Disclaimer: i think microsoft sucks, so do disclaimers 
 
 
 

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it is currently:

i up dated the page: 11:16 eastern time

Befor or after you read the page please fill out This form(the resolts will be posted on this page ever week or so

Most of the info on this page has ether bin taken from other pages, bin taken from news casts and newspapers, or taken for the fact that microsoft  sucks big time. This many people  have hated micrsofts gutz at this page

This page is going to have lots of shit on it but it is currently under  mass construction(like 2 or 3 pages added daily)

First lets see what people with gif constriction sets think about microsoft:

    hmmm this is promising, looks fun to, i like it!
even better, why say burn it, just do it, right?
hmmm i can see this on ever page in the world, but crash is a under statement :)

Dam who ever made this is so right, first microsoft makes iexplorer, gets some cash then go's  Hitler stile and try's to take over the world!

This one is swEEt

now this i like, it has many meanings to it to. like how IE is a GPF waiting to go off

  clean clear and to the point, any q's?

another one,. right to the point, the way it should be

so true, again with the gpf waiting to go off

This ones cew, shows how microsoft is brainwashing us.

safe to say that microsoft is WRONG about just about everything!

its not and to prove it, count the number of CPF's on unix or OS/2

Crash...Start, all the same to win 95

this one rocks all a$$, im going to make a Qcc patch for rockets so they look like that, it will be here when its done.

got anymore? please send them to me! i will add them all as long as they arent lamer made.

Flat out dont like gate$?
    wanna beat the living crap out of him?
    good old fist-E-coff?
    click here
 

Ok Now for some serious stuff:

A quick thing on what is open for the bashing at microsoft:

The monopoly, its fun to bash em now lets see if you can make me some icons for that to :)
    most of the bashing that is done on the monopoly is that it really does exist but know one can do jack-worth-shit about it
    another thing is that who can hold a trail that billy-goat gates cant prolong with his money?

The "what if microsoft did *this*" is fun
    you know the what if microsoft made cars , movies or owned mic-e-D's

And of couse the bill gates is satan thery
  Hes looking at you kids!
Check  out his resembolince to hittler herer

The index is a mix of fun and serios stuff, pick only what YOU want to see, if you are a bill gates ass kisser then get the hell out right the F now!

Just so you know, im going to start off on the lighter side then add the heavy dirt

Index:
 

Gates to Jorden

Reasons to hate billy-goat

Windoze to a virus

If Microsoft built(or owned)...

Reasons to hate microsoft

Reasons microsoft is evil

Windoze error messages

Jokes

Microsofts Rise in power

Why Hate Gate$

What the 95 means

Some cew windoze files*

What happend at comdex

Cartoons

 

Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute assuming he averages about 30 minutes a game.

Assuming $40 mil in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!

Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see Independence Day, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)

He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be 'reimbursed' $33,390 for that round.

He could take 1/100,000th of his income and buy some poor college student 5200 packages of Ramen.

If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics.

He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of the United States' past presidents for all of their terms combined.

And something to cheer you up after all of this:

Jordan will only have to have this income for 270 more years to have a net worth equivalent to that of Bill Gates.

Yes, what you've suspected all along is true. Bill Gates really is the Prince of Darkness.*

Not only is he the Devil, but he owns your soul and the soul of anyone else who has used a computer recently. Microsoft is an

extension of the Evil One's desire to rule the world, all in the name of personal gain and profit. Sure, the Devil may pretend to

provide software, but that's just a ploy. Everything Micro$oft makes is just an insidious attempt to dominate you. I don't have

much biographical information about Mr. Gates, and I may not know any  interesting tidbits about him. That doesn't matter.

Bill Gates has become the type of "businessman" whose concerns for profit have exceeded all rational limit. Bill Gates, being

the Crown Prince of Capitalism, is the Evil One.

Why you and everyone you know should hate Bill Gates if you don't already.

Besides his stupid smirk, the Gates envisions himself as the leader of the technological world. Well, who elected him? Is it right
that one person should control the fate of everyone having to do with computer technology? And what if he's wrong? Why is it
so important to him to have enough money to buy all of Romania if he so chooses?

I'm sure the people who pay $95.00 American for technical support (per incident!) have
plenty of nice things to say about Billy.

