I think I hear Haggis. He's lost somewhere in the Spam Zone, and he's giving voice to a melancholy song:

"I guano go home, I guano go home. Lord, how I guano go home."

OD'd on Spam, no doubt, and he's probably run out of toilet paper.

Gentlemen, I knew Haggis. He was my friend. Guano is no Haggis. There will be a Judgment Day. It shall all be revealed then.

Brian, if in your post you are calling out for a roll of participants here, some sort of twisted caricature or sick parody of the wonderful thread which Hawkeye hisownself started to bring forth little biographies from Stickbow participants, well, I'm all for it.

BTW, I know who killed Haggis. He's face down where the fish don't swim--in a ol hog waller. Give you any clues?

Guano is not Haggis. Guano is a protoge of an old and venerable Chinese sage, Master Who Flung Dung.

Master Dung tells Guano that Spam, when administered in conjunction with Col. Sanders' secret herbs and spices, can heal all manner of ailments and injuries, including the schizoprenia that has invaded this thread. This, he states, can be applied topically or ingested. Supplementing with accupuncture is sometimes indicated, but you must use arrows in lieu of needles. Using Spamslime as a lubricant facilitates penetration.

Master Dung expresses great concern for the well-being of Haggis.

There once was a man from Nantucket,who ate all his SPAM from a bucket. His tummy was round,and his neck it was bound, til the presure built up and he chucked it.

You know that there is 30,136 sites on the internet about Spam.

"Get Spammed Web Page"-www.lumasoft.com/spam/ You can get Spam songs, recipes, uses, etc. SPAM Home Page-www.cusd.claremont.edu/~mrosenbl/spam.html

I've done my home work, there is Spam everywhere. Scary!

There once was a man from Nantucket,who ate all his SPAM from a bucket. His tummy was round,and his neck it was bound, til the presure built up and he chucked it.

You know that there is 30,136 sites on the internet about Spam.

"Get Spammed Web Page"-www.lumasoft.com/spam/ You can get Spam songs, recipes, uses, etc. SPAM Home Page-www.cusd.claremont.edu/~mrosenbl/spam.html

I've done my home work, there is Spam everywhere. Scary!

Guano, The hawk still soars and sees eveyrthing. However I am not sure where Hawkeye is hiding out. He has either taken a bad turn on the tractor or sliped out on business we know not of. I will soar till light fails and keep looking until it is time for Spotted Owl to take flight. Hawk

I swore off this here thread but i cants take it no more. I ain't trusting what no Hawk says with no Eye to go with it. I got my notions and I'm a-bettin Hawkeye ain't unner no stinkin tractor. We all know by now Haggis is dead or slimed immobile somewhere. We all know its got plenty to do with the viral spread of Spam to over 30,000 sites just since this here thread began. Mitosis in cyberspace. So if Haggis is face down in a waller, as Mr Grump says, it's a Spam waller fer sure

This Bubba says Hawkeye is prowling the corridors of this here thread in disguise, and I'm bettin Snorkle can see him real plain. Take more than a Spamakeover to hide his thesaurus on a post or two, sez I.

Mebbe Longtombo was right, mebbe it don't take much to amuse us real men in the off season. But I say same as Mr. Dean: the spoor leads to Hawkeye, and he done fled, gone plum undercover, but flushed if not marked by Mr. Dean's shot fer sure. Snorkle just the man to have the breath for his discovery.

Later. Wi' de evydence.

My, how y'all like to talk about a fellow whan he's not around to defend himself! I finally got to check in here after a series of lloooonnnnnggg workdays only to see my character assaulted and this thread looping wildly out of control.

I finally decided there was only one way to handle this. I would accept the validity of the points made by (and the very existence of) those who had boldly stepped from behind their nom de plums on the Who Are You thread. Now I see that the thread has been "bobbed" from its nearly-70-name splendor to a 15-reply "santitized" version. What manner of mischief is this? (And, darn it, I hadn't printed off a copy yet!!!)

