I Want it That Way

by Taryn

Disclaimer: Voltron is the property of World Events Productions. The song I Want It That Way is the property of the Backstreet Boys.


[The scene opens on a dim smoky bar filled with aliens of various species and a rather large number of Japanese businessmen in three-piece suits clutching tiny cups of sake. A sign on the wall reads 'Tuesday, Drink Specials: Half-price Margaritas. Karoake.' Our heroes, the Voltron force, plus Coran, Sven, Bandor, and Romelle, enter through the door in the far wall]

Coran: [admonishing] Now we're just here to ask directions.

Lance: [rolling his eyes] Yeah, yeah. How the heck could anyone manage to get lost in a Flying Fortress anyway?

Coran: [sputters a reply, but Lance is already distracted]

Lance: Hey, cool! They have karoake!

Hunk: Oh, God. Not again.

Pidge: Oh, that is too sweet!

A waitress: [pasting on a huge smile and practically drooling over Keith, Lance, and Sven] Hello and welcome to our club. I'll make it my personal duty to take care of all your needs this evening.

Romelle: [shoving her away from Sven]: I'll just bet you will.

Allura: Excuse me, but do you have a drinking age around here?

Pidge and Bandor: [in unison] Allura!

Allura: [totally clueless] What?

Coran: We're kind of in a hurry. Bad guys to fight and all that. Can you give me directions?

[On the stage in the back of the bar, a Japanese businessman has just finished a rousing and heavily accented version of "…Baby One More Time."]

Sven: [talks really quickly to the DJ, then hops up on the stage]

Pidge: [pokes Keith and Lance] Hey, cool! Sven's gonna sing something! I want to sing too! Can I? Please?

Keith: [pats Pidge on the head like an enthusiastic puppy] We'll see.

Pidge and Bandor: [run up and plop down in chairs in front of the stage, mesmerized]

Sven: [singing, accent and all, staring very meaningfully at Lance] You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way.

Lance: [goes all mushy and starry-eyed]

Keith: [glares daggers at Sven and taps Lance on the shoulder]

Lance: [looks confused for a minute, then goes back to staring at Sven]

Romelle: [jumps up on stage and grabs Sven's arm]

Sven: [ignores Romelle in favor of staring hopefully at Lance]

Romelle: [gives Sven a look that is capable of melting lava]

Sven: [still ignoring her existence]

Romelle: [singing] But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way

Everyone in the bar acting as the chorus: [All caught up in the fact that Romelle is obviously about to do something drastic like rip her clothes off on stage. A couple of men even produce Mardi Gras beads from hammerspace]

Sven: Tell me why

Chorus: Ain't nothing but a heartache

Romelle: Tell me why

Chorus: Ain't nothing but a mistake

Pidge and Bandor: Tell me why

Chorus: [facevaults, but keeps singing] I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way.

Romelle: [gets really mad, glares at her brother, and yanks Sven off stage]

Lance: [unable to avoid the thought of all that loving attention, immediately takes his place. He looks around for a moment in confusion, then backs up until he can make it look as if he's singing to both Sven and Keith, thus solving all his problems]
[singing and making his voice as soft and sexy as possible]
Am I your fire
Your one desire
Yes I know it's too late
[glares at Romelle and Allura]
But I want it that way

Lance: [to Sven] Tell me why

Chorus: [really enjoying themselves at the thought of all this angst] Ain't nothing but a heartache

Lance: [to Keith] Tell me why

Chorus: Ain't nothing but a mistake

Lance: [sliding off the stage and trying to stare meaningfully at them both, singing right over the way enthusiastic and very drunk chorus] Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Sven and Keith: [both run up to the stage and fall all over Lance in unison, who shoots a smug look at Allura and Romelle]

Allura: [grabs Keith's arm and yanks him up on stage, managing to somehow steal the microphone away from Lance]
[singing] Now I can see that we've fallen apart
From the way that it used to be, yeah
No matter the distance
I want you to know that
Deep down inside of me

Keith: [takes the microphone out of her hand while giving her a 'you are so clueless look]

Allura: [bursts into tears and jumps offstage]

Keith: [singing to Lance] You are my fire
The one desire
You are, you are, you are, you are
[a la Michael Bolton]
Don't want to hear you say…

Chorus: [having such a good time that they no longer need help, but Pidge and Bandor jump up on stage and grab the mike anyway]
Ain't nothing but a heartache
Ain't nothing but a mistake
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Allura and Romelle: [advancing on Keith and Sven, who both have an arm around Lance and are giving each other melting looks that scream 'threesome!']

Coran: [sighs and motions to Hunk]

Hunk: [grabs one wildly protesting girl under each arm and trudges off with Coran]

Lotor: [pops up in back of bar and waves them over]

Coran and Hunk: [come back a moment later sans Allura and Romelle followed by the waitress with a large tray of margaritas]

And everybody lived happily ever after.

Owari.


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