Please note that the following section "Just For Kids" is based on (and portions of the layout and text were taken from) the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA) publication "Kit For Kids.", which appears on their web site page "Just for Kids". Hi kids,  Is there something wrong in your family? Does your family have a secret you're not supposed to tell anyone? Does your mom or dad drink too many beers or spend too much time at the bar? Do your parents yell at each other? Do you sometimes fall asleep crying, wishing your mom or dad would just stop drinking? Does your mom or dad sometimes not come home?  I want to tell you another secret - you are not alone. BOTH of my parents drink too much.  Doctors have a big long word for this. They call it - Alcoholism (You say it like this: al-co-haul-izm). And people who have alcoholism are called alcoholics.  If your mom or dad is an alcoholic, we already have a lot in common. We both love our parents and wish they would stop drinking. We both hear our parents say bad things to each other and us. We both want someone to come and help our mom and dad. We both sometimes feel alone or scared.  You aren't the only one with an alcoholic parent. There are a lot of us here.  But now, I want to tell you some things about alcoholism that I wish someone had told me when I was confused and scared by how my parents were acting. Maybe these things will help you understand a little bit better, and maybe you won't blame yourself the next time your parents drink too much.  Alcoholism is a disease. Your alcoholic parent is not a bad person; they have a disease that makes them lose control when drinking. Alcohol does that; when you drink too much, you do and say things that you normally wouldn't. The disease makes them do mean or stupid things that they would not do if they didn't drink.  You can't control your parent's drinking or stop it. It is not your fault. Don't hide the bottle or try to be perfect; you can't do anything about your parent's drinking. You are not the reason why your parent drinks. You did not cause the disease.  You are not alone. There are lots of kids just like you and me. I'll bet there are some kids in your class that you would never think of might have a parent who drinks like yours.  You can talk about the problem. Find someone you trust who will talk to you. It could be a teacher, a friend's parent, a big brother or sister, or someone else who will listen to you. These are the 'safe people' in your life. Also, there is a group for kids called "Alateen". This group has meetings, like a club, and the kids there share tips on how to make their lives easier. Some schools have Alateen meetings on the school grounds during the day or after school. Maybe your teacher could help you find one. Or, you could look for the phone number of Alateen in the phone book or call directory assistance and ask for the number. Alateen also has a web site you can visit.  Tom Chaplin,  A son of alcoholics  Here are some questions you might be asking: What is alcoholism?  Alcoholism is a disease. People who have the disease have lost control over their drinking and are not able to stop without help. They also lose control over how they act when they have been drinking and say or do things they don't mean.    If mom or dad have the disease, can I get it?  Well, alcoholism isn't like a cold. You can't "catch" alcoholism from someone. However, you will need to be careful when you grow up because children of alcoholics have a greater chance of becoming an alcoholic than other kids. Don't let that frighten you. Most children of alcoholics grow up to live alcoholism-free lives. Just use common sense when it comes to YOUR drinking.  If my mom or dad is sick why don't they just see a doctor?  Most alcoholics don't know they have a problem or don't want to believe it. Alcoholics like to blame other people, or their job, or their spouse, or even their kids. But, really, it's the alcohol that's the biggest problem.  How does alcoholism start?  No one knows all the reasons why people become alcoholics. Some start out drinking a little and end up drinking a lot. Others use alcohol to drown their problems. Once a person loses control over drinking, they need help to stop.  Is there an "average" alcoholic?  No. Anyone can be an alcoholic - old, young, man, woman, neighbor, parent, spouse or friend.  Is there a cure for alcoholism?  Sadly, no. Some people learn that they have a problem and stop drinking through the help of others, but some people never stop. Because there is no cure, alcoholics who have stopped are said to be "recovering" because they never fully recover. Recovering alcoholics can lead healthy, happy, productive lives.  Can family members make an alcoholic stop drinking?  No. It is important to know that an alcoholic needs help to stop drinking, but no one can be forced to accept the help, no matter how hard you try or what you do. It is also important to know that family members by themselves cannot provide the help that an alcoholic needs. An alcoholic needs the help of people trained to treat the disease, and they need to want to get that help.  Are there any other kids like me?  YES! More than you can count.  I know I can't make my mom or dad stop drinking, so what can I do to make myself feel better?  Talk to someone you trust about the problem. Talk to a teacher, a close friend, a grandparent, a coach, or a school counselor. Sometimes, just talking to someone about your problems really helps. Also, there is a group for kids who have alcoholic parents called "Alateen". Alateen has meetings, like a club, and the kids share tips on how to make life easier. You can look for the phone number of Alateen in the phone book or call directory assistance for the number of Alateen. Alateen also has a web page you can visit. There are many resources available to you and some of them are listed at the bottom of this page.  Here are some dos and don'ts for you: talk about how you feel. You can talk with a safe person in your life - maybe a close friend, relative, school counselor, teacher, minister, or others. Sharing your feelings is not being mean to your family. When you talk to someone, you might feel less alone. Talking to someone about your feelings can help you feel less alone.  try to get involved in doing enjoyable things at school or near where you live. Doing these types of activities can help you forget about the problems at home, and you could learn new things about yourself and about how other people live their lives.  