Things I Wish I'd Known the First Time Around

What should I pack to go to the hospital?  What's a waste of space?  Will I really need a vibrating bouncy seat once we get the baby home?  Is that pop-up cotton swab dispenser from the "One Step Ahead" catalog worth the money?  Oh, the things I wish I'd known before.  Here are a few of my answers to these questions, for what they're worth.  Hope this helps!

The Hospital Bag

I had my bag packed and ready to go before I even hit 30 weeks.  And boy, did I pack for an extravaganza.  Here is my list of essentials:

And here is what I took last time that was (IMO) a waste of space.  Of course, your mileage may vary. And finally, what I took last time but didn't use, but might find useful, so I'll take again:
What to Have at Home for Baby

Some things I found particularly useful:

What I didn't find so useful:

A few tidbits and tips about you:
  1. You will SWELL in a major way after giving birth! As many discomforts and indignities as I suffered at the end of pregnancy, major swelling wasn't one of them. So imagine my surprise to have done with pregnancy and discover that my feet were balloons and my ankles were tree trunks. My skin didn't even feel real.  It does go away. Drink LOTS of water and juice, and "ride" that hospital bed so that your feet are up whenever you can.
  2. You'll be amazed how much you'll pee! This goes along with the swelling thing. I peed so much every time I got to the toilet that I would have thought my water had broken, had I still been pregnant. And it's scary to feel like you have to pee - because that means you have to deal with "down there," which, even if you had a dream delivery like mine, will still be rather touchy. Still, don't fight the urge! One, that makes the urine more concentrated (translate that to bigger ouchies), and it can also cause problems with your plumbing. Plus, the more you pee, the faster the swelling goes. Use that peri bottle faithfully!!! It's wonderful! They tell you to use warm water, but I found that cool water felt pretty delicious. Also, if you squirt while you're going, it helps dilute things, and it hurts less.
  3. My doc prescribed Motrin for me for afterward (I never filled the prescription), but while you're in the hospital, if you need something stronger than ibuprofen, don't be afraid to ask. Usually they will accommodate you quite happily on most anything. So don't hesitate to ask one of the gazillion people trooping in and out of your room at all hours for whatever it is you need - more Tucks, more pads, stronger medicine, a drink, whatever.   The one thing they won't do for you is leave you alone to let you get some rest (see below).
  4. Some people adore the hospital stay and will tell you to stay as long as you can. I got very frustrated with the constant parade of personnel because I couldn't rest more than 10 minutes without someone coming in to check up on me, change my bed, ask about how my anesthesiologist did, ask if I wanted my son circumcised (at 4:00 in the morning, my OB came in to ask if I wanted Liam circumcised!!! She woke me up to ask me that! ARGHHH!), tell me how inadequate my breasts are for nursing, etc. I was so discouraged and unhappy that by the middle of the day after Liam was born, I snapped at a couple of the nice people who were just doing their jobs. This poor little lady was trying to explain the sitz bath to me and I pretty much growled at her, and then burst into tears when she apologized for bothering me. I decided right then that if I couldn't be civil, it was time to go home. Both Liam and I had been cleared to go any time we wanted, and so we left that night. Everyone thought I was insane - "You won't get any rest or help at home!" - but I got a lot more rest at home, and my DH did a fine job of helping. Sure, he's not waking me at 3 a.m. to look and see if I've miraculously produced another hemorrhoid, but I can ascertain that for myself, thank you, and don't need someone else to tell me that I have or have not. If you feel that you would feel better at home, and you and your baby are healthy enough to leave without it being against medical advice, don't let anyone pressure you into staying because their hospital experience was relaxing. On the other hand, if you're loving your stay, by all means, stay as long as you can.
  5. Postpartum poops aren't horrible. I neglected to get a stool softener before I left the hospital, and still, my first two PP poops were OK. Scary to contemplate, but the deed wasn't nearly as bad as the psyching myself out that happened before. If you have a stool softener, all the better - but if you don't, odds are good that God will take care of things for you. Drink lots of water and juice, though, which will help (or certainly can't hurt).
  6. Be prepared for postpartum blues.  I wasn't.  I didn't see how anyone could possibly be sad after having had a baby.  But for the first few weeks, I boo-hooed at every opportunity, be it frustration at how tired I was, or a kiss and an "I love you" from my husband.  I would hold Liam and look at him and just sob and sob for no apparent reason.  My blues did go away, but if your blues linger for longer than you feel comfy with, don't hesitate to see a doc about it.
  7. Definitely take your own snacks to the hospital. I could have eaten 24/7 my first couple of days after delivery, had I had the food supplies (we brought cracker snacks, but that barely knocked a dent in my ravenousness). Also, the hospital gowns are GREAT!!! I almost stole one to bring home. Despite showing off the ol' keister, they sure are comfy! And I liked the hospital pads, too. Sure, they're thick - but I was happy for the padding, personally.
  8. A Boppy pillow doubles nicely as a donut pillow if you need it (but I never did).
  9. Don't be alarmed if sitting for long periods of time makes your tailbone ache, and if you have this feeling for several weeks postpartum.  Apparently this comes with the territory and is pretty normal.
And a few  tidbits and tips about Baby:
  1. Babies don't come out looking like they do on TV. On TV, they smear the babies with red jam to make them look a little mussed up by the journey down the birth canal, but my DH tells me they don't look like that at all. They look blue and painted over with red. They look pretty scary and they don't move a whole lot when they first come out. Imagine what it must be like to be all cramped up in a womb, squished into a narrow tunnel just barely wide enough for your melon, and then popping out into a cold world with lots of people staring at you (People? What are people?). If you think about it in those terms, seeing a brand new baby isn't so scary.
  2. We have survived quite nicely with two crib sheets, plus a waterproof pad.  Everyone said we'd need lots, but we haven't.  Also, we have never regretted not having a Diaper Genie.
  3. We never once used a hat on our springtime baby.
  4. We rarely dressed him up.  Unless you are a really sociable person (which is likely to change for the first few sleepless weeks of newborndom), have more T-shirts and receiving blankets on hand than you have cute little outfits.
  5. If you're bottle feeding, consider not heating bottles before giving them to your babe.  Liam took cold bottles just fine.  Then one day, for whatever reason, I heated his bottle.  Now he will only take a bottle if it's piping hot, which makes feeding on the fly rather problematic.
  6. Appreciate those couple of months that your baby is pretty much immobile.  I know you'll be excited when s/he rolls over, crawls, etc., as well you should be.  But once they get going,  they won't slow down, which means neither will you!  Remember to enjoy the peace even as you anticipate the achievements to come.
  7. Appreciate those first diapers!  I know this sounds insane, but believe me, those first couple of months of diapers are roses compared to what you'll wind up with once your babe is eating solids.
  8. There is so much to appreciate about every single day your baby is alive.  It's easy to get into comparing your baby with other babies, or wishing that your baby would do this or that, or otherwise missing the wonderfulness of the present while looking toward the future.  Cherish each day for what it brings, and if that's a little peace instead of a major achievement, you'll appreciate the peace all the more on those days after your baby is mobile and trying to eat the cat's head.
And one more thing - a note on impatience: Will it really happen?

