Best Man
by Les Vierges

    I stood watching, as my best friend and the best girl I’ve ever known took their wedding vows.  It was obvious-- painfully obvious-- that he was the one she loved more than anyone.  But, who doesn’t love the leader of the band?  When is it my turn, I wondered.   What’s he got that I haven’t got?  Lily’s eternal vow, that’s what…
    I certainly love Lily, and I certainly love Rick, and I’m happy for the both of them.  But, I was still having a little twinge of regret over what I had been fantasising could have been between me and Lily…   But I thought I was over that! 
    I knew I was being selfish, her happiness should matter more.  And she does bring me happiness with what is between me and her: her very presence and friendship.  Her grace.  I do realise that what she gives me is more than any lover I’ve had-- real understanding, acceptance, and actual love!  But, I did wish for more-- for everything…
    Rick turned to me to get his ring.  I retrieved it from my pocket, and Rick took it from my hand.  Rick placed his ring on Lily’s finger.  I leaned a little to see Lily on the other side of Rick.  But only enough to see with one eye…  I was hoping she wouldn’t be looking back.  She wasn’t.  She was looking at Rick.  As if he was the only other person in existence.
    But, when Lily and I would talk, she made me feel like I was the only one on earth too!  She made it so easy to fall in love with her.  Probably because she loves me!  …Plus she’s charming.  She’s beautiful.  She’s warm, open, kind and friendly.  She is all those things with me.  What more could you want?
    I tried to look at it from her point of view.  She obviously doesn’t love me like she loves Rick…  But she does love me!  I know she does!  …Like a brother, I suppose.  But who has a sister like her?   I shouldn’t try to make sense out of it.  Even Rick knows she’s not like other women.
    It’s the fact that I thought she was something like what I expect women to be, that I could tell myself I had a chance with her.  Normally when a woman acts that warm, I’d conclude that she’s is open to my advances…  In fact, I could even tell myself that she was coming on to me!   So naturally, I was shocked-- it even felt like a blow to my ego-- when I found that wasn’t the case at all!
    It’s not that she was flirting…  She seemed ever more sincere than that, in her admiration and generosity with me.  I don’t think I felt teased or led on, when I found where her true affections lay.  I admit I felt chagrined, however.  I hoped she hadn’t noticed--  but I don’t know how she wouldn’t have!  The way I reached for her hand…  The way I looked in her eyes.
    Yes, I am sure she knew, then-- at that moment-- how I felt.  What I hoped for.  And I realised how she felt, too.  But, I didn’t want to.  I couldn’t kid myself-- not really-- after that.  But, I did realise something else at that moment.
    I realised I loved Lily!  No, not like I thought I would.  Not like I thought I would ever love a woman.  I loved her enough to let her go.  Let her be to me only what she wanted to be.  I never really had her, of course, but I knew I could-- and I had to-- let go of even the fantasy…  I just have to find the way to do it-- to completely let go. 
    Now that she and Rick had vowed to forsake all others and cleave only to each other, ‘til death do they part, put their rings on, were presented as husband and wife…  I found that this was it.  It’s official.  The moment when I had to come to grips with the reality which overcame my fantasy.  No more indulging vain hope that reality could be different.  Circumstances were what forced me into what I knew I had to do:  Become, in my heart, her forever friend, and never her lover.
    I watched as the minister told Rick he may now kiss his bride.  He picked her up, so she couldn’t get away, and planted one on her.  In that moment, the sheer joy which radiated from the two of them, caught me up in it as well!  The beauty
    I guess it caught me off guard!  I’d never seen them share a kiss before!  The gushing passion!  Sheesh, and I thought Lily wasn’t that kind of girl… 
    I think my jaw dropped.  Yep.  I couldn’t help but feel joy as well, that such a love even exists, as the love between my two dear friends.  I will celebrate it, along with all the others in attendance-- I realised belatedly that the others were applauding wildly.  I joined in, and I found myself grinning.
    It is better this way.  I will not covet their love, I have my own!  This is the happy ending and new beginning in Lily’s saga.  Same for Rick.   For me, it’s a life-lesson.  Lily came into my life, opened my eyes, and showed me love.  Gave me love.  Helped me realise what it feels like to love someone else.   Introduced me to a new kind of relationship I could have with a woman…
    I followed down the aisle as they exited the sanctuary.  I looked at Lily’s small form, arrayed in her beautiful dress.  I was still grinning.  I was the luckiest man in the world, to have her as my friend.

 
"A Lily Among Thorns"
Chapter 7: The Verdict
"Best Man"
What's Love?


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