If Bill Gates sees himself as netgod, why is his primary concern making money instead of making good products? Shouldn't he
be benevolent to us, his little paeans? Why are we forced to pay him tribute? Well, I refuse to prostrate myself before him. The
'net is not a piece of clay for him to mould, nor is it a spade so he can bludgeon its users. The internet is a tool for the exchange
of information, and not, as many people believe, merely another instrument to make money. Satan can take his little vision of the
future and stick it where the sun don't shine, to quote the vernacular.

Even Adam Smith loving, scum sucking, materialistic money-grubbing capitalists should hate Gates for his destruction of the
concept known as competition- Bill Gates didn't work half as hard at programming as he did with behind-the-scenes deals with
major firms (like IBM) and shameless and aggressive promotion, not to mention other dirty tricks. It's like the VHS-Beta thing
all over again...VHS was an inferior standard that was merely better promoted, and triumphed because of it (there's
"competition" at work!). Windows (aka MacOS revisited) is not any better of an interface than UNIX, X, OS-2, or MacOS;
it merely has more products available for it, because of Bill Gates' marketing strategy.

Besides, he's kinda creepy. Anyone who spouts as much new-age/corporate/ideology/hidden agenda crap as Billzebub should
be under serious suspicion to begin with ("Embrace and extend?" How much more Big Brother can you get?). Anyhow, any of
you who have ever seen the episode of Northern Exposure where the Devil comes to town as a mild-mannered, bespectacled
salesman should be really spooked by the resemblance.
 

What can we do as private citizens?

I don't want to incite someone to shoot his little head off, because that might get me in trouble. Besides, that's my job. Here is a
list of suggested activities-

   1.Try to avoid Microsoft products as much as possible. Yes, I know how hard that is, but we can try. There is a lot
     of software out there that is cheaper and better than Microsoft stuff, and probably has better documentation.
   2.Call Microsoft 800 numbers as often as possible, and stay on the line as long as you can. Why? Because every
     call is charged to Microsoft. (Bonus points if you live overseas from Redmond, WA.!) Practice your "annoying people as
     much as possible" skills! Crank calling is fun and educational! Put 'em on speed dial or a blue box! (Er, blue boxes are
     very very bad, and naughty, and vile, and click this link for plans to make one.)
   3.Bring up how much you hate him in conversation with co-workers and/or friends and relatives.
   4.Don't watch MSNBC.
   5.Don't use Internet Explorer.
   6.Don't buy his book.
   7.If you happen to see him on the street, spit at him with the upmost contempt.
   8.got anymore? send em here!

What's the difference between Windows95 and a virus?
Believe it or not, Windows95 is not a virus, as many (millions) have claimed. You want proof? Look no further!

What's the difference between Windows95 and a virus?
 

	Quality		Virus		Windows95
	Replicates Quickly		Yes		Yes
	Uses up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so		Yes		Yes
	Occasional hard disk destruction		Yes		Yes
	Usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems		Yes		Yes
	Will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow and the user will buy new hardware		Yes		Yes
	Occasional meltdown of vital componants		Yes		Yes

 

Until now it seems Windows is a virus, but there are several fundamental differences. Viruses:

   1.are well supported by their authors
   2.are running on most systems
   3.have fast, compact and efficient source code
   4.become more sophisticated as they mature
 
 

   1.You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch the movie at the same time.
   2.If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a candy bar, the movie would pause.
   3.They would announce that the next versions of the movie would enable color blind people to watch in color, and the deaf
     to hear it.
   4.The film would break every 15 minutes and in the most important parts.
   5.They would announce new breakthroughs in movie technology--color and sound--forgetting that most other movies have
     had these for years.
   6.The projector would claim to take 32mm in film size, but in reality it would only show 16mm magnified to make it look
     like 32mm.
   7.They would claim to have invented comedies.
   8.Every movie would look pretty, but actually have mishmash holding it together, and contain no plot. Ooops! Sorry, that's
     from the "What if Hollywood Made Movies" list.
   9.They would promise you an action/adventure flick starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandra Bullock, but it would be
     3 years late and end up being a sappy love story with Jim Carey and Madonna.
  10.Their projectors must have reset buttons, requiring you to start the movie over and over to have any hope of seeing the
     entire film.
  11."640 seconds? Whose gonna watch a movie longer than that??"
  12.They'd release movies of all Shakespeare's plays but claim they'd written them.
  13.You'd have to see three subsequent releases of the movie in order to see the movie that was advertised.
  14.The size of the projector required to run each new movie would double in size.
  15.You'd have to pay extra for those sticky floors and you wouldn't have the option of sitting in a non-sticky area.
  16.Every product at the concession stand would have Micro$oft stamped all over it.
  17.Bill Gate$ would win Best Actor of the Year every year, and he wouldn't even have to be in the films.
  18.You'd swear you'd seen this movie before, but now it says Micro$oft so it must be new.
  19.Every movie would have a 5 minute Micro$oft commercial at the beginning.
  20.Micro$oft actors could not be used for any movie by any other company.
 
