I really didn't know if I could just end the story at where it was. I considered it for awhile, but because of a lot of unanswered questions and furious emails, I decided to put a final 'scrapbook' of thoughts. Love you all. Rule Of Love - - - After Thoughts "Furuhata Motoki-san?" I turned around, brushing the tears from my eyes. It had been only yesterday when we buried my friend, my best friend Mamoru in the cold ground. But to me, it felt like only a minute ago we were back at my dorm, sipping beer and talking about how rich we were going to be when we got out of Tokyo U. We had plans. We had lives to live, dreams to finish. But Mamoru didn't even get to start his. Mamoru got everything stolen from him. Mamoru is dead. Dead. I still can't believe it, he's dead. "Yes?" I answer, the tears choking at my words. A solemn faced man nods and walks up to me, holding a notebook in his hands. "This was left for you sir." He said handing me the book. "It was found in Chiba-san's apartment. I nod slowly and take the leather bound book from his hands. He looks at me, a sort of pity crossing his eyes. "Were you close?" He asks quietly. I look to the book, letting my hand run over the black cover. "You could say that. We were friends." I answer, not looking up to his face. "I see. I'm sorry Furuhata-san." I nod, as the tears fall onto the book. The man walks away and closes the door behind, but I don't care. Nothing seems real anymore. Slowly, I open the book, finding a folded paper inside. I open it, and surprisingly, it's addressed to me. I look at the writing and recognize it immediately, it's Mamoru's. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Motoki, If your reading this, then I am already gone, my friend. I hope that my passing hasn't caused you any grief. If it has, then I am sorry. You're probably surprised that I'm writing you a letter that you never even knew I wrote. I guess I'm full of surprises. ( I chuckle softly. Mamoru was always the strange one...) But seriously Motoki, this letter is not about me. It's not about my life, my accomplishments or my dreams. It's about my fears, about my deepest secrets, about my love. I've always envied you Motoki, did you know that? I guess not, I'm not really the one who shows emotion. Well, before I wasn't. I think I've changed Motoki. I don't know who that is in the mirror anymore, he's a stranger. He's not that cold hearted man I've grown up with all my life. He's someone else, someone close. He's me. Everything seems so easy for you Motoki. You've found the one person in the world that you love with all your heart, and she loves you back. To me, that is greater then all the riches in the world. I would gladly die for what you have. If you haven't guessed Motoki, I am in love. Yes me, the cold-hearted, woman-hating Mamoru has found a girl to warm my icy heart. I have found my angel, my fairy tale Princess - Tsukino Usagi. (Tsukino Usagi? The singer Kou Seiya's girlfriend?) But unlike you, she doesn't love me. She hates me. I've done things Motoki, horrifying things to the only person I will ever love. I've destroyed her innocence Motoki. I'm damned Motoki. Damned to be alone, to be miserable and loveless. And no one, not even you can deny me of this fate. I wouldn't let you anyway. I love her Motoki. I love this golden goddess, my Princess. My only request now, dear friend, is that you tell her that. I want her to know how much I love her. Please Motoki, just tell her that. Sincerely Chiba Mamoru ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My tears fall down onto the worn piece of paper, causing the blue ink to mix with my tears. I put down the paper and start to flip through the book. It's a journal, or something, thoughts of Mamoru during the last two months or so. I skim through the pages, stopping to read ever so often. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ August 9...I've met someone. Someone so beautiful and pure, I just can't keep it inside of me anymore. She's perfect...I think I'm in love. I can't stop think about her. the way she smiles awkwardly when I'm near. The way her blue eyes twinkle and look at me with an innocent gleam... There's just something about Usagi, something I haven't seen before. She's not cruel or conniving. It fascinates me, her outlook on life. When I'm around her, life doesn't seem so dreary anymore. It's like she's added color to my gray palette. August 10...I saw Usagi again. I wish I hadn't. Oh dear God, how I wish I never met her! How could I have done those horrible things to her... I love her. She's my only treasure, and I've shattered her into a million pieces. I'm a clumsy fool... Did I have to let my disgusting urges control me? Am I so vulnerable and weak? To let my groin take over my mind so easily! I've killed her, I've killed Usagi inside! I've destroyed the innocence that once laid inside of her, it has seeped into the stained sheets of my bed. Death should come painfully for me... August 25...The sun came up again. Another horrible reminder that I am still alive. God, will the world never end? Will I be stuck in this damned hell called life? She still hasn't called. It's been weeks since I last heard Usagi's voice, I miss it so much... Rei keeps coming over. She brings me little treats, trying to comfort this dull pain gnawing at my heart. I wish she didn't. But I don't turn her away. I'm so weak! Even after all the things I done, I allow pleasure to enter my life. I should be burning in the depths of Hell... August 29...Rei came again today. She's worried, I haven't been eating. I can still hear her cooing concerns in my mind. I don't know why she still visits, all that I ever say is scribbled on these sheets of paper. Maybe she's lonely like me. Today, I didn't cry. I think all my tears have dried from my eyes. I think they've sunk into my heart. How long will they cry for you Usagi? How long indeed... November 21...Rei is going to get married soon, regretably. I can hardly