I try to make
everyone think I'm doing fine Truth is I'm walking a
very fine line
most of the time I want to leave it all behind I keep
searching and looking for something I'll never find I
look to the past to see what I did so wrong Why does my
short life seem so long? I used to think I was doing
okay,
lately my illusions have faded away
My friends are fake and so am I
No one has ever seen me cry
I cry a lot when I'm alone
I think about things when no ones home
No one thinks that I'm in pain
No one sees the hurt that's making me insane Because if
they saw they might know who I am So, I laugh away the
hurt I laugh away the pain
I laugh away the true me
I laugh to cover up things I don't want to see Maybe
everyones life is like this
Maybe mines not that bad
If that's true, then I have to ask myself, Why isn't
the world so much more sad?
I'll just continue to do what I do best, I'll openly
laugh, and secretly cry
I'll look at everyone and smile
I'll look at everyone and
lie
~~You know, we've been reflecting on how
wonderful this group has turned out, and how much
things have changed here since THC started. I'm amazed
at the beauty of this group of women. Just wonderfully
amazed.
I think about what we're doing here - we aren't just
getting superficial support on prison issues, and we're
not just bitching and complaining about the system.
There is a LOT of growth and love within and it's
beautiful to behold! We started out as a group of women
who love men in prison, and have forged a bond that
goes beyond that. I cannot imagine receiving the same
type of support and indepth love and nurturance that we
share in SIS - it just wouldn't have been possible.
And to think that it all started as a rebellion! (big
grin)
Love to you ALL! Thinking of each and every one of you,
holding you close in my heart and in my prayers.
~Honeychild...
I just wanted you to know I'm thinkin' about ya. I hope
you're ok, and that your heartache will ease. Serenity
is a fleeting thing, and just as life goes up and down,
so does our courage, faith, and hope. I do know one
thing though - that same courage, faith, and hope IS
there. You have it - I've seen such shining examples of
it in you so many times. Remember that, ok? YOU have it
and with some help from our friends and a higher power,
everything WILL work out.
I heard a good one the other day.... I was talkin' to a
friend just before the hurricane and I said that God
never gives us more than we can handle.... and this
friend said, "Yeah, but don'tcha wish sometimes... that
He didn't think so highly of ya?" I loved it. I
laughed....!!! ...man... Hit the nail on the damn head
for me.
I love ya, Kelly.... my shybaby.... You hang in there
and I will too, ok? Ok. *.......deep greens sparkle
with love and affection for his dear friend......*
You take care, honeychild and I'll talk to ya soon! *S*
Love,
Rebel
(LOL!)****...twinkle...****
~These short posts written
by 'our' Paül
Elixir~~~Salsa Sweet~~
Feel the sizzle of a scorching summer day Combine the
heat of every desert round the world Hot as the noonday
sun on planet Mercury That's almost as hot as my red
hot Salsa girl.
I feel the spice of her kisses on my tongue I feel the
heat of her body in my heart
That red-hot lady sets my soul on fire
I feel so cold inside when we're apart
I see sparks fly whenever Salsa is around She's twice
as hot as bubbling cheese
That flaming heart of that Salsa girl
Makes every man weak in the knees
So if you see her walking down the street Don't be
surprised if you start to sweat Because the lady's
hotter than burning coals But inside, she's the
sweetest Salsa you could get
~~Ice Princess~~
A chill wind blows through the caverns
The icicles glitter like stars at night
The snowdrifts shift with shuffling sighs In the silent
domain the Ice Princess reigns
She speaks to you from her frozen realm
Her words could chill you to the bone
It wasn't always this way, my friend
Just since a cold man left her alone
She was once as sweet as amber honey
And she was as warm as she could be
Perhaps one day a soft and gentle man
Will once again set her cold heart free
~~Gini's Bottle~~
A magic bottle bobs gently in the surf
Alone amongst the kelp and the foam
What the bottle contains is no mystery
A lonely Gini with a wish of her own
All alone in that bottle, year after year Silent
solitude is her one and only friend Released only to
grant another's wish
Never to get her own wishes in the end
She seeks only the softest touch
Of a lover's hand to set her free
Unleash the bonds that hold her there
In this state of sad captivity
Will you open this ancient magic bottle
And free the lonely Gini 's Heart today
You can fill her heart with love and hope If you touch
her in a gentle lover's way
~~Bexindra~~
The sound brings visions of mystery
a simple name that haunts the soul
Bexindra, Bexindra, sweet angel
You're making me lose all control
She must be woman of quiet intrigue
She's such a mystery to everyone
She's always there to help you see
That you're not the only one
But there is a fire deep within
That will melt you right from the start
Because underneath all the mystery
There beats an angel's glowing heart
~~Smudge My Heart
I have to live on in this life
I just hate it when we're apart
I have to make it through the day
With this little smudge on my heart
In my ears I hear the sounds
Of her soft whispering in my ear
The sound that's branded on my heart
Makes me want to hold her near
Her laughter rings like crystal bells
When she's sad it rends my soul
I love it when she makes me laugh
When she's near I just lose control
I guess I have always known
That I'd fall for her from the start
She's the sunshine in my day
And she's the smudge on my heart
~~Daydream Girl~~
Walking through the cottonwoods at sunset The stars
twinkling in the sky up above
Just the perfect place for a daydream
I'm daydreaming of §herry, my love...
