1. Stick your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that".
3. Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say, "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor while yelling, "Whoa! Easy Boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting...more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and rop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Could you kick that back over here, please.
13. Say, "C'm, on Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
15. Say, "Darn, I knew tht drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna to do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicously lay down your
"Cross-Dresser Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirrow underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor an say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
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50 Ways to Scare People in the Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, "Oh my! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darned thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over and over again.
7. Work normally for awhile. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9.Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type for awhile. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes about everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Stand on your chair and yell, "Help! There's a mouse." as you point to the computer's mouse.
16. Every time you press return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!"
18. Turn the brightness on the monitor way down. Pull out a flash light and shine it on the screen. Act as if it helps you see the text on the screen.
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a (wo)man on a piece of paper and tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that (wo)men are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge in the 3.5 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for awhile, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them, and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28.Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British royal family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper
like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (ex. the delete key is A flat). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard, and taking it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do
this, ask: "Does your delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until, you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this
whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects,
put some Elmer's glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the
mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRR!" Peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've knownthem all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound
effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week."
50. Bring a sleeping bag and pillow. Login to all the machines in one row. Lay down and go to sleep.
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25 Fun Things To Do When Driving
I know I wouldn't do any of the following things
1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With
a look of fear, lock your doors.
4. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint.
The more it looks like blood, the better.
5. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when
driving alone.
6. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
7. Stop at the green lights.
8. Go at the red ones.
9. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window
or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
10. Eat food that requires silverware.
11. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
12. Honk frequently without motivation.
13. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and
an obscene gesture.
14. Ask people for Grey Poupon.
15. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
16. Restart your car at every stop light.
17. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them,
stroking them lovingly.
18. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts
out the window.
19. Paint your car with occult symbols.
20. Keep at least five cats in the car.
21. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
22. Stop and collect roadkill.
23. Stop and pray to roadkill.
24. Throw Spam.
25. Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop.
Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.
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50 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to
other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: 'Shut
up, all of you just shut UP!'
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask:
'Got enough air in there?'
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: 'Noogie patrol coming!'
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and
ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay
open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at
the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
announce: 'I've got new socks on!'
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: 'Oh, not
now, motion sickness!'
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occassionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh and say'oops!'
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce 'You're one
of THEM!' and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say 'mmmm...tasty!'
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers 'through'
it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your
beeper?'
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say 'Ding!' at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: 'Wanna see wha
in muh mouf?'
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more suitable host
body.'
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting larger.'
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler 'Bad Touch!'
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30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
13. You back up your data every day.
14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.
18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a- quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.
30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone.
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How to say I LOVE YOU in different languages
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalo bashi
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Dooset daaram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Minä rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - ich die liebe du
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag älskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh yeˆu em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em yeˆu anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh lib
Yoruba - Mo ni fe e
Zulu - Ndiyathanda
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20 fun things to do at the mall
1. Buy a new bathing suit and swim in the fountain
2. Bring a bunch of pants in to the dressing room. Come out later and
tell the salesperson none of them are leakproof.
3. Ask if a particular saw cuts through bone.
4. Get on the first step of the stairs, wait, and tell other people the
escalator must be broken.
5. Pose as a dummy in a department store.
6. Ask the casheir if they take pesos.
7. Ask the sales person in the pet store if gerbils come in bulk and if
they have much white meat on them.
8. Ride the elevator all day.
9. Buy a bunch of clothes. Return them later, and when the salesperson
asks why, say "they didn't look good on my dog"
10. Come in to the drug store looking deppressed. Ask if they have
over-the-counter prozac.
11. Stay in the magazine store all day and read the magazines cover to
cover.
12. If you are a guy, go in to a womans clothing store, and bring
dresses into the dressing room with you. Come out, and in you're most feminie voice say "they just aren't me"
13. Do cartwheels down the main part of the mall.
14. Wear sunglasses, carry a cane, and set up a pot in front of you that says "help me, I'm blind" see how much money you can get.
15. Test all the matresses and beds.
16. Go to sleep in the bed display at department stores. Stir and snore when people walk by.
17. Ask to hold one of the dogs in the pet store. Let it escape.
18. Go into Pier 1 and ask if they have any big pieces of junk made of
straw.