Does Hawkeye exist? I looked in the mirror, and yes, I DO (I'm ugly, but I'm real)!

Am I guilty of ill-deeds? No. I tried being bad in First Grade, got caught, and decided it just wasn't worth it. I've been good since.

Do I know what's going on? Are you kidding?? I only know I was close to filing a handle-infringement case against Hawk, but decided to let it go since I'd then have to do the same if an "Eye" ever started posting.

I'm going to sharpen a few broadheads, show up in MI to find out the truth, and take a stand for truth, justice, and the Spamican way.

Ever vigilant, I remain-

Hawkeye

Hawkeye, I salute you soldier!

>>>>====Spam=====>

Hawkeye, I salute you soldier!

>>>>====Spam=====>

A double salute, or has Spamorama turned Spamstic?

Mike,

No, my friend, you jes begun. You mission, should you choose to excerpt it, is to chess down every one of those raging propagating sites and bring to it the massage of the GSSC. Who will pick up the torch of our fallen leader Haggis, who will spread de light if not you? There's work to be done, man. Start posting.

See how the usually honey-tongued Spamorama has o.d.'d and now sputters cliches, twice? He must be main linin' the stuff, tekin it I.V. You have urgent business, Mike. Hurry. Godspeed.

(Still collectin evydence. Don't look good fer Hawkeye. I think hedunit.)

graysquirrel, sounds like a good time at McAlister, and as for the meal, hell, I'd eat it even if it was store bought. But August is pretty well accounted for. Mebbe next year.

In the meantime, have some fun dodging those blunts Spamorama's short-arming in your direction. And tell Joe Don he'd better quit spreading lies about you and Red.

BTW, you seen Haggis anywhere?

Dean Torges

Haggis has been "hammered!"

Dean,

No problem, maybe next year, don't worry about Joe Don, Red and I well take GOOOOOOOOD care of him. Might be a good idea to collect a bunch of empty SPAM cans and give to him huh?????

Hawkeye, I have been known as the the Hawk for sometime. It is a tough job being a raptor and it is my job to make sure Guano's over active imagination does not upset the balance of nature around here! He still thinks you are me. I will fly to Michigan to make an appearance and my identity will be known then. Now give Guano what he really wants and tell him what you did with Haggis. Actually he would be just as happy with some of your witty reportoire.

Hawk

I've been Grumpy for too damn long and should not be confused with Guano, Mr. Hawk. You will find me at the GSSC, too. If I can find Haggis' banner, I'll bring it. If I can't, I'll just bring the rampant Spam cans.

And Mr. Hawkeye? Tell any of us what you did with Haggis. A man with logorrhea as serious as his does not go silent unannounced. He's been hammered for sure and you were the last person to see him alive.

Hi fellas just got linked to the net, nice to hear from some one that I know even if they BS alot. Bruce thanks for the nice comments about the bow, keep it up.

Dean wasn`t that spam I saw on your table at Cloverdale, I did notice that it wasn`t opened. Graysquirrel did you make it to the Chandler Traditional Shoot yesterday if so how was it.

Joe Don Jones

HMMMMMMMM.... the plot thickens.

Hawk and Grumpy both plead for acceptance of their very existence, and promise in successive notes that they will allow themselves to be unmasked at the GSSC. This could be easily accomplished if they are one and the same!!

Slick and Grumpy both claim Haggis has been "hammered". Hammered? Let's see, doesn't the erstwhile Cliff sometimes refer to a certain denizen of these pages as "Hammerhog"??! I think the Freudian slip here is too powerful to be ignored.

And Hawk, re: Guano upsetting the balance of nature... The phosphate constituent of his spam-laced scat is an ever present danger to the fish in the riparian environs of the great outdoors. Remember, as a hog farmer, I'm well versed in the importance of proper management of the waste product we affectionately call "Honey", and I know whereof I speak (even though I've often been told that I don't know s*** )

I'm glad I've watched enough TV shows in my time to be certain I'm totally innocent because y'all have made me look so darn guilty. I can't wait for the next commercial... er, reply... so we can really find out whodunnit!!