I see a table set there under the willows Flickering
candles lighting the juleps
Her soft hair flowing in the breeze
I can't wait to taste her two lips
Soft music wafting through the trees
The gentle scent of gardenia in the air
And in my daydream I see this lady
My lovely §herry waiting there
My lovely daydream could never be
As sweet as the love §herry has for me
So as I wander down this lonely road
I'll dream of the lady I long to see
~smiles~...Hugs and kisses, sweet angels...stay
beautiful!
~If You Could Look Into My
Eyes~
You hear me from so far away
my words, they lose their colors
in this sterile plastic world
they sound like any others
But if you could look into my eyes
what do you think you'd see
the tenderness behind my words
would come pouring out of me
You'd see the essence of my truth
you'd know the how's and why's
you'd see the love inside my heart
if you could look into my eyes
I know what love lives inside of me
it would come shining through
and if you could look into my eyes
I know you would see it too
But all I do is send these words
like prayers sent to the skies
I know you'd see what I see in you
If you could just look into my eyes
|
~Can't Cage The
Wind~
I'd never try to stop her
from going where she wants
and I wouldn't change the fact
that she's been where she's been
cause that's what made her the woman she is And I know
that you can't cage the wind
From the day that we met
I've watched her spirit soar
a desire to be free
greater than I'd ever seen before
she blew into my life
like a soft summer breeze
she filled up my arms
and made me weak in the knees
(chorus)
She'd slip through your fingers
cause you know she's gotta be free
I hold her close while I can
cause she's like I want myself to be
I will always think of her
when the wind blows through my hair
and if she ever wants me
she knows that I'll always be
there........
|
table>
~Desert Morning Echoes~
The darkness surrenders its empty life
To the dim blue-gray sky of morning;
Slowly blooming over the silent desert
The predators sleep as the day begins.
A blood red explosion grows in the east, A foreboding
shape seen through the haze. Like an echo of Trinity
base so long ago Reverberating across the desert floor.
The distant clouds distorting the view;
Bending the light into a ghastly image.
A flaming mushroom of fiery death
Emerges from the source of life.
A terrible moment of quiet confusion,
Waiting for the familiar cloud to form,
And spread its fingers across the land.
But the sun only rises, life's reprieve.
Love you all...and thanks for your caring support...
~H&K's~
Paülo
~The Distance~
Somewhere in the heart of the darkest night my kindred
spirit waits for the morning light waits for the touch
of my hand on hers
a touch to chase away her deepest fears
We have been set apart by space and time Our hearts
both longing for a love divine We wander alone, each
through our day
Two empty souls trying to make our way
I feel her hand reaching out to touch me As I cry these
lonely tears that she can't see All my dreams wrapped
up inside her heart That knows kindred spirits can't be
kept apart
One day our eyes will meet across a crowd And though we
both stand tall and proud
We both will see the love that's meant to be That's
brought my kindred spirit here to me
And on that day when we'll finally touch Mere words
that could never mean as much As the gentle touch of
her hand on mine
The realization of a love, divine
© 1998 Paul Moore
~Holding On~
Hold your own, it's your heart
No one else can hold it for you
If you put it anothers hands
Will they hold it like you do?