 

   1.A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.
   2.Every time they repainted the lines on the road you'd have to buy a new car.
   3.Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason you'd accept
     this.
   4.You could only have one person in the car at a time unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT, but then you'd have to
     buy more seats.
   5.The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
   6.People would get excited about the "new" features in Micro$oft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available
     in others for years.
   7.We'd all have to switch to Micro$oft gas.
   8.The U.S. Government would get getting subsidies from an automaker instead of giving them.
   9.New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
  10.Brakes would only be available as an upgrade and would cost significantly more.
  11.Headlights and windshield wipers could not be used at the same time.
  12.Closing the door would not stop that annoying dinging that lets you know the door is open.
  13.Seatbelts? Those will be in the next version of the car.
  14.Windshield wipers would deteriorate when exposed to water.
  15.Every car would have a device which forces it to stop at a red light, and it would invariably stop over half the cars at
     green lights during the first month of usage.
 

   1.Every order would come with fries whether you asked for them or not.
   2.Smiles cost $5.
   3.When they introduce McPizza, the marketing makes it seem that they invented pizza.
   4."A McDonald's on every block"--Bill Gate$.
   5.You'd be constantly pressured to upgrade to a more expensive burger or meal.
   6.Sometimes you'll find that the burger box is empty. For some strange reason you'll accept this and purchase another one.
   7.Ronald McDonald is replaced with Micro$oft BoB.
   8.New features in '95--real meat in the burgers!
   9.They'd claim the burgers are the same size as at other fast food chains, but in reality it's just a larger bun hiding the small
     beef patty.
  10.Straws wouldn't be available until after you finish your drink.
  11."Push" technology--they have McD employees come to your door and sell you Happy Meals.
  12.Happy Meals are only happy if you pay twice as much for the add-on pack.
  13.Your order would never be right but the cash register would work perfectly for taking your money.
  14.The "Special Sauce" cannot be reverse engineered, decompiled, or placed on more than 1 Big Mac.

Got anymore lists or anything to add to them???
Send em here

Well, after almost an hour on the phone with Microsoft Tech Support, and
I do believe that I've personally talked to roughly half of their total
workforce during that hour, the person who I finally got to said he
doesn't know anything (about my problem, that is) so he'll try to get me
a response within 24-48 hours. Now this is typical, even acceptable, but
with Microsoft's recent expansion into things like home entertainment,
cable TV, and satellite communications, along with the new health care
reform, this has some pretty frightening possibilities...

Imagine, if you will, a Microsoft-run 911 line...

Disembodied voice:
        Welcome to Microsoft 911!  If you are calling from a
        touch-tone phone, please press 1 no...

Caller: *1*

Disembodied Voice:
        *excruciating pause*
        Microsoft 911 provides 90 days of free emergency support. This
        90--day period begins when you are conceived. If you have not yet
        been conceived, press one.  If you have been conceived but are
        still under the ninety-day free support period, press two. If
        you...

Caller: *frantically*  *3*

Disembodied voice:
        Welcome to Microsoft 911! While you are holding, please consider
        our alternative support options.  If you would like faxed medical
        information on common emergency conditions, you can call out
        FaxTips line at. . .

*ring*

New Voice:
        Hello, Microsoft 911. May I have a daytime phone number?
Caller: *weakly*  I've been shot...
New Voice:
        That's right, sir. Could I have your daytime telephone number?
Caller: 555-6712.
New Voice:
        Thank you...

