At the age of 15, I was a foolish child. I was gullible and eager to lend a helping hand to anyone in need. ANYONE. Regardless of who they were or how well I knew them. I saw the Sailor Moon S Fandub in danger, I heard of the loss of life, I immediately jumped at the opportunity without even consideration of what I was getting into. I could have been played for a fool, people could have lied in order to remove the weight from their shoulders... but I chose to believe that others in this world aren't that dishonest. I started with an honest effort, put my best foot forwards, got myself a job, prepared to do what I could for the sake of the Fandub...
My life fell apart weeks later. I dropped out of high school, I went absolutely insane, I ran away from everything that caused displeasure, I did a lot of stupid things that I certainly do not deserve forgiveness for. The worst of them all was that I forgot about the Sailor Moon S Fandub. Wrapped up in my own inner turmoil, I threw away many things to heal myself. I could have always just tried to start over again, but my interests had shifted drastically. I lost my love for voice acting as well as producing and directing along the way, chosing to abandon it rather than compete for unprofessional roles. When you do something for fun, it shouldn't be so stressful. Things had gone too far overboard. Squabbles were breaking out between friends over a lost role in a Radio Play. I couldn't just start where I had left off. Things were much too different...
In the end, a company whose name I cannot remember for the life of me, but is capable of much more evil than I think DiC ever was, announced to broadcast Sailor Moon S, possibly the series of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon following, on channels like Cartoon Network. To complete the fandub would constitute as something akin to copyright infringement. Somehow, in random searches through-out the Internet, every once and a while, I would stumble across this page. I'd read of my 15 year old self babbling excitedly on the webpage and the year would strike me every single time as appalling. 1998. Had it really been that long? Wrenched with guilt, I would try to access the page but to no avail. I could not remember the password. It was something so simple, yet I could not think of it. I wanted to put the page to rest, I wanted to do something, I wanted to explain that the project couldn't continue... and... I wanted to apologize to all of those that I let down.
At the age of 15, I was really a foolish child. I'm turning 21, now. I've grown up a little, looking back, but that doesn't mean I don't feel any less apologetic. I found this page again, tonight... Again, I tried the password... Somehow, I got through. I logged into the site, fought my way through the irritating setup process to the account and immediately destroyed everything save for this. The main page. After five years, I would be able to lay the project to rest, to apologize, to bid Doreen farewell and to wish her peace where ever she may be. This is the only way I can think of how to express things, however. I don't even know if anyone will see it.
I would still like to do something for Doreen, to make up for this project, to repent, but as of yet, I am unsure of what. I never knew Doreen that well. I merely sent in an audition one day for Sailor Mercury and was informed within days that I had received the part. Outside of receiving the scant few lines that she sent me, emails that I no longer possess as I have shed that old alias in favor of another which will forever remain unmentioned due to a desire for secrecy. To put it lightly, a fandub is entirely out of the question. I have no time to commit to such things. I work full-time and am still attempting to make up for the high school years I threw away.
Sailor Chibi Pink... though I have no idea what you're called, now... I have $60 American dollars for you.
Rest in peace, Doreen, Regina and Gavin.
tamahome@fushigiyuugi.net