San Toki Toki yah!

You know you're korean if...

Here it is everyone....the MOTHER of all Korean lists! You might have seen the first portion because it is circulated widely, but the rest are either mine, or from people who have sent it to me. But if you have any more suggestions, then email them to me k? And if you're going to submit some, please try to read through this whole list first (yes, the whole thing) so that you don't repeat any. Ya know, i've gotten this list emailed to me 3 TIMES from random people. Strange. So if you're gonna take this and email it to people, give us credit please? I mean...a lot of it is original stuff.

your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
your parents still try to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
you ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later, they're still lecturing
you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
everyone thinks you're CHINESE no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
you've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend's kids friends...(but when you compare them to other parents, they say, "DON'T COMPARE!")
your parents say, "don't forget your heritage."
you drive mostly Japanese cars
you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
you've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs
piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors
you hear (your name + ee (optional)+yah!) every time someone calls you.(e.g.,Jean-ee-yah! or Mary-yah!)
you have NO eyelashes
idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the every-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc.
your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin
the bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner
at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In korea, we studied even more."
your parents expect you'll be friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
an asian woman comes on campus and people ask, "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in the 8th grade!"
everyone thinks you're good at math
you like $1.75 movies
you like $1.50 moves even more
your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Korea, with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever-so-popular lime green
your parents insist you marry a Korean
you either really, really, want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it
your parents have never kissed you
your parents have never kissed each other
you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
your parents say, "you want a stereo?!? When i was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"
you have 12+ aunts and uncles
at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your breverage and NEVER order dessert
your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say, "Eat it anyway; it's still good."
you will most likely be taller than your parents
your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both
you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
when going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift
your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both
your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang)
the furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture
you have rocks, sticks, leaves, deer antlers, and strange smelling, unkown substances in your pantry for use in medicine
you own a rice cooker or two
you buy soy sauce by the gallon
your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they stil appreciated going
your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so that you can grow into it and wear for years to come.
These are some that i made up: (note that a lot of them DON'T apply to me!)
You live with your Hal-moh-nee
you parents own a liquor store, dry cleaner, or some kind of discount store
you drive a lowered, fixed up integra, eclipse, or some kind of Honda
you never tip over 15%
you hate Denny's, even though you go there 24-7
you love Sanrio stuff
you have a pager
you do that twirling thingie with you pen
you always have a box of Sapporo Ichiban ramyun or Yook-eh-jang
even though your family isn't super rich, you own a Mercedes or Lexus
you bring home all A's and one B, and your parents yell, "Why did you get a B?"
there is a 75% chance that you'll marry someone with the same last name
white people always say, "Say my name in korean!"
when you have a family gathering, 50 little kids are running around your house, and YOU have to entertain them
you can't stand Margaret Cho (that actress on All American Girl)
when the bill comes, you practically beat each other up- saying that' YOU'LL pay for the bill
when you were in Junior High, you were either a nerd or a little "kkang ppeh" wannabe
your parents say, "The reason why we came to America was so that you could get a good education, so go to Harvard."
you either have to be a doctor, lawyer, or some big-time business tychoon
your parents say, "1600 isn't that hard...just study."
when some mega-mega nerd student is in the korean newspaper, your parents say, "why can't you be like him?"
if you're a guy, then you always have to put up with the "20 questions" game when you call a girl if her parents answer
but if you're smart, you ask, "Um hello? Is Bob there?"
no matter how well your parents speak english, they can't say "wood"
your dad hits you in the head with his knuckle, and it hurts REALLY REALLY bad
you tell your parents you need to buy glue for school, but they reply, "just use rice!"
your parent's idea of a social life is church
People ask, "Hey, show me some Jackie Chan moves!"
When someone points you out, they say "that one chinese girl (or guy).
Your parents were ecstatic when the 88 Olympics were held in Korea
You know how to do the "kimchi squat"
If you're a guy- you talk about fixing up the car that you will never have
If you're a guy:

you try to act all hard when you're with your friends...but when you're alone- the front is gone.
You see some girl you think is really cute, but when your friends ask you what you think of her, you say, "She's not all that"
You have to go to parties in huge groups, but once you get there- you just stand there doing nothing
You have a really low alcolhol tolerance level
You were once part of a "gang" or a "crew" in your youth years
You never smile in pictures, but give that "hey look at me, i'm the bomb"-look.
You smoke and/or drink and you do that sickening loogie thing out of nowhere