*pause*

*anaesthetic elevator music*

Yet Another Voice:
        And that was Andy Barzell, with "Moon Over LA" from his upcoming
        City Lights disc, on the Trauma Records label.  Now we'll go over
        some of our hold times for the emergency support groups. There
        are four people waiting in the Vehicular Accidents group; the
        longest hold time there is 10 minutes, twelve seconds.  Nine
        people are holding in the Gunshot Wounds group, with a longest
        wait time of twenty minutes, four seconds. The Terrorist Bombing
        group has two callers waiting with a longest wait time of ten
        minutes, and the Hunting Accidents group...

Caller:  *thud*

One More Voice:
        Hello, Microsoft Gunshot Wound Emergency Assistance...  Hello?
 
 

Things Different If Microsoft Ran the National Weather Service

(Ryan Kusnery, Copywrong [0] 1998, No Rights Reserved (but plenty of Wrongs (that Microsoft has inflicted upon us)))
The information contained here is believed to be at least 95% accurate. The opinions contained here are believed to be at least
95% anti-Microsoft. Also, each statement here is at least 95% serious (except for the insulting names, copywrong notice, and
the statement following the Bill Gates quote). THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A COMPLETELY 100% ACCURATE
ACCOUNT OF ANYTHING; IT MERELY EXPLAINS MY REASONS FOR WHAT I BELIEVE.

(I'm not absolutely sure whether Bill Gates is evil also, but I guess he must be because he'd have to pretty out of it to not know
about the many evil YDAFIBYGIA [1] features of Windows 95. There have also been rumors that he wants to obtain full
copyrights for certain paintings by famous artists, which would mean that anytime anybody wanted to copy the images by any
means whatsoever they would have to pay Bill Gate$.)

1. Microsoft tries to force people to buy its stuff

In The Road Ahead, Bill said he wanted choosing Microsoft products to be a "no-brainer". Yeah, you have to have no brain to
buy that stuff. Or maybe he was talking about his marketing plan that involves making Microsoft the 'default' choice of software,
thereby causing all who don't know the difference to buy Microsoft. You see, it's very hard these days to buy a computer that
doesn't come with Windows xxx on it, because Microsoft has contracts with all the major PC manufacturers allowing them to
pre-install Microsoft software cheaply on their computers, but they must do it to ALL [2] the computers they sell. In other
words, it's ALL OR NOTHING. Because Microsoft marketed its s**tware this way almost from the very beginning, it gained
an almost complete monopoly on operating systems. To my knowledge there are no other software companies that have made
deals like this, and hardware/software manufacturers such as Apple, IBM, and DEC are waning because they have been
pushed out by Microsoft. (In fact, Compaq announced that it is buying out DEC.) The easiest way to buy a Microsoft-free
computer is to buy it from one of those mix-and-match places where they hand-assemble it out of spare parts.

2. Microsoft tries to keep existing customers from switching to other OSes

Once you get on MS-DOSE, Windrugs, or Windrugs 95 milligrams, you never get off. It's almost like an addiction: You get
too used to all those "user friendly" features, and that makes it hard to learn how to use a Real Operating System. But more
importantly, it's hard to switch because Micros**t (apparently deliberately) has made it's operating systems quite incompatible
with others, making it difficult at best to use data and programs from a Microsuck OS on another OS (or vice-versa). This is
about the only possible reason why Billyboy could have chosen QDOS over Unix.

3. Microsoft steals ideas from other companies [3]

Many MS-DOG features were copied out of RSTS and Unix (though Microshod never did implement them properly).
Windoze was originally based on the Macintosh OS, and later on it started to look a lot like X Windows. LOSE95 is more like
the Mac than anything before it. Why, just look at its single-click Close button, its ever-present Start menu, and its newfound
ability to display directories as windows. But that's not the worst of it. Every time somebody comes out with a totally new
software product, Microsteal quickly churns out something that is just like only with more features (and more bugs, too).

