I was thinking just now... wondering, actually. Wondering whether I'm crazy to do this. Wondering whether there's already someone else. I mean, if I could keep my feelings for you a secret for so long, why am I presuming that just because I know you don't have a girlfriend, there isn't someone you'd like to be Her? The Special Her. The one I want to be.
Coffee and a third red envelope. It was beginning to be a February morning ritual, Ross thought wryly to himself. He'd actually woken up early that morning, hoping to catch his admirer in the act, but when he'd opened the door at 7:00 a.m., the envelope had already been there.
"I cannot believe I'm awake at seven in the morning the one day we don't have practice 'til two," he muttered, pouring himself a second cup of coffee and trying not to yawn.
The Special Her. This secret admirer of his certainly had a way with words. She also seemed to have the uncanny knack of making him thinking about the very things he'd been hiding from himself for so long...
Are you thinking about Her right now? Are you wishing, are you hoping that these notes are from her?
He swallowed hard. He had been thinking about Her. He had been wishing, he had been hoping... but he knew it couldn't be.
It couldn't be her writing the letters, but more importantly, it just couldn't be. He'd gone over this in his mind a million times before, and he'd thought he'd finally convinced himself.
He tried to turn his attention back to the letters, and to Melissa, but when he shut his eyes, it wasn't the image of Suspect #1 that popped into his head. Instead, it was Julie's face in the parking lot the previous day as she'd suddenly driven away. It was of her smile, her laughter, her, her, her...
Whenever I think of the fact that there may well be someone else, I go nuts. I try not to think about it, but I can't stop myself sometimes. And I get so jealous I can barely see straight. Maybe I have no right, but there's nothing I can do to change the way I feel. I want so badly for Her to be me.
He read the paragraph once again and shook his head. He tried to imagine himself with this mystery girl, but no matter how he pictured her - as Melissa, as various girls who trained alongside them, as simply a nameless vision - she kept being replaced by a slim girl with blonde hair and an infectious smile.
The Special Her. The one he couldn't seem to get out of his head... or out of his heart.
But the notes weren't from her, and he had yet to figure out who they were from. He got up and picked up his car keys from the countertop.
He suddenly felt the urge to do a little grocery shopping.
Julie tried to look innocuous as she strolled the aisles at the Grand Union. She innocently made her way over to the produce section, where she began to fill a bag with apples, anxious for something to do.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," she mouthed to the stack of fruit. The words seemed to have become a common refrain over the past few days... all of a sudden, she was doing so many things she couldn't quite believe she was doing.
Placing the apples in her basket, she continued walking, pretending to look at items as she went by, until she glanced over at Checkout 7 and found what she'd been looking for.
"The redhead," she whispered jealously to herself, giving the unsuspecting young cashier the evil eye as she turned away.
Checkout 7. Melissa's lane.
Ducking behind a display of cookies, Julie gave the girl a scrutinizing look. Around her age - 23 or 24 - average height, slim, auburn waves that fell past her shoulders, a friendly smile. She'd seen her in the store plenty of times before and thought she seemed like a perfectly nice girl, but suddenly, she was looking at her through different eyes... the eyes of a rival.
She could not believe jealousy had driven her to this.
Her mind was flooding with thoughts. Did her partner like Melissa? Did he think she was pretty? Did she like him? He had said she'd flirted with him... The very idea made her blood rush. The nerve of this cashier chick, going after what was rightfully...
Her thoughts suddenly crashed with a sickening thud inside her. What was rightfully hers... she knew it was a lie. It was all fair game. All was fair in love and war...
Her eyes blazed, and she squared her shoulders. All was fair in love and war, right?
"All right, then," she thought to herself, glaring at the girl manning Cash 7. "Flirt your heart out, Melissa. From now on, this is war."
"Pssst. Julie!"
The loud whisper behind her caused Julie to jump, almost toppling over the stack of cookies.
"Whoops." Ross caught the bag that had fallen from the top of the stack and carefully put it back. "I guess I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that."
"God, Ross, you scared me to death!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"You know." He nodded sheepishly towards Checkout 7. "I know they say curiousity killed the cat, but I can't help it. Anyhow, what are you doing here?"
"Um... I... groceries," she replied lamely.
He gave her a skeptical look. "Julie, you always do your shopping in the evening."
"Well, I..." She searched wildly for a decent explanation.
She didn't have to find one. He thought he already knew.
"Stalking out Melissa for me, eh?" He grinned at her. "I knew you'd be the perfect one to ask... you never could resist a mystery."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." She managed a sideways smile.
"So, did you see anything interesting?" he asked. "I mean, I figured we could watch her for awhile. If she says hi and talks to all the guys that come in here, then I guess I was wrong, but if she doesn't..."
