Sure, there was the slug fest at Northwest Trek and the Dog-A-Thon at Point Defiance Park, but this summer there's a need to really celebrate. Two festivals cry out for event planners and revelers. These festivals could get people out of the house and out enjoying life.

Half a century ago, two things happened that changed the world. They're responsible for the world today, as we know it. This is the fiftieth anniversary of two of the greatest inventions mankind has ever seen. . . well, man anyway.

The first one is right up there in importance with fire, the wheel, and movable type. That's right, it's the bikini. From Owen Beach to Alki Point, bikini revelers need our support with no strings attached.

How about a "Thongs for the Mammaries Bikini Walk" festival along Ruston Way? We could work the Tacoma linear park to our great advantage. We might get into the Guiness Book of Records with the longest continuous bikini stroll by the beach. Contestants could collect pledges from on-lookers for the number of circuits made between the Old Town dock and the Asarco property. Proceeds could go to help the abdominally and glutiously challenged.

Booth space would be available to makers of swim wear, tanning lotions, and ocular aids. People could gather and tell stories about bikini remembrances. The American Cancer Society could sell overcoats.

The second of the greatest inventions involves the anniversary of ENIAC, the world's first computer. Even though for a while it looked like computers would only be used for selecting dates for singles, they are now very much a part of our lives. Through the use of the Internet and the World Wide Web, we can now search for sex across the globe.

Computers store information and make decisions. In a nation that depends on transportation and wheat, it's not surprising that computers are in our automobiles as well as our bread machines. How did man operate cars and trucks or bake bread before the computer? Got me! This article was written on a computer. The newspaper was edited and printed by computer. I picked up a pencil the other day and looked for a place to insert a disk. If the disk hadn't been so pliable and floppy, I could have made it work.

Bill Gates, the man with the window to the world, should sponsor a computer festival on the eastside of Lake Washington. If it weren't for the computer, places like Bellevue, Kirkland, and Redmond would be a BMW wasteland. For information on the "Heavenly Gates Computer Festival" simply enter www.$$$$$$$.com with your personal computer information service.

Entry fees for the computer festival would be five dollars. For that fee you would receive a festival button entitling you to attend twenty computer seminars. A ten dollar entry fee would allow you to visit ten computer seminars. For fifteen dollars you could skip all of the seminars and take home your very own computer with a 286 processor.

Maybe the two festivals could be combined. For a larger impact, perhaps, the bikini walk could extend from Point Defiance Park to the Old Town dock. The Asarco tunnel could be renamed the Asarco Carpal Tunnel. Or a large northwest facility, perhaps Tacoma Dome, could house computer terminals. People could pay to look at the video monitors. Beautiful young ladies could parade around via phone lines and computer connections.

Or better yet, the images could be called up from CD-ROMs. We wouldn't need the bikini clad beauties along Ruston Way. The Cancer Society would be in favor of that.

Or better yet, people could look at sexy pictures on their computers at home. Oh. . . I guess that's how most people are celebrating the invention of the bikini and the computer, anyway.