4. Microsoft sells inferior products

Ever wonder where MS-DOS came from? Micro$oft bought it from Seattle Computer Products. The programmer who wrote
it called it QDOS, which stands for Quick and Dirty Operating System. Mess-DOS, the single-tasking excuse for an OS
with hardly any built-in utilies, has always been far inferior to Unix, the powerful multi-tasking OS that comes with a C compiler
as well as numerous utilies and applications. Microsloth's newest operating systems still don't have the functionality that Unix
had ten years ago. As for speed, well, it takes 95 seconds to load a major Windows 95 program, 95 minutes to install one, and
95 hours to resolve a problem when you call for support. (I'm NOT exaggerating. In some cases it could actually take several
times longer.) And as for security and reliability (or lack thereof), let me put it like this: I have written a three-byte long program
that will lock up any computer running a Microslug OS. After running this program it will be necessary to turn the power off,
then back on (or push the reset button, if you have one). MS-DOS viruses can fit in only 30-something bytes, while on Unix,
on the other hand, viruses are extremely rare. In order for a virus to infect a Unix system, it would need the ability to crack
passwords. But on Windoze, programs are allowed to stomp all over each other, provided that they dereference the proper
handles. And I'd never trust my data to a Windows MT server; they use weak encryption and have all sorts of security bugs,
some of which are about as bad as the sendmail bug that used to be in Unix (once upon a time). (Novell Nyetware is also quite
insecure; there is a program you can download from somewhere that can grant supervisor access to all users provided the
supervisor is logged in.)

5. Microsoft doesn't support its products

If you look on the back of a MESSY-DOG or Microsloth Windows manual, you'll see the words "For product support,
contact the manufacturer of your PC. Refer to the manual that came with your PC for the product-support telephone number."
There is a "Customer Support Service" number buried somewhere in the Windoze manual, but it is presented in a context that
implies that it is intended primarily for the purchase of special Micro$oft products. Seems like Microshaft is 95^95 times more
interested in selling software than in supporting it.

6. Microsoft is watching you

Did you know that Windows 95 has a hidden, read-only, system file in the Windows directory called USER.DAT in which it
records just about everything you do? The only possible purpose for this that I can think of is to store information about you, so
that it can later be secretly sent to www.microsoft.com or www.msn.com whenever you go to one of those places. And what's
more, MSN REQUIRES cookies; [4] it won't let you access any of its pages without storing a cookie first. (actually only the
main MSN site (www.msn.com) does this; the ones in other coutries don't) I have read stories on the Web about Micro$oft
spying on people; the most notable one was in Windows 95 Horror Stories, issue 6. In it, some guy said that there was some
network monitoring software installed on the company's network, so they could see how much data was being sent and
received, what kind of stuff was sent and received, etc. When somebody went to www.microsoft.com, suddenly the computers
were sending more bytes of information to Microsoft than they were receiving. The stuff being sent was all kinds of stuff about
the hardware and software they were using. Microsoft probably somehow uses that sort of information for commercial
purposes, although some people say they are trying to seek copyright violators in order to sue them and collect big buck$.
There actually was a court case in which Microspy was prohibited by the federal government from putting registration checks in
its software; such a thing would have actually alerted Microspy every time someone using an illegal copy of WINXX connected
to any of Microspy's servers.

Conclusion

Well, that's pretty much it, except for some footnotes. I believe Microsoft to be a severe threat to hackers (a hacker is a type
of programmer, NOT a type of criminal), the economic security of our nation, and possibly even the whole world. Satan and
his followers are the only ones who could read every word of this and still like Microsoft.

[0] The opposite of 'copyright', used in protest of excessive copyrighting. I don't care much whether you copy stuff from here;
just don't put my name on something you wrote. Though of course, it would be best if you didn't waste any server space by
copying this, and instead put a link to this page in your page. That's what links are for, and besides, it always helps if you write
your own anti-Microscum pages and then cram your pages full of links to other anti-Micros**t pages. That way, people will
know you aren't the only Micro$cam-hater in the world. (Don't put a direct link to my email address in one of your pages;
Murphy's Law guarantees that, if you do such a thing, some klutz will go and send me email about your page.) And of course,
you may not copyright this page or in any way attempt to prevent anyone from distributing it freely.

[1] You didn't ask for it, but you're getting it anyway. Like DWIM (Do what I mean), only worse. DWIM interfaces don't
always do exactly what you tell them to do, but at least they only do something when you tell them to do something.
YDAFIBYGIA interfaces, on the other hand, constantly do things secretly and automatically. For example, Windows 95 has
several different files in which it automatically records the names of web sites that you have visited. (It also attempts to launch
Setup programs on CD-ROM disks automagically, but this is a mere annoyance.)

[2] Actually, they don't have to actually pre-install Microslopware on every computer they sell; they just have to pay for it.
They could sell you a computer without s**tware on it, but there wouldn't be any point to it.