remember that feeling afraid and alone is a normal way to feel when you live with alcoholic parents. It's confusing to hate the disease of alcoholism at the same time that you love your alcoholic parent. All people have confusing feelings: two different feelings at the same time. This is the way many kids feel about alcoholic parents.  remember to have fun! Sometimes children with alcoholic families worry so much that they forget how to be "just a kid." If things are bad at home, you might not have anyone who will help you have fun, but don't let that stop you. Find a way to let yourself have fun.  ride in a car when the driver has been drinking if you can avoid it. It is not safe. Walk or try to get a ride with an adult friend who has not been drinking. If your parents are going out to drink somewhere, try not to go with them. If you must get in a car with a drinking driver, sit in the back seat in the middle. Lock your door. Put on your safety belt. Try to stay calm.  think that because your parent is an alcoholic you will be one too. Most children of alcoholics do not become alcoholics themselves.  pour out or try to water down your parent's alcohol. The plain fact is that it won't work. You have no control over the drinking. You didn't make the problem start, and you can't make it stop. It is up to your parent to get treatment. What your parent does is not your responsibility or your fault.  think that your alcoholic parent has stopped loving you. They love you very much, but may be too sick to tell you as often as they should. Sometimes, you have to give yourself a hug and say it was from mom or dad.      REMEMBER the Seven "C"s   I didn't CAUSE it.   I can't CURE it.   I can't CONTROL it.   I can take CARE of myself.   By COMMUNICATING my feelings,   Making healthy CHOICES, and   By CELEBRATING myself.   You're a special person, too.   Other resouces you can use: You can take this list to the library, and ask the librarian if they have any of these books. If they don't, you might ask if the books are at another library. If the books are, sometimes the librarian can get an "inter-library" loan for you. (Ordering information is for adults only.) Different like Me: A Book for Teens Who Worry about Their Parents' Use of Alcohol - Drugs. Evelyn Leite, Pamela Espeland: Johnson Institute, 1989. Most parents today are worried that their children might use alcohol or other drugs. But what about the kids who are worried about their parents? Order it here. What You Should Know about a Parent Who Drinks Too Much. William L. Coleman: Augsburg Fortress Publishers, Publishing House of The Evange, 1992. Writing for children ages eight to twelve and their parents, Coleman frankly and sensitively deals with the difficulties families have when a parent has a drinking problem. Coleman offers practical advice, reminding readers that God cares for them and is always with them. Order it here. When Someone in the Family Drinks Too Much: A Guide for Children. Richard Langsen, Nicole Rubel (Illustrator): Dial Books for Young Readers, 1996. In this easy-to-understand book for young children, Richard Langsen writes about one of the nation's most debilitating diseases. Nicole Rubel's illustrations add subtle huimor to help ease fears that children might have about this illness. Here is a book that will help young readers in understanding their own feelings and give them valuable information for guidance and support. Full color. Order it here. Dear Kids of Alcoholics. Lindsey Hall, L. Hall, Leigh Cohn, Rosemary E. Lingenfelter (Illustrator): Gurze Books, 1988. A young boy imparts facts about alcoholism by discussing his father's sensitivity to alcohol, his destructive behavior, and his recovery process. Order it here. Brown Bottle: A Fable for Children of All Ages. Penny Jones, Center City, MN: Hazelden Foundation, 1983. Story of Charlie the caterpillar who leaves the caterpillar kingdom to follow the glow of the brown bottle. Order it here. The Cat Who Drank Too Much. LeClair Bissell and Richard Watherwax. Bantam, CT: Bibulophile Press, 1982. A story of a kitten that was obsessed with drinking, reflecting the behavior and feelings of many alcoholics. Order it here. An Elephant in the Living Room, The Children's Book. M.H. Typpo and J.M. Hastings Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publications, 1984. A program designed to help children from seven years to early adolescence cope with the problems of living with a problem drinking or drug-abusing parent or sibling. The leader's guide is primarily for adults working with children in groups. The children's book uses a workbook format with line drawings. Order it here. My Dad Loves Me, My Dad has a Disease. Claudia Black. Denver, CO: M.A C. Printing, 1979. A book designed to help young children learn about themselves, their feelings, and the disease of alcoholism in their families through art therapy. Children between the ages of six and fourteen share what it is like for them to live in an alcoholic family. Order it here. Something's Wrong in My House. Katherine Leiner. New York: Franklin Watts, 1988. About domestic violence and alcoholism and how it affects children. Acknowledges the universal feelings of fear, anger, and hopelessness, and looks for ways to cope. Order it here.   Remember that these calls won't cost your mom or dad anything because they have an area code of "800". Be sure to dial the "1" first.  Al-Anon/Alateen Hotline (for friends, family and alcoholics) 1-800-344-2666  National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-55-4COAS  Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline 1-800-333-4444  Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453  Mental Health InfoSource 1-800-447-4474  National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-SAFE  National Institute of Mental Health  1-888-ANXIETY  National Runaway Switchboard and Suicide Hotline 1-800-621-4000  National Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663  Runaway Hotline 1-800-231-6946  Suicide & Crisis Hotline 1-800-999-9999  TalkZone (Peer Counselors) 1-800-475-TALK  Teen Helpline 1-800-400-0900  TeenLine 1-800-522-8336  Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-422-0009  Boystown National Hotline 1-800-448-3000  CHILDHELP USA Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453      Al-Anon & Alateen Drinking: A Student's Guide Teen Voice - Drinking & Teens Students Against Drugs and Alcohol Alcoholics Anonymous Alcohol Concern (England) Association for Children of Alcoholics The Mining Company - Alcoholism The Unofficial ACOA Page (Adult Children of Alcoholics) ----------------Other Resources------------------ PAL - Peer Advisement League for Teens Assoc. of Recovering Abuse Survivors and Offenders NotVictims! 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