It will.  I promise.  There was no pregnant lady who was more impatient to have her baby than I was those last few weeks.  I was so miserable, but a lot of my misery was mental more than physical.  I just psyched myself into being crabby and miserable and impatient.  I was terrified, too, that I would miss the big event, have an unplanned homebirth, some horrible scenario like that.  But most of all, I was terrified that after 40 long, long weeks, it would never happen - that delivery was just some big joke.  Our household was not a terribly happy one those last couple of weeks.  Poor, poor DH!  In retrospect, since I know it's going to happen and that life will never again be the same (say goodbye to naps whenever you can snatch them in baby-free solitude - that "napping when the baby naps" thing is a crock!!!), I would advise resting as much as you can those last couple of weeks.  Enjoy taking naps whenever you feel like it.  Have your DH take you out - because the going out days will be fewer and farther between after your baby arrives.  Treat yourself to long baths (unless, of course, your water has broken, in which case this little section on patience probably doesn't apply to you) and a pedicure or a nice haircut.  I know it's easier said than done, but try, please try, to savor those last days.  The baby days are sweet and precious and I wouldn't trade them away for anything, but gone will be the times when you and DH can just hop in the car and go somewhere without worrying about going out between feeding times, getting the car seat to work, not being able to see the baby from the front seat, and the fear of leaving the baby carrier on top of the car when you're ready to leave.  Take some time to enjoy your DH's company and to enjoy couplehood.  Because although couplehood is not totally usurped by familyhood, it will certainly take a back seat on many occasions.  Just think of those last days, long though they will be, as a last hurrah.  And keep in mind that it will happen.

