”

Becca’s flat hand smacked the surface of the bar. “That word,” she growled. There was a short pause before they both smiled.

“Wasn’t that,” Lee told her around a swallow of coffee. “Well, not really,” he amended.

Becca immediately backed down. “What?” came out softly.

Lee took another swallow of coffee. “The Admiral is with friends this weekend out on an old converted fishing trawler.” He sent her a grin as she refilled his coffee cup. “I was just thinking about him.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” She merely smiled into his instant frown. Lee’s expression quickly morphed into a grin of his own before shaking his head. “So?” she encouraged.

“So,” he sighed heavily, “I know that the weather was supposed to be calm, but for some reason I suddenly saw the boat in heavy seas. Oh,” he stopped himself, “not in danger. But not calm, either.”

“You’re still worried about him,” was Becca’s conclusion.

“He’s still not healed.”

“Neither are you.” Lee sent her a quick nod. “What’s that expression, ‘the old memories are still an albatross around your neck’?” The mouthful of coffee Lee had unfortunately just taken very nearly got sprayed across the counter before he could get himself under enough control to swallow it. “What?” Becca demanded.

“The trawler the Admiral’s on,” Lee choked out, still not totally in control. “Her name is ‘The Albatross’.”

“Oops.” They both finally chuckled. “So, what’s it gonna take to get your mind off Admiral Nelson for a few hours. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.”

Lee threatened to smack her but finally nodded, and glanced out the window. “The weather looks great here. How about we drive down to Beverly Beach and take Tim and Annie out to an early dinner?” He named his old friends, at whose Bed and Breakfast Lee and Becca had first met.

“I like it,” Becca agreed instantly. “Should we warn them we’re coming?”

Lee shrugged. “If they’re busy we can still wander down to Newport on our own. The drive down the coast should be gorgeous.” He grinned. “And I haven’t given Lacey a hug in a while.” They both laughed at memories of the little dog, and quickly got ready to leave.

* * * *

It was three very tired men who finally settled the trawler back in her berth just after 1930 hours that evening. Each had taken their turn guiding the sturdy boat through the less than calm waters. Nelson had insisted on doing his share, over the objections of the others who knew he was fighting an already sore body. But he’d insisted, and they knew him well enough not to argue – at least too long.

Nelson said nothing to the others but several times during the day, especially as he fought the sea for control of the boat, his thoughts turned to Lee. He was glad that the younger man was far away, doing something fun for a change and not worrying over and about Nelson and what had happened. Nelson was very aware that Lee was still beating himself up over his loss of control. Nelson had told him in no uncertain terms that absolutely no one blamed Lee for what happened. But that was Lee – always taking on the weight of the world. Or rather, that part of the world Lee felt responsible for. Nelson hoped Dr. Radiwan could finally make him let go of the guilt he’d piled on himself.

And he was extremely grateful that Lee didn’t know about the squall he and his friends had accidentally found themselves in. Lee would no doubt be a nervous wreck until he knew for sure Nelson was safe. Lee hadn’t wanted Nelson very far out of his sight since rescuing him from Bishop. Nelson couldn’t really blame him – that had been a close call, indeed. But it was time for them all to get back to normal! Now, Nelson accepted Bill’s offer to spend the night after their exhausting trip back, before he returned to Santa Barbara the next day.

* * * *

Lacey’s happy barks greeted Lee and Becca as they parked behind the Spindrift B&B, and Tim and Annie immediately followed her out the back door. It took a bit to get everything sorted out, Annie scolding Lee for not calling ahead. But as it turned out the Hughes were free for dinner so once chores were finished the four – Lacey had to be content with dog food at home – headed for Newport. Annie, and Tim of course, tried to get them to stay the night, but Lee cited a mid-morning flight out of Portland back to Santa Barbara the next day. Lee kept expecting Annie to make some comment about Lee’s coming up to see Becca but Annie, for once, kept her match-making to herself, and dinner was a wonderful occasion of good friends enjoying each other’s company.

“You need me to drive?” Becca interrupted Lee’s thoughts about halfway back to Portland.

Lee glanced over, realizing that he’d once more gotten quiet. “No.”

She sent him a raised eyebrow. “Really.” Her voice expressed just the opposite.

“Really,” he told her with a smile. “For some reason I just got the feeling that…” he paused. “I don’t know how to describe…” Again he stopped, and Becca waited patiently. “Suddenly it’s like, I finally…I…I’m not so worried about Admiral Nelson.” He glanced at her. “That doesn’t make any sense, I know, but…”

Becca chuckled. “Took you long enough.”

Lee sent her a frown. “Yeah, yeah,” he agreed.

She nudged his shoulder. “Welcome home, sailor.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* See “Missing” by R. L. Keller

** See “Friends” by R. L. Keller

*** See “There Will Be an Answer” by R. L. Keller