BTW, if Haggis is in fact bloated, stinking corpse, wouldn't it actually be smelling BETTER around this thread by now?? The nose knows... and I say Haggis is still lurking in the bushes. We'll see, won't we?

Hawkeye

Joe Don

Did not make it to Chandler, was so sunburned I could barely walk (don't ask)

You need to agrivate Red every chance you get - makes life interesting -

Well, here we have it. A "Who done it," that combines a longbow shoot with a culinary caper. Do SPAM and Longbow's go together like pea's and carrot's?

Question. I've only seen Spam in one size can...is there also a larger, easier to hit with a broadhead size?

Is Haggis dead...a victim of his own reclusive nature?

We must ALL gather around the GSSC (GLLI) campfire, psuedonym's in tow, and put this puppy to rest.

BC

Joe Don, Welcome aboard, I met you a Cloverdale last weekend. You sure make some pretty bows and the best part is they also shoot real nice. Don't be confused by by some of these characters on the board they don't mean any harm. I think however their grey matter has been comprimised by all that Spam! John

Cliff, the Mac shoot is the 2 & 3 of August, on Saturday the shoot is for longbow, recurve, and stickbow(wood). Sunday is reserved for primitive equipment only. I have not gotten a flyer on it yet but the guys told me they had to move it up to the 2 & 3rd because of somebody in the Longbow club drawing out on an early hunt or something. Cliff there is plenty of camping area, if you have a tent or trailer there will be a place. If you don't just let some of us know, I have an extra tent or space in a tent as long as you don't snore or do any weird stuff like eat spam

Joe Don, just don't ride a wave runner all afternoon with shorts on and sandals, those red strips between the toes and ankles hurt like the dickens, not to mention the ouside portion of my legs, (not enough indian in me I guess)

Dean - your still a whittler snifer

John Friedrich, thanks for welcoming me aboard, hope to see you at the GLLI shoot, I`m going to have to get used to the "CB" like handles on the net.

Joe Don,

Joe Don, Cliff and Dean, I responded but for some reason - the post is probably spam-jamed or something it posted my wise-cracks in front of your wise-cracks

graysquirrel, the person that has lost Osage in a pond is Herschel Dobbins also known as Dobbinhood, Red will vouch for that.

Bruce Snyder, sure would like to see you come up to the McAlester shoot your more than welcome to stay over night, also we might make another trade on a bow this time maybe some "Head Cheese" along with the regular spam.

Joe Don,

Man, if you guys are going to get all smarmy and relaxed and start saying welcome things to one another and turn this thread in a friendly direction, then I'm moving out as soon as Snorkle gets back with the goods, tomorrow, high noon. Lots of back stabbin and lies goin on here, so I can't afford any friends or pleasant conversation.

well try this again, last two post went up in the list instead of at the bottom,

cliff - the particulars on the Mac shoot are on the message I left for you

joe don - spent the day on a deck boat with sandals and shorts on - real STUPID!!!!!!!!! strips on feet hurt beyond description

dean -- you're still a whittler snifer

Squirrel - when is that deal at McAlester? I might drive up from N. Louisiana.

Hawkeye, settle down. It's burden enough around Ostrander handling accusations that I'm me to keep me from ever anywhere taking on additional responsiblilities.

But I share your concerns and am waiting for the GSSC to clear up some confusions. Until then I see even more identities popping up in this thread like shoots from Medusa. Am wondering to myself just how many bodies support them all. For example, are Spamorama and Haggis manifestations of the same conflicted personality, the one triumphing over the other? Is graysquirrel talking to himself in the guise of his arch rival Joe Don? (Would graysquirrel be tricky enough to intentionally refer to himself in Joe Don's post with an upper case "G"? Or is this really Joe Don, and can he repeat the exact message I gave him at Cloverdale for graysquirrel.) Are Hawk and Spotted Owl birds of one feather? Lot's of mysteries here, but let's not lose sight of the major one. Namely, did one of the usual suspects--Spam aplogists, the CIA, Hormel or Armour, Spamorama, Hawkeye, the envious sponsors of the GLLI--or someone else altogether different kill Haggis?