We enter this world alone
Alone we each shall depart
On that fateful final day
Who else will hold your heart?
Will you leave this earthly world
Going to your final rest
Having nothing left to give
But an empty hole within your chest?
Have a beautiful day....
Paül
~The Fantasy~
What can you say when you've lived the perfect fantasy
and it brought you more joy than you could have
imagined A soft voice, a gentle touch, the thrill of
unknown passion a perfect friendship that became the
most perfect love?
What can you say when that perfect fantasy becomes a
dream A glorious dream of making that perfect love last
forever? To feel that incredible feeling of friendship,
love and desire Every day, every night, every moment to
eternity and beyond?
What can you say when that dream descends to a
nightmare of endless days grasping in futile
hopelessness of despair unable to rescue the dream, or
rekindle the fantasy again Until the nightmare drags
you to the very brink of madness
What can you say when the nightmare has finally ended
and you have drawn back from the edge of the precipice
and you sit on the edge of the bed, hands shaking in
fear Still trying to remember that perfect fantasy long
gone?
@ 1998 Paül
***********************
Sitting far behind the dunes
waves crashing on rocks unseen
softness of sand in my fingers
roar of surf, wash me clean
The ocean lives beyond my sight
my eyes blinded by my heart
an infinite horizon of dreams
but we're forever kept apart
If only I could stand again
gaze out into the sea of life
my legs refuse to lift me up
afraid of eyes closed to sight
Still I crouch down in the sand
Craving to see, waiting in fear;
of endless sea so close to me
the sound of waves all I hear.
@ 2/99 Paül Elixir
~I am Only Me~
I am only me, that is all that I can be
No more, no less, don't second guess
I love, I laugh, I live and cry,
I've wished at times, that I could die
Some days I'm funny, others I'm not,
sometimes I'm in overdrive and cant stop I am a loyal
and honest friend, You know that I'll be there until
the end I am a father/mother, my children my greatest
gift, The smiles on their faces always give me a lift I
am a romantic, sensual, sexual, and passionate too, to
the love of my life, I'll share this with you I can be
sweet and shy or sassy and bold, I'm quite a handful,
or so I've been told I am not perfect, I do have my
faults,
like when I get scared I put up high walls Or I'm not
as forgiving, as I'd sometimes like to be, because when
I hurt, I hurt deeply My logic is all my own, at times
misunderstood, because I don't always do things for my
own good I have many facets, like a diamond you see, I
am only me, and that's all I can
be.
~A Credo For My Relationships
You and I are in a relationship that I value and want
to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with his
own unique needs and the right to try and meet those
needs. I will try to be genuinely accepting of your
behavior when you are trying to meet your needs or when
you are having problems meeting your needs.
When you share your problems, I will try to listen
acceptingly and understandingly in a way that will
facilitate your finding you own solutions rather than
depending upon mine. When you have a problem because my
behavior is interfering with your meeting your needs, I
encourage you to tell me openly and honestly how you
are feeling. At those times, I will listen and then try
to modify my behavior, if I can.
However, when your behavior interferes with my meeting
my own needs, thus causing me to feel unaccepting of
you, I will share my problem with you and tell you as
openly and honestly as I can exactly how I am feeling,
trusting that you respect my needs enough to listen and
then try to modify your behavior.
At those times when either of us cannot modify his
behavior to meet the needs of the other and find that
we have a conflict-of-needs in our relationship, let us
commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without
ever resorting to the use of either my power or yours
to win at the expense of the other losing. I respect
your needs, but I also must respect my own.
Consequently, let us strive always to search for
solutions to our inevitable conflicts that will be
acceptable to both of us. In this way, your needs will
be met, but so will mine--no one will lose, both will
win.~
td> |
~HOLDING HEARTS
So its one more gloomy Sunday
And it's another night without the phone As I sit here
by myself and wish that you were home Never knew it
would be so lonely Never knew that time could hang this
way Just wishing I could hear your voice
Dreaming of what you'd say;
The rain is on the window
Tears are on my cheeks
One more gloomy sunday
One more endless week
As my heart beats in time with yours
And I whisper aloud your name
One more bloody Sunday
And everthings the same
Hell they say's for heroes
So it's to hell you've gone
Leaving me to persevere
And like a soldier carry on
Just another battle in the war I call my life The
moment I took your hand and became your wife
But I don't regret it,
You're a man above the rest
Filled with something called courage
Never content to rest
Giving as good as you get now
Never giving in
For us this can only be a battle
That we'll have to win
So the phone is ringing softly
I pick it up and hear your voice
A chill is running up my spine
My heart and soul rejoice
I breathe those words across the miles
As I hold your heart in my embrace
Never cared about the hardship
Nor the details of your case
So don't you worry honey
In the real world I have to be
But we have carved our own kingdom
From what they call 'realitity'.