Then she's flirting with you, Julie thought sourly.
"She's only had a couple of old women so far," she reported. "Anyhow, let's talk about what's more important..."
He raised an eyebrow. "Which would be...?"
She couldn't resist. No matter how much it might hurt, she had to know.
"Do you want it to be her?" she asked teasingly, amazed at how natural her voice sounded.
He shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. I mean, I barely know her."
Do you want it to be her... No, Julie, I want it to be you, he thought to himself. He cringed inwardly at the thought. Yeah, try telling her that. She'd laugh in his face.
"You know her well enough to flirt with her," she pointed out, laughing. "You know her name..."
"I did not flirt with her!" he protested.
"But you said..."
"I said she flirted with me," he corrected, avoiding her eyes.
"Do you think she's pretty?" she inquired, beginning to examine a box of goldfish crackers.
"I... Well..." How to answer?
"C'mon, Ross, it's a pretty simple question." She couldn't keep her voice completely steady. "I mean, do you think she's pretty, or not?"
"I guess so," he finally answered honestly. "Not that I ever really thought about it before..."
"I think you should talk to her," she cut in. "I want to see what you mean."
"You think?" He looked doubtful. He was suddenly feeling very strange at the idea of talking to another girl, a girl who was possibly attracted to him, in front of Julie.
"Yeah, I do think," she replied.
"Welll..." Ross hedged. "Well, I guess you're a girl, you'd know whether she's just being friendly or actually, um..."
"Interested," she finished for him. "Don't be so chicken. Go!"
"Okay," he said. "But I can't just walk over there." His eyes fell on his partner's basket. "Ummm... give me your apples."
She handed them over, and he began to walk towards Lane 7.
Why am I doing this? The question kept repeating itself over and over again in Julie’s head as she watched her partner wait his turn in line at Checkout 7. Why was she forcing herself to ask, to see, to know? Here she was, forcing her partner to answer questions she’d much rather have him not think about, forcing him to go talk to a girl she’d really much rather have him not talk to... Why?
"I must really be going nuts,” she mumbled to herself. “I won’t watch. I can’t watch. Oh, God, I have to watch! He’s gonna ask me what I saw...”
Her head snapped up as her partner handed Melissa the bag of apples.
“Hey,” the girl greeted, smiling. “What are you doing in here so early?”
She knew when he usually came in? Did that mean she waited for him? Julie’s gaze narrowed.
“Yeah, well, don’t have to skate ‘til two today, so I thought I’d replenish the fruit supply,” Ross responded with a smile.
“Ross Alexander, I did not tell you to grin at her while you were at it!” Julie fumed inwardly.
“You can’t stay away, can you?” the cashier was teasing when Julie turned her attention back towards them. “You and your apples...”
“Those would be my apples,” Julie thought to herself, growing more and more jealous by the second. “Not his apples, mine.”
“Anyhow,” Melissa continued, flipping her hair with her free hand. “How goes the skating?”
“Pretty good,” Ross replied. “We’re heading into high-gear training time... lotsa big competitions coming up.”
“Well, I’m sure you don’t have to worry about that,” she said as she rung in the fruit. “You’ll do great, I’m sure.”
“He and his partner will do great,” Julie thought. “We will do great. Not him, us.”
“Yeah, well...” Ross blushed.
Julie glared at the scene before her. He was actually blushing!
She couldn’t take another second of it. Dropping her basket, she marched out from behind the stack of cookies, walked right past her partner, and left the store.
Ross was puzzled. He didn’t understand what had just transpired at the grocery store. Was Melissa really flirting with him? Could she be the one? And what in God’s name was up with Julie?
Well, he couldn’t have answers for all his questions, but he could certainly try and get the answer to the last one. He walked into the rink, searching for his partner. Her car had been parked outside; she had to be there somewhere. But where?
He knocked on the door of the ladies dressing room; there was no answer. He walked through the main corridor, and she was nowhere to be seen. He peered into the dance room, only to find it empty. Finally, he found her. She was already on the ice, a half hour early.
“How long have you been here?” he called, going over to the boards.
He received no response. She just kept circling the rink.
“You forgot your apples,” he tried.
“Thanks,” she said shortly. “You can put them over there by my bag.”
He didn’t move right away. She skated over to where he stood and finally spoke.
“So, did you have fun with Melissa?” She spoke the name as if it were evil.
He totally missed the edge in her voice. “So, were you watching?” he asked eagerly. “What did you think? Do you think she could be the one?”
“I don’t know.” The ice in her tone was evident. “But that chick was definitely flirting with you.”
“You think?” He didn’t know what else to say.
“I don’t think.” She stared him straight in the eye. “I know.”
And with that, she skated off, leaving Ross staring after her for the second time in as many days.
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