[3] Watch out, or they might steal one of your ideas! To be safe, you'd better patent any ground-breaking new software that
you come up with.

[4] For those who don't know, a cookie is a data record created by your web browser containing information about (among
other things) what web sites you have been going to. Later on, the cookies are sent automatically to any site that requests them.
I guess you could say that USER.DAT is a giant cookie file.

[x] I'm so anti-Microsoft that I never say "Microsoft" or "Windows" anymore. When it sounds like I'm saying "Microsoft", I'm
actually saying "Micro$oft", and when it sounds I'm saying "Windows", I'm actually saying Windoze. And if you ever see me
type "Windwoes", it's not a typo.

Error:005 Windows loading, come back tomorrow
Error:152 Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance
Error:478 Out of disk space. Delete Windows? (Y)es (H)ell yes!
WindowError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger.
WindowError:002 No error . . . yet.
WindowError:003 Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
WindowError:004 Erronious error. Nothing wrong.
WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused.
WindowError:006 Malicous error. Desqview found on drive.
WindowError:007 System price error. Inadequate money spent.
WindowError:008 Broken window. Watch for glass fragments.
WindowError:009 Horrible bug encounterd. God knows what has happened.
WindowError:00A Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
WindowError:00B Inadequate disk space. Need 50 meg minimum.
WindowError:00C Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More!
WindowError:00D Window closed. Do not look out.
WindowError:00E Window open, do not loo in.
WindowError:00F Unexplaind error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:014 Nonexisent error. This cannot really be happening.
WindowError:015 Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
WindowError:016 Door locked. Try control-alt-delete
WindowError:017 Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
WindowError:018 Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
WindowError:019 User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not!
WindowError:01A Oprating system overwritten. Terribly sorry.
WindowError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.
WindowError:01C Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WindowError:01D Unable to figure out our own code. System
crashed. WindowError:01E Timing error. Please wait. And wait. And wait.
WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:020 Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost.
 

1. 3 paracutes
2. When Bill Gate$ met God
3. When Bill Gate$ died
4. Windoze 95 -     jokes
5. Windoze errors
6.
7.
 
 
 

3 paracutes
Bill Gates, The Piolet, A Hippie and an Ancient were in a plane.
Suddenly, the plane started to fall down.
The pilot said: "There are only three parachutes, and this one is mine!", and jumped.
Just after that, Bill Gates Said:
"I'm the smartest man in the world, so this one is mine!",and jumped.
And the ancient said to the hippie:
"I've lived enough, so i don't worry for dying, take the last parachute, young one"
And the Hippie said:
"Don't Worry old one, the smartest man in the world took my backpack"
 
 
 

When Bill Gates met God:

One day God was looking over creation and He decided that He wasn't really happy with the way things turned out. So He
called the 3 most powerfull men on earth, Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates, to come and see Him. He told them that this
experiment with life on earth was a failure, and that in 3 days He was going to end it. So basically they had 3 days to prepare
their people. So Boris Yeltsin convenes an emergency meeting of the Russian Parliment and says: "I have bad news, and really
bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly everything we have worked for since the revolution will be totally destroyed in
3 days." Bill Clinton makes a State of the Union address to the American people on TV and says: "I have good news and bad
news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly, everything we have worked for since the revolution will be destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Gates convenes a meeting of the board of directors and says: "I have good news, and really good news. First of all, there is
a God, and He spoke to me personally. Secondly, in 3 days, IBM will be destroyed."

When Bill Gate$ died:
First everyone cheered, paraded and had good fun, then:

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by Saint Peter. Well, Bill, I'm really confused on
this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer
in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done
before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the
two?" Saint Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help you make your decision." "Fine." said Bill,
"But where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." Said the Saint. "Okay then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It
was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature was perfect. He was very pleased. This is great!" he told
Saint Peter. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine." said Saint Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place
high in the clouds, with Angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a
quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you
desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing
in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being tortured by
demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is
awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place,
with the beautiful beaches, the scantily clad women playing in the water?????" "That was the demo," replied Saint Peter.

