3. The Divine Rabbit - a rant

Bugs Bunny is the one true God. The artists and writers who created the Bugs Bunny cartoons were divinely inspired to create them, and spread the Gospel of Bugs around the globe. Bugs Bunny has risen from the dead dozens of times, whereas some other Dieties have only risen from the dead once or not at all. Bugs Bunny is both bi-sexual and asexual at the same time, which is a sure sign of divinity. In The Most Holy and Sacred Book Which Once Was Lost and Now Is Found I Think Wait Where Did I Put It the prophet Wile E. Coyote demonstrates that Bugs Bunny has fulfilled all prophecies of all faiths including all the ones that died out before anyone ever heard of them. Wile E. Coyote is a true prophet and himself predicted the Monica Lewinsky scandal, over 50,000 years ago. From Chapter 5327, Verse 99; "Beware the Skanky Ho, lest ye abuse cigars". Bugs Bunny loves you, He loves all of us, and He wants us to be happy and to revel in His Glory. Believe, and you will be saved. Doubters will surely be impaled on the Cosmic Carrot for all eternity.

You infernal infidel! It was the evil fallen hunter, Elmer Fudd-Devil who planted that doubt in your mind! As he caused all those deluded fools who claim divine inspiration for their sacred writings to believe that they were hearing the voice of their deity, when in fact the great seducer, the foulest author of all lies, Elmer Fudd-Devil was speaking to them and pretending to be their deity. That is why all other faiths and churches are false. They were all created by Elmer Fudd-Devil to distract people from the Gospel of Bugs Bunny. In the words of the most Holy one; "Ahhh...What's up, Doc?" Praise the Bunny!

Okay, now look! I will admit that God (Bugs Bunny) is not the cutest of dieties, but what about Buster Bunny? He is also a facet of the One True God. This is revealed by the prophet Wile. E. Coyote, when he descibes the quardrapartite nature of Bugs, the four faces of God. Bugs Bunny is one face, and Buster Bunny is another. As for your continued refusal to admit that Bugs Bunny is the one true God, I implore you to re-consider, for the sake of your immortal soul. Bugs Bunny is the one true God, it says so in The Most Holy and Sacred Book Which Once was Lost and Now Is Found I think Where Did I Put It? and we know that this text is without error. It says so, right in Chapter 23, Verse 999 ; "This Text is absolutely true in every way and completely free of errors." Do not be deceived by the Elmer Fudd-devil, nor by the false teaching of Daffy Duck, the Anti-Bugs. Have you not witnessed the Sacred 'toons? You see nothing ever goes his way? That is because he denies the divinity of the Bugs, and even calls the Most Holy One, "des-picable". Beware the wrath of the righteous Bunny!

Wait a minute, I'm not finished yet! Behold the words of the Most Holy Bunny; "I knew I shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albequerque." As everyone can plainly see, this is an admonition against left-handedness. Left-handedness is a dirty, filthy perversion and is clearly condemned by the Word of Bugs. Now, some people say; "Well, I can't help it, I was born this way.", but that IS A LIE! Left-handedness is a choice people make, a deliberate rebellion against God. And now they want the right to teach in our schools! Filthy left-handers! What they really want, is to teach their perversion of left-handedness to innocent little children. And they say they should have the right to marry. Two left-handers? That's a perversion of the institution of marriage. I can't even contemplate what two left-handers might do in bed together, its just filthy disgusting perverted yucky icky gross sick wow i'm getting turned on. No I'm not! I never thought that! Just ignore that last bit.

Someone prayed to Porky Pig! Holy War! Holy War! I declare a Holy War on the followers of the most foul Porky Pig! All faithful Bunny-ites are hereafter directed to savagely bite the ankles of all Pig-ites until they submit to the will of the one True God - Bugs Bunny Beware! The prophesies of the great prophet, Gibber the Incomprehensible; "And there shall be three-legged chickens flying backwards out of the north. The ground shall tremble and little clay ornaments shall fall to the ground and be shattered. In these days, a great beast will arise, verily he will tower above you and breath electicity and radiation, and the great among you will fall at his feet and proclaim him Godzilla. I beheld a fast food restaurant, and in this place stood a man, and his number was 1266 yet still did he wait in line. And there were electrical bolts emenating from his navel, but the unrighteous beheld it not. And round about him danced little demons in flowing robes of silver and gold, and verily they gnashed their teeth and wailed and demanded Star Wars memoribilia toys. Then I woke up."