"If I could have my way with you, I’d pounce on you, and kiss you all over,"  Lily had told me, while we were engaged.  My only clue, back then.  If Lily was holding back, it’s probably a good thing, actually…  It was taking all my concentration to remain calm, as it was.  But, it’s also intriguing, to suspect that there may be more there…  With Lily, there always seems to be more.  I was looking forward to finding out. 
I phrased it in a non-questionlike way, and said to myself, out loud: "I wonder what would happen, if Lily stopped holding herself back." 
    Lily saw through my attempt to be clever.  "I should kill thee with much cherishing," she answered.  "You can ask me questions, if you really want to.  We’ve got to talk about stuff, eventually." 
    "Sometimes, it’s good to stop talking and just be, though," I said, taking her side.  "And, you’ve already killed me…"  I added, talking more to myself, than her. 
    Lily looked at me, then nodded.  "I think, I know what you mean."  
    "Were you killed, too?"  I asked, while I held her.  We were both sitting on the floor, between our seats, and leaning against the cabin wall. 
    "I died a long time ago.  I surrendered.  Fully.  And, I think you have too,"  Lily decided. 
    "I’ve died a thousand times.  Lily, you kill me with your gaze.  It’s your touch that brings me back…"  I finally told her. 
    "We’re dead, and this is heaven," Lily pronounced. 
    "It is heaven, Lily.  I  think I could live like this, for eternity."  I turned to kiss her, and stroke her face.  I looked into her eyes, and she looked into mine.  "Um, can I ask one question?"  I asked, after I could breathe, again.  Lily generously nodded.  "Why do you look at me, like you do?  You look in my eyes, and I think you see my soul in there." 
    Lily didn’t say anything, right then.  She just smiled.  Then she got up on her knees, and turned to face me.  She put my hands on her face, and her hands on my face.  She caught my gaze and held it.  Keep breathing, I told myself.  That was the last coherent thing I remembered, for who knows how long.  Lost in her eyes.  I couldn’t find my way back out again.  But then, I wasn’t looking for a way out.  I was just looking.  And seeing. 
    The thing is, the longer I looked, the more I saw-- I knew-- what Lily was really like!  I could tell that her love for me was so deep, that there was no way to touch bottom.  I saw that I could trust her completely, and I had nothing whatsoever to fear.  She has no other motive than to love me.  I knew that there was a joy bubbling inside her.  Lily possesses a tremendous strength, yet her frail humanity became clear.  There was a shockingly tender heart inside.  One that had been wounded to the very core, and yet, it was in the midst of being healed.  My unconditional love would help heal her heart.  And her own love was healing her, too.  That love gave her the strength to forgive.  Lily knows how to love.  She knows how to forgive. 
    I saw Lily’s soul, and it was ravished.  Transformed into something not of this world.  And the part she had expressed so far, was just the beginning.  Lily kept all that inside her!  She has way too much love, for me to keep it all to myself.   She’d only been letting it out, a little at a time…  She needs to give herself some relief, by sharing it with some others, too.  Lily does act like she loves everyone she meets.  Then, I saw something else… 
    I gasped.  And, I blinked.  "Lily!"  I said, taking her hands off my face, and holding them.  "Oh, wow."  My mouth was still agape.  Lily was smiling.  "I think…  I saw the future." 
    Lily smiled, even wider.  "Tell me," she said. 
    "Children."  I laughed!  ‘Cause I couldn’t believe it.  Couldn’t believe that I would be happy about the prospect of fatherhood.  Lily doesn’t believe in birth control, so I had accepted the probability of children.  But, given my own childhood, and the condition of society, I hadn’t felt enough hope, that it could actually be a wonderful thing.  But, it is a wonderful thing!  And, I was actually looking forward to it, in happy anticipation.  I looked into Lily’s eyes, again.  I wondered if she was already pregnant.  That would be so cool. 
    "Rick, it’s going to shock you, how much you are going to enjoy being a father," Lily informed me. 
Well, I was reeling.  And tickled.  "I think I understand… When you look into the eyes of Love, you can see what it can accomplish." 
    "What it will accomplish, my love,"  Lily corrected me.  "Love’s promise."  Lily told me, "you just have to look.  The eyes cannot hide anything, from the person who looks with love, and the desire to know the truth.  When Love wrestled me…  I dared look straight at him.  People don’t like to look you in the eye, because they know that you will see inside them, as well.  What they are really like.  There’s no hiding.  I dared look at Love.  He ravished me.  There was nothing more for me to hide…"  Lily could barely breathe herself, to remember it.  "And, when I looked…"  Tears began falling from Lily’s eyes, once more.  "…I saw myself reflected there.  A reflection of my future.  What he saw…"  Lily chuckled, in amazement.  "Something so wonderful, I could not believe.  And, I think that’s why he had to force himself on me.  I would never have accepted so wonderful a life, unless I had no choice." 
    "Blessings will pursue you and overtake you,"  I added. 
    "Precisely," Lily agreed.  And then she laughed for joy. 
    The captain asked us to buckle up, for our descent.  The heaven I had discovered above the clouds, would be brought with us, back to Earth, again.  I got up, and helped Lily up.  I didn’t let go of her hand, until she was seated.  Then I bent, to buckle her in, myself.  How could it be, that Lily had become a thousand times more precious to me, than before I saw so much of her soul?  I didn’t know it was possible, to be any more precious.  I kissed her.  I had to sit down in my own seat, but I couldn’t  seem to make myself move away from her.  Even though my seat was only a few feet away, it seemed like a thousand miles.  Because, we wouldn’t be able to touch.  Except our feet…  That would have to do, but I still didn’t want to move an inch. 