If you're a girl:

Everwhere you go, you look like you're ready to go clubbing
You wear the same exact makeup as all your friends
You wear the same exact clothes as all your friends
You have the same exact hair style as all your friends
You say "ya know" and "right" a lot
You refer to all guys at least 1 hour older than you as "oppah"
You have this shrilly whiny voice that goes along with "oppaaaahhh"
You shave off your eyebrows and just pencil two thin lines in
You are computer-illiterate
You wear 500 inch heels to compensate for you under 5 feet height
No matter how skinny you are, you are still on a diet
When you go on a date, you NEVER eat. Maybe you order a diet Coke
At parties, you always dance in big groups
You only go for guys with nice fixed-up cars
You own at least one pair of the black "regulation clubbing pants"
You're always at pool halls, even though you can't even shoot pool
Even when it's BUTT cold, you still seem to wear very revealing clothes
You get that eye surgery thing, even though it makes you look like a fish
Your hair is almost yellow
When you're with your friends who look exactly like you, you have to stare down every other asian girl that walks by
You smoke to lose weight
(OK, these are general ones)

even though you can't watch tv, your parents rent a million korean videos and watch them continuously for hours on end
your parents took the TV out of the house
your mom sings chan-son-gahs (hymns) while driving
your grandmother sings chan-son-gahs really loud, while pounding her thigh, which is TOTALLY off beat
you have a million black leather bibles
even though your parents are die-hard Christians, they don't want you getting TOO involved with church
when you ask your parents if you can go out, they either reply "No" or "hmph" which means yes.
you go out two fridays in a row, and they yell that you go out too much.
you have one of those silver kimhi-ttongs with buckles on the sides
you have a gazillion small containers in your fridge with a different ban-chan inside. but even though it smells pretty raunchy, you still eat it.
when an asian girl with a white guy (or vice versa) walks by, your parents STARE at them with their eyes popping out.
when you go to buffets, your parents make you eat until you think you're going to hurl, and even after you do, they say, "good, eat more."
your parents yell at you for being short, but they're the ones that gave you the short genes.
your parents raise their hand as if they're going to hit you, and you totally shudder, shrinking back.
The main reason why you want to go to college out of state is that you can get away from your parents
When you go to church retreats, you long for some good ol' Korean cooking.
You have the ability to tell the different Asians apart (ie. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese).
If you're female, you worship H.O.T and idolize Kang Ta, even though secretly, you know he isn't all that. But why not? Everyone else loves him?
You go to American restaurants, and your dad eats really wide and rudely, so you put your head down while whispering, "apppaaahhhhh stooopp!"
Your parents make you work at their business (ie liquor store, cleaners, discount store).
You bring home a white friend, and your parents immediately think that he/she sleeps around, uses drugs, and parties 24-7.
Your parents have absolutely no color sense, wearing totally mismatched clothes.
Your parents verbally abuse you, even when joking around.
Your parents never attended your Back to School Night or Open House at school.
Your mom is the BEST cook! (or is that just my mom? Heh.)
When your mom hears or watches something sad, she'll make this repeated sound really fast like "tte" a million times a minute.
When you're sick, your mom will pinch inside of your elbow REALLY hard, saying you have a digestion problem or something.
Your parents were supposed to get a divorce many times, but they never did for the children's sake, financial problems, or simply because, "what would we tell church people?"
Your parents will be helping you with a math problem, but when you get something wrong, they'll start yelling and swearing at you so loud, as if you just committed some deadly crime.
Summer does not mean playtime to your parents. Summer means- bust out those workbooks so you can get ahead in class!
Kumon is a household word.
Whenever guests come over, your parents make you whip out your violin/piano skills.
When guests are leaving your house, you have to stand outside your house saying bye to them, not to mention bowing a gazillion times.
You'll go to a movie with your parents, and afterwards, they'll say "I don't understand."
Your parents never participated in the "American" traditions of Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. You'll say, "Where's Santa Claus?" and they'll reply, "Santa Claus! Ptch! He's dead!" And then you'll start crying.
When you had your first loose tooth, your parents promised to not to pull it out but just to LOOK at it, but when they did, they just yanked the baby out.
You'll buy a shirt full price, and your parents will yell, "What! You could have bought that for $2 at the swap meet!"
you're going out with a friend and your parents need to know their name, where they live, their phone #, what their parents do for a living, what kind of grades they get, what they got on their SATs, how they dress, if they go to church, and if they're male or female.
After you're get off the phone with someone from the opposite sex, your parents will start interrogating you about that person (except the last one). You'll talk to someone from the opposite sex two days in a row, and your parents immeditaely think there's something going on.