List of Windoze95 - 's

Windows95 - Plug and pray...
Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013)
Windows95 - New look, same multicrashing
Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading
Windows95 - Every function is a restart function...
Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.
Windows NT - Nice Try
Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty
Windows - Just another pain in the glass
Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...
Windows - The Gates of hell
Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS
Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!
Windows - a virus with mouse support
Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD
Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!
Windows - a XT emulator for an AT
Windows 3.1 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy
Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done
Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once
Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time!
If Windows sucked it would be good for something
If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?
If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!
DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1
DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell
"Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows
OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]"
Double your drive-space: delete Windows!
Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole house
Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"
Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?
Have you crashed your Windows today?
Some windows were made to be broken
Relax... you are entering a windows free zone
OS/2... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates
New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs
New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++
My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows
Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!
I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows
Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...
Exhibitionists love Windows
Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.
Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven!
Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS!"
Bugs come in through open Windows
Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle
Sorry, this virus requires MicroSoft Windows 3.x
Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows
Newsflash: Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows
Time on your hands? Get Windows!
Help! There are Windows everywhere! In my car, my house
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!
Windows? WINDOWS?!? Hahahahahehehehehohohoho...
Windows 3.1 - The Best $89 Solitaire Game You can Buy!
Windows = Turn a 386/25 into a 4.77 Mhz XT
Windows is great if you can make it work.
Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared.
Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...
Windows NT? Want to run it? Check IEEE Spectrum "TERALOPS GALORE."
Windows: A View to be Killed.
Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!
While we liked developing Windows applications, we never inhaled. / Philippe Kahn, 1992
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
Bugs come in through open Windows.
Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows!
Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable.
Scanning for Viruses...Windows Found! Please Remove.
Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
Friends don't let friends use Windows.
Have you crashed your Windows today?
How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder!
If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
If you want it done right, forget Microsoft.
Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\\>
Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows.
 
 

Windows errors

 WindowsError:001 Windows loaded.  System in danger.
 WindowsError:002 No error . . . yet.
 WindowsError:003 Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
 WindowsError:004 Erroneous error.  Nothing wrong.
 WindowsError:005 Multitasking attempted.  System confused.
 WindowsError:006 Malicous error.  Desqview found on drive.
 WindowsError:007 System price error.  Inadequate money spent.
 WindowsError:008 Broken window.  Watch for glass fragments.
 WindowsError:009 Horrible bug encounterd.  God knows what has happened.
 WindowsError:00A Promotional literature overflow.  Mailbox full.
 WindowsError:00B Inadequate disk space.  Need 50 meg minimum.
 WindowsError:00C Memory hog error.  More ram needed.  More!  More!
 WindowsError:00D Window closed.  Do not look out.
 WindowsError:00E Window open, do not look in.
 WindowsError:00F Unexplaind error.  Please tell us how it happened.
 WindowsError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
 WindowsError:014 Nonexisent error.  This cannot really be happening.
 WindowsError:015 Unable to exit windows.  Try the door.
 WindowsError:016 Door locked.  Try control-alt-delete
 WindowsError:017 Keyboard locked.  Try anything you can think of.
 WindowsError:018 Unrecoverable error.  System destroyed.
 WindowsError:019 User error.  It's not our fault.  Is not!  Is not!
 WindowsError:01A Oprating system overwritten.  Terribly sorry.
 WindowsError:01B Illegal error.  Do not get this error.
 WindowsError:01C Uncertainty error.  Uncertainty may be inadequate.
 WindowsError:01D Unable to figure out our own code.  System crashed.
 WindowsError:01E Timing error.  Please wait.  And wait.  And wait.
 WindowsError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
 WindowsError:020 Error recording error codes.  Remaining errors lost.
 
 

Many people believe that Bill Gates is a visionary. In fact, Microsoft's current market position was
acquired only through luck and some pretty sleazy business tactics.

Take, for example, MS-DOS, Microsoft's first big success. In 1980, IBM was preparing to release its much-hyped personal
computer. They lacked an operating system, however, and knew that they could not release one in time for their computer's
debut, so they seeked to find one from another firm. Although several companies were developing one, the only company
which possessed an operating system that would run on IBM's new 16-bit computer was the Seattle Computer Company. Its
operating system was basically a 16-bit copy of Digital Research's CP/M operating system, written in 1975 for computer
hobbyists. Seattle Computer's CP/M take-off was named QDOS (for Quick and Dirty Operating System, which sums it up
just right). Microsoft, having chanced upon QDOS, bought it for $50,000, renamed it MS-DOS, and immediately licensed it to
IBM for use in its computers. When IBM's computer made its entrance into the market, everyone was so anxious to fall in line
behind IBM, that very few people actually considered purchasing another kind of computer -- until the clones, that is.