My mother sent me an email in those last days when I was so impatient, and I would like to share a portion of it with you:

 Sorry you've had such a rough day. Now I'm going to give you the dreaded "advice from mother."
 Hope you will take this in the right vein -- it's said with great love and understanding (remember,
 I've been there, done that!) and in an attempt to help you cope. Your young man will put in his
 appearance when Mother Nature decides it's time for the Curtain Call and not before. All of the
 fretting and stewing and walking and crying and wishing and hoping and making yourself miserable,
 etc., etc. that you can muster up won't help things -- in fact, quite the contrary. You are working
 yourself up into a state that isn't helping either you or Liam. He will come when he comes. Period.
 In the meantime, relax, chill out, cool it and all that other stuff. The more you can do to keep
 yourself busy, the better off you will be. You are making this much harder on yourself than it needs
 to be.

 As much as every woman wants it to be different, this is one situation where one has no control
 over things. The last time you were in control was 9 months ago. <G> Now, as ironic as it is, you
 are the innocent bystander until whatever makes labor start begins to happen. For your sake, and
 the baby's, please try to calm down and relax. Enjoy this precious time you have left when you are
 your own person for the last time in your life! Take my word for it, this time is far more special than
 you can ever imagine. You should be enjoying your time with yourself and with Paul now because
 things will NEVER be the same again. That's not to say that the changes are negative. But every
 stage in life is unique and should be enjoyed for itself because it can't be re-captured. Becoming an
 adult is good but childhood has its own special joys and magic and should be cherished at the
 time. So it is with each stage of life -- including this magical time when you are expecting your first
 child.

 I know it's hard at times to see pregnancy as magical -- nausea, heartburn, awkwardness, odd
 twinges and pains and symptoms,............... But you are a walking miracle right now! That's an
 incredibly wonderful experience! You are growing a new life -- a new child of God -- and, as
 anxious as you are to meet him face to face, you need to realize that if you haven't gone into labor
 yet, there's a reason. Maybe something hasn't quite developed and needs just another day or so --
 or another week or so. Your body knows what's best even if your emotions don't. Trust your
 body to do the right thing -- and the best thing -- for your baby.

 As you know, it took a long time for us to finally have a baby -- the doctor said that the tension
 building as I got more and more anxious about it probably helped to prevent from happening the
 very thing I wanted so badly . It was when I finally accepted that I might not be able to have
 children -- and therefore was able to relax some -- that our first miracle happened. I can't help but
 wonder if your tense-ness and anxiety to go into labor is slowing the process down. I know it's
 hard to "make yourself relax" -- that's probably pretty close to being an oxymoron -- but you can
 keep yourself busy and thus keep your mind occupied with other things. Do something totally
 insane like scrub the kitchen and bathroom counters with a toothbrush (not Paul's new one! <G>);
 turn off the computer and clean the keyboard by taking each key off and using Q-Tips and alcohol
 to clean every tiny little vestige of dirt off; clean all the windows in the house that you can get to
 without moving furniture or standing on a chair (use an old toothbrush to get in all the corners) --
 anything to stay busy (even if it's a useless activity) and take your mind off yourself and your
 predicament. The more detailed and tedious (thus requiring more attention), the better. Don't do
 something stupid like deciding to cut every blade of grass in the yard with a pair of scissors -- but
 there are plenty of safe things that even an awkward, very pregnant lady can find to do, using a
 little imagination, that can be a diversion from the insanity of just waiting and waiting and waiting....

 And remember the Serenity Prayer. "God, give me the courage to change the things I can; the
 serenity to accept the things I cannot change; and the wisdom to know the difference."

I hope this has helped.  Happy end-of-pregnancy and delivery to everyone!  Feel free to contact me with any questions, advice, offers of monetary augmentation or brickbats at puck@hehe.com.



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