You bring home straight As, and your parents say, "So? You're supposed to get that! When I was in Korea...."
When you get a car, the only places you're supposed to go is school, the library, and maybe the grocery store to do grocery shopping for them.
When the doorbell rings, your parents get ALL suspicious and prohibit you from answering it. When they do answer it, they'll open the crack like 1 centimeter and speak through that. And if it's a salesperson, they'll slam the door screaming, "we no interest!"
Your mom will laugh with her hand covering her mouth.
You'll be somewhere with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and then you'll see an adult from church, so you immediately start freaking out.
You had to miss out on Saturday morning cartoons as a child, attending dreaded Korean School.
While on long car trips, your parents will get bored, so they'll think about something that bugs them, and start bugging you. (ie, Why is your room so messy! Why do you always fight with your siblings! Why do you always go out so much!)
You have a mini-van which your mom drives.
Your parents will be yelling at you (or eachother) and in the middle of all the roucus, will close the windows so that the neighbors won't hear.
You never feed your dog dogfood but all your leftovers.
You'll be cooking kalbi outside, and neighbors will ask what the aroma is.
You think EVERYTHING is racial, like if someone is mildy rude to you.
When a fixed up Japanese car drives by, you can't help but look to see who's driving.
You go to church retreats to meet people from the opposite sex.
In an all white setting, you'll feel all relieved when you see another asian. But when you're in an all asian-setting, you'll give dirty looks to another asian passerby.
You'll have all this "asian pride" or "Korean Pride" yet know nothing about your culture.
You only listen to Korean music, while detesting "American" music, even though the Korean music you're listening to ORIGINATES from the very same American music (one of my biggets pet peeves)
If you're a girl, you dance the SAME way as all your friends.
You only talk to the asian people in your class.
If you're a girl, In the early 90's, you had the "wave bangs" where they went up like 3 feet high while slowly cascading down.
You think Koreans are above all other Asians.
You cheat in school.
You are/were in Key Club.
You associate only with Chinese and Japanese, but deem the other asians "dirty".
You'll type in this DaMN aNNoYiNG STyLe (which freakin gets on my nerves).
If you're a guy, you'll try to pick up girls over the Internet.
If youre a guy, you think you sing well and sing 24-7, even though you're horrible.
If you're a guy, you'll have this certain "asian-guy" walk. (ugh! I HATE this!)
You never smile.
If you're a girl, you're obsessed with taking those 50 for $10 pictures and take them like twice a month.
Once you make a friend, you'll want to take those pictures with them, as if "officializing" your friendship.
You're REALLY superficial.
After your Sanrio phase, you transformed into you "Morning Glory" phase.
You always say how you want to go to Korea even though you'd secretely rather go to Hawaii or something.
If you're a guy, you think you're going to be some big-time gasoo or something.
If you do poorly in school, you join the army/navy/marines...
If you go to a JC and when asked, you always say your JC name immediately with the statement "then transferring to a UC (or other big school)".
Here's some from Jason Lee from NY