believe it. Married. Why didn't she tell me sooner? And why now? She doesn't need anyone. I tried to explain that to her, but she wouldn't listen. Does she really think that love can last? Does she really think that this man will make her happy? (I'm turning the pages furiously, so quick that I can't see the words anymore. I've arrived at the last pages of Mamoru's life...) September 7...I'm in the hospital. I can't remember why...but the doctor, Mizuno Ami, told me that I tried to commit suicide. She showed me the razor slits on my wrists...why can't I remember that? Jad has left town. Good riddance, that bastard never deserved Rei. I hope that he goes back to Hell. I'll meet him there soon enough. I thought I saw Usagi today. I don't know if it was her, but she came into my room and sat quietly by the bed. My damned eyes, I couldn't see properly! September 8...I'm getting worse. Dr. Mizuno assures me everything will be fine, but I know better. I can faintly see the look in her eyes when she speaks to me. I know I'll die soon. I saw that girl again. She sat by my bed again. I swear she looks like Usagi. If only I could see her properly! But is everything only but sight? Do I only see with my eyes? My God, how much she looks like her... I'm feeling weaker by the moment. I can hardly sit up anymore, all I do is rest. Death is taking it's time on me, lingering around my bed. I can feel it's presence, as I feel Usagi's. I can still smell her sweet perfume in the air, mingling with the stagnant stench of death. A strange combination. Rei came today. She visits me, as she has done always. Jad has left, or so she says. His name even makes me mad. I don't know how I could hate someone with such fury. I don't know what Rei saw in that monster. But all that matters is that he's gone. Rei speaks softly, like she's humming a lullaby to me. It scares me sometimes, when I hear her whisper like that. I can hear the tears in her voice. But for the life of me, I can't see them. Damn drugs, I can't see anything anymore. I couldn't see Usagi if I tried. September 10...I'm going to die today, I can feel it. Rei and Dr. Mizuno keep their cheery voices, but I know it's an act. It's all an act, my life, my fate, my hopes and dreams, one big play. I am no better then a wandering hobo. I know Usagi came today. I could sense her around me, though she still refuses to speak. Maybe she thinks I don't know, or maybe she hopes I don't know she there, sitting and watching me. But I don't care...I love her. I spoke today. I haven't done that in a long time. My voice has been this pen, scribbling on the blank sheets in my book. But I spoke, I think that this is going to be the last chance I have. Usagi is here, Rei is here, and so is Death. I have to speak, to say my story, before I die. I have to let them know. I have to... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Slowly, I close the book...Mamoru's life. My eyes are filled with tears, but not of pain or sadness, but of understanding. I finally know who Mamoru is, or rather was, after all these years. I know he is not the icy creature, the unfeeling man I've grown up with all these years. I know that he is not the loveless fool that I've assumed. He was...a different person. And so, again, I ran my fingers over the leather casing, and set it aside. Mamoru, my friend, I will remember you. But not for all the good times we had, and not for the bad ones either. I will remember you for who you really were. I will remember you as the stranger I never knew. I hear a thump at my door, so I open it, noticing that the paper has arrived. I pick it carefully, reading the front page headlines. Waves of emotion hit me once more, and the paper falls gently out of my hands. My teary eyes raise to the heavens, as the world around me fades into a blurry mess. "Goodbye friend." I call out above. "I hope you and your princess are happy in your immortal kingdom. Be happy...Mamoru." * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * A tear slides down my face and falls loudly onto the marble floor. I want to reach out to him, but I know that it's useless. I hope the pain will go away soon. "Mamo-chan? Are you coming?" says a very familiar voice. A voice so sweet and clear, more beautiful than a symphony of harps and nightingales. My head swings up from the ground as I meet a large pearly smile, miles wide. She grins sweetly, and walks towards me, the white skirts of her dress flowing about gracefully. She touches my shoulder gently, staring at me with those magnificent eyes. "I'm coming Angel." I assure her. Her soft wings flutter slightly, as I stifle a giggle. "Are you excited?" "Oh Mamo-chan, you know my wings always flutter when I'm impatient!" She looks down to where I am staring, touching the downy cloud on the floor. "Who is that Mamo-chan?" She asks, putting her hand on the cloud. "That's my friend, Motoki." I answer, grabbing onto her hand. "He looks sad." She comments, as her eyes meet mine. I nod, and stand up from where I had been sitting. "Yes, I guess so." "Were you like that...when I went away?" She asks, as concern fills her large eyes. Always so sweet, my Angel. "Long ago, Princess, long ago. But that doesn't matter anymore. As long as we're together, nothing else matters." I pull her into my embrace, and we kiss. I can taste her honeyed lips, the sweetest delicacy. "Let's go, Mamo-chan." She whispers as we walk away holding hands. The golden gates swing open, producing a light I had never seen before. It's not blinding, more like...cleansing. It's a very beautiful light. "Will you stay with me there Mamoru?" She whispers, holding onto my hand tighter as the light grows brighter. I pull her warm body close, as we walk father into the light. "Always my love. I will stay with you for eternity." I say, as the light envelops us whole. Around us, there is nothing but light, searing into my new existance. I can't feel my pain anymore in this new light... *...the Beginning...*