19. Knock over displays.
20. Rock back and forth slowly in front of a security camara.
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50 things to do to your new neighbors
1. Constanly ring their door bell and run away. When they catch you, ask them who they are and what they had done with Mrs. Butterfield. Work up tears if possible.
2. Bring over a a covered plate with one store-bought cookie in it. Tell them that you took all day to cook it.
3. Put red food cloring on your pets mouth. Bring it over to the neighbors and ask them if they want to pet Scruffy.
4. Practice yoga on their front lawn.
5. When they come home and get out of their car, always go outside and wave and smile at them.
6. Offer to walk their dog (if they don't have one). When they say they don't have one, look surprised and walk away.
7. Call their house. Ask them why that mysterious man is climbing through their back window.
8. Ask if you can mow their lawn for cash. When you mow it, use the mover to draw pictures in the grass. When they complain about it, say "The last person who lived here loved it" or break down in tears and run inside your house.
9. Put up Christmas lights in July, send them Christmas candy and cards. When they do not do the same, ask why they have to be a grouch during the holiday season.
10. Throw old smelly socks over. When they throw it back over or try to return it, throw it back over. Continue until they give up. If they ask why you are doing it, tell them you have no idea what they are talking about and tell them they need a better way to get rid of their waste.
11. Put disks in their mailbox with the title "TOP SECRET GOVERMENT INFORMATION" written on it. Put on the disk a document in which is written like "rigfruyuapyuftuynuapcurdp75347286548tcmjy4rt8v" and so forth.
12. Ask them to come over to dinner and tell them you are going to serve our favorite- Monkey Brains and Broccoli.
13. When they are out at night, making digging sounds and then a big thump and more digging sounds.
14. Ask to see their screwdriver. When they hand it to you, stick it in your hand, making a painful expression, and hand it back to them with a thanks of relief.
15. Carve your intials in their front door.
16. Send your little sister/brother over as a singing telling gram to sing pop-goes-the-weasel 8,000 times.
17. Park your car on your front lawn.
18. Play polka music 24 hours a day.
19. Always pick up newspaper in the morning butt-naked.
20. If they set up a lemonade stand (their kids), ask to see their business lisence. When they can't show it, proclaim that you are reporting them to the police and they are going to do some serious time.
21. When talking to them, always use a Southern accent. When they ask about it, looked surprised and say that you were born and raised in Boston.
22. Leave curede milk on their porch. Tell them the fad of the milk man has come back in this neighborhood.
23. Put out a new flag everyday. Tell them you try to celebrate every holiday you can.
24. Sit out in front yard. Pratice your fly fishing with all of your gear on.
25. Don't read the newspaper. Just put every issue on a stack on your porch.
26. Tear out your front lawn, fence it.
27. Put in a garden and surround the gate with cheap toys you use you play with as a child.
28. Leave empty wine and beer bottles in their recycle bin.
29. Put a scarecrow on front lawn.
30. Paint your house lime green or dark purple.
31. Put sandbag army barriers surrounding your house.
32. Bask on your driveway when its -30û
33. Stick pages of the phone book in their mailbox with ramdon number highlighted.
34. Put antennas all over your roof.
35. Sell bags of powerdered sugar to little kids in front of your house.
36. Cover their car with shaving cream and attempt to shave it.
37. Shoot paint guns at their house. Dress in camophaluge if posssible.
38. Play the National Antem with a nosy brass/woodwind instrument on your roof.
39. Never water your lawn, but always water the driveway.
40. Camp out in your front lawn.
41. Ask if you can rent your car.
42. Let chickens roam freely.
43. Every other time you go outside, wear a body suit under your clothes. Tell your neighbor its a new diet your on.
44. Talk to the plants in your and your neighbor's yards.
45. Paint the lawn.
46. Offer to give free hair cuts.
47. Leave ABC gum on their doormat.
48. Send the Juhovah Witness Missionaries to their house for a year on a weekly bases.
49. Hit golf balls into their lawn. Dig up their lawn when you hit the golf ball off their lawn.
50. Mix fertalizer and alphfa seeds and fertalize their lawn. The results: four feet of alphfa
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Send email to shannonl@rocketmail.com