You go to any fastfood restaurant and your mother tells you to make sure nobody is watching so she can stuff extra napkins, ketchup packets, plastic forks, etc. into her bag.
You have a stack of bright yellow Wendy's napkins on your dining room table.
You have perfect attendance from grades K through 12.
You are running a 102 degree fever in elementary school and your mother argues with the school nurse and refuses to come pick you up at school and says, "No let him stay and take the bus home later!" (speaking from personal experience, it got to the point where the principal had to come to the phone)
Your mother's friend is cooking hot dogs for the family and says to you, "Here 10 dolla, go get some south-crop!" Then it takes you ten minutes to figure out she meant saurkraut.
You are on the parkway with your grandmother and says to you in Korean, "Are you hungry? Do you want to stop at Roy-jurors?(Roy Rogers)
Your mother used to pick green stuff out of your ears for you on front of your American friends with that little mini-spoon.
It is the peak of the winter season especially at night, you want to turn on the heater but your father says, "No, just wear more cloth." to save electricity.
Your mother tells you to tuck in your shirt all the time.
You are wearing cloth from the 1970's passed down from your uncles.
You got to K-Mart and Caldor regularly.
You are with your female friend and give a friendship hug goodbye to her, and your mother witnesses it and starts flipping out like you just lost your virginity or something and you hear her go, "O-mo, O-mo-na!!"
Your parents encourage you not to get into fights, but if it is about your nationality or race, "Beat the crap out of them, bon-choo-gyu-na, tell them your father was a blackbelt in Korea."
Your father and uncle are wearing scrawny little white fruit-of-a-loom tank tops and start doing these odd looking back, hip, and neck exercises in public.
Your grandfather takes your pet bird out of the cage then starts plucking out it's feathers one by one. Then you are wondering what he is doing to it and later you realize he is going to feast on it with his old friends from Korea because bird organs were a cuisine back in the war days and were rich in protein.
You have ginseng in your kitchen.
there are korean newspapers on the dining room table with nailclippings on it
there is some form of ginseng in the house
your ice cubes in the freezer have some sort of kim-chee smell to it
you have one of those one foot high dinner tables you sit on the floor with
you have a straw mat
you have any type of electrical massager
you have to step on your father's back every night
your parents don't let you watch rated R movies until your 21
your parents have one of those car seat covers made out of those wooden acupuncture beads
your mother pokes a hole in your finger with a needle when you are sick
your grandmother cooks you fish and rice with ketchup for breakfast
your mother owns a nail salon(true in my case!)
your fathers and uncles have really built and muscular looking calves
your father has a really pale body and legs but jet black nipples
your father has no facial hair, chest hair, back, and arm hair, except for three long hairs sticking out of each nipple
your parents beat the crap out of you
your parents are sexist
when your friends are over, your grandmother boils some hot dogs, sticks it on a plate with some forks and you dip it into a cup of ketchup and eat it
you have a coffee mug from church in the house with korean writing on it
you tell your mother that you are going to a church youth meeting when you are really going out to hang out with your friends
your mother finds out your girlfriend is Korean so she wants to invite her over for dinner so she can show off her home cooking
your girlfriend is over at your house and your mother starts embarassing you telling her about pivate spots and stuff
you go to your girl's house and her parents give you some extra pocket money and the keys to their Lexus
you go to your non-asian girl's house for dinner and her parents love you and kiss up to you just for the fact that you are Korean thinking you are a straight A student on your way to the Ivy Leagues even though you are not that smart
your high school math teacher thinks you are a good student
the police in the urban neighborhoods always scope you when you are walking or driving
(true story, there was some controversy with the department over this issue but nothing ended up happening)the police pulls you over in the middle of winter, notices a black duffle bag in your back seat, but really there is sneakers in it from playing b-ball and he accuses you of having fireworks
a dumb white boy walks up to you in the middle of the street and asks if you sell fireworks
your grandfather has opium pipes in his room
your cousin visits from Korea and all she does is sit home and does origami all day (one time she made like a thousand birds, put it in a jar and said,"Here Jason, just por you, means good luck!)
your mother wants you home by midnight during prom night
your uncle launders money out of his company (just kiddin)
you are speaking to a girl on the phone and your mother is eavesdropping on the other line
I got these from someone who wishes to stay Anonymous.
Your mama never shaves her armpits
when you were little, you had this big bluish spot on your butt crack
your elders spontaneously fart out of nowhere while you're talking to them- but it's perfectly polite
These are from Sam Oh. Thanks Sam!