Dean Torges

As much as I hate to contribute to the longevity of this thread, I must add this tidbit. Our beloved semi-edible protein enhanced product is a sponsor for NASCAR. How appropriate, I say. Perhaps the motto is "Spam....We get you up and running!" Or, "Everything runs better with Spam!" None-the-less, our Spam is alive and well at the Brickyard.. How about a "Dash to the outhouse 500?" Again I jest! Hold on a minute...."HEY, HON....DON'T FORGET TO BRING HOME A CAN OR TWO OF SPAM!....I JUST FINISHED THE LAST TWO FOR LAST NIGHTS COVERED DISH AT THE ARCHERY CLUB!" Sorry, had to catch the wife before she left for the grocery store. Remember, like traditional archery, Spam is best when shared with a good friend. "Fleetingly" yours, George

George, where you bin? I was startin to git feared for you. You watchin NASCARE on TB? It's spreadin. I jes back from a little reconitering in Ioway and wit dis I seen enough to mek a man cry fer conspiracy and Paradise Lost.

I seed growd men and little boys wit Spam tatoos walkin the small streets of backbone America all addicted to Spam, goin around shootin it. No, not with p-38's. Like beer. Dey puncture two small holes in de bottom with canines--no, not pit bulls, I'm talking about de vampire tooth--tilt back der heads whilst dey walkin along and start to suckin on dat hole sumpin feerce til dey's all puckered, and den dey pops the top and all dem contents head fer de vacuum. That big sucking sound de little man wit de big ears heerd? It musta been Spam headin south.

I gots plenty of goods, but I needs one final peace of de puzzle. I'm goin to Hawkeye's ranch tonight to sneak arount whilst he's in de fields or in church or wherever dis duplicitous citizen goes when he ain't connin us wit his innersense, and if'n I see what dese Stepford men in small town America wit de honey glazed eyes let on about inadvertent, then I be back here tomorrow high noon and blow de cover off dis whole charade. No, not with a P-38. Wit de truth.

Dean wasn`t your qoute that graysquirrel is a "spam eating egg sucker"?

Dean I need to know if you have any good stories about Steve Martin that you could share, he`s going to Coudersport with me.

Joe Don

graysquirrel, won`t comment on the sunburn especially if it`s on the lower extremites, also have you received a flyer on the big mac shoot.

Joe Don,

Nope. You's an imposter. I overheerd it snoopin around at Cloverdale and the exact words was "He's a Spam-sucking egg eather" and it weren't dean Neither that sed it. It was Deep Throat and that's why I went to small town America.

Jes wait til tomorrow, high noon.

snorkle, who can rely on words written by anyone who hides behind an alias?????

Joe Don,

Thanks for the invite, Joe Don, and welcome to this ridiculous thread. I'm making tentative plans to attend the Mac shoot. Graysquirrel tells me you like copperheads.

Just returned from TBoT's Hill Country Shootout. I can describe it in two words: fun and wet. Started pouring buckets Friday night, but slacked off enought Saturday so we could shoot the course. Didn't lose an arrow, but broke three -- them rock critters be tough on shafts.

Hooked up with the Welshman there; he even brought along some Spam spread. I, of course, had my trusty vienna sausages. The Welshman, btw, makes some beautiful footed shafts.

I saw what you ate, and I smelled what you did.

Guano knows.

this thread is getting as long as the bald spot on Reds head, do we need to start over? why not something like the great twinky scavenger hunt? At least twinky's have some redeaming value (at least I think so) or how bout the great sugared baby doughnut caper?

finally I got a post at the bottom of this sucker

Cliff, the info you asked for is to the message I posted for you, any more question give me a holler - basic data for me is

Bob Littlefield 405 799-3419 2131 Nail Pkwy Moore Okla 73160 e-mail is bl2131@swbell.net (bl(L)21(ONE)31(ONE)

Dean --- you is still a whittler snifer