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Problems Only Christian Goths Have

These problems were culled from the xnetgoth mailing list. If you'd like to add more then send 'em to the list.

from Elias Emmanuel
"being called a satanist, even though you wear a gigantic cross."

from Harlequin
"My non Christian friends keep turning my cross upside down."

"Is this God or my anti-depressants speaking?"

"Will my friends think I'm too 'preachy' if I wear my ICTHUS fishnets?"

"Do I have to get a new piercing every time I sing 'pierce my ear'?" (sorry if you guys don't know that hymn)

"I know it's a sin to hate, but does that include Marylyn Manson?"

"Would I do this if Eric Clayton was in the room with me?"

from Anya Serene

"searching in vain through the local music store under 'gospel' for xtian goth music" (if u live in s.a it's impossible)"

"having to explain to your parents that :
- you are not a satanist even though you favour black, black, black and purple (and no, you had nothing to do with your neighbour's little kitty disappearing last week... sheesh)
- the music you listen to actually does have Christian lyrics, even though they might not be able to decipher them
- no, you're not going out clubbing in your goth regalia on sunday night, you're actually going to church"

problems in church :

- having parents move their little children a few rows further away when you seat yourself
- when the pastor talks about heathens in his sermon and everyone turns to look at you
- a new church member attempting to 'convert' you
- when you are praising God in quiet, reverent worship, your bangles / rings / necklaces etc are loudly jangling ('and the bells in the chapel went jingle, jangle...')
- getting your tights / stockings hooked on the seat / pew in full view of everybody
- you ran out of waterproof eyeliner, and after a little bit of a drizz during praise and worship your eyes make you look like frankenstein (or the bride of) [hmm..or robert smith on a bad makeup day!]
- getting up / down the steps (if any) of the church in your heels / huuuge boots (woe betide you if your church has a wooden floor... "clop, clop, bang, thud, clop, clop, bang, thud")
- if you're female : the ppl behind you moving further to your left / right because they can't see over your dramatic hairstyle which you've piled on top of your head with Victorian ringlets
- if you're male : forgetting to take your carl mcoy black stetson off when you seat yourself, and the ppl behind you asking you to take it off in order to see the lyrics
- going to a church gathering after church, and when you arrive they take off the don francisco cd and put on a Christian country album (it's the only thing they have with a beat) in order to make you feel more comfortable [ok, ok, that is highly unlikely to happen.. in mean, why would they try to make you feel more comfortable?? hehe, just kidding!!]
- visiting a new church, and the security guard follows you from your car to the church because you are 'suspiciously dressed'

problems in clubs :

- having 'Yeshua' etc artistically drawn on your back / shoulder and then having to explain to non-xtian goths that it's not a new goth group, it's actually the name of Jesus
- maintaining a looooong silence and extremely angry glare when that electric hellfire club's song is played 'Jesus died for His own sins, not mine" (or alternatively, taking a sojourn from the smoky innards of the club to avoid listening to that trash)
- females : being pinned to the wall by some slavering male and then not being able to tell them to go away the way you really want to, you have to do it diplomatically and sensitively (hmm... i can't speak for the males on this one!!)

from Dawnrazor
Hmmm... For guys: being pinned to the wall by some slavering male and then not being able to tell him to go away...."
No kidding, there really are a lot of Goth guys in our local clubs that are..ahem.."otherwise inclined."