And so you'll hear that Microsoft outsmarted IBM by predicting the personal computer revolution. In actuality, neither IBM or
Microsoft predicted the emergence of the IBM clones, Microsoft's real money maker. It was a short while later when Compaq
Computer Corporation discovered that the IBM PC could be reverse-engineered (duplicated in capabilities without stealing
patented technology). This led to an entire IBM clone industry, and since most of the computers ran MS-DOS to be
compatible, transformed Microsoft into a multi-billion dollar company virtually overnight.

Although MS-DOS was the dominant operating system being used in the clones, it was not the only one, and certainly never
the best (remember, it was a copy of an operating system designed in 1975 for computer hobbyists using 8-bit computers, and
it was now the mid-80's with its 16-bit computers). But Microsoft made sure that their dominance in the OS market for IBM
PCs quickly turned into a near-monopoly. They devised a licensing agreement that required any company which desired to use
MS-DOS on some of their computers pay Microsoft for each computer they sold, regardless of whether MS-DOS was on
that specific computer. Since MS-DOS was already the dominant operating system, the business model of the majority of the
IBM clone manufacturers depended on selling it with some of their computers. They were therefore left with no choice but to
agree to Microsoft's licensing plan. But now that they had agreed to it, they were required to pay for two operating systems
when they wanted only to put a non-Microsoft operating system on their computer. This, of course, made it rare to find a
computer which did not come with MS-DOS, establishing Microsoft's monopoly in the IBM PC operating system market. It
wasn't until 1994 when the US Justice Department ordered Microsoft to stop this anti-competitive behavior, but the damage
was done.

Then, in 1984, Apple Computer released the Macintosh computer, which used a graphical user interface to represent a
desktop metaphor, with folders, files, and a trash can, among other things. It is common belief that Apple stole the idea from
Xerox. This is not true. Apple bought the interface from Xerox for a rather hefty amount of Apple stock, and the final result
was very different from the one that Xerox invented.

By 1985, Microsoft had become quite a large company. They were the dominant software provider for IBM clones as well as
for the Macintosh. Although Microsoft was putting down the Macintosh by claiming that it was for lazy people and that it was
less powerful than MS-DOS, they were at the same time well aware of its superiority in both ease of use and functionality, and
seeking to mimic it in their own operating system. Microsoft came to Apple, requesting to license some of the key interface
elements from them for use in what was to be called Windows. Apple, of course, declined. So Microsoft again used its
dominance in one market -- this time Macintosh software -- to force the industry to bend to its wishes. It threatened to
discontinue development of Macintosh applications unless Apple licensed portions of the Mac OS. This would have been a
major blow to Apple, since Microsoft was the dominant software provider for the Mac. So Apple was forced into licensing
parts of their OS to Microsoft. Windows 1.0 was introduced later that year.

In 1990, Microsoft released Windows 3.0. By this time, Microsoft had clearly gone far beyond its licensing agreement with
Apple, and was obviously stealing patented intellectual property. Apple took Microsoft to court, and many industry experts
thought Apple had a very strong argument and was going to nail Microsoft. Apple lost the case.

Microsoft released Windows 95 on August 24, 1995, completing their theft of the Macintosh look and feel, but the change was
only one of appearance. Deep down, Windows 95 is still QDOS. Despite this fact, Windows 95 was a wild success, and is
used today by 85% of all computer users, with another 5% of consumers using its expensive cousin, Windows NT. A few
months later, Bill Gates finished writing his "visionary" book, The Road Ahead.

It wasn't until the latter half of 1995 that Microsoft noticed the Internet, and Bill Gates ordered a complete corporate
turnaround -- as well as rewriting The Road Ahead -- to address it. Lots of people will claim that this turnaround is proof of Bill
Gates's visionary characteristic, but I see it another way. The fact that it took Bill Gates that long to notice the Internet and that
his "visionary" book required a complete rewrite one year after its release shows us just how little of a visionary Bill Gates really
is. Is this the kind of company we want leading our industry and providing all of our "innovation" (a term Microsoft uses so
casually)?

So, as we've seen, Microsoft's dominant market position was not earned by innovative products and a visionary man, but was
acquired through luck and deception.  

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