| "Whoa, what a roller
coaster!" Lily exclaimed, in response to the turbulence we were experiencing.
But, she could just as easily have been referring to her laughter and tears
today, or her last seven years, or life in general. Fun and exciting,
yet you get this feeling in your stomach... Lily was buckled into
her seat, opposite me. She was holding onto her armrests, to try
to keep herself from being jostled so much, but at the same time, her stocking
feet had been playing footsie with mine. Lily looked out the window.
"I wonder when we will see the Rockies."
"Not too long, I expect," I answered. I’d seen them a million times, but they are still impressive to me. "They are an impressive sight," I told Lily. Lily nodded, and looked at me, again. She sure gives me long looks. It crossed my mind, that maybe I was an even more impressive sight to her, but that was just my ego, I suspect. Lily had been feeding my ego, in one way. But then again, if she only loved me because she had no choice… "Lily," I ventured to ask, "do you think you would have been able to fall in love with me, if you hadn’t known me or loved me before we met?" "That’s a completely different thing," Lily said. "I did fall in love with you, too. The regular way." "Really? When?" I wondered. Maybe this would give me a clue, as to what I was doing right. "When love fell on me," Lily said, apparently ignoring my question, "I had no choice in the matter. But, when I fell in love, it was by my choice. I didn’t have to." "What made you fall in love with me?" I rephrased the question. "You did!" Lily excitedly revealed. She rubbed my foot again, with hers. "When I first started loving you-- even before I admitted it to myself-- I started paying attention to your career, watching and reading interviews with you, even lurking in your newsgroup and researching you on the ‘Net, after I got wired." "Did you come to any concerts? Buy CDs?" I asked. "No, I didn’t. To me, actually spending money, while I ‘researched’ you, would have been too fan-like a thing to do. I didn’t want to be considered a fan. Because I am not your fan, Rick. I’m your partner," Lily answered. "But, I got your CDs for birthday presents. My family thought I was a fan. I had a hard time keeping the fact that I was paying attention to you, from them. I was, thankfully, able to keep the fact that I loved you, to myself. They already thought I was out of my mind! And, I was…" Lily giggled at this. "Any way, I am the type of person, who likes to investigate something thoroughly, before I get involved." "And I held up under scrutiny, huh?" I’d find that hard to believe. "I loved you, but I was concerned about marrying you. I didn’t know which version of you, I could trust," Lily told me. "…All the wonderful stories that were written by fans who had met you, that they posted on the ‘Net, about how kind you were to them, and the quotes from people you’ve worked with, who said you are gentlemanly, warm, respectful, pensive and smart as a whip, or the other stories, of someone who could be withdrawn and unfriendly, but who also used his charm and position to get girls, and lots of them. Then it occurred to me that you could be all of the above." She paused. "The jury was out for a long, long time, until I felt that I could let myself trust you with my heart-- and body. I wanted to give you a chance, Rick." I nodded. I was reproving myself. But, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk. It turned out wonderfully, in the end. "Thank you, Lily," I said, simply. "I’m not the man I was then." "I know!" Lily was appreciative. "Love has changed our lives. I had to have faith, that the Love would make everything work out. And it has, and it is." She smiled, contentedly. "Rick, even though it took me a while to fall for you, I think very, very highly of you. I am awestruck, in fact. You are a priceless gem. One of a kind. I’ve realized that I am the luckiest girl on Earth, to have you." "You really think so?" I asked. "I know so! You are ‘better than a dream come true,’ too. I just wasn’t able to fully appreciate you, and all your wonderful qualities, until I stopped fighting the love. Love has made me appreciate every amazing thing about you." I couldn’t understand what was so amazing about me. Lily, on the other hand, is constantly amazing. The first day we met, I found myself wondering if she was really human, and not an visiting angel. I mean, she's lustrous, and looks you in your soul, and has the ability to stop my heartbeat. And, she had that long flowy dress on… Perfect skin, absolutely wonderful to be around… So tender and gracious. And that look of pure love in her eyes. ‘For Earth, too dear.’ But, what would an angel be doing, hanging out with my friends? It must have been for no other reason, than to meet me. I watched her closely, to see if she would do anything, ‘human,’ so I could prove to myself that she really was. I didn’t really know for sure, until she showed me her vulnerability. She asked for my help. "I remember the day I fell in love with you, Rick," Lily continued, getting back to the subject. "It was the most easy, wonderful, beautiful thing that I’ve ever felt. When I decided it was O.K. to let myself love you, it was the easiest thing in the world! There was no struggle involved, like I struggled every day with the unrequited love, that I had for you. ‘There is no more exquisite torture, than unrequited love.’ That kind must be expressed! It’s… a fever. But this brand of love-- the kind where you get to decide if you’re going to let it in your heart-- for me, it was just easy and peaceful, in comparison. It wished to be expressed too, but it wasn’t really making me suffer, as I waited to express it. Patient, instead of insistent. It was just there. For me, I guess. From then on, I was O.K. with marrying you, and I committed to you then, as if we were already married. I got to decide that, too." Lily smiled. "Wow. You fell for me, before I asked you to marry me? Before we met, even?" I didn’t know whether to feel good or bad about that. "That’s right. It took a long time to come, but when it happened, it only took a few moments. I did experience a comfortable sensation, like sinking into a feather bed. Relaxing. Cloud Nine!" Lily explained. "And, I’m glad I was in love with you, before we met, because then, you didn’t have to waste any time wooing me. When you proposed, out of the blue like that, I could say ‘yes!’ And, tell you ‘I love you,’ back. That way, I could spare you the pain I felt, while I loved you, but didn’t know if you would love me back. Does all this make sense?" "Yes, I think so," I said. I exhaled. "All this is mind-blowing news, but it’s also happy news. It’s nice to know more about how this miracle came about." "It is a miracle. Absolutely," Lily agreed. The turbulence was over, so I got up and put a CD on. "Let’s get our blood moving. ‘Even if you’re right next to me you’re still too far away, if you’re not inside my arms.’ " I paraphrased, as I took Lily’s hand. I held her so we could dance, a little bit. We barely had room to move, but we enjoyed it anyway. My brain had finally processed enough of the information, that it reminded me that Lily hadn’t actually answered my question, about if she would have fallen for me, if it had happened the old-fashioned way… Maybe she didn’t know. And, what a ridiculous way to describe it! ‘The old-fashioned way,’ when what we have is ancient mythology, before ‘old-fashioned…’ "Lily," I spoke up, again, "It sure seems like you were put under a spell. Like in ‘Midsummer Night’s Dream,’ when the fairy queen doted on the donkey-headed dude." I considered the possibility, that I could be under a spell, too… If so, I don’t want to snap out of it! "I think, we’re both just victims of love. Cupid’s arrow!" I couldn’t help but love Lily, either. "Victims! That’s precisely it. Oh my, yes!" Lily exclaimed. She hugged me, in gratitude. "So, tell me why," I requested, when it looked like she wasn’t going to elaborate. Lily nodded, to let me know that she intended to say, and continued to hug me. She must have just been feeling it, at that moment. I told her, "let’s sit down." We left the music playing. I pulled her onto my lap, again. Lily put her arms around my neck, as she said, " ‘Victim’ is a good way to put it." Lily giggled. Then she shook her head. "Ordinarily, you’d be upset about being a victim, wouldn’t you…" "Nothing ordinary about this whole thing," I interjected. "So true. This is the ‘more,’ that I didn’t get to tell you earlier… I told you how Love wrestled me to the ground, and never let me up, again. Well, Passionate Love is no gentleman! It proceeded to ravish me." I raised an eyebrow. "And, what’s more, it got me pregnant. Spiritually, that is." Good thing she added that ‘spiritually’ part. Otherwise, I would have had visions of the Virgin Mary, reincarnate. "Because, Love is a life-giving force," Lily informed me. "Pregnant?" I finally got out. "Uh huh. And the babe’s been born!" Lily pronounced. "Please explain, my dear!" I asked. The more Lily would tell me, the more questions I had. The mystery seemed to be getting bigger, not smaller! This honeymoon was turning out to be mentally stimulating, too. "What was the baby?" "You were." She thought for a moment. "Me, too. ‘Us,’ I guess. Gestation and birth of our new lives." More thought. "It seemed like I was able to nurture you some-- even if it was spiritually, and not personally-- while we were apart. But, I don’t know if that really was the case. I knew that I was developing towards being ready, but I could not tell if you were. Or, if the spiritual connection I felt, was having any effect on you." "Hmm." I was thinking back, to see if I had been on some journey over the last seven years, that I wasn’t aware of, at the time. "Well, when the time came, I was obviously ready. Even if I didn’t realize that I was getting ready, before that." Lily smiled and nodded. "And then, when you kissed my stomach and we consummated…" "We were one, forever, and our new lives were born." I finished her sentence. "And from now on, the living being that was birthed will grow, as long as we continue to cherish and nurture it," Lily said. I nodded. "I cherish you. And I cherish the love. It is precious and holy to me. So precious." Smiling, she said, "even though it’s ravishing." "Speaking of cherish…" I said, as an introduction to the kisses I gave her. |
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"Love
Among The Ruins" by Sir
Edward Burne-Jones, courtesy of CGFA.
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