Somehow we'll go the distace
We've got a big headstart
As together we share our souls
Holding hands and holding hearts
D.A.H. 1999
***********************************************
We Are Not Widows
We are not widows, yet we grieve.
We are not single yet we are so alone.
We ante up our years knowing full well the cards are
stacked against us. We wonder if the man we wait for
will ever come home. We imagine ourselves still young.
We ignore the signs of undue worry and stress in the
mirror. We wait for reunion, like the fountain of
youth, to restore our love and our lives.
Becky Pena
Early 1998
Jerry's release date: 2010
***********************************
Why Mothers Cry ....
"Why are you crying?" he asked his mom.
"Because I'm a mother," she told him. "I don't
understand," he said. His mom just hugged him and said,
"You never will!"
Later the little boy asked his father why Mother seemed
to cry for no reason.
"All mothers cry for no reason," was all his dad could
say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still
wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call
to God and when God got on the phone the man said,
"God, why do mothers cry so easily."
God said, "You see son, when I made mothers they had to
be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to
carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to
give comfort. I gave them an inner strength to endure
childbirth and the rejection that many times come from
their children. "I gave them a hardiness that allows
them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to
take care of their families through sickness and
fatigue without complaining. "I gave them the
sensitivity to love their children under all
circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very
badly. This same sensitivity helps them to make a
child's boo-boo feel better and helps them share a
teenager's anxieties and fears. "I gave them a tear to
shed. It's theirs exclusively to use whenever it's
needed. It's their only weakness. It's a tear for
mankind."
****************************************************
THE IDES OF MARCH
In the dead of the night I rose from sleep I felt you
so close in the dark
Alone in a place full of memories
Your absence has left it's mark
But I know that I've only to reach out
And invite you into my head
Oh it works, I'm still here, but it gets to me I'd
rather hold you in bed
Beware the Ides of March they tell me
A time of turbulance and pain
Buffeted by the unknown,
Poured down on by rain
And the walls are barbed wire between us The doors are
locked without key
But I'll never give up or give in
I'll fight this fight til you're free
A place of the same old madness
Every damn day the same as the rest
Never acknowledging or seeing
Whether you're the worst or the best
But you're stronger than they are
You've turned to stainless steel
In a place that some call hell
You're making your dreams real
I mope in the hours of darkness
When sometimes sleep won't come
Never knew silence to be so endless
Will we ever see the sun?
But I rush out onto the front porch
And Orion twinkles overhead
I whisper 'Will this ever be over?
The voice whispers 'Go to bed."
Beware the Ides of March in the evening
Or in the dark of night
When things just seem so hopeless
And it seems a futile fight
But I have your soul in my keeping
And your soul's my protector guide
Telling me 'Go on, don't be afraid
You've never needed to hide.'
"Do you know the answers?" I ask Antares Brightest star
in the winter sky
"You know the truth inside yourself'
Comes the quiet reply
Awash in the hopes of a life together
I lay down and close my eyes
My heavy heart now light as a feather
As I slip into immortal guise
Don't let the Ides of March fool you
You can be stronger than you know
Never let them beat you,
Never let the fear show
Even in the moments you wonder
Why you're standing here
Remember the strength of your love
And it'll come crystal clear.
MARCH '99 D.A.H.
************************
"I Got Flowers Today"
I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other
special day. We had our first argument last night, And
he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I
know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said,
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any
other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning
sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry,
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn't Mother's Day or any
other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And
it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave
him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids?
What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to
leave. But I know he must be sorry, because he sent me
flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It
was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally
killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered
enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not
have gotten flowers today.