    Lily put her hand on my cheek, and said, "sit, love.  It’s alright."  Then she put a little pressure on my shoulders, to let me know the direction I should be moving.  "It won’t be too much longer, until you can have all of me.   Just sit, and think of how wonderful that will be." 
    I made myself sit down and hook up.  And I thought I was a gonner, before.  I sighed, wistfully. 
    "I know.  I know, Rick!"  Lily was grinning and giggling at me.  "Welcome!  Now there’s two of us, who understand.  I’m glad." 
    I was smiling, but then my face fell.  Lily didn’t appear overly concerned about it, however.  Just understanding.  "I don’t know what I’m going to do, now," I stated, more or less matter-of-factly.  Lily nodded.  I probably didn’t need to explain, but I still said, "the path I thought I was on, has… changed."  My brow furrowed.  "I thought I knew what to expect from the future.  You know… marry you; have some kids, probably; have a house in the woods, like you want; but the rest of it, pretty much the same:  writing and recording songs, touring, hanging with my friends, et cetera.  Doing my thing.  But, I don’t know, anymore, if that’s going to happen.  What I had told myself about what to expect from tomorrow, has disappeared, and I don’t know which direction I am supposed to go!  I can’t see the path." 
"I know," Lily empathized.  "You thought your life was going to be one way-- your theory of it.  A prediction, based on plans and probabilities.  But, now you know that there is one certain future laid out for you.  The old plans, your old ‘future,’ has been taken away, and you have no clue what-- or even if, there is anything to replace it.  But, there is a path in front of you.  Your new path.  The only advice I can give, is to take it one step at a time.  Your direction will become clearer, as time passes.  Just keep looking.  At the eyes of Love, and the goal, reflected therein.  You’ll get there."  Lily leaned forward, to say, "Don’t be afraid.  Love will not fail you.  Trust it." 
    After a while in thought, I asked Lily, "But, you know something about your future, which includes me, right?" 
    "Yes," Lily replied.  When I opened my mouth, to ask her what it was, she said, "I will tell you tomorrow." 
    A smile crept across my face.  "You knew about the children." 
    "Yes," Lily said again.  She wasn’t giving any more away. 
    "Do you know anything about the children?"  I queried. 
    "Yes,"  Lily answered.  "Twenty questions?"  Lily was grinning so big, shaking her head at me, at the same time.  "Tomorrow, you will know everything I know.  But, if you can’t wait, you could try looking in my eyes again."  I thought she was teasing with this. 
    I laughed, "it’s worth a try… But, I can’t see you from over here." 
    "Yes," Lily was laughing at her own silliness. 
    "Lily, you’re giddy!"  I told her. 
    "I’m giddy because you understand.  And because, you are now on your way, and I’m happy for you.  And because, I will finally get to tell things I’ve been holding inside for so long.  No one else knows, because no one else understands.  And, now you do," Lily said.  "And it has put me in ecstasy.  You have put me in ecstasy, Rick.  I can’t contain it." 
    "In ecstasy?!  Then I’ve achieved my purpose in life."  That was definitely enough for me. 
    "No," Lily now responded.  "You’ve barely begun.  The world-- the possibilities-- have now become wider for you, than you can imagine.  The world you have experienced up ‘til now, has been as limited as your time in the womb, by comparison.  You have no idea, Rick…  Really, no idea.  And, I’m so happy for you."  Tears were visiting her eyes, again. 
    "I look forward to tomorrow," I told Lily.  And myself.  I looked at my beautiful Lily, sitting there, with tears in her eyes.  "I wish I could wipe your tears away,"  I told her. 
    "You do, Rick.  You have.  You comfort my soul,"  Lily said.  "Thank you," she mouthed.  Oh!  To touch those lips again… 
    "You cried more before you met me?"  I wondered. 
    "No, just differently,"  Lily answered.  "Then, it was from frustration or failure.  Now, it’s from joy or empathy.   But, being in the midst of drastic change like we are, right now, has me more volatile, I think.  I’m sorry.  I must have cried a bucket, today." 
    "It’s not a problem.  Think nothing of it.  My sister warned me that brides usually cry on their honeymoons.  You just have way more to cry about.  In a good way, I mean."  I said it, but it sounded vaguely egotistical of me. 
    "So true!"  Lily was smiling again.  "I love how you never told me to stop crying.  That’s such a relief." 
    "Lily, I know you," I told her.  "You hold yourself back, as much as you can.  Anything that comes out anyway, has to come out!  I certainly couldn’t stop you, and I shouldn’t, either.  It’s better for it to come out."  I chuckled.  "This is so bizarre!  Here you are, keeping yourself in check, with all your might, and yet, the love and emotion that escapes from you is overwhelming!" 
    "Overwhelming for the both of us," Lily concurred. 
    "Lily!  You are so loving, you’re dangerous!"  I realized.  "If you ever let yourself go…" 
    "Yes!"  Lily actually shouted it.  I jumped.  What a set of lungs.  I could imagine what the guys in the cockpit were thinking…  Lily had silenced me.  I didn’t dare ask her anything more.  I didn’t know what to ask, anyway.  I could see that I was the one riding a tiger.  Good thing she’s on my side. 
    So, I spent our descent to Earth, looking at Lily, a frail human, and yet, a force of nature.  And only Lily, Love and I knew what was behind her eyes. 
 
"A Lily Among Thorns"
Chapter 11: The Promise
Chapter 12: The Healing
 

  Go to the top of this page.
  "Love Among The Ruins" by Sir Edward Burne-Jones, courtesy of CGFA.
  Contact the author of this page and "A Lily Among Thorns," by emailing LilyAuthor@mailexcite.com
  Thank you for visiting!