you raise your leg by accident and your white friend says, "Hey is that karate?"

your parents hve the R's and L's backwards

you have a homepage

your grandfather wants to kill you dog and eat it

you have at least one big towel with big korean writing on it in the bathrooom.

Someone with a now disabled email address gave these to me.

Be racist
Dye your hair...reddish brown for best results (but then again, blonde turns out to be reddish-brown anyway)
You must drive an Acura Integra or Honda Civic (stick shift for tha fellows--it's a testosterone thang)
Never wear glasses out of class--only FOBS can do so (colored contacts are required)
Be racist
Girls, wear dark lipstick (the browner the cooler--no matter if you end up lookin like you stuffed your face in chocolate)
To achieve the NATURAL look, apply layers and layers of make-up on...if it starts to look unnatural (heaven forbid) just apply another layer.
Curl your eyelashes till they touch your eyelids.
Never be caught dead in a group of less than 10.
Be racist
Only associate w/ fellow yellows.
When you want to speak about a non-Asian infront of their face, speak your own language very loudly and rudely.
Interpret every little thing as a racial issue.
Never be on time when meeting friends.
Be racist
Dogg on inter-racial couples.
A pager is a life necessity. (Or a cell phone...or both)
Only wear clothes in the exciting shades of black and white (occaisionally cream, brown, gray allowed)
Girls must stare at eachother more than guys stare at them.
Always dress like you're goin to a party...even when your goin to Walmart.
Hang out in coffee shops when there's nothin to do.
Girls must be masters of Bust-a-move
Guys must be masters of Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat III
Make every event a social one--church, school, funerals...!
Guys are not allowed to leave the mall w/out at least one set of digits...that means a phone number for you morons who didn't know.
Girls--dress skimpy on a cold day so that a guy has to lend you his coat.
Guys must wear their choice of: Eternity, Escape, Cool Water.
Be racist.
Always change your pager greeting at least 3 times a day...sometimes add cheesy music for the full 30 seconds to piss the caller off
Carry at least 1000 pictures around w/ you wherever you go--pictures only of Asians ofcourse...
Take pictures everywhere you go...even in your own driveway Guys--always look ruff & all hard-core, lifting your chin up to the lens Girls--fake smile, or no smile.
Guys--never say hi verbally back to a girl...either lift one eyebrow, nod your chin (very cocky), or wink (the most annoying one)
Be racist.
Fit 9 people in a car, when the limit is 5.
There must be a stringy, Oriental-looking ornament dangling from the mirror of your souped-up car.
Girls--be abnormally obssessed w/ Sanrio (Keroppe, Hello Kitty, Pochacco, Pekkle, etc...)
Be racist.
(okay, the racist thingie kinda bothered me....)

MORE

If any of you are offended, i'm extremely sorry. Many of these are just stupid stereotypes that many of you can probably relate to. Just because i'm korean doesn't mean that all of these statements apply to me. (especially that korean girl part i made up!). So if you're a non-korean, please don't go to any ol' korean and say, "Hey, i bet your mom has hairy armpits!"
If you want to use any of these to email them to your friend or put them on your homepage- please email the respective owner of the quotes. For the the first half, just take those- i don't care (those are circulated widely). For the ones I made up or the anonymous ones, email me okay? Thanks.
Okidoki..that's it for now...but i'll add on if i think of any more. Remember to gimme those suggestions!

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